


There’s a fear they’ll soon be parting ways

by Sauffie



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Domestic Violence, Established Relationship, M/M, Physical Abuse, Strong Language, and fluff, but also happiness, fuzzylove
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-04-08
Packaged: 2018-03-09 14:39:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 19
Words: 92,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3253469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sauffie/pseuds/Sauffie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike Ross just joined Pearson Hardman after two years at the DA's office. He lives with Harvey Specter who runs a safehouse for domestic violence victims. As their lives are slowly starting to take different directions, an event suddenly precipitates everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The First Day of The Rest of Your Life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself. The idea came up in a dream last night and I had to write it. Here it is... :D

“You’re going to be fine.”, Harvey repeats for the 50th time this morning.

Mike is starting his first job at a law firm and is currently fiddling with his tie in front of the mirror in the tiny bathroom.

Harvey’s leaning sleepily against the doorframe in his pj’s, beard and hair all over the place, holding a cup of coffee.

“I feel like I’m going to be sick.”, Mike grimaces at his reflection.

Two weeks ago, after finishing a two-year training, he got an interview with Pearson Hardman and was hired on the spot. Which isn’t surprising given his stellar student record. Top of his class for basically all his life, Harvey has never met someone smarter than him and he can’t help but smile at how anxious his boyfriend is despite all that.

“Then puke your guts before you leave and get your shit together.”, Harvey says with a fond smile. “I know you’re stressed but you’re going to be just fine.”

Mike nods and exhales sharply before straightening the lapels of his new suit.

“What if everybody hates me ?”, he asks, turning around with a sad face.

“Oh come here.”, Harvey laughs, pulling Mike into a hug, careful not to spill his coffee. “They’re going to love you so much I’m already a little bit jealous.”

“Only a little bit ?”, Mike chuckles into the crook of Harvey’s neck.

“Ok.”, Harvey sighs. “A lot. I wanna kill them all because you’re going to spend all your time there and come home only to catch up on sleep.”

“I love you.”, Mike whispers and places a gentle kiss on Harvey’s neck.

“I love you too.”, Harvey replies. “Now go, you don’t want to be late on your first day.”

“Wish me good luck.”, Mike smiles.

“Good luck.”, Harvey kisses him on the lips. “Rookie.”, he adds, giving Mike’s ass a gentle slap.

 

 

Mike wanted to bike to work but Harvey insisted on him taking a cab instead. Something to do with not ruining his suit and not wanting him dead just now. His new work place is situated in a huge glass building in a business district where tailored suits and designer handbags seem to be the only acceptable dress code. Sure, Mike’s new suit fits him nicely, but he can’t help but feel a little out of place when he steps inside the lobby.

“Hello, hey, I’m Mike Ross, I uh, I’m new.”, he stutters to the security guard who gives him the once-over with a bored look.

“And ?”, he folds his arms across his chest.

“Uh yeah Mrs. Pearson is waiting for me.”, Mike explains, blushing. “Pearson Hardman, the law firm ?”, he adds tentatively.

“Let me give a call to her assistant.”, the guard says, grabbing the phone. “Wait here please.”, he gestures towards a spot near his desk.

 

Less than 5 minutes later, Mike’s following a young woman named Jenny through an endless corridor. She’s talking, fast, but Mike isn’t really paying attention, his head is spinning from all the glass-walled offices they’ve come across, from all the polished shoes and high heels he’s seen swanning on the soft beige carpet when looking down to make sure he didn’t trip over his own feet.

And then Jenny stops and Mike almost bumps into her.

“Easy, tiger.”, she turns around and smiles before opening yet another glass door.

Mike instantly recognizes his new boss, Jessica Pearson.

“Mr. Ross.”, Jessica smiles. “Welcome to Pearson Hardman.”

“Thanks.”, Mike gulps and shakes her hand.

“So you’ve met Jenny, my assistant.”, Jessica says, motioning for them to sit down. “She’s going to give you orientation once we’re done with the paperwork. You’re going to be assigned a cubicle which will basically become your new home for the next two years.”, she continues, sipping on a cup of something Mike can’t tell. “I hope you’ve warned your friends and family.“, she smirks. “Because they’re not going to see your pretty face that much until you make junior partner, which I expect you to make in less than 2 years. You’re my pet project, my associate, Mr. Ross. I believe that we can do great things together. Are you ready ?”

Mike nods slowly and clears his throat.

“I am.”, he says, sounding as assured as he can manage.

 

 

When Harvey opens The Shelter’s front door around 10, he’s welcomed by Rachel, his business associate and friend.

“Morning.”, she smiles, holding her fourth cup of coffee to her mouth.

“Morning.”, Harvey replies as he takes off his coat and puts it at the back of his chair.

They share a small office in the entryway of the two-storey townhouse.

The Shelter is a safe house for victims of domestic violence he and Rachel started 2 years ago after they graduated from The New School. It’s got 8 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, a kitchen and a living room with a computer with Internet access and a TV, as well as a small garden with a swing.

Each bedroom can have up to 3 occupants and there are cradles for babies. The residents are in charge of the house chores and buying the groceries (they have a weekly budget).

Each person coming in The Shelter can stay up to 3 months during which they receive free medical treatment if needed, psychological support by a team of outside benevolent psychiatrists and most importantly legal help.

There are currently 4 women and 6 children living at The Shelter.

Rachel and Harvey hired Trevor, a friend from school, who lives in the house and is in charge of helping the residents with finding a job and a new place to live.

A team of trained social students takes turn to manage a 24/7 helpline in the room adjacent to their office.

A lot of volunteers from various associations and foundations also offer their help to take the kids on a field trip, maw the lawn in the garden, set up workshops for the kids or their mums…

Basically, what’s left to Harvey and Rachel is the management of the house and the accounting, which really is the toughest part.

They used inheritance and family loans to buy the place and receive state aid and money from regular generous donators or grateful former residents. They barely pay themselves but are both fortunate enough to either live with someone who makes money or have a supportive family.

“The Shelter, this is Rachel.”, Rachel says when she picks up the phone on the first ring.

This is a rule : someone calling The Shelter should not wait more than one or two rings.

“Ok, calm down.”, Rachel says in a calm voice and Harvey stops what he’s doing to listen to the conversation. “What’s your name ?” “Ok, Donna, I’m Rachel and I’m here to help you. Are you able to talk ?” “Ok, good. Take a deep breath. Yes that’s right.” “Where are you ?” “Ok, I can come pick you up, are you alone ?”, she asks, writing down the address. “One daughter, what’s her name ?” “Donna, I’m going to come pick you and Stephanie up in 30 minutes. Can you stay where you are or do you need to go hide somewhere else ?” “I know, I understand. Please Donna, calm down. Grab everything you can, clothes, jewelry, toys and books for you daughter and go to the nearest café. I’ll meet you there in 30 minutes, alright ?” “Ok, keep your phone with you and call me if anything changes.” “Yes, that’s right, 30 minutes. I’ll be driving a black Golf GTI.” “See you in a bit.”

Rachel closes her eyes and exhales shakily when she hangs up the phone. It never gets easier. They’ve had hundreds of these calls in the past two years but they’re always as stomach-churning.

“38 year-old woman named Donna.”, she says to Harvey as her eyes scan her notepad. “Her husband just left for work and she’s got a 6 year-old daughter named Stephanie. She leaves in the Upper East Side.”

“Ok.”, Harvey nods sadly. “Go.”

Their helpline receives a lot of calls everyday but only a small percentage of them end up in the person coming to live at The Shelter. Some women only need a reassuring voice or a piece of advice. Others aren’t ready to leave their lives behind.

Some of the women whom Harvey, Trevor or Rachel pick up and bring back to the house only stay for a couple of hours and then decide they can’t do that, others stay for a day, a night and then go. They can’t force them to stay and it’s frustrating. But they know that at the end of the day, it’s the person’s choice to accept the help and their job is to do everything in their power to help them. Most of the time, if possible, Rachel does the pick up, it’s always easier for her to get a woman to trust her.

 

 

“Everybody !”, Jenny shouts and heads appears above the partitions. “This is Mike Ross, he’s your new colleague and Jessica’s associate.”, a small whistle comes from the left and Mike tries hard to ignore it. “Be nice with him.”, Jenny says with a knowing look. “This is your cubicle.”, she points at an empty area. “Get to know your new coworkers, Jessica will see you again after lunch.”

And with this she’s gone.

Mike walks around the partition and sits down at his new desk.

“I’m Katrina.”, a hand appears in front of him. “Welcome.”

“Thanks.”, Mike replies and shakes her hand.

She looks really serious, her eyes not conveying the polite smile her lips are displaying. She’s beautiful and she probably knows it. Her long and straight blond hair cascading over her shoulders, her pointy nose and full lips… she certainly doesn’t look like the average lawyer.

“Jenny said you were free until after lunch so why don’t you have lunch with me ?”, she asks and somehow Mike thinks it sounds like an order and he almost shivers.

“Sure.”, he blushes.

Katrina nods with a smirk and walks back to her cubicle.

“Be careful.”, Mike hears. “She’s a praying mantis.”

He looks to the side where one of his new coworkers, the one sitting right next to him, is smiling at him playfully.

“I’m Neal.”, he smiles broadly.

“I, uh, I’m Mike. But you already knew it.”, Mike rolls his eyes at himself.

Now he really feels out of place. From Jenny, to Jessica, to Katrina, to Neal and to every person he’s seen during orientation, they’re all gorgeous people with perfect clothes, perfect skin, overly white teeth and great hair.

“Don’t worry, we’re all new here, Katrina arrived only 2 months ago.”, Neal explains. “Just make it through your first week and you’ll be all set.”

“First week, uh ?”, Mike laughs nervously. “Let’s make it through the first day.”

“You will.”, Neal winks. “I’ve heard about you. Apparently you’re some kind of genius ?”

“Nah.”, Mike blushes and shakes his head. “Not at all. I just… I…”

“Mike Ross ?”

“Uh yeah.”, Mike replies, jerking up.

“It’s nice to finally meet you.”, a little almost bald man approaches with a dangerous smile. “I’m Louis Litt, senior partner. I run the stable.”

He laughs at Mike’s confused expression.

“This is the stable.”, he gestures around the room. “And you’re one of the ponies in training.”, he adds with a wicked grin.

“Nice to meet you Mr. Litt.”, Mike manages.

“Look, I know you’re Jessica’s associate but I get to decide which work is more important than the other. I assign the cases. If Jessica gives you work, you run it by me first, got it ?”

Mike nods and Louis walks away after chastising a young female associate.

“Wow.”, Mike whispers, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“I know, right ?”, Neal grins before disappearing behind the partition.

Mike’s phone vibrates in his pocket.

_How’s it going ?_

_Like I thought it would. These people are crazy._ Mike replies quickly and fires up his computer.

 

The front door opens and Harvey automatically gets up and heads for the hallway.

Rachel is standing next to a woman and a little girl. The woman is wearing a crème trench coat and nude high heels pumps. With her well-coiffed red hair and delicate hands, she looks every bit the typical sophisticated Upper East Side wife. Except for the black eye and cut lip she apparently didn’t have time to cover up with make-up.

“Donna, Stephanie, this is Harvey.”, Rachel explains in a soft voice. “He’s the founder of The Shelter.”

“Nice to meet you.”, Harvey smiles, not offering his hand.

He knows his residents usually need time to trust him.

“Nice to meet you too.”, Donna replies, her hands firmly holding her daughter’s shoulders. “Thank you.”, she says, her voice barely a whisper.

“Rachel will show you around, I’ll take your luggage upstairs.”, he explains calmly.

“Come with me.”, Rachel smiles.

Harvey watches them climb the stairs to the first floor. He grabs the two heavy suitcases and follows them at a safe distance. The first hours are critical for a new resident. Their first impression will either make them want to run or stay.

“This will be your room.”, Rachel says, opening the first door on the left. “It’s got a double bed but if you want, we can replace it with two singles.”

Donna purses her lips and nods.

“There’s a bathroom here.”, Rachel continues, pointing at another door. “You’re sharing it with Amanda and her two daughters. One of them’s your age, Stephanie.”, she smiles at the little girl.

While Rachel walks them to the living room, Harvey drops the two suitcases in the bedroom. It’s a big room which looks just like a nice hotel room with a double bed, two nightstands, a desk, a mini-bar and a coffee machine, and a big dresser.

He quickly leaves the room and walks up to the second floor.

“Come in.”, he hears after he’s knocked on a door.

“Hey Trev.”, he smiles.

“Hey.”, Trevor replies. “Rachel texted me. There’s a new resident ?”

“Yes, she just arrived, Rachel’s showing her around.”, Harvey replies, sitting on the couch.

Trevor graduated from The New School like Rachel and Harvey but after breaking up with his girlfriend, he was homeless and jobless. Harvey offered him a job when he bought the house and together they remodeled one of the rooms into a small studio apartment.

“Ok.”, Trevor says, getting a paper from the printer. “So, today we’ve got Irina and Patrick until 5 pm to handle the helpline, Florence and Kelly are taking over until midnight. I don’t know who’s coming after midnight yet. Amanda and her daughters are visiting the zoo with Helen from the Foundation and I’m conducting a job search workshop for Sophia, Michelle and Emily after lunch. Which leaves me until lunch to welcome out new resident.”, he smiles.

“Her name’s Donna. She’s got a 6 year-old daughter, Stephanie. Ask her if she needs to see a doctor, she’s got bruises on her face.”, Harvey explains.

“Got it.”, Trevor says when he’s done writing his checklist. “Today’s Mike’s first day at work, right ?”

“Yep.”, Harvey smiles proudly. “He texted me saying everybody was crazy.”

“Corporate law, what did he expect ?”, Trevor laughs.

“Just that, he’s not surprised one bit.”

 

 

“Are you a vegetarian ?”, Mike asks as he tries to follow Katrina, elbowing his way through the crowd.

Apparently Katrina knows exactly where she wants them to have lunch.

“No, why ?”, she turns around with a confused face.

“Because I, uh, I’d kill for a steak.”, Mike replies, finally catching up with her. “My boyfriend’s a vegetarian, I’m banned from bringing meat into our apartment.”

“Your boyfriend ?”, Katrina smiles. “I knew it ! I thought I was going to have to grill you.”

“You knew it ?”, Mike asks. “What do you mean ?”

“I’m good at reading people.”, she smirks. “I’m sure he helped you with your tie.”

“Wrong.”, Mike smiles, making a buzzer sound. “He’s never worn a single suit in his life !”, he laughs.

“Alright, we’re here.”, Katrina announces and they walk inside a small and cozy restaurant. “Let’s order and then you’ll tell me everything about yourself.”

And she’s not kidding. As soon as the waiter is gone with their orders, she shoots him a quizzical look.

“Go ahead.”, she says.

“Ok.”, Mike blushes. “I’m Mike Ross, I’m 27, born and raised in New York. I lost my parents when I was 9, was raised by my grandmother. Graduated from Columbia…”

“Sorry about your parents.”, Katrina smiles sadly. “So about that boyfriend ? How long have you two been together ?”

“His name is Harvey, he’s a social worker. We met 10 years ago, in high school but we were just friends back then. We reconnected 4 years ago at a high school reunion and started dating then. You ?”

“Oh, I’m single.”, Katrina replies, looking down. “I… I’m good on my own for now.”, she forces a smile. “Graduated from Harvard Law, I’m 28, born and raised in L.A, 2 big brothers and my parents are divorced.”, she continues as the waiter brings their plates.

“God that steak looks so good my mouth’s watering.”, Mike giggles.

“Enjoy.”, Katrina smiles and take a bite of her pasta dish.

“Dou you take every new coworker to lunch on their first day ?”, Mike asks, taking his time to cut his first piece of meat.

“No.”, Katrina chuckles. “Not. at. all. But you seem nice.”

“Thanks.”, Mike smiles and he takes a deep breath before finally guiding the fork to his mouth. He hasn’t had meat for months. They can’t really afford it anyway.

“Good ?”, Katrina looks at him expectantly.

“Oh my God…”, Mike moans. “It’s so good.”

“Are you having an orgasm ?”, she laughs, making heads turn.

Mike nods with a close-mouthed grin.

 

 

“Could you fill out this quick form for me ?”, Trevor says, handing a paper to Donna. “It’s just basic information for our insurance company. It all stays completely confidential.”

Stephanie is watching TV in the living room.

“Do you need to see a doctor ?”, Trevor asks.

“I’m good.”, Donna replies with a shy smile. “I just…”, she exhales shakily. “How does this exactly works ?”, she asks, her hands trembling.

“It’s pretty simple.”, Trevor replies, fighting the urge to place a hand on Donna’s. _Too soon_. “You’re safe here. Nothing can happen to you if your husband doesn’t know you’re here. And I strongly advise you to ignore his calls and, for a day or two, to ignore all calls. He is going to want to know where you and your daughter are. When you don’t answer the phone, he’s going to try to get to you through your friends or family members.”, he continues and Donna gulps. “So until you’re settled here and we’ve been around what we need to, I would advise you to cut all ties. I know it’s hard but it’s for your safety and that’s why you came here, right ? To be safe ?”

Donna nods as tears start running down her pale cheeks.

“You are safe here.”, Trevor repeats. “I live here, in the house, and there’s a policeman guarding the house during the night. Nothing can happen to you.”, he insists. “What we usually do is we take away your phone, just for 48 hours. You may have noticed that there aren’t any phones in the rooms. Once you’re settled and you’ve been offered the possibility to press charges, we give you your phone back. It’s not a prison, you can leave at any point. We have your best interest in mind, we know how these guys operate, there’s a very dangerous and slippery window of 48 hours before everybody can think clearly again, that’s why we take away your phone.”

Donna nods and places her phone on the table.

“In 48 hours, when I give it back to you, we’ll go buy another one so that you can contact your friends and family, setting your number to private, but he won’t be able to harass you.”, Trevor turns off the cell phone and puts it away in a locked drawer. “I’m here to answer any question that you may have, night and day. You’ve met Rachel and Harvey, they’re also here for you.”, he smiles and hands a tissue box to Donna. “Right now, I need you to fill out this form so you and your daughter can officially move in.”

“Ok.”, Donna sniffs. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.”, Trevor smiles. “I’m glad you came here. You and your daughter are going to be fine.”

 

 

_Everything ok ? It’s almost 8, me and Reggie are hungry._

Mike smiles at the picture Harvey has attached to his text. He’s pouting, their clearly unimpressed cat pressed against his hairy cheek.

 _Don’t wait up. I’m sorry but I still have a couple of things to do, won’t be home until late_. He replies.

_I hate your new job <3_

Mike sighs and puts his phone away. Two more briefs to proof and he can call it a day.

And what a day ! It’s been both stressful and really exciting. He hasn’t had time to talk to the other associates, apart from a couple of quick exchanges with Neal who needed help with Louis’ handwriting. After only a day, he feels useful and proud of himself. He knows he’s going to work a lot, maybe even harder than he thought, but he’s seen Jessica in the conference room with a client when he had passed by in the afternoon. The confidence with which she moved around the room, that’s what Mike wants to achieve. He wants to be a partner someday, to impress his clients and the associates, to close deals and drink champagne. He wants all that and if it requires 2 years of non-stop working, then he’ll sleep in 2 years.

Patting his jacket pocket, he can’t help but grin, imagining Harvey’s face when he shows him the 25 000 dollar check he got as a signing bonus. Technically, if things go wrong, he’s supposed to give the money back, so he shouldn’t really spend the money yet. But it’s still a fucking huge amount of money and he already can’t wait to move out of their crappy Brooklyn apartment.

 

 

The apartment is dark when he comes in around 9:30. Harvey’s probably reading or watching TV or working in their bedroom.

Reggie meows loudly and comes to rub against Mike’s leg.

“Hey baby.”, Mike smiles and pets his head. “Where’s daddy ?”

Reggie starts purring and Mike takes him in his arms and heads for the bedroom.

“Come in, slave.”, he hears after he’s knocked.

Harvey’s sitting at their desk in his pj’s and it’s like he hasn’t changed or gone out today. The last time Mike saw him, he was in the exact same clothes.

“Funny.”, Mike rolls his eyes. “You’re working too so that makes you a slave too.”

“I’m working because you’re not home.”, Harvey rolls his eyes.

“Well I am now.”, Mike smiles and bends over to kiss him.

“There’s a plate in the oven for you.”, Harvey says and Reggie falls from Mike’s arms to Harvey’s lap.

“You know what I had for lunch ?”, Mike grins.

“I’m guessing you had meat since you’re grinning like a fool.”, Harvey replies with a barely hidden smile.

“I did !“, Mike nods enthusiastically. “Oh my God it was so delicious ! I almost came in my pants.”

Harvey rolls his eyes again and shakes his head.

“Because of a steak.”, he sighs with a smile. “I thought I raised you better than this.”

“I’m sorry but tofu and soy aren’t exactly orgasm material.”, Mike replies in a fake dramatic tone.

“Go eat your non orgasmic food and join me in bed.”, Harvey says, returning to his computer.

 

A half hour later, Mike’s eaten and showered and they’re cuddling in front of a movie they’re not really watching.

“How was your day.”, Mike asks, nuzzling Harvey’s neck.

“Bad thing of the day : we welcomed a new resident.”, Harvey replies sadly. “I had a meeting with the bank so I haven’t had time to talk with her, I’ll see her tomorrow. Good thing : the helpline’s been quieter than usual. You ?”

“Good thing, well, obviously the steak.”, Mike giggles and Harvey rolls his eyes. “Bad thing : my boss. I mean the guy who’s in charge of the first year associates. He’s a total asshole.”

“Don’t let him go to your head.”, Harvey yawns and places a kiss on Mike’s forehead. “You know you were made for this job.”

“Yeah…”, Mike replies pensively. “One day at a time.”, he yawns.

Harvey turns off the TV and they both lower themselves on the pillows, taking their usual sleeping position on their sides, Harvey spooning Mike.

“Goodnight rookie.”, Harvey whispers.

“Stop calling me that, Mother Theresa.”, Mike kicks him in the ribs.

“I love you too.”, Harvey chuckles.

“That’s not fair. You can’t always win an argument by saying you love me.”, Mike pouts.

“Was that an argument ?”, Harvey laughs.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, that you love me.”, Harvey replies with a serious voice.

“Seriously Harvey-”, Mike sighs.

“Yeah, sorry.”, Harvey cuts him. “Love you too.”

“I’m-“, Mike begins to say. “No, forget about it. Goodnight.”

Harvey grins and pulls him closer.


	2. Everything comes with a price

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter, I hope you like it !!! :D

Mike’s already gone when Harvey wakes up the next morning. And long gone judging by the coldness of his pillow. He left a note on the small kitchen table. Attached to a 25 grant check. “ _Morning baby bear_ :) _Reggie’s been fed. Here are 25 000 dollars. We’re so moving out of this dump. Have a great day. xoxo_ ”

Harvey’s sipping his coffee, examining the valuable piece of paper. This must be the signing bonus Mike mentioned when he came home after his interview. He shakes his head, thinking about everything he could do with this kind of money. He would remodel the common kitchen and buy new beds. They only opened the house 2 years ago but every piece of furniture was either given or bought in second-hand shops.

Sighing, he finishes his cup and walks to the bedroom to get dressed.

 

 

“You bike to work ?”, Katrina asks, wide-eyed as they’re grabbing a coffee in the associate break room.

“I don’t have a car and I’m certainly not paying 15 dollars every morning for a cab.”, Mike replies, pouring sugar in his cup.

“Didn’t you just earn 25 000 dollars ?”, she asks with a wink.

“Yeah, didn’t you ?”, Neal steps in. “Buy a freaking car and better suits.”, he says the last part with a disgusted nod.

“What’s wrong with my suit ?”, Mike asks.

“Touch this.”, Neal smirks, holding out his arm. “Go ahead, touch my sleeve. Feel the fabric.”

Mike shrugs and runs his fingertips across the black sleeve.

“Now touch yours.”, Neal grimaces.

“Well, it’s certainly not as soft.”, Mike chuckles.

“See ? I had my suits custom-made and they’re _not_ polyester.”, Neal explains with a proud grin. “I’ll give you the address if you want.”

“Neal’s right.”, Katrina smiles. “Appearances matter a lot. Do you think Jessica would look as confident and scary if she wasn’t dressed like she is ? Clothes are everything : they give you confidence and they send a message. If you want to be taken seriously, especially in this business, you have to dress for success.”

“Ok.”, Mike smiles. “What’s up with the vest, though ?”

“Oh my god, you have so many things to learn.”, Neal sighs. “How about Saturday ? If we’re both done with work, we could go shopping together.”

“Uh, I don’t know. I mean-“

“Oh come on ! It’ll be fun !”, Neal insists.

“Ok.”, Mike agrees. Harvey usually works on Saturdays anyway.

“We should go back to work.”, Katrina advises.

 

 

“Morning.”, Harvey cheers when he arrives at The Shelter.

“Hey.”, Rachel smiles. “How are you ?”

“Tired.”, Harvey replies, settling at his desk. “How did the night go ?”

“Donna’s still here.”, Rachel smiles because she knows that’s what Harvey meant. “Marcus and Jules are here and the helpline’s been quiet since I arrived.”

“Good. I’m going to go upstairs to check with Trevor.”

“Oh, how was Mike’s first day ?”, Rachel asks.

“He came home at 9:30.”, Harvey sighs. “But it went well.”

“Good.”

Harvey climbs the stairs and steps on the landing as Donna’s coming out of the bathroom. She looks exhausted and certainly less put together than she was yesterday when she arrived. She’s wearing sweatpants and a loose-fitting t-shirt and her hair is up in a messy bun.

“Good morning.”, Harvey smiles.

“Hey.”, Donna replies, looking down.

“Everything alright ? Do you and Stephanie have everything you need ?”

“Yeah, we’re good.”, Donna replies. “Thank you.”

“I’m gonna need to go over a few things with you this morning so just come downstairs when you’re ready.”

“Ok.”, Donna nods with a small smile.

“Harvey !”, Rachel calls from downstairs. “Spencer’s on the phone for you.”

“I’ll see you later.”, Harvey says to Donna and he rushes down the stairs.

Spencer works with the police and Harvey’s been expecting his call.

“Thanks.”, Harvey says to Rachel when he picks up the phone. “Hey Spenc’.”

“Mr. Specter, how are you ?”, Spencer asks.

“I’m good.”, Harvey replies. “Let me guess. Our new resident’s husband showed up.”

“That’s right.”, Spencer replies. “His name is Craig Paulsen. He’s a lawyer.”

“Shit.”, Harvey mumbles, scratching his beard. “What did he say ?”

“What any lawyer would have said.”, Spencer sighs. “He told me his wife kidnapped their daughter. Have you talked to her ? Because-“

“Yeah I know.”, Harvey cuts him. “If she doesn’t press charges, it’s a kidnapping.”

“So far, he’s only filed a missing person’s report for his daughter so you better talk to her and quick.”

“Thanks for calling Spenc’, I’ll be in touch.”

“I need to know this morning, Harvey.”, Spencer insists. “I cannot hold the report much longer.”

“I know, I know. I’ll call you back in an hour.”, Harvey replies. “Well, no actually, can you come over ?”

“I’ll be there in 30.”

“Great.”

 

 

Mike’s drinking a can of Redbull Katrina gave him around 10 when she saw him yawn. Since he came this morning, Louis’s been dropping files on his desk and the huge pile never seems to go down. _Just how many cases does this firm handle ?_

“A fuckload.”, Neal says, poking his head around the partition.

“What ?”, Mike frowns.

“You thought that out loud.”, Neal chuckles. “Hey look.”, he says, crooking his finger. “I’ve compiled a small selection of cars for you.”

Mike rolls back on his chair and looks at Neal’s computer. There are a dozen car pictures on the screen and one of them looks way out of Mike’s budget.

“This one’s for when you make partner.”, Neal smiles, pointing at the slick black Mustang.

“Right.”, Mike giggles. “I like this one.”, he says. “Second one on the left.”

“Toyota Yaris.”, Neal zooms on the picture. “Not as much fun but way cheaper. This guy’s selling it for 3 grands.”

“Not bad.”, Mike nods. “Can you email me with the ad ?”

“Sure.”, Neal replies. “So, where do you live exactly ?”

“Shouldn’t you be proofing these ?”, Mike smiles, gesturing towards the equally huge pile of files sitting on Neal’s desk.

“I’ve got all day.”, Neal winks. “Besides, nobody’s waiting for me at home. You ?”

“Uh, there’s somebody.”, Mike replies, blushing.

“Somebody ?”, Neal raises a interested eyebrow.

“Neal, stop distracting Mike.”, Katrina’s voice echoes in the silent bullpen.

“I, uh.”, Mike smiles sheepishly and rolls back to his desk. “I’ll talk to you later.”

 

 

Harvey’s waiting for Donna in the small but cozy room they’ve set up on the ground floor for the therapy sessions. It’s got a desk and a couch as well as a bookshelf full of various books and magazines.

“Hey.”, Donna says when she enters the room, closing the door behind her.

“Please, have a seat.”, Harvey smiles and pats the couch. “I’m assuming Trevor told you about what to expect in the first 48 hours in the house.”, he begins to say. “Well, it’s going as expected. Your husband went to the police this morning.”, Harvey explains slowly, waiting for Donna’s reaction.

Her jaw tenses and she swallows thickly but she remains calm overall.

“Ok.”, she says.

“They always do.”, Harvey reassures. “They have to. What your husband did and they usually do that, is that they file a missing person’s report. They don’t press charges, they just want written somewhere that they noticed your disappearance. Your husband filed a report for your daughter only.”, he says because he has to, but it breaks his heart. “The police told me he’s a lawyer so he knows exactly what he’s doing. In order for you to be unimpeachable, you need to press charges against him.”

“What if I don’t ?”, Donna asks.

“Then it’ll be considered kidnapping.”, Harvey replies with an apologetic look.

Donna huffs and gets up.

“The police can hold the missing person’s report until this afternoon. That’ll give you time to-“

“I’m not sure…”, Donna sobs, walking to the window. “I’m not sure I’m ready to talk about it.”

“I know it’s going to sound terribly crude and insensitive but time is working against us here.”, Harvey says, getting up. “First of all, if you don’t press charges now, your husband will sue you. And second of all, you have bruises on your face and they’re evidences. Once they’ve faded, it’s going to be a lot harder to prove that your husband hit you.”

He hates when he has to explain to residents that they’re basically walking evidences, that they need to hurry, that they need to put salt in the very fresh wound right now or they’ll be sued. It’s all too soon but that’s how it works. The Shelter can protect them from a lot of things, but it cannot protect them from a lawsuit.

“Mr. Clark will be here to take you deposition, if you want to, in 10 or 15 minutes and I know a lawyer who could represent you.”, Harvey continues when Donna doesn’t reply. “I know it’s hard and you feel like you’re not ready but it’s the right thing to do. For you and your daughter.”

“Ok.”, Donna turns around and nods. “Ok but… will you stay with me ?”

“Yes.”, Harvey smiles. “Of course.”

 

 

The rest of the week passes in a blur. Mike is working crazy hours and already receiving a lot of praises. He and Harvey haven’t shared a meal in 5 days and the only intimate moment they had was a quick handjob in the morning two days ago.

It’s Friday late afternoon and Mike is sitting around the table in one of the conference rooms, helping Jessica with a settlement. She does most of the talking but Mike steps in once in a while to drop an important piece of information since he’s memorized everything related to the case.

Harvey, Trevor and Rachel are hosting a dinner at The Shelter to welcome their new resident and Mike is supposed to be there in less than 2 hours. And he has absolutely no idea how he’s going to make it in time, if at all, because if the meeting goes well, he’ll probably need to draft the agreement right afterwards.

“Let’s take 5.”, Jessica announces and everybody around the table heaves a grateful sigh. “My assistant will bring you tea and coffee.”, she adds and motions for Mike to follow her.

“Mr. Ross, I’ll need you to draft the agreement as soon as the meeting’s over.”, she says while scrolling through her emails on her phone.

“Do you need it tonight ?”

Jessica lifts her head up and narrows her eyes at him.

“It’s 6 pm, Mr. Ross.”, she says coldly. “Did you have plans tonight ?”

“No, I mean yeah, not right now though… uh, a little bit later but I guess I’ll cancel… I-“

“Yes that would be preferable.”, Jessica smiles mischievously and she walks back inside the conference room.

“ _Hey, this is Harvey, please leave a message and I’ll call you back as soon as I can._ ”

“Hey baby bear. Look, I’m sorry but I won’t be able to make it for dinner, something just came up.”, Mike sighs. “I’ll drop by when I’m done. Sorry again. Love you.”

 

 

A little bit after 10, Mike greets the policeman guarding the entrance and walks inside the animated house. Kids are apparently playing hide and seek in the entryway and there are loud voices coming from the backyard.

“Mike !”, Rachel yells when she sees him. “You look absolutely dashing !”

The adults are sitting around a table where candles are burning, drinking beer and wine.

“Nice of you to join us.”, Harvey says with a half-pout half-smile.

“Sorry guys.”, Mike smiles sheepishly.

“I’ll go grab a chair in the office.”, Rachel says, pressing a kiss to Mike’s cheek. “Take mine.”

“Donna, this is Mike.”, Harvey says.

“Nice to meet you, Donna.”, Mike shakes her hand. “And welcome to The Shelter.”, he adds with a dramatic voice.

Donna giggles and raises her glass.

Mike walks around the table and leans down to kiss Harvey before sitting down next to him.

“When are you getting married ?”, Amanda teases.

She’s been here the longest, her 3-months stay is almost over and though she’s signing for a new place next week, she still hasn’t found a job.

“Ask him.”, Mike laughs, pointing an accusatory finger at Harvey.

“Marriage is a joke.”, Harvey says, taking a sip of his beer. “I mean, you’re all great examples of what a fucking piece of paper can do to you.”

Mike rolls his eyes and pours himself a glass of wine.

“But you’re so cute.”, Amanda smiles and Sophia, Emily and Michelle all nod approvingly.

“Yeah well, marriage wouldn’t make us any cuter.”, Harvey deadpans.

“Harvey Specter, I swear to God, your pessimism is sickening.”, Mike sighs theatrically.

“And you’re a hopeless romantic.”, Harvey reaches out for Mike’s cheek and he strokes it lovingly. “I wonder how we even work.”

“Awwww.”, Amanda swoons.

“So you’re a lawyer ?”, Donna asks, handing Mike a reheated piece of meat pie.

“Thanks.”, Mike smiles. “Yes, well I started 5 days ago.”

“I told Donna you could help her if she needs a lawyer.”, Harvey says, refilling glasses around the table.

“Well, right now I’m swamped but yes, sure.”, he smiles and makes a mental note to remind Harvey that he doesn’t have time for free counseling anymore.

“Thank you.”, Donna smiles gratefully. “What firm do you work for ?”

“Pearson Hardman.”, Mike replies.

“Wow. Top firm.”, she says with a impressed nod. “My husband’s a lawyer too. He’s with Wakefield and Kady.”

“They were on my top 3 list when I started looking for a job.”, Mike remarks, his mouth full. “Oh my god it’s delicious !”

“Donna made it.”, Rachel smiles. “Harvey wouldn’t even take a bite of the crust.”

“It touched the meat.”, Harvey replies with an eye roll.

“Well, your loss.”, Mike says, taking another mouthful of pie. “Where’s Trevor ?”

“He left after dinner to visit his brother in New Jersey for the weekend.”, Harvey replies. “Which was, um.”, he looks at his phone. “An hour and a half ago.”

Mike makes a face but doesn’t address Harvey’s barely-hidden reproach.

“Harveyyyyyy !”, Alexander, Sophia’s 4 year-old son calls from the house. “Come play tag with us !!”

“Duty calls.”, Harvey chuckles. “Ready or not here I come !”, Harvey warns and he squeezes Mike’s knee before heading back to the house where the kids are giggling in both fear and anticipation.

“Logan’s coming to pick me up.”, Rachel says, sliding her phone into her jeans pocket. “I’ll see you all tomorrow night ?”

“Yeah, goodnight Rachel.”, everybody waves at her.

“I think I’m gonna head upstairs.”, Emily yawns. “I’ll take the plates to the kitchen.”

“Nah don’t bother.”, Amanda replies. “We’ll take care of it.”

“Thanks for dinner Donna.”, Emily smiles.

“No problem.”, Donna blushes. “Thank you all for such a warm welcome.”

 

An hour later The Shelter is quiet. The table has been cleared and folded, the kids are in bed and Donna and Amanda are doing the dishes.

“Alright ladies.”, Harvey says, bringing the last chair back from the garden. “Is there anything else you need ?”

“No we’re good.”, Amanda replies. “Thanks.”

“Well, goodnight then.”, Harvey smiles. “I’ll see you on Sunday.”

Mike is sitting on the staircase, scrolling down his Facebook page when Harvey finally comes down.

“Ready ?”, he asks.

“Yeah.”, Harvey replies, grabbing his coat in his office and locking the door. “I cleared my afternoon tomorrow.”, he smiles.

“Oh no.”, Mike pouts. “I’m supposed to go shopping with Neal, one of my coworkers.”

“Shopping ? For what ?”

“Suits.”, Mike replies.

“What ?”, Harvey huffs. “But you bought 5 of them last week.”

“I know but Neal says they look cheap and he’s taking me to his tailor.”, Mike explains as they climb in Harvey’s old pickup.

“Tailored suits ? Just how are you going to pay for those ?”

“With my singing bonus.”, Mike grins. “Didn’t you see the note ?”

“Don’t you want to buy a car ?”, Harvey asks.

“Yeah, I’m going to buy one too.”, Mike replies. “Neal’s found some nice second-hand cars on the Internet.”

“Well, it’s your money after all.”, Harvey concedes.

“Hey I plan on making a donation to The Shelter.”

“You know that’s not what I meant, Mike.”, Harvey purses his lips. “I just don’t think you need new suits when you’ve already got 5 of them is all.”

“They’re not good enough for my new job, Harvey.”, Mike explains. “You should see how everybody’s dressed ! They’re wearing designer clothes and they all look so good. I really don’t look the part with my polyester suits.”

“Like I said, it’s your money.”, Harvey repeats. “Anyway so I basically cleared my afternoon for nothing.”, he sighs.

“I’m sorry, I had no idea…”, Mike replies and he places a comforting hand on Harvey’s thigh.

“It’s ok.”, Harvey lies. “I’ll find something to do. There’s always something to do.”

It’s been a week and Mike’s new schedule is already getting in the way. They both expected a huge change with the new job but Harvey didn’t think it would come so soon. Well, he didn’t think Mike would choose corporate law either.

 

“You should be proud of me.”, Mike says when he unlocks their front door. “Jessica, my boss, called me a _gem_.”, he grins.

“I told you they would love you.”, Harvey smiles.

“Hey baby.”, Mike crouches down in front of the black cat. “Have you been a good boy today ?”, he asks in a baby voice. “Oh yes, come here.”

Harvey rolls his eyes and takes off his shoes.

“He’s mad at you, you know.”, he says.

“He can’t be, I’m the one feeding him in the morning.”, Mike replies, following him to the bedroom, a purring Reggie in tow.

“Yeah but I’m the one with whom he cuddles afterwards.”, Harvey smirks.

“What you let him in our bed ?”, Mike asks. “I thought we said he could only come sleep on the covers.”

“I changed the rules. He can come in the bed when you leave without kissing me.”

“I only did Tuesday morning and you’ve made it clear that it upset you !”

“No you left without kissing me this morning.”, Harvey replies, heading for the bathroom.

“I did not.”, Mike replies.

“You did, Mike.”, Harvey insists. “I was awake.”

“Then I’m truly sorry Harvey, I could have sworn I kissed you before leaving.”

“You know what ?”, Harvey comes back in the room, toothbrush in mouth. “I would rather you tell me you did on purpose than it being so mechanical that you don’t even remember if you did it or not.”

“Oh come on.”, Mike sighs. “You know it’s not like that. I’m just not a morning person and I have to get up at 6. I forget things, I’m sorry…”

“Yeah yeah…”, Harvey nods unenthusiastically and walks back to the bathroom.

It’s not really a big deal. Kiss or not, Mike wakes up, shaves, gets dressed and grabs a quick cup of coffee before leaving. He doesn’t get to see him anyway. But Harvey has a feeling things will get even busier with time and he needs to make a point.

“Harvey.”, Mike says, wrapping his arms around Harvey’s waist from behind. “I’m sorry…”

“I know…”, Harvey replies. “But I miss you.”

“I miss you too, baby bear.” Mike says. “We just need a little time to adjust.”, he adds and he rubs his nose against Harvey’s nape. “Shower ?”

Harvey turns around with a grin and crashes their mouths together. They don’t usually shower together because the cabin isn’t big enough, but they’ve done it in the past and though it’s not really comfortable, Harvey appreciates Mike’s gesture. They need to reconnect.

“I’ll take that as a yes.”, Mike pants when they finally break apart.

 

Barely 25 minutes later, they’re on the bed, bodies pressed together, skin still damp from showering. Mike’s lying on his back, his hands clutching the sheets and Harvey’s positioned between his bent and spread legs, fucking into him slowly.

It seems like they haven’t been this close in forever and they can’t stop kissing, their mouth never breaking contact, even when they have to catch their breath. Harvey’s a kisser, Mike has discovered early on in their relationship, and he considers kissing almost as important, if not more important than fucking. _Hence the morning kiss “drama”_. Mike likes kissing, especially with Harvey, but, unlike him, he doesn’t need to kiss all the time. Not kissing or touching every time he passes by Harvey doesn’t mean he doesn’t love him or that he loves him less. He’s just less touchy-feely. It took Harvey some time to understand it and some time for Mike to learn to show affection but they’ve managed to find a middle ground after a while.

5 days without sex is an eternity for them. Whenever the subject is brought up when they’re having dinner with their friends, their sex drive elicits compliments, bewilderment or envy : _“What ? You still fuck everyday ?” “It’s been 4 years, the honeymoon’s supposed to be over, that’s not fair !” “See ? It’s possible to have sex every day !”_. But it’s been 5 days and Mike hopes it’s not going to become a thing. Week-end sex. Like every other boring couple. No way.

“Harvey.”, he moans into Harvey’s mouth. “I want to-“

“No.”, Harvey cuts him and bites Mike’s bottom lip. “If you touch yourself now you’re gonna come and I don’t want you to.”, he explains breathlessly. “Not yet.”, he whispers and crashes their mouths together.

It’s another _Harvey_ thing Mike has had to accept : Harvey is a control-freak. In bed. Even if Mike fucks him, Harvey gets to decide when and how they both come. And Mike doesn’t mind giving Harvey total control over this, he loves it. Harvey knows Mike’s body and he knows exactly how much he can take. And he’s pretty sure that Harvey somehow also decides of the intensity of his orgasms.

Mike controls every other aspect of their life. Not because he wants to but because Harvey just doesn’t care. He’s the less difficult person Mike’s ever met. “ _Yes, sure_ ” is the answer Mike gets whenever he asks something to Harvey. Harvey doesn’t care what they eat, what they watch on TV, where they go for a walk, if the bed is made or not… whatever Mike proposes, he’s on board. It could get a little annoying if “ _Yes sure_ ” wasn’t always accompanied by the fondest smile.

Mike moans and digs his fingers in the curve of Harvey’s ass, urging him deeper.

“Come on.”, he whimpers, arching up. “Faster… Harvey… _please_.”, he breathes and he feels Harvey’s cock twitch inside him.

“Fuck.”, Harvey mutters through gritted teeth.

As much as Harvey likes to control, he loves reducing Mike to a pleading mess. And he slowly pulls in and out of Mike a couple of times before grabbing Mike’s cock and speeding up.

“I want us to come together.”, he pants, hungrily sliding his tongue into Mike’s mouth.

It doesn’t take long for Mike to whisper that he’s close, _so fucking close, please Harvey_.

“Now.”, Harvey orders in a low voice and they both come in a loud cry.

 

“I can’t breath.”, Mike mumbles when he’s coming down from his high.

Harvey chuckles and reluctantly pulls of Mike, rolling around on his back with a loud satisfied sigh.

“I needed this.”, Mike smiles sleepily and he moves to he rest his head on Harvey’s chest. “I don’t care how tired I am next week, I’m not spending another week without sex.”

“Good.”, Harvey yawns. “Cause I didn’t intend to. Goodnight.”

“’night.”

 

 

“Your phone.”, Harvey grumbles.

Mike’s phone is ringing loudly in the bedroom but he doesn’t seem distracted at all. The sun is shining through the curtains, warm and bright, it must be close to 11 or noon.

Harvey heaves an annoyed sigh and rolls around to grab the device.

“Hello ?”, he says and clears his throat when he hears his croaked voice.

“Mike ?”

“Uh no, he’s asleep.”, Harvey replies, checking the screen which only displays a phone number. “Who is it ?”

“I’m Neal. Mike’s co-worker.”, the man replies. “And you are ?”

“Ah yeah, Mr. Suit.”, Harvey snorts. “I’ll tell him you called.”

“Yes please. Are you his roommate ?”

“Kind of, why ?”, Harvey replies, rubbing his face.

“Kind of ?”, Neal laughs. “What does that even mean ?”

“It means that it’s none of your business.”, Harvey replies but his voice is soft.

“Ok.”, Neal laughs again. “Sorry for asking. Please make sure he calls me back, ok ?”

“Yep.”

“Thank you and have a great weekend Mr. Kind-of-roommate.”

“To you too.”, Harvey says, rolling his eyes.

“Harvey…”, Mike whines, voice hoarse with sleep. “Could you take your calls in the living room ? It’s Saturday for God’s sake.”

“Excuse me ?!”, Harvey sits up and pokes Mike’s shoulder. “ _Your_ phone woke _me_ up.”

“What ?”, Mike rolls around and yawns.

“Yeah, the phone call was Neal.”

“Sorry, I forgot to silence it…”, Mike smiles sheepishly and opens his arms.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.”, Harvey purses his lips and lowers himself down in Mike’s embrace. “What time are you supposed to meet with him ?”

“I don’t know. He didn’t specify that’s probably why he called.”, Mike taps the screen. “Oh my God it’s noon !”, he exclaims.

“Is it ?”

“I better get ready.”, Mike says and he places a quick kiss on Harvey’s lips before leaving the bed. “Have you thought about what you’re going to do this afternoon ?”

“I think I’m going to visit my Mum.”, Harvey replies, pulling the covers up.

“Bu you hate going alone.”

“It’s fine. The weather’s nice, we’ll go out for a stroll, we both need the fresh air.”

 

 

“Dude, you got a sweet car.”, Mike whistles when Neal pulls over in front of their building.

He has no idea what car it is except that it’s a vintage green convertible. Harvey would know, he likes cars.

“Thanks.”, Neal smirks. “I’m afraid I can’t say the same about your neighborhood.”

“I know.”, Mike blushes. “We’ll move in a couple of months.”

“We ?”

“Yeah you talked to Harvey this morning, right ?”, Mike frowns.

“Well, he didn’t tell me his name.”, Neal smiles. “I asked if he was your roommate and he said _kind of_.”

“He said that ?”, Mike shakes his head in disbelief. “He’s my boyfriend.”

“Oh I see…”, Neal nods with a knowing smile.

They speed through the street and Mike grins the whole time. It’s sunny and warm for an early Spring day and as they cross the Brooklyn Bridge, Mike can’t help but think about the great metaphor it represents : leaving his crappy apartment and neighborhood behind, in a beautiful car, to go shopping for utterly expensive suits in Manhattan. That’s his new life and he can’t wait to share it with Harvey.

The car certainly doesn’t go unnoticed and they get compliments every time they stop for a red light.

“We’re here.”, Neal announces as he parks effortlessly in front of a small boutique. “This is going to be so much fun.”

And Neal’s right. René Laurent, the owner of the shop, is a funny French man. Apparently, Mike’s body was made to wear suits and the tailor’s having a blast imagining Mike’s Spring-Summer collection while Neal and him sip on scotch.

 

 

Harvey walks through the large iron gates and waves at the guard.

He hasn’t been here in a month. Last time Mike and him came to visit his Mum, there was snow and they hadn’t been able to step outside.

He climbs the couple of steps leading to the lobby, feeling the familiar lump forming in his throat and he clears his throat uncomfortably.

“Harvey !”, a middle-aged woman walks towards him with a broad smile. “Naughty boy.”, she waves a finger in reproach. “Where have you been ?”

“Theresa.”, Harvey smiles back. “I was, um, pretty busy with the house.”, he explains, hugging her. “How is she ?”

“You know, the usual.”, Theresa smiles sadly. “She’s in the library, come with me.”

As they walk through the long corridors, Harvey tries his best to block out the noises coming from the rooms. Screams, painful moans, whimpers, hysterical laughter… They don’t leave his head for days every time he comes here.

“Where’s Mike ?”, Theresa asks, pulling Harvey out of his thoughts.

“Shopping for suits.” Harvey replies, hands balled up into tight fist, hidden in his jeans pockets. “He just got a new job.”

“Oh that’s great !”, she smiles broadly. “So now he’s officially a lawyer ?”

“Yep.”, Harvey tries to sound casual as they’re getting dangerous close to the library.

“Here.”, Theresa whispers as she opens the heavy wooden door.

Harvey nods and braces himself.

“Call me if you need anything, alright ?”

Harvey nods again with a small smile, at this point he can’t speak anymore.

Isabelle is sitting in her usual armchair by the window. There’s a book on her lap, there’s always a book even though she doesn’t read them. She’s dressed in a white blouse and pencil skirt with simple black ballet shoes and her long and curly hair is pulled up in a neat bun. She’s looking straight ahead, completely still and Harvey takes a deep breath before walking towards her.

“Hey Mum.”, he smiles and places a kiss on her forehead. “Beautiful day, uh ?”, he asks, crouching down next to the armchair. “Wanna go for a walk ?”

Harvey knows she still hasn’t registered his presence and probably won’t for another 5 minutes, so he takes one of her hands and gently strokes it, waiting for her to slowly come back to reality.

Isabelle is beautiful 45 year-old woman. She was barely 18 and living in a house for single teenager moms when she gave birth to Harvey. She had left her parents at 16 to live with a 24 year-old man who pimped her out to for money to buy drugs. They were both using and the man left when she got pregnant, claiming he wasn’t the father and didn’t want a child anyway. She never told Harvey his name and Harvey think she wasn’t sure he was the father either. In the alternative house, she got clean and studied accounting. She did her best but she wasn’t the best mother. She was young and craved attention from men. Harvey’s seen them come and go, hundreds of them, some of them nice, some of them weird, some of them plain jerks. He and his mom have never been close but he’s always respected her and loved her.

She’s been living here, at the Payne Whitney Clinic, for 6 years and Harvey tries to visit her every week. Nobody else comes to visit her.

“Mum.”, Harvey says when she moves her hand away from his.

She looks down at her hands and then turns around. She never looks Harvey in the eye, focusing on his mouth instead.

“Wanna go out for a walk ?”, he asks again.

“It’s cold.”, Isabelle replies.

“No it’s not.”, Harvey smiles. “But we can get stop by your room and get a sweater or a jacket. Would you like that ?”

“Yes please, Sir.”, she replies.

“Ok.”, Harvey helps her up and she grabs his arm.

Isabelle seems to forget about being cold because she leads them directly to the backdoor. When they step outside, she stops and closes her eyes, taking a deep breath.

“No it’s not.”, she says.

They walk silently down the long path under the trees, they always do, and stop at their usual bench.

“Mike couldn’t come, but he says hi.”, Harvey says, sitting down next to her. “He’s fond a job at a big law firm, he’s very busy but he seems happy.”

Isabelle is looking the other way, eyes unfocused, lost in the distance but she nods and Harvey thinks that maybe, just maybe, she understands what he’s saying.

“I’m sorry I haven’t seen you in a month but it’s been pretty intense at work.”, he says because he needs to. “One of our residents has found a new place, she’s moving out next week.”

When he stops talking, Isabelle turns around and narrows her eyes at his mouth. That’s what she does when she wants him to keep talking. So he does. He tells her about Reggie’s visit to the vet, Mike’s big signing bonus, Rachel and Logan’s engagement…

 

 

After a couple of hours at René’s, Neal decides Mike deserve to celebrate his first real suits, he’s spent 4000$ for 3 three-piece suits and Mike knows Harvey’s going to freak out, so he takes them to a swanky bar in Greenwich Village.

He’s sipping his third mojito when his phone rings.

“Shit !”, he giggles. “I forgot to text Harvey back. Hello ?”

“Where are you ?”, Harvey asks.

“I’m at a bar with Neal, we’re celebrating !”, he exclaims, grinning at Neal.

“You’re drunk.”, Harvey states.

“No no no, I’m tipsy.”, Mike corrects. “Big difference. Hey, why don’t you join us ? Come celebrate my new suits with us !”

“Yes, come on roommate, I want to meet you !”, Neal shouts.

“No, thanks, I’m not in the mood.”

“Oh come on, I just spent 4000$, this calls for a celebration !”

“You spent _how much_ ?!”, Harvey chokes.

“I know right ? But Neal says I’m going to look gorgeous, I can’t wait to show you !”, Mike replies cheerfully.

“When are you coming home ?”, Harvey asks after a long sigh.

Mike frowns and looks at his watch. It’s only 7 pm.

“Not now.”, Mike replies with a giggle. “Please, come join us !”

“Should I wait for you ?”, Harvey asks, ignoring Mike’s plead.

“I don’t know. I’ll text you.”, Mike replies, trying to sound serious because it seems like Harvey’s not in a good mood.

“Like you were supposed to text me this afternoon ?”, Harvey sighs. “Be careful, Mike. Don’t let him drive. Share a cab, ok ?”

“Got it !”, Mike grins.

“I’m serious, Mike.”

“I know, baby bear and I love you.”, Mike says in a baby voice and Neal burst out laughing.

“I can pick you up if you want.”, Harvey offers. “Just don’t let him drive.”

“Nah, we’re good, we’ll take a cab. Scout’s honor.”

“Ok. I’ll see you later then.”

“See you !”, Mike says and blows a kiss before hanging up.

“Baby bear ?”, Neal laughs. “Seriously ?”

“What ?”, Mike laughs.

“That’s how you call him ? And he doesn’t mind ?”

“No he doesn’t.”, Mike smiles fondly. “Wait.”, he says, tapping on his phone. “I’m going to show you a picture, you’ll understand. He’s got a beard and big brown eyes, he’s a total baby bear.”

He scrolls through the pictures and selects a selfie they took a while ago.

“Look.”, he says, handing out the phone.

“Hey he’s cute.”, Neal nods approvingly.

“He’s not.”, Mike snorts. “He’s _beautiful_.”

“Ok.”, Neal chuckles. “How long have you been together ?”

“4 years… I think. Or maybe 5 this year ?”, Mike frowns. “Do you have a girlfriend ?”

“Not at the moment.”, Neal smiles. “I like my freedom. But that doesn’t mean I always sleep alone, if you know what I mean.”

“Yeah.”, Mike smiles knowingly. “I bet girls are lining up at your door. I mean, you’re totally hot.”

“Thanks.”, Neal replies with a bright smile. “I don’t only sleep with women, though, it would be boring.”

“You’re bi ?”, Mike asks, wide-eyed.

“Yeah, that’s what I meant.”, Neal rolls his eyes. “Ready for another round ?”

 

 

Mike finally comes home at 11, completely drunk and he contemplates crashing on the couch for a second, not sure he can make it to the bedroom. But he needs to pee and the bathroom is closer to the bedroom.

After relieving himself, he carefully opens the bedroom door. The lights are on and Harvey’s asleep, lying on his back over the covers, a book on his chest and his cell phone clutched in one of his hands.

Mike starts undressing but trips on his feet and falls on his ass.

“Ouch.”, he whines loudly.

Harvey opens his eyes and rubs his face sleepily.

“Now you’re drunk.”, he says, sitting up on the bed.

“We took a cab.”, Mike nods jerkily.

Harvey shakes his head with a smile and slides under the covers.

“Get undressed and come to bed.”, he yawns.


	3. If memory serves me well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter. A little bit shorter than usual.  
> Hope you enjoy it !  
> Thanks for all your comments. I know some of you don't like established relationships but I really wanted to give it a try, I hope you still like it :)  
> Let me know !!!

_The gym is packed. It’s been turned into a ballroom for the reunion and Mike already recognizes a few people. Since leaving high school, he hasn’t kept in touch with any of them. He had some “friends” but he didn’t see them outside of school, spending all his free time with his grandmother. Some of them tried to contact him after graduation but he didn’t reply or so evasively they eventually stopped texting or emailing._

_He came tonight because he was curious about what his classmates had become. Especially one, if he’s honest with himself._

_“Mike Ross, what a nice surprise !”_

_“Oh hey Rachel.”, Mike smiles. “You look stunning.”_

_3 years have passed but she looks exactly the same, except for the effort she’s put into her appearance. She used to be a jeans and sneakers kind of girl, Mike remembers, but tonight she looks like a true businesswoman._

_“Thanks.”, Rachel blushes. “How have you been ?”, she asks, hugging him._

_“Good, I’m at Columbia.”, he smiles proudly. “I’m going to be a lawyer.”_

_“Good for you.”, she nods admiringly. “Though it’s not really a surprise, you could have done anything you wanted.”_

_“You ?”, Mike asks._

_“I’m at The New School here in New York.”, she replies as they head to the bar. “Social studies.”, she specifies. “Remember Harvey ?”_

_“Of course.”, Mike shoots her an_ are-you-kidding-me? _look._

_When they were in high school, everybody but Harvey knew that Mike had a crush on him._

_“Well, he’s in my class, we’ve become good friends.”, she explains, grabbing two beers and handing one to Mike. “And yes, he’s here.”, she smiles knowingly._

_“Ok.”, Mike nods awkwardly and takes a sip of his beer._

_And then he sees him._ Yes he’s here _. Right in front of him, laughing with a guy he remembers from their chess club. He hasn’t changed much, maybe he’s bulked up a bit, but he looks older and it probably has something to do with the beard he’s sporting._

_“I gotta warn you though.”, Rachel leans in and whispers. “I may have told him about your crush.”_

_“Oh God.”, Mike gulps and turns his back to the room. “Why ?”_

_“I didn’t know we were going to see you again.”, she tries to defend herself. “You never answered any of my calls. Plus, Harvey didn’t say anything. If anything, he looked pleased when I told him. Are you single ?”_

_“You ?”, Mike asks._

_“No.”, she replies with a beaming smile, pointing at a man across the room, and Mike reluctantly turns around to watch. “Logan. We’ve been together for a year.”_

_“He seems like a nice guy.”, Mike comments._

_“He’s perfect.”, Rachel giggles and then she waves at Harvey who waves back with a smile._

_Mike clears his throat and smiles back._

_Two weeks later they’re kissing in front of Mike’s porch._

_When Mike passes the bar, he’s poached by Daniel Hardman, who tells him he’ll hire him once he’s completed a 2-year paralegal internship at the DA’s office. Apparently, his excellent student career couldn’t make up for the fact that he didn’t go to Harvard, and he was two years ahead of everyone else, so Hardman wanted him to get some training before letting him join the firm._

 

 

Harvey’s phone rings in the dark bedroom.

It’s been almost 3 weeks since Mike started his new job and he’s made a promise to Harvey : he’s going to make time for him. Harvey waits for him to have dinner and they go to bed together, whichever time Mike comes home. That’s not much but neither of them wants a repeat of Mike’s first week as a lawyer and even if it means less sleep, they’ve found a rhythm. Mike is exhausted and Harvey’s sure he’s lost weight, crazy work hours and living off coffee and Redbull is taking a serious toll on Mike’s already pretty lean body. They cuddle and kiss more than they make love but it’s ok, for now.

“Hello ?”

“Harvey, Donna’s leaving.”, Trevor announces gravely.

“What ? Now ? What time is it ?”, Harvey jerks up and switches on the bedside lamp.

“Yeah now. It’s 4:07.”

“Ok I’m coming over, I’ll be there in 30 minutes, please don’t let her go before I get there.”, he says and hangs up.

“What is it ?”, Mike yawns.

“Donna is leaving The Shelter.”, Harvey replies, grabbing a pair of pants and the first t-shirt he finds, which probably isn’t clean.

“In the middle of the night ?!”, Mike asks, sitting up.

“Apparently.”, Harvey sighs.

He walks to the bed and crawls to Mike’s side.

“I don’t know how long I’m gonna be.”, he smiles apologetically before pulling Mike into a kiss.

“It’s ok.”, Mike strokes his cheek lovingly. “Do your thing. And text me to let me know how it goes, ok ?”

“Ok.”, Harvey kisses him again and leaves the bed and the room, grabbing a pair of socks from the laundry basket on his way out.

“Don’t forget about tonight !”, Mike shouts and he hears the front door slam shut.

Tonight’s Mike rookie dinner. He’s supposed to treat his coworkers to a night out in a fancy place. Neal helped him pick the venue, they’ve chosen the bar hey tried three weeks ago in Greenwich Village. Of course he’s asked Harvey to come and Katrina and Neal have been freaking about it since Mike told them.

 

 

Harvey finally finds a parking spot a block away from the house and he breaks into a run. He has to at least try to hold Donna back. Leaving in the middle of the night seems like an impulse and he hopes he can convince her to stay the night and rethink it come morning.

When he gets to the house, he greets the policeman and opens the door.

Trevor, Donna and Stephanie are standing in the entryway, suitcases packed and waiting to be picked by the door.

“Harvey.”, Donna sighs.

“Can we talk ?”, Harvey says before shooting a small smile at Stephanie.

“There’s nothing to talk about, Harvey.”, Donna shakes her head. “I… I talked to-“

“Trevor, can you go upstairs with Stephanie ?”, Harvey cuts her.

“Sure.”, Trevor nods, grabbing Stephanie’s hand.

“Come with me.”, Harvey says, unlocking the door to the office he shares with Rachel.

“Harvey, there’s a cab coming in 10 minutes, I don’t have time for a lecture.”, Donna follows him.

“Good.”, Harvey purses his lips. “Because I’m not interested in giving you one. Where are you going ?”

“Home.”, Donna replies, looking down.

Harvey’s jaw tightens and he shakes his head.

“He’s convinced you to come back…”, he mutters.

“Harvey, I will never be able to thank you enough for what you’ve done for me and my daughter.”, she says, meeting his eyes. “I… I need to… I cannot just flee, you know ?”, she asks, her eyes pleading. “I’ve been in contact with Craig for the past 3 days and he says he’s going to get help for his anger and Stephanie needs his dad. She’s… He’s never touched her, she needs him.”

“He will do it again.”, Harvey says in a serious voice. “And you know it.”

Donna looks down at her folded hand and lets out a shaky breath.

“Have you told him where you’ve been staying ?”, Harvey asks.

“No.”, Donna quickly replies. “He doesn’t know, I told him I was with a friend.”

“Good.”, Harvey nods. She’s not going to change her mind but at least she can safely come back to The Shelter if, _when_ , things go South again. “Call me.”, he says. “Anytime.”

“I will.”, Donna smiles. “Thank you.”

They hear a cab honking in the street and Donna takes a deep breath before leaving the office. Harvey can’t bring himself to watch them go so he sits down at his desk and fires up his computer. He’s awake and angry, he might as well put this energy into something useful like this month’s accounting report.

 

 

“Come on, you’ll finish this up tomorrow.”, Neal sighs, perched on the partition above Mike’s desk. “Jessica said we could leave.”

“Just a minute.”, Mike replies, highlighting a portion of the file he’s working on.

Neal rolls his eyes and gestures for Katrina, who’s already standing in the threshold, ready to leave, to hold on.

“Come on Mike !”, she lets out an exasperate sigh. “I need to get drunk !”

“Ok ok ok.”, Mike holds up his hands in defeat. “Let’s go.”, he grabs his jacket and briefcase.

 

In the cab ride to the bar, Mike texts Harvey to let him know he’s on his way. They’ve texted this morning but haven’t been in contact since except for Mike’s text around 5 to remind him about the rookie dinner. He had planned on asking him to dress nicely but hadn’t been able to find a nice way to put it so he had just sent him the address and that it was a rather fancy place, hoping that Harvey would get the hint.

He doesn’t have a problem with the way Harvey dresses but this is work and he’s spent 4000$ to blend in his new environment and… he doesn’t want Harvey to feel awkward. Well, that’s the lie he’s been feeding himself since this morning. Truth is he remembers Harvey leaving in a hurry and grabbing the nearest (probably not clean) clothes this morning and, though he would never admit it to himself, he’s afraid he might be ashamed about his boyfriend.

“Done with work, coming right up.”, he receives when the cab pulls up in front of the bar.

Shit. Mike had hoped he would have come home to change… but he realizes Harvey doesn’t own a suit or even a dress shirt.

“He’s still coming, right ?”, Neal asks.

“Yes.”, Mike smiles.

Half of the firm is already there, enjoying the open bar. The first year associates are sitting in a corner forming a small group while the second year associates and partners spread across the dime-lit room, mingling.

“Mr. Ross.”, Jessica smiles. “Nice choice.”, she gestures around the room.

“I’m glad you like it.”, Mike smiles back.

“Champagne ?”, she asks.

“Yes sure, thanks… thank you Mrs. Pearson.”, Mike stutters, taking the offered flute.

“I know I shouldn’t tell you this, I have a reputation to maintain.”, she smiles dangerously. “But I’m really happy with you. Your work is nothing short of spectacular and Louis has nothing but nice things to say about you.”

“Really ?!”, Mike blushes. “I mean, thank you.”

“Mike !”, Neal calls from the back of the room. “Come on !”, he insists and smiles sheepishly when he realizes who he’s talking to.

“Go join your classmates.”, Jessica purses her lips. “This Neal Caffrey is a one special snowflake.”

“I’ll talk to you later.”, Mike smiles politely. “Thank you for coming.”

 

Harvey arrives at the bar about 45 minutes later and he makes a face when he spots two suit-clad men smoking by the door. Of course, he’s wearing a worn-out t-shirt and his oldest pair of jeans. Mike should have warned him, he thinks, running a hand through his hair to give them some semblance of style.

The two men give him the once-over with a superior look and he rolls his eyes at them before pushing the door open. He understands what Mike had meant when he had told him about not “looking the part”. He’s never seen so many beautiful women in one room.

“Excuse me, Sir but this is a private party.”, a little man with big teeth stands in front of him, blocking the view.

“That’s great.”, Harvey replies. “Because I was invited to a private party.”

“I don’t think so.”, the man shakes his head.

“What’s going on, Louis ?”, a beautiful and tall black woman approaches with a smile.

_She must be Jessica._

“This man says he’s invited.”, Louis mocks, pointing at Harvey.

“And _this man_ thinks I’m bullshitting.”, Harvey says, mimicking Louis’ tone of voice and gesture.

Jessica’s smile broadens and she offers her hand.

“You must be Mike Ross’ partner.”, she says. “Nice to meet you Mr. Specter.”

“Nice to meet you Mrs. Pearson.”, Harvey shakes her hand and smiles.

Louis’ jaw has dropped to the floor and he collects himself before walking away.

“I’ve heard a lot about you.”, Jessica says.

“Nice things I hope.”, Harvey smirks.

“Very nice things actually. I’ve been wanting to meet you since Mike Ross told me you were running a women’s shelter.”, she says, leading Harvey to the bar by the arm. “I’ve done my research, this is really impressive.”

“Well, thank you.”, Harvey blushes. “We’re still working on a few things to make it viable for everybody involved but overall, it’s going rather smoothly.”

“That’s precisely why I wanted to meet you.”, Jessica hands him a glass of champagne. “The Pearson Hardman Foundation would like to help you with your mission.”

“Really ?”, Harvey almost chokes on his own saliva.

“We’re hosting a gala next month and I would like you and your associates to come and introduce yourselves and the house to our guests.”, she nods. “There will be an auction later in the evening and I’d like all proceeds to go to The Shelter.”

“Wow.”, Harvey lets out a sharp surprised breath. “I don’t even know what to say. That’s… very generous of you. That’s amazing, thank you.”, he smiles.

“Here’s my card.”, Jessica smiles back. “Call me so we can set an appointment. I’d love to visit the house.”

“Sure.”, Harvey nods hastily. “I’ll give you a call tomorrow. Thank you so much.”

“Go meet that genius partner of yours.”, Jessica smirks.

Harvey smiles and takes a deep breath before scanning the room.

“Hey !”, a man with a stupidly perfect face walks towards him with a grin. “You’re Harvey, right ?”

“Hey ?”, Harvey replies.

“I’m Neal.”

 _Oh_. Seems like Mike very conveniently forgot to tell him that Neal was a freaking model.

“Nice to meet you.”, Harvey smiles, shaking his hand.

“Nice to meet you too, _baby bear_.”, Neal wiggles his eyebrows and Harvey wants strangle him. And Mike. “Mike’s over there.”, he snorts when he reads the annoyance on Harvey’s face.

Harvey follows him through the crowd, ignoring the looks he gets from the suits and dresses he passes by, and he spots Mike and a bunch of people sitting on red velvet couches and laughing.

“Look what the cat dragged in.”, Neal jokes when they reach the little group and Harvey has to bite his tongue to make a snarky reply.

“Hey !”, Mike grins, shuffling aside on the couch to make room for Harvey.

“Hey.”, Harvey waves generally.

“Everyone, this is Harvey, my boyfriend.”, Mike announces as Harvey moves to sit down on the couch. “Harvey, this is Katrina, Kyle, Harold.”, he says, pointing around the group. “Stephen, Elsa and Neal.”

“Nice to finally meet you.”, Katrina grins. “I can see someone’s already offered you a glass of champagne ?”

“Yeah, Mrs. Pearson did.”, Harvey replies, earning a couple of surprised looks. “But I’m more of a beer guy.”

“No kidding !”, Neal snorts and once again, Harvey holds his tongue, helped by Mike’s gentle squeeze on his knee.

“So, what do you do, Harvey ?”, Elsa asks.

“I’m a social worker.”, Harvey replies. “I help victims of domestic violence get their life back on track.”

“Oh that’s great.”, she raises an impressed eyebrow.

“Yeah, fortunately for society, not all of us are driven by ambition.”, Neal smiles and raises his glass like he wants to make a toast. “Let’s-“

“What does that mean ?”, Harvey asks.

“You know, uh.”, Neal looks around the group with a small frown, trying to gauge their reactions. “I mean, if we all had the ambition to become lawyers, there wouldn’t be anybody to help those victims… you know ?”, he asks tentatively.

“So you consider that you have more ambition than I do because you’re a lawyer?”, Harvey asks, trying to keep his growing anger out of his voice.

“Harvey, let it go, he didn’t mean that.”, Mike steps in.

“Yes I meant that.”, Neal corrects. “Going to Harvard Law or any law school is a long and difficult process that requires ambition and drive.”

“Well, you could have used it to do good instead of-.”

“Come on, Harvey.”, Mike steps in again, not liking where this is going.

“Come on what ?”, Harvey snaps. “This guys thinks he’s better than me because his job helps rich people get richer.”

“That’s not what we do.”, Neal snaps back.

“Yes, that’s what corporate lawyers do.”, Harvey insists. “You’re a bunch of fucking capitalists.”

“We do pro bono cases.”, Harold says tentatively.

“Yeah because that serves the image of the firm.”, Harvey huffs.

“We help big companies that employ millions of people in the country, that’s what we do.”, Neal explains calmly. “So if that’s not helping society enough for you, I don’t know what is.”

“You can’t possibly believe what you’re saying !”, Harvey laughs bitterly.

“Who thinks he’s better than the other now ?”, Neal stands up and smirks, folding his arms across his chest.

“I don’t just think I’m better than you, Mr. World.”, Harvey also stands. “I know it.”

“Harvey…”, Mike sighs. “Sit down, please.”

“So you think Mike’s a fucking capitalist ?”, Neal asks.

“I think Mike should put his incredible gift and talent to better use, _yes_.”, Harvey replies. “As well as his money. 4000$ for tailored suits ? In a world where a child dies of hunger every 15 seconds ?”

“Well, it’s pretty obvious that you don’t spend a hundredth of it for your own clothes.”, Neal mocks.

“Guys.”, Mike stands up. “This is ridiculous.”

“You’re right.”, Harvey agrees, his eyes never leaving Neal’s. “I’m leaving.”

“No, Harvey, wait.”, Mike grabs his arm.

“I’m sorry.”, Harvey nods sadly. “But there’s no way I’m staying in the same room with this…”, he purses his lips and walks around the table to leave.

“Pussy.”, Neal drops as Harvey passes near him.

Harvey stops dead in his tracks and turns around, nostrils flared and hands balled up into fists.

“Neal.”, Mike pleads.

“You’re freaking lucky I don’t believe in violence.”, Harvey snarls. “Because you have no idea what I’d do to your smug pretty face.”

“Hey, he thinks I’m pretty.”, Neal grins at the group. “You’re not too bad yourself, _baby bear_.”

Harvey bites the inside of his cheek and exhales heavily before walking away.

“Who the fuck does he think he is ?”, Neal shakes his head in disbelief.

“That was really stupid.”, Mike shoots him a pointed look. “Seriously.”

“He disrespected me, he disrespected us all !”, Neal exclaims. “You heard what he said, right ? The guy comes in a room full of corporate lawyers and that’s what he says ? That’s we’re fucking capitalists ? Mike, come on…”

“I know.”, Mike sighs. “He’s had a rough day. And well, yeah, he’s a bit of an idealist.”

“Rough day or not, I would not let my boyfriend talk about me or my job like that.”, Elsa says.

“You should go after him.”, Katrina smiles. “He looked ready to burst into flames.”

“I’ll be right back.”, Mike says before rushing out of the bar.

Harvey’s sitting on the edge of the sidewalk, his back turned to the door.

“Harvey.”, Mike says.

“I shouldn’t have come, sorry.”, Harvey mumbles without turning around.

“What’s going on ?”, Mike asks, sitting down next to him after having swept the ground with his hand. “I know Neal’s a bit of a tease but he means well, he’s just-“

“He means well ?”, Harvey turns around and makes a face. “That guy’s a complete jerk.”

“Well, he could say the same about you.”

“What because I took him down a peg ? Poor thing.”, Harvey rolls his eyes.

“No, you didn’t just take him down a peg, Harvey.”, Mike sighs. “Why did you have to insult him ?”

“Because he did too.”, Harvey replies, rubbing his tired face. “It was either that or my fist in his face.”

Mike sighs again and looks away.

“Look, I’m sorry.”, Harvey repeats. “I shouldn’t have come.”, he gets up. “I’ll see you at home.”

“You know, you didn’t just insult him.”, Mike lifts up his head.

“And I apologized.”

“Yeah…”, Mike snorts. “I’ll see you at home.”, he shakes his head in disappointment, getting up and straightening his pants before heading back to the bar.

 

When he comes home after midnight, he’s greeted by Reggie who’s curled into a ball next to Harvey’s shoes in the entryway.

“Hey Reggie baby.”, Mike crouches down and holds out his hand. “Daddy closed the door because he’s mad.”, he whispers, petting the cat’s head. “I’m gonna let you in, don’t worry.”

He toes off his shoes and walks to the small kitchen area to grab a glass of water and he notices 3 empty beer bottles sitting next to the trashcan. After Harvey left, Mike wasn’t in the mood for drinking so he stuck to water. He couldn’t drink too much anyway because he had to drive home in his brand “new” Toyota. He still managed to have a good time, neither Neal nor the other associates mentioning the incident again.

He carefully opens the bedroom door, making sure Reggie has come in, and closes it behind them. It’s pitch dark except for a thin ray of orangey light shining between the two curtains.

He quickly undresses, carefully folding his 1300$ suit on the desk chair and climbs on the bed.

He lets out a loud surprised “woops” when he kicks Harvey who is sleeping on _Mike’s_ side of the bed.

“Hey.”, he whispers, poking Harvey’s shoulder. “Can I at least have my pillow ?”, he asks, pulling on the pillow.

Harvey stirs and mumbles unintelligibly, tightening his hold around Mike’s pillow.

Mike sighs and blindly runs his hand through Harvey’s hair.

“Harvey…”, he leans in and whispers in his ear. “Please, I’m tired and I want my pillow.”

Harvey moves again and clears his throat.

“What time is it ?”, he rasps.

“It’s past midnight and you’re sleeping on _my_ side of the bed.”, Mike replies.

“Sorry.”, Harvey yawns and moves to the other of the bed. “Cold…”, he mutters, wrapping himself in the covers.

“Seriously ?!”, Mike exclaims.

“What now ?”, Harvey asks.

“You’re hogging the covers.”

“’m cold.”

Mike rolls his eyes as a small smile starts forming on his lips. He lies down and moves to wrap himself around Harvey who hums in contentment.

 

 

Time flies. It’s never flown faster, Mike thinks as Isabelle, Harvey and himself walk silently in the park. It’s almost been a month since his rookie dinner and his birthday’s coming up. When he was a kid, he imagined he would be married with children by the age of 20. Of course, his dreams changed with time but he still wants to get married and he still wants children. At least one. He’s turning 28 in 2 days and is dating a man who doesn’t believe in marriage and who’s been raised by a mother who’d always thought of him as a burden. Needless to say he doesn’t want kids. He’s turning 28 in 2 days and is dating the nicest man he’s ever met. Even in high school, Harvey was the funniest and most gorgeous of the group. They weren’t “friends” per se, Mike didn’t really have any real friends, but they went to the same classes and shared a passion for chess and Star Trek-

“Do you want to go back inside ?”, Harvey asks Isabelle, pulling Mike out of his thoughts.

She’s stopped walking and is staring at Mike.

Mike clears his throat and smiles at her before shooting Harvey a worried look.

“Mum.”, Harvey says in a gentle voice and moving to face her. “Do you want to go back inside ?”

She shakes her head, her eyes narrowing at Mike and Mike knows this expression. Harvey’s got her eyes and when he narrows them like that, he’s trying to guess what Mike thinks.

“Mike.”, she says and it’s the first time ever she’s said his name.

“Yes, that’s Mike.”, Harvey smiles after a moment.

The doctors say she’s never going to be better, that she’s just “not there” anymore. And 99% of the time, it’s not hard to believe. But still, every time she says something, usually repeated words, Harvey can’t help but think that maybe she’s there, somewhere. And in his wildest dreams, she knows who he is.

She blinks and her eyes are back to their usual blankness. She nods and turns around.

“Let’s go back inside.”, Harvey says when she grabs his arm.


	4. That’s what you get for not keeping your mouth shut

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 4 :)  
> Thanks for your reviews on the previous chapter !  
> Thanks a lot for reading and giving kudos and taking the time to write a comment.  
> xoxo

The first time Harvey witnesses domestic violence, he’s 6. He jerks up in his bed, heart pounding in his chest. His mum is screaming somewhere in the apartment and Harvey grabs his stuffed dog and presses it against his chest. He wants to cover his ears but that means letting go of his favorite companion. Instead, he crawls out bed and quietly steps out of his room. His mum is now sobbing and Jack is screaming bad words at her. _Fucking slut ! I don’t know why I put up with your shit ! You’re a useless whore ! Shut your fucking mouth ! You want to wake up your son, is that it ? You want him to see you like this, like the fucking slut you are ?_

His mum is pleading. _Stop it. Please Jack, I’m sorry but stop screaming, please. Harvey’s sleeping._

When Harvey arrives in the living room, she’s in her underwear, kneeling on the worn-out carpet. There’s blood coming out of her nose. Jack is standing in front of her, his back turned to the door, on of his hands pulling at his mum’s hair.

“Mummy.”, is all Harvey manages to say.

He doesn’t remember what happens after that. He only remembers Jack putting him back to bed and his weird smile. The next morning Jack is gone and his mum tells him they’re moving to another (smaller) apartment.

 

In the second clear memory Harvey has, he’s much older, 13 or 14. His mum’s been seeing Paul for a year now, and they’ve moved in Paul’s apartment 3 months ago. Harvey thinks that maybe he’s the one. He’s seen a lot of them trying to act as his father, drinking too much, shouting at his mum, doing nothing but mope and smoke. He’s never liked any of them but he likes to see his mum happy. And she falls in love easy and hard. All the time. But he likes this one, Paul.

Until one night, right after his mum lost her job (budget cuts). They’re having dinner together and the main topic is his mum’s job search. A week ago, Paul’s offered her a job as a secretary in the store he runs but his mum says it’s important to maintain a work-life balance and that they would end up hating each other if they worked together. She’s promised to reconsider if she still hasn’t found a job in a month. But Paul doesn’t seem to want to wait any longer and, as they’re having dinner that night, he keeps pressing her. He keeps asking why she thinks they would end up hating each other. Does she hate him now ? Is she hiding something ? _No of course, no, honey, it’s just the statistics plus I’d like to find a job on my own_. He tells her she’ll never get fired if she comes work for him and says it’s obvious that there’s something she’s not telling him. _No, I swear ! I’ve screwed up a lot_ – and she gives Harvey an apologetic smile – _and I want to succeed on my own_.

Things quickly escalade from here. Voices are raised, forks and napkins thrown across the table, insults shouted. Harvey tries to step in but Paul grabs him by the throat and shoves him against the wall. _Leave him alone, Paul !_

He wants to call the police but Paul has confiscated his mum’s phone.

Once again there’s blood on his mum’s face when Paul finally gives up and slams the apartment door shut. There’s blood running from her nose down to her mouth and chin and pink blouse. She’s leaning against the dinner table, apologizing to Harvey who hasn’t moved from the spot where Paul nearly chocked him to death. Harvey says they should leave. They should pack up and leave now. He never wants to see Paul again. _We’ve got nowhere to go, Harvey. I haven’t got a job. We’ve got nowhere to go…_

 

 

The gala’s coming up and Harvey’s preparing his speech. They voted and Trevor and Rachel decided that Harvey’s going to do the talking, arguing that The Shelter is his baby, his project. Jessica came to visit last week and she loved the place. She really wants to help and says the gala is going to be huge. It’s Sunday morning and he’s completely off, he doesn’t have to show up at the house. He should be using this time to sleep in and enjoy Mike’s company. Things are still hectic and it’s not often that they have a whole day ahead of them. But the gala is this Friday and that’s only 5 days left for Harvey to come up with what he’s going to say.

“Good morning, baby bear.”, Mike smiles when he comes out of the bedroom.

Harvey doesn’t react, he seems lost in his thoughts. He’s looking away and there’s sadness in his eyes. Reggie is curled up in his lap, one eye open, following Mike’s movements.

“Earth to Harvey.”, Mike chuckles, waving his hand in front of Harvey’s face.

“Sorry, what ?”, Harvey blinks.

“I said good morning.”, Mike smiles fondly and he leans in for a kiss.

“Good morning.”, Harvey smiles back.

“What are you working on ?”

“My opening speech for the gala.”, Harvey sighs.

“You’re going to do great.”, Mike takes a seat across from him. “This is a huge opportunity for you and Rachel.”

“I know…”

“If you need help with anything, you know you can ask me, right ?”, Mike says and Harvey puts a hand on his thigh and squeezes it lightly.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to wear yet ?”

“I was thinking of wearing my black jeans and a black henley.”, Harvey replies.

“Well, it’s better than your usual kaki pants and old t-shirts but everybody’s going to be wearing suits or a tux, you know ?”, Mike remarks.

“I don’t have a suit.”

“We could go and buy one.”, Mike grins. “You’d look so gorgeous.”

“I don’t know.”, Harvey wrinkles his nose.

“Oh ! I just got an idea !”, Mike jerks up. “You should shave !”

“No way.”

“Oh come on ! For me ! Please !”, Mike moves around the table and wraps his arms around Harvey’s neck from behind. “Think of it as a birthday present.”

“I look weird without the beard.”, Harvey grimaces.

“No you don’t.”, Mike giggles and kisses him behind the ear.

“Yes I do.”, Harvey shivers and leans back, resting his head on Mike’s shoulder. “And it took years to grow.”

“Pleaaassseee.”, Mike insists, nuzzling his bearded cheek.

“I’m not shaving it, sorry.”, Harvey lifts up a hand to Mike’s hair.

“Alright…”, Mike sighs. “So what am I having for my birthday, what are we doing ?”, he straightens up and walks to the kitchen area to pour himself a cup of coffee.

“I don’t know, what do you want to do ?”

“Could you come up with something for once ?”, Mike pouts.

“Like a surprise ?”, Harvey raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah !”, Mike grins. “Surprise me !”

“What time do you get off work tomorrow ?”

“I don’t know yet but let’s say 8, that way I know I won’t be late.”

Harvey nods and scratches his beard. Finding a place Mike likes to have a nice dinner is easy, but what is he going to get him ?

They spend the rest of the day catching up on their favorite shows and Mike sleeps through half of it. Knowing he will have to watch it all over again anyway, Harvey grabs his laptop and manages to write a twenty-line introduction. The rest of his speech is still floating around his mind. Bits of stories, information, facts and figures, memories, all waiting to be put into sentences.

Mike finally wakes up and they make out on the couch for a while and then in the shower. Showering together is starting to become their favorite past time. They have to shower so they might as well make the most of it.

They don’t make it to the bed, Harvey shoves Mike against the bedroom wall, gets rid of their towels in one quick movement and lowers them down on the old grey carpet. Harvey buries himself inside Mike and his head suddenly clears up. The only thing he can focus on is the way Mike moves underneath him, the way his warm and tight heat clenches around his cock. The only things he can hear are Mike’s broken moans, his endless pleading for release. His knees hurt like a bitch from brushing against the carpet but he doesn’t acknowledge it. It’s put aside with everything that hurts. For now.

He comes quickly and quietly, his face buried in the crook of Mike’s neck. When he reaches down to grab Mike’s cock, he finds a soft and sensitive cock covered in come. He was so lost in his own sensations that he didn’t feel it. “ _That was awesome_.”, Mike sighs and pulls him into a deep kiss.

They have dinner and Harvey stays up late, ignoring Mike’s calls from the bedroom. “ _Harvey, come to bed, I don’t wanna go to sleep alone. Pleeaaase._ ” gets repeated a dozen times before Mike finally gives up and falls asleep.

He’s got 5 days.

 

 

Mike groans and taps on his phone to turn off his alarm.

“Happy birthday _._ ”

When he opens his eyes, Harvey is wide awake, sitting on the bed, smiling down at him. There’s a tray with a cup of coffee and a toasted bagel lying atop the covers.

“’s so cool.”, Mike mumbles sleepily. “C’me here.”, he opens his arms.

Harvey carefully moves across the bed and lies down in Mike’s embrace.

“You’re older than me now.”, he smiles against Mike’s lips.

“Not for long.”, Mike chuckles. “Thank you.”

“I love you.”, Harvey whispers.

“I love you too, baby bear.”

They kiss for a while and just as things are getting hot, Harvey pulls away.

“Eat your breakfast, coffee’s gonna get cold.”, he says, pointing at the tray.

 

Harvey goes home early to cook dinner. Since Mike probably expects a night out and asked to be surprised, Harvey decided they’ll stay in. But to keep the surprise factor, he’s still going to meet him at the firm at 8.

He got a disturbing call on his cell earlier today. A private number. When he picked up, the only thing he heard was “Harvey” before the call disconnected. Feminine voice, full of fear, maybe tears. He immediately called Spencer to let him know, knowing full well he wouldn’t be able to do anything, but Harvey needed to do something.

It isn’t unusual for Harvey to get this type of phone calls, the private-number type. He gives his personal number all the time and it’s even on the website. So it happens. But what he heard on the line sent a shiver running down his spine. He spent the rest of the day checking his phone for another call but it didn’t happen.

 

At 8, he’s entering the modern building and smiles when he recognizes the security guard. Pablo worked on a couple of nightshifts at the house.

“Harvey !”, Pablo smiles. “What the heck are you doing here ?”

“Picking up my boyfriend.”, Harvey replies, giving him a warm handshake.

“Who is he with ?”

“Pearson Hardman, the law firm.”

“Wanna go up ?”, Pablo asks while waving at people leaving the building.

“Nah.”, Harvey smiles. “Mike’s going to freak out if I turn up at his work place dressed like this.”

The elevator doors open and Jessica steps out.

“Mr. Specter”, she smiles broadly. “Good to see you. I didn’t know you were coming here, I just gave Mr. Ross another hour worth of work.”

“Call me Harvey, please.”, Harvey blushes. “Well, yeah, it’s his birthday so we were supposed to-“

“Right.”, Jessica cuts him and turns towards the security guard. “Pablo, call Jenny, my assistant, and have her tell Mike Ross he can go.”

“No, no it’s ok, I can wait.”, Harvey says.

“Tell him it’s my birthday gift.”, Jessica smirks. “I’ll see you on Friday ?”

“Yeah. Thank you.”, Harvey nods.

“Have a good night.”, Jessica smiles and walks away.

The elevator opens again and Neal appears, looking smug as ever with his fedora and pink skinny tie. He stops dead in his tracks when he sees Harvey.

“Harvey.”, he says, nodding courteously.

“Neal.” Harvey replies, fighting the urge to grimace.

Much to his surprise, Neal doesn’t brush past him but steps closer and holds out his hand.

“Nice to see you.”

“Yeah.”, Harvey replies, grudgingly shaking his hand.

“Look, I think we started off on the wrong foot.”, Neal says. “I want to apologize for my behavior the other night. I was out of line.”

Harvey nods but doesn’t reply.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”, Neal continues. “I can be pushy, I know that, it’s gotten me into trouble before.”, he smiles sheepishly. “Thanks for not punching me.”

“You’re welcome.”, Harvey sighs and he can’t help a smile.

“Mike’s coming down in a minute. I’ll see you at the gala ?”, he does a freaking _pirouette_ and bows down before walking away.

“Yeah.”, Harvey replies, shaking his head with a small smile and jumps when he feels a hand on the small of his back.

“I was about to text you to tell you I wasn’t finished with work then Jenny told me I could go.”, Mike smiles, pressing his lips to Harvey’s.

“Jessica’s birthday gift.”, Harvey replies, brushing his thumb across Mike’s bottom lip.

“So where are we going ?”, Mike asks, pulling away and grabbing Harvey’s hands.

“Home.”, Harvey replies.

“Oh.”

“Hey you’re supposed to look surprised, not disappointed.”, Harvey pouts.

“I am surprised.”, Mike frowns. “Did you cook ?”

Harvey replies with a grin and wiggling eyebrows.

“Oh my god !”, Mike burst out laughing. “This has to be the biggest surprise ever ! Thank youuuu !”, he laughs and pulls Harvey into a kiss.

“Thank me when you wake up alive tomorrow morning.”, Harvey giggles and puts a kiss on Mike’s nose.

 

 

“Oh no you didn’t !”, Mike exclaims when he walks into the kitchen area. “You bought meat ?!”

“Yeah.”, Harvey smiles sheepishly.

“Thank you thank you thank you !”, Mike bounces up and down with joy. “Off the counter, kitty cat.”, he frowns when Reggie jumps up. “This is not for you Reginald, go away.”

“Here.”, Harvey says, handing him a wrapped gift. “Remember your birthday 4 years ago ?”, he smiles knowingly.

“Uh, yeah.”, Mike blushes with embarrassment.

It had been their first date, two days after the high school reunion. They had gotten shit drunk and Mike had spent the night puking his guts at Harvey’s place. They hadn’t even kissed but they had had a good time. When Mike had finally felt strong enough to move out of the bathroom, Harvey had been asleep and he had fled his apartment, 100% sure Harvey would never call him again.

“Open it.”, Harvey nods with a smile.

“What is it ? A lunchbox filled with puke ? Because if it has something to do with our first date, then I don’t see what else it could be.”, Mike sighs.

“Don’t be stupid.”, Harvey laughs. “It was fun. I actually called you back because of how much you drunk. I needed someone who could put up with me.”

“Well, turned out I couldn’t.”, Mike blushes again as he unwraps the present.

It’s a photo frame with a picture of that night. A selfie actually. It’s a little blurry and Mike doesn’t remember the moment they took this picture or who took it. They’re smiling like idiots, or rather laughing drunkenly.

“We took a picture ?”, Mike asks with a frown.

“Yep.”, Harvey smiles. “I was keeping it for our 20th anniversary but then I thought now would be just as good. You can put it in your new office.”

“I love it.”, Mike kisses him. “Thank you.”

Madonna’s _4 minutes to save the world_ comes off and they both fumble in their pocket for their phone.

“It’s mine.”, Harvey announces, picking up. “Hello ?”

“Harvey, it’s Donna.”

“Hey, are you alright ?”

“No, I, uh, I…”, she sobs.

“Where are you ?”

“I don’t know.”

“Ok, do you see a street sign ? A shop, something ?”

“Hold on.”, she sniffs and Harvey can hear cars passing by. “42d street.”, she exhales shakily.

“Are you alone ?”

“Yes.”, she replies. “Oh my god…”

“Ok, stay right where you are, I’m coming.”, Harvey says and Mike sighs. “Call me back in 10 minutes when I’m in the car.”, he says and hangs up.

“You’re going ?”, Mike pouts.

“I’ll be right back.”, Harvey says, picking up his car keys. “It’s Donna, she’s… she needs help. I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok, I understand. My boyfriend is a superhero.”, Mike teases. “Can I come with you ?”

“Sure.”, Harvey smiles.

Mike stores the meat way in the fridge and barely 5 minutes later, they’re in Mike’s car, driving to Manhattan.

 

Donna’s where she said she would be and Mike waits in the car while Harvey talks to her. It’s mostly dark but Mike can see the bruises on her face. She’s wearing what looks like silk pyjamas with Uggs boots. Like she fled her home.

Harvey hugs her and she blows her nose and a moment later, Harvey’s walking back to the car. Mike rolls down the window.

“She can’t go back and she doesn’t want to go to the police tonight.”, Harvey explains, bending forward and resting on his forearms on the edge of the open car window. “She’s not ready to go back to The Shelter and-“

“Yes.”, Mike sighs. “She can stay with us tonight.”

Harvey reaches out a hand to stroke Mike’s cheek.

“You’re the best.”, he says with a grateful smile. “I’ll make it up to you.”, he leans in and places a quick kiss on Mike’s lips.

“Yeah yeah.”, Mike smiles.

 

The ride back to Brooklyn is quiet and Mike cast furtive glances at Donna in the rearview mirror while Harvey keeps sending and receiving text messages. He’s probably making arrangements with Rachel or Trevor.

“Hungry ?”, Harvey asks her when they arrive at the apartment.

“I’m good. Don’t… worry about me.”, she replies, looking around, probably realizing they won’t be able to ignore her presence in such a small place. “I’m sorry, I hope I’m not, uh.”, she swallows when she sees the laid-out dinner table and the wrapping paper.

“It’s my birthday.”, Mike smiles.

“Happy birthday.”, Donna says and heaves an apologetic sigh.

“We were just about to have dinner.”, Mike explains casually. “He’s cooking.”, he points at Harvey. “Wanna have dinner with us ?”

“No, thank you I don’t want to-“

“Hey.”, Mike smiles. “The more the merrier.”

“Ok.”, Donna smiles back.

 

They have dinner (Donna and Mike share the steak) and they stay up late, sprawled on the couch and armchair, drinking wine and talking. Mike tells Donna how Harvey and him met and got together. Donna tells them about her childhood in sunny California and asks Harvey about his full sleeve tattoos. They don’t talk about why Donna’s here or where Stephanie is. Harvey guesses she stayed with her father.

They finally call it a day at one or two in the morning and Harvey wakes them both at four with a loud cry. He’s been having nightmares for a week and they end up doing what they’ve been doing for a week : talk until they fall back asleep in each other’s arms.

 

 

The rest of the workweek has Harvey busy with the upcoming gala and Donna’s return to The Shelter. Turns out Stephanie did stay with her father this time. Donna didn’t want to put her through the whole process again and the last fight happened while she was in bed. She called home the next day pretending to be visiting her sister and thankfully, Craig agreed to back her story. With the help of Harvey and Spencer, Donna pressed charges and Harvey managed to get her to think about filing for divorce. Mike promised to represent her when the time comes.

On Friday morning, Harvey rehearses his speech in front of Rachel who ends up in tears.

“I’m sorry.”, she says, wiping her nose. “It was beautiful.”

“I don’t want people to cry.”, Harvey purses his lips.

“They will.”, Rachel sniffs. “And it’s good. People respond to emotions, they’re going to be very generous.”, she smiles.

“Mike says I should buy a suit.”

“What ? You haven’t bought a suit yet ?”, Rachel jumps on her seat. “ _Of course_ you have to at least wear a suit !”, she scowls. “I bought a dress.”, she points at a garment bag hanging in the entryway. “Ok, grab your phone and wallet and come with me.”, she orders.

“What? Where ?”

“Don’t ask questions, Specter.”, Rachel turns around and smiles mischievously. “I’m going to turn you into the most convincing PR exec ever.”

 

 

They’re late. It was Harvey’s biggest fear and the object of his recurrent nightmares yet here they are, _late_. Jessica asked them to arrive a little before the other guests to go over the planning of the evening but they’re _late_.

“I know, I’m sorry.”, Rachel repeats as they’re climbing the red-carpeted stairs leading inside the beautiful traditional mansion on Park Avenue.

Rachel is wearing a long silky light blue nightgown with sparkling high-heeled sandals.

She convinced Harvey to buy a tuxedo and even if they chose a nice one (he prefers not to remember how much he had to pay for it), Harvey doesn’t feel comfortable at all and he can’t stop complaining about it. About this _and_ about their tardiness.

“Take a deep breath.”, Rachel says, adjusting his bowtie. “You look great. Well, actually you look more than great but I’ll let Mike tell you when he sees you.”, she grins. “That’s if he recognizes you.”

Harvey rolls his eyes and takes a couple of deep breath.

“Ready ?”, Rachel beams.

Harvey shakes his head but she grabs his arm they step inside the venue.

 

Mike is drinking champagne with Neal, Katrina, Harold and Logan. He hasn’t been able to reach Harvey all afternoon and started worrying when he couldn’t find him upon arriving a half hour ago. But he called the house and Trevor assured him Rachel and Harvey were on their way.

“Uh oh, hottie alert.”, Katrina says, her jaw dropping to the floor. “Oh. My. God.”

Mike turns around and it takes him a millisecond to recognize the sharp-dressed man walking in the room, a beautiful woman on his arm.

“Is that Harvey ?”, Logan asks, wide-eyed.

 _Yes it is_ , Mike thinks as he stands, grinning and unable to speak. That’s his Harvey, wearing a freaking tuxedo. He’s shaved and got a haircut and Mike isn’t the only one stunned by the view judging by the looks the couple gets from the people they walk by. Mike knows Harvey feels uncomfortable but he’s amazed by how it doesn’t show. He’s walking with his head high and with a confidence Mike’s never seen on him. Rachel’s trained him well. It’s all just an act but Harvey’s pulling it perfectly and Mike’s beaming with undisguised pride.

Rachel spots them and waves with a smile. And then Harvey’s eyes meet Mike’s and he gives Mike a small tentative smile and Mike falls in love all over again.

“Mr. Specter.”, he says, discreetly twining his fingers through Harvey’s. “You look stupidly gorgeous.”

“He does, right ?”, Rachel smiles.

“You managed the impossible.”, Mike chuckles. “I haven’t seem like this since high school !”, he exclaims, stroking Harvey’s hairless cheek.

“I didn’t do anything.”, Rachel holds up a hand. “I didn’t have to convince him, I didn’t even ask him because thought he wouldn’t want to do it. He said he wanted to do it because you asked him to.”

Mike grins and squeezes Harvey’s hand.

“Oh look at that.”, Katrina teases. “He’s blushing.”

“I, uh, we gotta go see Jessica, we’re terribly late.”, Harvey excuses Rachel and himself with a small smile.

Harvey and Rachel gone, the rest of the little group enjoy the free champagne and food while commenting on the over-the-top outfits some guests are wearing. Mike shakes a few clients’ hands and Louis urges them to disperse and entertain their guests. 

At 8, everyone’s called into the dining room where about 50 round tables have been laid.

Harvey, Rachel and Logan are sitting with Jessica and Daniel Hardman in the center table while Mike and the other first year associates share a table in the back.

The dining ballroom is impressively huge with it 25-foot vaulted ceilings, crystal chandeliers, stage, and polished wooden floors.

As the 500 guests start coming in and seating around their table, Harvey is talking with Rachel. His jaw is tensed and he’s rubbing his hands nervously.

“I don’t think I can do it, Rach’…”, he whispers, anxiously scanning the room for the only person who could help him relax.

“Of course you can, Harvey.”, Rachel smiles reassuringly. “We’ve rehearsed it, you’re going to do just fine.”

“There’re like a thousand people in here.”, he rubs his face with a trembling hand.

“Only 500.”, Rachel chuckles. “Calm down.”, she says, grabbing his trembling hand. “Breathe.”

“Can you do it ?”, Harvey asks, his breathing ragged. “The speech ?”

“Harvey, no.”, Rachel shoots him a worried look. “It’s your story, I can’t tell it for you.”

On the other side of the room, Mike is watching them and is debating whether or not to walk over there. Harvey’s clearly freaking out and even if he can see that Rachel’s doing her best to calm him down, Mike sees the tension in his shoulder and clenched jaw.

When their eyes finally meet, Mike gets up from his seat and rushes through the tables to the stage.

“Mike.”, Rachel sighs with relief and steps aside.

“What’s wrong ?”, Mike puts a hand on the small of Harvey’s back.

“I can’t do this.”, Harvey shakes his head and swallows thickly.

“Yes you can.”, Mike leans in and presses a quick and discreet kiss on his cheek. “I’ll be right there.”, he points at their table and Neal waves at them. “Just look at me ok ?”

Harvey closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“Gentlemen.”, Jessica says. “Show time.”, she smiles.

“Ok, I’ll go back to my seat.”, Mike gives a polite nod. “Remember.”, he whispers in Harvey’s ear. “I’m right there.”

Harvey gulps and nods.

“I love you.”, Mike mouths before walking back to his table.

A minute later, Jessica’s stepping on the stage.

“Good evening ladies and gentlemen.”, she smiles broadly. “Daniel and I are very delighted to welcome you all tonight. We want to personally thank each and every one of you for coming. Whether you’re a client, a friend or a valuable member of the firm, whether it’s your first time at our annual gala or not, you are part of the people that count. Pearson Hardman values respect and equality of opportunity above everything and that’s why, 10 years ago, Daniel and I built the Pearson Hardman Foundation. Through events like tonight’s gala, the foundation helps raise money for various charities and causes that are close to our hearts.”, she pauses. “This year, we want to help victims of domestic abuse. This is what The Shelter does. Without further introduction, I’ll let Harvey Specter, founder of The Shelter, tell you all about its mission.”, she smiles and starts clapping, stepping aside to let Harvey walk to the reading stand.

The whole room follows the movement and Harvey steps on the stage amid loud applause.

He takes a deep breath and puts his notes on the stand.

“Thank you.”, he smiles nervously and waits for the clapping to subside. “Writing this speech probably was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I tried to write about how The Shelter works but I ended up with a really boring point-by-point review.”, he smiles. “I must have trashed a hundred Word pages until I realized that the best way to explain to you what The Shelter is was to tell you my story.”, he pauses and his eyes meet Mike’s. He closes his eyes for a brief second and exhales shakily. “I lost my mother 9 years ago, on my 18th birthday.”, he swallows. “I was in history class when the principal came into the room and asked me to follow him. In the corridor, right outside the classroom, he looked down and said : Your mother was found unconscious in her apartment this morning.”, Harvey pauses and purses his lips. Mike realizes how many emotions were hiding under the beard. The tensing of his jaws, the very subtle twitching of his lips, the bobbing of his Adam’s apple. “He drove me to the hospital. My mum was in really bad shape. The doctors told me she had been hit in the back of the head.”, he clears his throat. “At that time I didn’t live with her anymore. I had gotten emancipated at 16 and was living on the high school campus. She had bad habits : drugs, alcohol and violent men.”, he pauses and some of the guest clear their throat uncomfortably. “She didn’t die that day but I lost her. She spent a year in medically induced coma and when she finally woke up, she was gone. There had been too much damage done to her brain. Her _killer_ was arrested and is currently serving a 25-year sentence.”, he pauses and looks down at his notes. “It’s time to face the facts.”, he says in a serious voice. “1 in 4 women will experience domestic violence during her lifetime. There are 273 women in the room tonight, meaning nearly 70 of them have or will experience domestic violence. Each year, 1300 deaths are caused as a result of domestic violence.”, he looks up and swallows thickly. “60% of it happens at home. Where you’re supposed to be safe. Behind these closed doors, when the kids are asleep or in front of them, women are being raped, abused and destroyed every day here in New York City, in every neighborhood, poor or rich.”, his nostrils flare. “I remember one day, I was about 13, my mother had a fight with her boyfriend. She ended up with a broken nose, there was blood all over her clothes. When he was done insulting her and beating her, he left the apartment, probably to get drunk and I saw an opportunity. I told my mother that we could leave right now, take this opportunity to pack our things and leave. You know what she told me ?”, Harvey asks, giving the audience time to process it all. “She said that we had _nowhere to go_. She didn’t have a job, she didn’t want to live on the streets. Domestic violence is the third leading cause of homelessness among families. I created The Shelter because no woman, no mother should _ever_ feel like she has nowhere to go. No woman, no mother should ever stay with her violent partner because she’s scared of becoming homeless. No woman, no mother should ever feel like there isn’t any other choice than staying. That’s what The Shelter is about. We’re here to provide a shelter, a home, a new start.”, he folds his paper and exhales shakily. “Thank you all for coming tonight and thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the women your generosity will help save.”

There’s a moment of silence before the guest start applauding and Harvey nods with a smile before walking back to his table.


	5. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALLY. I'm really sorry. I had the chapter in my mind for a while but I couldn't write it down. Here it is. Pffeeww. Thanks for reading and the kind words you guys leave in the comments. xoxo

Harvey slowly lowers himself down on Mike’s cock and the small high-pitched whimpers he lets out make it hard, if not impossible, for Mike to not come on the spot.

It’s 3 in the morning and it’s been a long night for them, a long week, and a very stressful night for Harvey so Mike wasn’t surprised when Harvey asked to be fucked. _Hard_ , he said while biting Mike’s bottom lip.

Harvey generally tops and Mike’s fine with it, but sometimes, when they’ve fought or something sad or stressful has happened, Harvey needs Mike to fuck him.

Mike didn’t get to talk to Harvey all evening. People wanted to shake his hand, talk to him, congratulate him or know more about The Shelter and Mike watched from a distance. The auction went incredibly well, raising more than 60 000$ for the house, Harvey’s speech obviously worked. He’s met important people and his story impressed one of them particularly. Hans McKenney is a self-made Irish man, client of the firm, who built a jewelry empire in the 80’s. He told Harvey he had always wanted to do something good and wants to help him open other Shelters in the US, starting with Los Angeles. Harvey’s flying there on Monday for thwo days to meet with him and discuss how they could work this out together.

Harvey’s never been on a plane before and he’s never been away from Mike for more than 24 hours in the last 3 years. That’s a lot of firsts and his eagerness to feel Mike inside him, his demanding kisses and bruising touches are unequivocal. They’re his way of telling Mike he’s afraid and needs him. And Mike gets it, responding by whispering loving praises in Harvey’s ear, by bucking his hips and pushing himself deeper into Harvey, by twining his fingers with Harvey’s and squeezing tight.

Harvey leans in and presses their sticky foreheads together.

“I love you.”, he pants and Mike feels hot spurts of come splash between their bodies. “So-”, he squeezes his eyes shut. “ _much_.”

“I love you too.”, Mike whispers before crushing their mouths together and finally, _finally_ , falling off the edge he’d been on for the last 30 minutes.

 

Mike drives Harvey to the airport early on Monday morning after a weekend spent catching up on sleep and sex and a little bit of work for Mike and an afternoon at The Shelter on Sunday for Harvey.

They’re having breakfast at Starbucks in the airport and Mike is feeding Harvey with reassuring statistics on airplane accidents to help him relax.

“You know the odds of dying in a plane crash are one in eleven millions.”, he says, pouring sugar into his already overly sweet Chai Tea Latte. “To put it into perspective, the odds of dying in a shark attack are one in five million. Car crash ? One in 5000.”

“Hum…”, Harvey exhales sharply and clears his throat.

“Do you want to grow a beard again ?”, Mike asks, brushing his fingers across the light stubble on Harvey’s cheek.

“I don’t know.”, Harvey replies, chewing absentmindedly on his bagel. “I’ll shave if I make it alive.”

“You will, baby.”, Mike rests his head on Harvey’s shoulder. “You’re going to love it.”, he adds with a smile. “And I’m going to miss you.”

Harvey places a kiss on Mike’s forehead and takes a deep breath.

“Time to board.”, he says, swallowing around the lump in his throat.

 

Later that day, Neal, Mike and Kyle are driving to Mike’s place to get ready. It’s Kyle’s birthday and they’ve decided to celebrate his and Mike’s tonight by going clubbing. Mike’s not too fond of the idea, he hasn’t been clubbing since his early twenties, but Harvey’s not here and he doesn’t want to spend the night alone anyway.

They’ve stopped by Neal’s and Kyle’s place on the way so they could pick up a change of clothes and by the liquor store to buy whiskey and pretzels.

“Where’s your hubby ?”, Kyle asks, laying the groceries on the kitchen counter.

“He’s in LA. And he’s not my hubby.”

“He cleans up nice.”, Kyle remarks, getting out of his clothes. “I didn’t recognized him until Mrs. Pearson introduced him.”

Mike smiles and takes out three glasses from one of the kitchen cupboards.

Neal nods in agreement, standing in front of the wall of pictures between the living room and kitchen area.

“They’re nice.”, he says. “The pictures.”, he adds, turning around.

“Oh yeah, thanks.”, Mike replies. “I love taking pictures. And despite what he thinks, Harvey’s really photogenic. But he won’t let me put his face on the wall. He only allows the ones where he’s not facing the camera.”

“Don’t tell me he doesn’t think he’s hot.”, Neal rolls his eyes.

Mike laughs and shakes his head.

“He says he looks _weird_.”, he chuckles. “I’ve given up trying to convince him otherwise. I kind of like that, at least he’s not a jerk.”

“Being confident and sexy doesn’t make you a jerk.”, Neal winks. “Look at me.”

“Uh.”, Kyle rolls his eyes.

“Just made my point.”, Mike sighs dramatically. “Cheers.”, he grins, raising his glass.

 

 

Harvey enters his hotel room. It’s 7 pm and his daylong meeting with Hans McKenney went well. In just two days, the billionaire has already spotted a place he could buy and turn into a safe house. They’ve spent the day going over The Shelter’s operating and figuring out how they could transpose the process to the Los Angeles house, how much it would cost, who could be in charge, etc. They’ve discussed the state of Harvey’s current finances, what he’s going to do with the money he got from the gala and Hans has called one of his banker friends in New York. Last but not least, he’s asked Harvey to move to LA for 6 months to supervise the project and help with the launch.

Harvey’s head is spinning when he sits down on the edge of the bed in his huge and luxurious hotel room. Hans McKenney is paying for his trip and all his expenses and, Harvey all but gaped when the bellboy walked him up to the biggest suite at the Sofitel in downtown LA.

So now he’s here, exhausted and a little bit lost, and he fumbles around in his backpack for his phone. It rings a dozen times.

_This is Mike Ross, leave a message._

“Hey.”, Harvey says with a small voice. “I hope you’re having fun with your friends. I, uh…”, he rubs his face. “I’m supposed to meet with Hans and a couple of his coworkers for drinks in the lobby in an hour and…”, he sighs. “I wanted to talk to you but I guess you’re already passed out on some shady bar floor.”, he chuckles. “Call me when you wake up tomorrow, I’ll leave my phone on. Love you.”

 

Mike’s phone is vibrating on the kitchen counter but the music is loud in the apartment and none of the boys hear it.

Kyle is already pretty drunk as Mike’s refilling their glass up to the brim and Neal’s been in the bathroom for 20 minutes.

“Neal ?”, Mike asks, knocking on the bathroom door.

“Come in.”, Neal replies and he opens the door.

He is perched above the sink, wiping his nose. Next to the soap, there’s a small piece of carton with white powder residue and a straw.

“What the fuck are you doing ?”, Mike asks.

“What does it look like ?”, Neal laughs, pressing the tip of his index finger against his nostril. “I’m snorting cocaine.”

“Are you crazy or what ? Don’t bring that shit into my house !”, Mike snaps.

“Come on !”, Neal rolls his eyes. “Don’t tell me you’ve never tried.”

“I haven’t.”, Mike folds his arms across his chest. “I’ve never tried any drug. And we’ve got a very strict no drug policy here.”, he adds, gesturing around the apartment.

“Funny.”, Neal says with a surprised look. “I totally thought Harvey was a junkie. You know, with the tattoos and _weird_ look.”, he smirks.

Mike shakes his head with a smile.

“Put that away, please.”, he says.

“Alright.”, Neal smirks. “You’re gonna beg me for some when you can’t keep your eyes open later tonight.”

“I don’t think so.”, Mike snorts. “How often do you use ?”

“When I need to. Which is once or twice a week.”, Neal explains, putting his stuff away in a small pouch. “It helps me focus when I haven’t had enough sleep, this shit’s magic.”, he grins and sniffs.

“It’s dangerous.”, Mike sighs.

“Ready to go ?”, Kyle calls from the living room.

 

 

"Harvey Reginald Specter."

At the mention of his full name, Harvey turns around and finds himself faced with none other than his ex, Ted.

"Theodor James Philips.", he smiles with a raised eyebrow.

"Fancy meeting you here, Harv'.", Ted smiles back. "What the hell are you doing in a five-star hotel ?"

"I'm here on business, you ?", Harvey replies, pressing the elevator button.

"I run this place.", Ted grins. "I'm head of staff."

"Good for you.", Harvey nods as the elevator doors open.

"Hey not so fast, hotshot. Haven't seen you in 7 years, I'd like to offer you a drink."

Harvey checks the time, it's a little past 11 pm, and sighs.

"One drink.", he smiles.

  
Two hours later, they're at a bar across the street, nursing their fourth (or is it the fifth ?) glass of bourbon. They've caught up. Harvey told him about his mum, the trial that followed, his years at The New School and The Shelter. He also told him about Mike, he had to remind him who he was and got a " _That nerd ?! Oh my God !_ ". Ted was a year ahead of Harvey (and Mike) and they dated for a little bit over two years before Ted graduated.  
"It's good to see you, Harv'.", Ted raises his glass. "How long are you staying ?"  
“I’m leaving tomorrow.”, Harvey replies, rubbing his eyes, which he has troubles keeping focused.

He’s had way too much to drink, he feels light-headed and exhausted.

“I should go back to the hotel.”, he yawns, pushing his empty glass away.

“Let me walk you back.”

Ted pays for their many drinks and they walk out of the bar. It’s a warm night and there still are a lot of people hanging out on the street.

They silently cross the street and climb the set of stairs leading to the hotel lobby.

It’s only when the elevator doors open at his floor that Harvey realizes Ted hasn’t left his side. He’d been so absorbed in trying to not trip on his feet that he had forgotten about Ted. Sliding his card into the slot right next to his door, he turns around.

“Thanks for-“, he begins to say but Ted’s lips cut him.

In one quick movement, Ted’s opened the bedroom door and crushed him against the nearest wall, his hands firmly pushing on Harvey’s hips.

“Wha-“, Harvey slurs as he tries to push him away.

“Shhhh.”, Ted whispers against his lips, kicking the door shut.

“Ted, no.”, Harvey turns his head around as he continues to try to push the other man away, unsuccessfully.

Ted reaches up a hand to cup Harvey’s face and forces his tongue into his mouth.

“Just like old times.”, he breathes, biting Harvey’s jaw.

“Let go of me, Ted.”, Harvey manages to say, his voice barely a whisper, but he’s not strong enough to disentangle himself from Ted’s strong hold.

The hand on his face has gone down to his groin and Harvey can’t help a moan.

“Come on, Harv’, you know you want it.”, Ted smirks, palming Harvey’s growing erection.

Harvey has no idea how he can be having an erection when he can’t even stand on his own and he tries to push Ted away one more time.

“Ted, please.”, he slurs.

“Yeah.”, Ted whispers, sucking on his neck.

Harvey tries his hardest to keep his eyes open but he’s exhausted and he helplessly lets Ted lead them to the bed. Ted places a hand on his chest and he falls down onto the comfortable mattress. He closes his eyes and exhales deeply. He knows he can’t fall asleep, not right now, he has to get Ted out of his room.

When he feels strong hands fumbling with his zipper, he gathers the last ounce of strength he possesses to hold on to his pants but Ted easily swats his hands away and pulls Harvey’s pants and boxers down.

“You’re gorgeous.”, Ted says and Harvey feels expert fingers grabbing his half-hard cock.

He tries to fight, tries to open his eyes but he can’t.

“No…”, he moans, shaking his head.

He’s lost track of time, he doesn’t know how long he’s been lying on the bed when he finally manages to open his eyes.

Ted is naked, kneeling between his parted legs and stroking Harvey’s cock with one hand and his own with the other. He’s breathing is ragged and when he looks down at Harvey, he smiles and leans in for a kiss. Harvey manages to turn his head away just in time but Ted lets go of Harvey’s cock and grabs his chin.

“You weren’t always so difficult.”, he laughs wickedly.

“Ted, please, go.”, Harvey pleads, squirming and shaking his head.

Mike’s face suddenly pops up in his mind and he squeezes his eyes shut.

“One last time.”, Ted breathes against his mouth. “For old time’s sake.”, he adds and forces two fingers inside Harvey’s mouth. “Come on, suck on them.”

Harvey should bite him but all he can do is shake his head helplessly.

Ted retrieves his fingers and kisses him as he starts running his barely wet fingers up and down Harvey’s crack.

“I’m so glad I ran into you, Harvey.”, he moans and Harvey can hear him jerking up rapidly.

He screams when one of the fingers breaches past his entrance.

“Shhhhh.”, Ted says and he covers Harvey’s mouth with his hand.

It smells like precome and Harvey wants to throw up. He manages to grab Ted’s wrist and tries to push his hand away from his face.

“Don’t.”, Ted threatens, pressing harder on Harvey’s mouth.

Harvey closes his eyes again, bracing himself when another finger enters him.

“So good.”, Ted moans and he buries his face in Harvey’s neck, easing the pressure on his mouth. “God, Harvey…”

He doesn’t know if it’s exhaustion, fear or a strange defense mechanism but he falls asleep for a while. He can still feel Ted moving above him, can still feel the fingers opening him up, crooking and forcing their way in and it fucking hurts, but it’s like his mind’s shut off, like it’s left his body.

He regains full consciousness and his eyes jerk open when Ted’s cock replaces his fingers, filling him up in one quick, harsh and horribly painful thrust. Ted’s hand on his mouth has gone, it’s pushing his left leg up and open now and Harvey can’t even scream anymore. He can’t fight the tears rolling down his eyes and tickling his ears.

“You feel so good…”, Ted says breathlessly, thrusting in and out of him. “God, Harvey you’re tight.”, he winces, visibly trying to hold his orgasm. “Does your little nerd boyfriend fuck you ?”, he asks, burying himself deeper and knocking the air out of Harvey.

At the mention of Mike, Harvey seems to regain some strength and he uses his legs to push Ted away.

“You like it rough, uh ?”, he smirks, slapping Harvey’s ass and slamming back into him. “You’re so hot when you fight.”, he moans.

He pulls out of Harvey and strokes his own cock.

“Roll over.”, he orders and makes a round gesture with his free hand.

Harvey shakes his head and tries to sit up but Ted’s fast and he pushes him back down with a firm hand on his chest.

“I’m not going to ask it again.”, he growls.

“Let go of me.”, Harvey says through greeted teeth.

He’s definitely not rolling over. Because he doesn’t want to and because he just can’t. He just wants Ted out of his bed, out of his room. He wants to sleep, he wants to throw up, he wants to scream. But he can’t move, he can’t do a fucking thing but take it, his body limp against Ted’s onslaught.

“What ?”, Ted asks, leaning in and pressing his forehead against Harvey’s. “You’ve had enough already ?”, he laughs. “There used to be a time when you would have _begged_ for more.”, he runs his tongue across Harvey’s parted lips. “Come on baby, roll over for me.”, he insists.

Harvey’s phone suddenly starts ringing.

“Who the hell calls you in the middle of the night ?”, Ted asks, apparently not bothered by the loud Madonna song, as he continues his endless painful thrusts.

Harvey closes his eyes and bites his bottom lip. He knows it’s Mike. He asked him to call when he would wake up.

When the phone starts ringing again, Ted grabs Harvey’s discarded pants on the bed and the phone falls from the back pocket.

“Awww. _Baby_ ’s calling you.”, he mocks, looking at the picture and the name appearing on the screen. “He hasn’t changed.”, he snorts. “Should I answer ?”, he winks.

“No…”, Harvey manages to reply, his eyes pleading. “Put it down.”

“I’m gonna do better than that.”, Ted smiles and he turns the device off. “No more distraction.”

 

 

“Hey baby bear.”, Mike yawns. “I’m sorry I didn’t hear my phone last night. I hope you had a great day yesterday and I can’t wait to see you tonight. Love you.”

He ends the call and drags himself out of bed. His whole body aches from all the dancing and from the very short night. He’s picking up Harvey at the airport at 9 pm and he can’t wait for the day to be over already. It’s going to be hell.

 

Harvey wakes up with a pounding headache. He opens his eyes and takes a look at his surroundings. He’s in LA. He’s got a meeting with Hans at 10. Did he drink too much last night ? He frowns and sits up, massaging his temples. And then it all comes back to him. Ted’s voice, his smell… He jerks up on the bed and throws up all over his legs.

“Oh my God.”, he exhales shakily and covers his mouth with his hand when he sees the blood stain on the covers.

His other hand balls up into a very tight fist when tries to sit up. He quickly props himself on his knees so that his whole weight is not resting on his sore ass.

His heart is racing from the memories, his body trembling from the pain.

He manages to grab his phone. 9:23. There’s a voicemail from Mike. There’s no way he can meet with Hans in 30 minutes.

He unlocks his phone and dials Hans’ number.

“Harvey.”, a cheerful voice greets him.

“Morning Hans.”, Harvey replies. “Look, I know we were supposed to meet before I go but I don’t feel so well, I think I’m going to catch an early flight back to New York.”

“No problem, Harvey. You’ve got all the documents, call me when you’ve been through them with your lawyer, ok ?”

“Yeah.”, Harvey clears his throat. “I’ll give you a call tomorrow.”

“Ok, get well soon.”, Hans replies before hanging up.

Harvey heaves a long sigh and dials Rachel’s number. He tells her he’s coming back earlier and asks her to pick him up at 7. She agrees and asks if he’s alright, says he sounds a bit off. Harvey replies that it’s the air conditioning, thanks her and quickly ends the conversation.

He types a text message to Mike to tell him Rachel’s going to pick him up and limps his way to the bathroom.

 

The flight back to New York is hell. Sitting for 5 hours straight proves to be pure torture.

Harvey’s scrubbed his body in the shower but he can still feel the ghost of Ted’s lips on his neck, Ted’s come dripping out of his ass. He’s avoided every mirror, every window, he must look like hell but he couldn’t look at himself. Not after what he’s done. He doesn’t know how he’s going to face Mike tonight, what he’s going to say to him. He should never have accepted to have a drink with his ex.

“Hey.”, Rachel smiles when they meet in the arrival area.

“Hey.”, he smiles back.

“How was LA ?”, she asks and they start walking.

“Good.”, Harvey nods. “I’ve got tons of documents to show you.”

“You look tired.”

“I am.”, he replies, looking straight ahead.

Rachel nods and shoots him a concerned look.

They silently walk to the parking lot and Harvey puts his luggage in the trunk.

“Is everything alright ?”, Rachel buckles her seatbelt.

“Yeah, why ?”, Harvey replies, still not able to look at her.

She puts her keys in the ignition and sighs.

“You look…”, she pauses and thinks. “Sad. And preoccupied.”

Harvey takes a deep breath and looks down at his folded hands.

“I cheated on Mike.”, he says.

“What ?”, Rachel covers her mouth with her hand. “Why ? I mean… Harvey…”, she says, trying to meet his eyes. “What happened ?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”, Harvey says, finally turning his head to look at her as his eyes fill with tears. “I…”, he swallows thickly. “I’m not ready to see him.”

Rachel unbuckles and places a hand on Harvey’s.

“What happened ?”, she repeats. “Did you have too much to drink ? It’s…”, she sighs. “It’s not like you.”

Harvey quickly wipes a couple of tears away and clears his throat.

“I was drunk.”, he replies, looking down again. “I… I was going back to my room after dinner and I met my ex from high school. We got drunk and… he…”, he sniffs. “He kissed me and I was too weak to push him away, I…”

“Did you tell him no ?”, Rachel asks, handing him a handkerchief.

“I shouldn’t have accepted the drink. I should have gone straight to bed.”, Harvey bites the inside of his cheek.

“Harvey, did you tell him no ?”, Rachel asks again in a serious voice.

Harvey nods and a tear falls down on his hands.

Rachel looks away and exhales through her nose.

“Harvey, you didn’t cheat on Mike.”, she says, trying to keep the anger from her voice. “This guy rap-“

“Don’t.”, Harvey cuts her and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Can you drive me to the house ?”, he asks.

“You should go to the police.”, Rachel says.

“Please. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“You of all people should know what to do, Harvey.”, Rachel insists. “I can call Spencer and he can meet us at the house.”

“No.”, Harvey replies sharply. “Just drive me to the house. Please.”

Rachel shakes her head and buckles up. They do it all the time. Convincing victims to press charges is their job. But they can’t force them.

“Ok.”, she whispers and starts the engine.

 

At 8, Mike’s pulling up in front of The Shelter. He’s unsuccessfully tried to call Harvey since he left the firm and ended up calling Rachel who told him Harvey was at the house.

“Hey guys !”, he says when he comes in.

He knows they’re probably in the garden having dinner together so he drops his briefcase in the lobby and walks to the backdoor.

Indeed, they’re all sitting around the table, chatting and laughing.

“Hey.”, he smiles, scanning the garden for his boyfriend. “Where’s Harvey ?”

“Upstairs with Donna.”, Trevor replies. “They’ll be down in a minute. Want some pie ?”

“Sure.”, Mike smiles. “I’m starving.”

 

The silence in the room is deafening. He just told Donna everything he remembers from last night and she’s standing at window, her arms folded across her chest.

At first, he thought Rachel had told her, though he knows he can trust her, because Donna looked at him with a concerned look when they arrived from the airport. But she came to his office while the housemates were having dinner and asked him what was wrong. He tried to lie, replied that nothing was wrong but she insisted and when he started crying, she asked him to come upstairs with her.

It hurt to relive it but it also feels good to tell someone. And Harvey knew it, he just hadn’t expected Donna to be the person he would tell the whole ordeal in details to. Somehow, she managed to get it out of him.

“What are you going to do ?”, she asks, her back still turned to him.

“Forget it happened.”, Harvey replies, rubbing his face.

Donna turns around shoots him a look.

“Ok.”, she sighs. “Let me ask you differently : what _should_ you do ?”

“I’m not going to the police and I’m not telling Mike.”, Harvey replies.

“Maybe not tonight.”, Donna comes back to sit on the bed. “But you will have to tell him at some point.”

They both jump when they hear a cheerful “Hey guys !” coming from downstairs.

“I can’t.”, Harvey’s jaw tenses and he shakes his head.

“You know you won’t forget about it.”

“I know I _will_.”, Harvey scoffs. “You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve had to forget over the years.”

The things he’s seen. The blows he’s dodged and taken. The things he’s heard. He’s managed to live with them, that’s just one more thing. One thing he deserved because he was too weak to fight, too drunk to stop Ted, too stupid to know better than get drunk.

“We should go back down.”, Donna gets up from the bed.

Harvey takes a deep breath and nods.

 

Mike grins when he looks up and sees Harvey and Donna coming outside.

“Hey.”, Harvey says with a small smile and he walks over to where Mike is sitting.

 _Breathe_. He leans towards him and places a really quick kiss on his lips.

“It wasn’t even a kiss.”, Mike pouts. “I haven’t seen you in two days and that’s all I get ?”

“For now.”, Harvey replies with a teasing smile, sitting down and suppressing a hiss when his ass comes into contact with the hard iron seat of the chair.

“Speaking of which.”, Mike yawns. “Not that I don’t appreciate your company but I’m exhausted and I want to go home with my unbelievably sexy boyfriend.”, he smiles, stroking Harvey’s thigh.

Harvey tenses but manages a smile.

“Ready to go ?”, Mike asks.

Harvey nods and Donna gives him an encouraging smile.

“Goodnight !”, Mike waves. “And thanks for the delicious pie.”

“Goodnight guys.”

 

 

Mike bombards Harvey with question in the car back to their apartment and Harvey’s glad for the fact that Mike has to concentrate on the road and therefore can’t look at him.

As soon as they’ve passed the front door, Mike closes it and pulls Harvey into a kiss.

“What’s wrong.”, he asks when Harvey doesn’t fully participate.

“Nothing, I’m just tired.”, Harvey smiles apologetically.

Mike narrows his eyes at him for a moment and smirks.

“What if I had plans for us ?”, he asks teasingly.

“I’d say they’ll have to wait for tomorrow.”, Harvey replies, trying to match Mike’s teasing voice.

“I’ve missed you.”, Mike pouts.

“Me too.”, Harvey replies. And it’s true. “But I’m exhausted, I’ve been dreaming of our bed for the best part of the day.”

He swallows and bends forwards to untie his shoes. His heart is racing in his chest and his hands are shaking.

“Can we at least shower together ?”, Mike asks in a hopeful tone.

“Sure.”, Harvey replies, his eyes focused on his shoelace, even though the mere idea of undressing makes bile rise up in his throat.

Mike grins and heads for the bedroom and as soon as he’s out of sight, Harvey exhales deeply. He needs to regain some composure but his hands won’t stop shaking. This is such a bad idea. Showering is worse than making out in bed. Showering means having his body pressed to Mike’s head to toe, it means Mike’s hand all over it, it means having to look Mike in the eye.

He take a deep breath and then another and joins Mike in the bedroom. Mike’s already in his boxers when he comes in.

“Come on !”, he grins and starts helping Harvey undress. “I’ve missed you so much.”, he whispers, pulling Harvey’s t-shirt over his head and then he freezes and takes a step back.

“What ?”, Harvey asks anxiously.

Mike’s gaping and his eyes are fixed on his neck.

Harvey gulps when he suddenly realizes what Mike’s looking at. A hickey.

“Now I get why you didn’t look thrilled to see me.”, Mike says calmly.

“Mike, I-“

“Don’t even try to lie to me.”, Mike cuts him sharply. “Get out of my apartment.”, he orders and slams the bathroom door behind him.


	6. They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. And thanks for taking the time to leave comments, they mean the world to me. Let me know what you thought of this chapter.

Harvey greets the security guard with a smile and opens the front door. It’s been less than an hour since he and Mike left yet the house is already quiet and dark though he can hear footsteps and voices coming from upstairs.

“ _Get out of my apartment._ ”, the order replays in his mind as he turns on his office light and drops his overnight bag on his desk.

When did their apartment become Mike’s apartment ? Sure, Mike’s always paid for most of it because Harvey’s “salary” cannot cover for half of the rent but it’s never been a problem. At least that’s what Harvey thought.

“Harvey ?”

“Shit, Donna, you scared me !”, Harvey snaps.

“Did you forget something ?”, she asks.

“I… I’m staying over tonight.”, he replies, rummaging through the office drawers for a blanket.

“Want to talk about it ?”

“No.”, Harvey shakes his head. “I just want to sleep and forget about the last couple of days.”

“Do you need me to set up a bed ?”, Donna asks.

“No, I’ll sleep on the couch in the therapy room. Thanks.”

“Ok.”, Donna sighs. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight Donna.”

 

Harvey doesn’t sleep at all and he can’t help but laugh bitterly at the irony of the situation. He’s been kicked out of his home and he found refuge at The Shelter, like his residents. In the safe house _he_ created. He’s exhausted and yet he can’t find sleep when just the previous night, when he would have needed the insomnia, the full consciousness, he couldn’t keep his eyes open. It’s all so fucked up. Moving to LA sounds like a good idea right now. Even though LA’s where Ted lives. His heart speeds up when Ted’s face comes up in his mind and he opens his eyes and flicks the small lamp on.

After a moment of trying to calm down, he shivers and lies back down, curling up on the hard couch as tears start to roll down his cheeks. What the hell has he done ? He ruined everything, he thinks, and he buries his face in the cushion to muffle his sobs.

 

 

Mike wakes up angry and tired from having spent most of the night tossing and turning in the too-big and empty bed. Most of all, he’s sad and he misses Harvey. He had regretted kicking him out as soon as he the words had come out. First of all because it’s not _his_ place but theirs and he had no right to order Harvey to leave. Second of all because he should have waited for an explanation. At least now he would know why and how and, yes _why on fucking earth ?_ , Harvey cheated on him. They’d talked about faithfulness in the past and they were both adamant that it was the first rule in their relationship. Not telling everything or even lying once in a while was ok (well, not really but it could be forgiven) but sleeping with other people ? Deal breaker. So why did Harvey break their deal ? Is it the even the first time he’s cheated on him ?

Reggie gives him a funny look as he sips on his coffee in the living room.

“Don’t look at me like that.”, Mike mutters. “Who do you want to live with ? Me or Daddy ?”, he snorts. “You’re gonna have to choose, you’re an adult now. I know you’re technically Daddy’s since I bought you as a present for him but I’m the one feeding you and that counts for cats, doesn’t it ?”, he asks and Reggie meows softly. “That’s what I thought. Come here.”, he sighs, patting the couch. “Good boy.”

 

“You’re here early.”, Trevor says, popping his head around Rachel and Harvey’s office door.

“I slept here.”, Harvey replies, lifting his eyes from his computer. “Can I use your shower ?”

“Uh, sure.”, Trevor frowns. “Is everything alright ?”

“Yeah.”, Harvey nods.

“Ok.”, Trevor nods, unconvinced but he knows better than trying to pry information out of Harvey. “I’ll make coffee.”

Harvey grabs his bag and climbs up the two flights of stairs leading to Trevor’s studio. He undresses quickly and walks to the small bathroom. He takes a deep breath and steps in front of the mirror. He wants to see what Mike saw yesterday. And what he sees makes him shiver in disgust. There isn’t just one hickey but four purple bruises spread around his collarbone. He closes his eyes and gulps as a wave of nausea sweeps over him. His stomach churns and he falls to his knees in front of the toilet bowl, spilling his guts out into it. There isn’t much in his stomach but bitterness and his throat burns as his whole body starts to shake. He wraps his arms around his stomach and starts coughing.

“Fuck.”, he hisses in between coughs before slowly getting up and flushing the toilet.

He steps inside the shower and leans against the wall for a moment, eyes closed, a hand pressed to his chest. He can feel his heart stomping under his shaky hand. His legs are weak and barely holding him up so he decides to hurry and starts the water.

 

 

“Long night ?”, Mike reads on Katrina’s lips.

Mike rolls his eyes and points at his earbuds. He’s come to work early, decided to burry himself  in his work. He has no interest in telling his friends that his boyfriend is a cheater and generally doesn’t feel like having a conversation at all. Hence the earbuds.

Katrina holds up a hand and walks away. Of course, Neal chooses this exact moment to appear, swanning into the bullpen like he does every morning, a coffee and a bagel in hand.

“Hey Mike !”, he grins, taking off his hat. “Something tells me you didn’t get much sleep last night.”, he smiles knowingly.

“I can’t hear you.”, Mike lies, he’s just paused his music.

“Ok.”, Neal says, sitting on the edge of Mike’s desk and pulling one earbud out. “What happened ?”

“What makes you think something happened ?”, Mike snaps and he puts the earbud back into his ear.

“Let me guess…”, Neal continues. “He was tired and went straight to bed. Is that it ?”

“Leave me alone, Neal.”

“Alright.”, Neal laughs and he shoots Katrina a questioning look.

She shrugs and returns to her computer.

 

He has lunch with Jenny who feeds him with the latest office gossip. Word on the street is that Jessica is screwing Jeff, the new partner and that Louis has a girlfriend. It may not be confirmed but Mike thinks that would explain is sudden disinterest in bullying the first years.

Jenny does all the talking, Mike’s not even sure she cares if he listens or not, and it’s a nice distraction from the dark thoughts he’s been having since Harvey left yesterday night. Mike knows he went to The Shelter, where else would he go ? Despite his anger with him, he’s glad to know at that least Harvey is not alone, all his friends work there.

“Earth to Mike.”, Jenny laughs, waving a hand in front of Mike’s face.

“Sorry.”, Mike smiles apologetically. “What where you saying ?”

“I’ll tell you if you tell me what you were thinking about.”, she says, refilling their glasses with sparkling water.

“I’ll pass.”, Mike purses his lips.

Jenny studies him for a moment.

“I was saying that Neal likes you.”, she eventually says.

“I like him too.”

“No, he _likes_ you.”, she repeats, emphasizing the word.

“No, he doesn’t.”, Mike shakes his head. “We’re friends.”

“He told me, Mike.”

“What ? That he likes me ?”

Jenny nods.

“He says he’s waiting for you to break up with Harvey because he’s a gentleman.”, she chuckles.

Mike rolls his eyes and takes a bite of his cold spaghettis.

“Oh by the way, I never got around to tell you but Harvey’s a total hottie.”, Jenny winks.

“Yeah.”, Mike clears his throat uncomfortably.

“Hey don’t worry.”, she giggles. “I generally try to stay away from gay men.”

“Smart decision. Gay men are unfaithful.”, Mike huffs and automatically regrets having said that.

“Oh.”, Jenny looks down at her plate. “So that’s why you look so down…”

“Oh so you noticed ? I thought there was finally going to be one person who wasn’t going to tell me I look like shit.”

“Well.”, Jenny says sheepishly. “Actually, _Jessica_ noticed and she asked me to take you to lunch.”

“Great.”, Mike scoffs and blushes. “To grill me ?”

“No, to take your mind off whatever was bothering you.”, she replies, wiping the corner of her mouth with her napkin. “You have court together later this afternoon and she needs you on top form.”

“Thanks.”, Mike sighs.

“Did it work ?”

“Until you mentioned Harvey, yes.”

Jenny gives him a small apologetic smile and grabs her glass.

 

_“I’m staying with Jenny (Jessica’s assistant) tonight so you can come over to the apartment. I’m sorry I called it my apartment. It’s yours too. We’ll have to talk about who gets to keep it eventually but you can stay there tonight. Reggie misses you.”_

Harvey sighs and puts his phone back in his pocket. Reggie misses him. The freaking cat misses him. Everything about this text message makes Harvey’s still empty stomach churn. The implied inevitable break up, the coldness, Reggie and even the apology.

He exhales shakily and goes back to his work. Mike had offered to help them go over the contract for the LA house but of course, Harvey’s not going to ask him now. So Rachel hired a lawyer, one of Logan’s friends, saying now they could afford to pay for some of the things they use to ask for free.

Harvey’s supposed to go over the rectifications Logan’s friend proposes but he’s been proofreading the same page for the last 15 minutes.

“I’m done for today.”, he announces, putting his pen down. “I’ll be back much later but you probably will be gone by then.”

Rachel looks up from her computer screen and nods.

“Try to eat something.”, she says with a knowing smile. “And call me if you need to talk, alright ?”

“Thanks. I’ll see you tomorrow.”, Harvey says, grabbing his car keys and the contract folder.

“Harvey ?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you talked to Mike about…”, she asks cautiously.

“No.”, Harvey replies and walks out of the room.

Rachel watches him leave and heaves a long sigh.

 

It’s a beautiful day and Harvey’s pretty sure his mum hasn’t been outside today, she likes to watch the park from the library or her room and almost always refuses to step out unless it’s Harvey who asks her.

It’s 5:30 when he enters the library and there’s a steaming cup of tea on the small table next to her armchair.

“Hey mum.”, he says, crouching down and making his presence known by placing a hand on hers.

As usual, she doesn’t move for a good 3 minutes, during which Harvey tries to relax, following his mum’s gaze outside the window.

“It’s not Sunday.”, she finally says, startling him.

“No, it’s Wednesday.”, he replies, squeezing her delicate hand before getting back up. “Wanna take a walk ?”

As usual, she doesn’t answer but she gets up from her seat and grabs Harvey’s arm.

They walk out of the room, down the long corridor and out of the building, down the park and stop at their usual bench.

It’s a beautiful clinic and he has to thank Frank de Olivera for that. For putting Isabelle here and for paying for it. The man was a rich bastard and Isabelle got half a million dollars in damages after the trial. It was well enough to pay for Harvey’s studies and her staying here for the rest of her life. It was cold comfort at the time but now Harvey realizes he would have never been able to pay for any of it if his mum’s _murderer_ , as he calls him, hadn’t been Frank de Olivera.

“Mike ?”, Isabelle asks, pulling him back to reality.

She’s looking away and her long brown hair is floating in the early evening breeze. She looks peaceful.

“He’s at work.”, Harvey smiles.

Each time his mum speaks is a huge blessing for Harvey. Even though she asked about the touchiest subject of the moment, he’s still glad she did.

His heart skips a beat when she turns around and looks at him, _in the eye,_ for the slightest moment before blinking and looking down at his mouth. She narrows her eyes and puts a hand on his thigh.

“Harvey ! Isabelle !”, Theresa calls from the building, breaking the spell.

Visiting hours are over so it must be 7 pm already.

Isabelle gets up and grabs Harvey’s arm.

“Let’s go back inside.”, he smiles.

 

Their apartment is quiet except for Reggie’s welcoming meows. Harvey’s stopped by the grocery store to stock up on booze, he knows it’ll help him sleep and there’s no way he’s spending another sleepless night. He needs something to help him sleep but also to help him forget and alcohol does that perfectly.

Being here alone in the apartment hurts like hell, he thinks, opening a bottle of cheap whiskey. If that’s what’s ahead of him, he might as well move to California, Mike can keep the apartment. New York without Mike isn’t imaginable. Life without Mike isn’t imaginable. He never intended for his life to revolve around someone. Early on in his life, he had decided that he would never depend on anyone. He’d seen his mother give her heart to people who destroyed it and that was never going to happen to him. He would always keep a foot out of the door, have an emergency escape plan ready, just in case. Except he forgot all about it after a couple of dates with Mike. They moved in together after two short months because it only seemed logical. Because spending every evening and night with the man he loved was the loveliest prospect ever. And they were doing so good… Harvey can only remember one big fight, that happened recently, two or three months ago, right after Mike quit the DA’s office after two years as an assistant prosecutor to join Pearson Hardman. Harvey had hoped Mike would change his mind and stay there so when Mike had announced that he was done with his “training” period and finally joining the "big league", Harvey had expressed his disappointment.

 

_“Is it going to be an issue ? In the future ?”, Mike puts his empty mug in the sink._

_“I thought you were better at the DA’s office.”_

_“I was an assistant, Harvey.”, Mike sighs. “Not my dream job.”_

_“I know but you could’ve stayed and become a lawyer there in a couple of years.”_

_“You don’t just turn down the biggest firm in New York, Harvey.”, Mike replies defensively. “Never in a million years would I have expected them to hire me. That was my dream job.”_

_“It’s not always been that.”, Harvey shakes his head. “You wanted to do good, help lost kids get back on track, be a good lawyer to people who couldn’t afford one. Now all you talk about is how much more money you’re going to make.”_

_“Oh and that’s a problem how exactly ?”, Mike snaps. “Thanks to my money, you’ve been able to pursue your little_ project _without having to worry about the bills. But I guess the DA’s money was ok.”, he scoffs._

_“I don’t want to fight with you.”, Harvey holds up his hand in defeat and heads for the bedroom._

_“Harvey.”, Mike threatens. “You don’t get to throw gasoline and just walk away from the fire.”_

_“You brought up the subject.”, Harvey replies, walking to the bedroom._

_“Come back here !”, Mike orders. “We’re no finished !”_

_When Harvey doesn’t come back, Mike kicks one of the chairs to the floor –_ Fuck ! _– and storms into the bedroom. Harvey’s standing by the bed, hands on his hips, heart stomping in his chest, trying his hardest to pretend that he did not just jump when he heard Mike kick the chair. To pretend that he’s not afraid of Mike’s violent reaction._

_“I’m not talking to you until you calm down.”, he says in a serious but pacific tone._

_“And I’m not calming down until you apologize !”, Mike fumes._

_“For what ?”_

_“For being a fucking asshole !”, Mike shouts. “I mean, what’s fucking wrong with you ? What have I done wrong ? Why does it matter so much to you where I work ?”, he asks, throwing his arms around while stepping closer to Harvey. “Seriously, Harvey, talk to me or I swear to god…”, he threatens, nostrils flared with anger._

_Harvey swallows thickly but remains silent, eyes defiantly focused on Mike._

_“I get it, you’re unhappy because I didn’t join a non-profit organization.”, Mike sneers. “But let me fucking tell you something, Harvey.”, he steps even closer and practically bumps his forehead with Harvey’s. “You have no idea how upsetting is it to leave with someone whose sole purpose in life is to help others. You don’t make_ any _money, you don’t care about_ anything _or_ anyone _other than these women that you don’t even know !”, he shouts. “And every time I complain about something, your only answer is to look around me because some people have it worse !”_

_Harvey barely raises an eyebrow._

_“You have no idea what I have to put with ! Weekly visits to your zombie mum, dinners at The Shelter with depressed people I don’t know shit about, hours of silence because you don’t feel like talking, endless criticism about how I spend my money, even how I_ earn _my money !”, he spats. “You don’t want to get married, you don’t want kids, you don’t want any of the things I want !”_

_“Then why are you still here ?”, Harvey snorts._

_“Because I_ love _you !”, Mike exclaims, taking a step back as tears start filling up his eyes. “I don’t even know if you do anymore.”, he sobs and falls down on his knees and takes his head in his hands. “Or if you ever did.”_

_Harvey bites the inside of his cheek and exhales shakily, Mike’s harsh words still echoing in his head. He had no idea Mike didn’t like having dinner at The Shelter, or that Mike felt like he came after his job._

_“I’m sorry.”, he says, looking down at his crying lover._

_Mike whimpers and moves from his kneeling position to sitting on the floor and looks up at Harvey._

_“Sorry for what ?”, he huffs, frustrated. “You’re sorry and that’s it ?”_

_“I’m sorry for making you feel like you don’t matter.”, Harvey replies, looking down._

_“Do you even love me ?”, Mike asks, his voice barely a pleading whisper._

_Harvey gulps and nods._

_“Look at me for fuck's sake !”, Mike orders with a choke and Harvey’s heart breaks when he looks at him. He looks like a little child, his big blue eyes shining with tears, his lips red and pursed. “You tell me you love me but you don’t show it._ Nothing _you do matches your words. And before you say it, no, kisses and displays of affection are not enough. I’m not an affectionate person, I…”, he gets back up, his eyes never leaving Harvey’s. “I learned to become one because you needed it. But that’s not how I show you my love. I support you, I don’t try to change you, I accept everything I just mentioned because I love you._ That’s _how you show someone that you love them.”_

_“I love you.”, Harvey says but he knows that’s not what Mike’s expecting. He knows Mike wants to open a dialogue. He wants reassurance, proofs, actual sentences._

_Mike rolls his eyes and shakes his head. He doesn’t look sad anymore, he looks pissed._

_“Seriously, Harvey.”, he says. “Stay here and don’t come out until you’ve figured out a real answer. Right now, I just want to punch you.”_

_He exhales sharply through his nose and leaves the bedroom, slamming the door shut._

Harvey remembers that he stayed in their bedroom for an hour, giving Mike time to calm down, before daring to come back to the leaving room where Mike was working on his computer. He apologized again and told Mike that he didn’t want to change him. That he did love him with all his heart but that his job mattered a lot to him and Mike said that he understood that, that he supported him 100% but that Harvey wasn’t the only one who’d had it bad. Having lost his parents at a very young age Mike had been raised by his grandmother, his only living relative, who he lost 3 years ago. Being financially independent, Mike explained to him, was and always would be his obsession. He was sorry if Harvey didn’t agree with his career choice or didn’t understand his will to make good money but that was never going to change. Harvey better learn to accept it.

If only Mike’s job was the issue tonight. If only he had declined Ted’s invitation. If only he could tell Mike. Filling up another glass of whiskey, Harvey wonders how you’re supposed to tell your boyfriend that you were too passed out, too out of it to prevent another man from forcing sex on you. He cannot tell Mike. He’d rather have Mike think he cheated than admitting to having been ra-. No, he can’t tell him. Mike will break up with him either way and he’d rather it be because he cheated than being because Mike thinks he’s dirty or damaged. He once swore to himself that nobody would ever break him, that nobody would ever lay a hand on him again. And Ted didn’t just break him. He broke his relationship and Mike’s heart…

 

At lunch the next day, Mike decides to drop by the apartment to get a fresh suit and his toiletries. Neal is taking him and Kyle to the opening of a new club in Manhattan and he’s spending the night at Neal afterwards. He thought about declining because of what Jenny told him, but he remembered that Neal doesn’t know about Harvey and him so he knows he won’t try anything. He really doesn't need that kind of awkwardness right now.

When he opens the front door, he’s greeted by Reggie and Harvey’s ringtone. He drops his keys on the kitchen counter and grabs the ringing device to turn it off. It’s Rachel. Harvey must have forgotten his phone and Rachel doesn’t know it. He puts the phone back on the counter, turns around and gapes at the view displaying in front of him.

The living room looks like a freaking tornado went trough it. There’s a small pool of puke in front of the couch and a bottle of whiskey and a couple of beer bottles lie across the floor with the couch cushions and seemingly important papers.

“Fuck you, Harvey.”, Mike mutters, crouching down to pick up the scattered mess.

He drops kitchen paper over the puke and heads for the bedroom.

Turns out Harvey didn't forget his phone. He’s sprawled face down across the bed, in his underwear, his head buried in Mike’s pillow. He’s snoring loudly, like he does when he drinks too much and Mike’s heart tightens in his chest.

He sighs and begins to pick up Harvey’s discarded clothes from the floor. He then quietly opens the wardrobe and grabs a suit and a garment bag. He puts them on the bed and walks to the bathroom to get his razor and toothbrush.

When he walks back into the room, Harvey has rolled around on his back and is snoring even louder from the new position. Mike’s jaw tenses when he sees the bruises at the base of his neck. What the hell happened ? They were doing so good. Why did Harvey cheat on him ? And with whom did he do it ? He wants to hate Harvey but he knows it will take time to stop loving him. If he ever does stop loving him. Right now, Mike doesn’t think it’s possible. Even with what Harvey’s done, he cannot hate him, even the slightest little bit, so how is he supposed to stop loving him ?

He walks over to the bed and watches Harvey’s chest slowly heaving up and down and he notices the beginning of two undoubtedly big bruises creeping over the hem of his boxers on his hipbones. He swallows thickly, resisting the urge to wake Harvey and _demand_ an explanation. _Why ? Why, Harvey ?_ _Why did you do that to me ?_

He clenches his fists and takes a deep soothing breath before picking up his stuff from the bed and hastily leaving the apartment.


	7. Perfumes are the feelings of flowers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and thanks a lot for your helpful comments, I love getting them !!

Mike doesn’t have fun at the club opening. He can’t get what he saw out of his head. He keeps picturing strong hands pinning his boyfriend on a bed and hungry lips eating his neck. He gets drunk and ends up in a fight with a couple of guys who tried to steal Neal’s wallet. Kyle leaves with a pretty brunette and Neal and him take a cab back to Neal’s apartment. He passes out on the couch fully dressed.  
When he opens his eyes, Neal is smiling down on him, impeccably dressed and holding a cup of coffee.

“Morning Sleeping Beauty.”, he smirks. “Coffee ?”

Mike clears his dry throat and nods.

“And water, please.”, he says, rubbing his eyes.

“Here.”, Neal places a cup of coffee and a bottle of water on the coffee table and sits down on the couch. “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or do I have to keep pretending that you’re not acting weird ?”, he asks.

“Not now, Neal.”, Mike sighs and grabs the steaming cup.

“You got yourself a nice black eye.”, Neal remarks. “My wallet wasn’t worth it and you don’t strike me as a brawler. Tell me what’s wrong, maybe I can help.”

Mike snorts and shakes his head.

“Is this about work ?”

Mike shakes his head again and checks his phone. He’s got about 30 minutes to get ready.

“Is it Harvey ?”

Mike doesn’t answer but his silence tells Neal everything he needs to know.

“Did you guys fight ?”, he asks cautiously.

“No.”, Mike replies, looking down at his cup. “I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“There’s really nothing I can do to help ?”

“Can you turn back time ?”, Mike lets out a nervous laugh. “Cause that’s the only thing that would help.”

“How far do you want to go back in time ?”, Neal asks, pretending to be setting his time machine on his phone.

“How about 5 years ?”, Mike replies with a sigh.

“Alright.”, Neal sets his phone on the coffee table. “Tell me what happened. Did you two break up ?”

“He slept with someone in LA.”, Mike says, greeting his teeth.

“Ouch.”, Neal grimaces. “I don’t him but it doesn’t look like him. At all.”

“Well it happened, so…”

“He told you ?”, Neal asks.

“No.”, Mike replies and finishes his cup. “Look, I don’t want to talk about it so unless you can really take me back in time, I’m going to shower and get ready.”

“First door on the right.”, Neal replies with a flick of the head.

 

Donna checks her appearance one last time and exhales sharply.

If it all goes well, she’ll be in a new apartment of her own in a week or two and Stephanie can join her when she gets full custody. Because she will, there’s just not other way.

Rachel’s busted her ass off to find affordable places rent by understanding landlords and she actually managed to set up four visits. One of the apartments is in Mike and Harvey’s building and though it’s not the kind of neighborhood Donna’s used to, she can’t wait to have her own place. To move on with her life. And she knows that moving into a new place will help her stick to her decision to divorce Craig and deal with the upcoming nerve-wreaking legal battle.

She asked Harvey to come with her, though Rachel offered her company, because she thinks he could use the distraction. She’s seen how little he’s been eating since he came back from LA two days ago, how tired and heartbroken he looks and her heart aches for the man who freed her. She thinks it’s utterly unfair that a man who devotes his life to others has to go through this. If only she could tell Mike. But Harvey made her promise she wouldn’t and she values their mutual trust. She needs to find a way for Mike to somehow discover the truth. She doesn’t know him that much but from what she’s seen, he seems to love Harvey and she knows that, contrary to what Harvey thinks, he will not turn his back on him when he learns what happened.

“Come in.”, she says when she hears a knock on the door.

“Morning.”, Harvey smiles at her. “Ready ?”

“Yep, let’s go.”

 

 

Mike is sent home before lunch by Louis who tells him that sporting a black eye in the workplace is unacceptable and that he can come back when he looks presentable. He contemplates the idea of going to Jessica because he knows she will have his back but he’s tired and going home and sleeping for the rest of the day sounds like a very good plan. He puts a stack of files in his briefcase and rushes out of the bullpen.

He drives to Brooklyn, undresses and falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillows.

He’s awake with a start by a mix of doorbell ringing and hard knocks on the front door.

He jumps out of bed, puts on Harvey’s sweatpants (the first thing he gets his hands on) and hurries to answer the door.

“Mr. Specter ?”, a young woman smiles at him.

She’s holding the biggest bouquet of flowers Mike’s ever seen.

“Uh no, he’s my boy-, he lives here.”, Mike replies. “Are these for him ?”

“Yes.”, the young woman replies, handing him the flowers. “Could you sign this ?”

“Sure, hold on.”, Mike carries the huge bouquet to the living room and comes back to put his signature on the delivery note.

“Thank you, have a great day.”, she smiles and walks away.

“No problem.”, Mike mutters as he closes the front door.

Ok, now he’s curious. There’s a card stapled to the wrapping paper and Mike knows the right thing to do would be to let Harvey know that he’s received flowers and go back to bed. But he knows he won’t be able to do so, he can’t pretend it’s not there; it’s not humanly possible.

He brushes his fingertips against the paper and sighs. It’s a folded page from a small notebook bearing a hotel logo. The Chilton on Park Avenue.

Taking a deep breath, he flips the card open.

_“Harvey,_

_Thanks for an amazing night. I’m in New York until Sunday, give me a call_

_xoxo_

_Ted_

_323-455-1859_ _”_

Mike’s heart skips a beat and he takes a moment to weigh his options. He could throw the flowers away or he could text Harvey, ask him to come pick them up and confront him then.

He shakes his head in disbelief. How dare this Ted guy send flowers to the apartment Harvey shares with Mike ? Why didn’t he send them to Harvey’s workplace ? How did he get his address ? Is this some kind of sick plan to get rid of Mike ?

In the end, Mike decides for the worst option. He quickly dresses up, grabs his car keys and the bouquet and leaves the apartment.

 

Rachel gets up from her desk when she hears the front door open and she walks to the hallway.

“Harvey !”, she hears.

“Hey M-“, she begins to say when she sees Mike standing behind a huge bouquet of flowers.

“Where’s Harvey ?”, Mike cuts her.

“He’s not here.”, Rachel frowns. “What’s going on ?”

“Where is he ?”, Mike repeats.

“He’s visiting apartments with Donna, she’s moving out of the house.”, she replies, discreetly checking the time on the clock.

“Where ?”, Mike asks impatiently.

“Mike, tell me what’s going on.”

“Harvey told you, didn’t he ?”, Mike asks, walking inside their office and violently throwing the flowers on Harvey’s desk.

“Tell me what ?”

“You know exactly what !”, Mike snaps. “You’re his best friend so I know he told you. I’m guessing you know Ted ?”, he points at the flowers.

“Ted sent these to Harvey ?”, Rachel swallows thickly. “That’s-“

“Oh so you _do_ know him.”, Mike laughs nervously. “How long has it been going on ?”

“Mike, I-“

“You’ve got to tell me. I can’t ask Harvey, he won’t talk to me…”, he pauses and clenches his fists. “I need to know, Rachel.”

“I understand, Mike.”, Rachel replies calmly. “But you will have to ask Harvey. And I strongly recommend you do it as soon as possible, he’s… he needs you right now, that’s all I can tell you.”

“Oh he needs me ?”, Mike huffs. “What about me, Rachel ? He cheated on me for god’s sake !”

Rachel sighs and purses her lips.

“I… Look, Mike.”, she says. “You really need to talk to him, I can’t tell you, it’s not my place to tell you but you’ve gotta trust me, it’s killing me to-“, she jumps when she hears the front door.

Harvey and Donna come in the office and Harvey stops dead in his tracks when he sees Mike.

“Who’s Ted ?”, Mike asks, arms folded across his chest.

Harvey freezes and his mouth goes dry. A minute ago, he was laughing with Donna in the car, his problems forgotten for a while. And now Mike’s in his office, with a black eye, looking pissed and cold and tired and he just asked him about Ted.

“You know what ? Don’t answer that.”, Mike continues when Harvey doesn’t reply. “I know who he is. He sent you these at the apartment.”, he grabs the flowers and throws them at Harvey who fails to catch them. “He wants to thank you for, and I quote, _an amazing night_.”

Rachel and Donna exchange a worried look. They should leave the room and let them talk but somehow, they both feel like they need to stay because there’s no way Harvey’s telling Mike anything if he doesn’t calm down. And Rachel knows Harvey, things could go terribly wrong.

“Apparently, there’s a perfectly logical explanation to all of this.”, Mike sneers. “That’s what Rachel said, that I should ask you. So what is it ?”

Harvey gulps and he looks down at his feet. How dare Ted send flowers to his place ? And to thank him for _an amazing night_ ? What kind of sick person does that ? Why can’t he just leave Harvey alone ? Why did he have to put salt on the wound ?

Harvey takes a deep breath as he feels anger starting to take over the desperation that had taken up residence in his heart.

“So now you want to talk ?”, he asks, reaching down and grabbing the flowers before throwing them in the trashcan under his desk. “Well, guess what ? I don’t want to talk. I’ve got work to do.”, he says.

Mike looks taken aback by the sudden mood change and Donna clears her throat uncomfortably.

“Harvey.”, she says. “We can go over the lease later tonight, don’t worry.”

“No that’s fine, Mike’s leaving.”, Harvey replies, sitting down at his desk. “Right, Mike ?”

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are.”, Harvey looks at him pointedly.

“Are you fucking kidding me ?!”, Mike snaps. “First you cheat on me. Then your _lover_ sends you flowers at our apartment and now you’re asking me to leave because you don’t feel like talking ?!”, he slams his fist on Harvey’s desk.

“Get out.”, Harvey orders, his heart racing in his chest. “Or I’m calling the cops.”

“What ?”, Mike chokes.

“You heard me.”, Harvey replies calmly. “We’ve got rules here. And they include no shouting and no slamming your fist on tables.”

Mike bites his bottom lip nervously and looks around at Donna and Rachel, waiting for someone to fucking tell him what’s going on with the man whom he used to trust and respect.

“Somebody tell me what’s going on _right now_.”, he says through greeted teeth.

“Mike.”, Rachel says. “Do as Harvey tells you or we’ll be forced to call the cops.”

Mike looks at Harvey, who has stopped breathing, and he shakes his head, lips pursed and nostrils flared with anger.

Harvey tries his hardest to hold Mike’s furious gaze but it’s getting harder to breathe.

“You disgust me.”, Mike spits before turning on his heels and leaving the room.

It’s only when they hear the front door slam with a loud bang, making the three of them jump, that Harvey lets out the breath he was holding.

He straightens up and fires up his computer.

“So.”, he grabs Donna’s file and opens it. “Take a seat and let’s review this lease before you sign it.”, he says without looking up.

Donna looks at Rachel, asking for direction and Rachel replies with a small nod.

“Alright.”, she tries to sound cheerful and she grabs a chair.

 

When Mike arrives at their apartment, he’s still shaking and breathing hard, but he knows he’s coming down and that, soon, the anger will be replaced by sadness and tears. He needs to act fast before he doesn’t have the courage anymore.

He storms into their bedroom, sticks his iPhone on the speaker and turns the music on. _Loud_. He opens the dresser and begins throwing all of Harvey’s clothes, books and belongings on the floor.

When he’s done, there’s a huge pile in the middle of the room and just as he predicted, tears start to fill his eyes and he falls down to his knees.

“Why, Harvey ?”, he sobs, grabbing one of Harvey’s t-shirt and bringing it to his nose.

Mike grew up with the knowledge that people leave. That you cannot trust life with protecting the ones you love. When his parents died, he was hit with the bitter realization that there was only one person left in his life, that he didn’t have many friends, no brother, no sister, no cousin. It was only him and his old Grammy. And she raised him with the idea that she was not always going to be around, that he had to grow up fast and learn to take care of himself. A young Mike decided that it was pointless to make friends if they were going to leave like every person in his life did and he spent most of his school years alone. Because he was 2 years ahead of everybody and because he purposely kept his distance. People would come to him for advice or for help because he excelled in everything but he was never invited to parties, never included in conversations during lunch breaks and he didn’t go to prom. His only “friends” were his English teacher, a young woman whom he shared a passion for Shakespeare with, and the members of the chess club. Well, most of them kind of hated him because he always won but some of them, like Rachel and Harvey, were nice to him.

Mike had like Harvey instantly. The way he carried himself, his voice, his expressive brown eyes, his sincere smile, his badass tattoos. Harvey was the first person Mike ever considered taking as a friend but he knew that you couldn’t call “friend” someone you wanted to kiss every time he opened his mouth, someone you spent hours observing when you knew he wasn’t watching, someone who made your heart race when he smiled. So Harvey never became a friend. He remained “Harvey from the chess club”. After a while, some of the other club members noticed the way he looked at Harvey, the way he blushed when Harvey talked to him and only him, and when they began to tease him, so he left the club.

He discovered sex in Columbia and treated his bed partner like he treated everything in his life, like they were disposable. There was no way he was getting attached to someone who would eventually leave.

He told his Grammy about the high school reunion when he got the official invite in the mail and she convinced him to go. He didn’t see the point in reuniting with people who didn’t like him and whom he’d expertly avoided, the very few people who tried to contact him after graduation. But he went and the rest is history. To this day, he’s been thanking his Grammy for basically forcing him to go. Harvey turned out to be exactly what he had spent his entire life trying to convince himself didn’t exist : a gorgeous, loving, smart and funny companion. And now Harvey was leaving him. Harvey cheated on him and Mike is alone again.

Like he did in his bedroom the day after his parents were buried, he suddenly realizes that he’s alone. His friends were Harvey’s friends. Sure, there are Neal and Kyle, and even Katrina, but he doesn’t know them well enough yet. He’s alone.

He sniffs and crawls to the closet, grabs a suitcase and begins to stuff it with Harvey’s things.

 

Harvey cosigns the lease, as The Shelter is vouching for Donna, and he puts the pen down with a satisfied sigh.

“All set.”, he smiles at Donna who forces herself to smile back though she has no idea what’s going through his head.

Since Mike stormed out of the house, he’s been strangely calm and she doesn’t know him like Rachel does, but Donna’s pretty sure it’s the calm before the storm. She’s witnessed it too many times. Harvey’s been miserable since he came back from LA and she’s seen the fear in his eyes at Mike’s outburst so she knows there’s something going on in his mind. He cannot have gone from desperate and frightened to “normal” just like that. Something’s changed, something’s switched in his mind and she fears the worst.

“Are you staying for dinner ?”, she asks. “We should celebrate.”

“No, I have something to take care of.”, Harvey replies, turning off his computer. “Let’s do this tomorrow ?”

“Sure.”, she smiles.

Rachel’s gone home and Trevor’s not back from running his errands. She feels like she needs to hold him back but she can’t do it by herself.

Harvey grabs the card from the bouquet in the bin and puts his phone in his jeans pocket.

“Goodnight.”, he waves at her and rushes out of the room.

 

Mike pours himself a glass of wine. Apart from the three suitcases standing next to the door, the apartment is now Harvey-free and it feels impersonal and empty. Mike took the pictures down the living room wall and put them in the trashcan, he emptied the fridge from Harvey’s almond milk and vegan food, he changed the bed sheets and the bathroom towels, he took off Reggie’s collar and put it in one of the suitcases.

Now all he’s gotta do is drop the suitcases at The Shelter and Harvey will be gone forever.

 _4-minutes to save the world_ starts playing, reminding Mike that also he needs to change his ringtone. The screen displays Rachel’s office number as well as a portrait he took on her birthday last year. She probably wants to talk to him about Harvey. He really doesn’t want to but he doesn’t want her dropping by the apartment so he picks up the call.

“Hey Rachel.”, he says.

“It’s not Rachel, it’s Donna.”

“What can I do for you ?”, he asks.

“Look, I know you’re pissed and I totally understand but Harvey left an hour ago and…”, she pauses. “I have a bad feeling. When he left, he took the card from the flowers, uh, and he looked too calm. I’m sorry to bother you but have you heard from him ?”

“No.”, Mike sighs. “And I don’t think I will, why don’t you call him ?”

“I’ve tried his cell 14 times and he doesn’t pick up.”, Donna replies and she sounds genuinely worried.

“He’s probably busy fucking with Ted, I wouldn’t worry if I were you.”, Mike sneers but he doesn’t really believe it. Something in Donna’s voice tells him she’s right to be concerned. “I have Ted’s number if you want. Memorized it when I looked at the card.”

There’s a pause and Mike lets her process his words. He’s used to people doubting his ability or thinking he’s making a joke when he says things like that.

“Could you call him ?”, she asks.

“What ? No way.”, Mike snorts. “Listen, I’m going to try to call Harvey and I’ll let you know, alright ?”

“Ok, please, call me back.”

“I will.”, Mike promises. “I’m sure he’s fine.”

He hangs up and calls Harvey. It rings a couple of times.

“Not now.”, Harvey growls when he picks up, giving Mike the chills.

“Harvey, I, um, Donna’s worried about you.”, he stutters. “Where are you ?”

Harvey doesn’t answer but he hears a muffled voice in the background.

“Harvey, where are you ?”, Mike asks again, this time with confidence but the call gets disconnected. “Shit !”, he snaps, sliding the phone in his jeans pocket and grabbing his car keys.

 

On the way to Park Avenue, he calls Donna to let her know that he’s on his way to meet Harvey. He doesn’t say more, because well, he’s on his way to meet Harvey but he has no idea how it’s going to go. She sounds reassured and he promises to call her back later.

He double-parks in front of the swanky hotel and rushes inside.

“Hi Ellen, I’m Mike.”, he smiles at the pretty blond girl at the reception desk. “It’s kind of embarrassing but I need your help with something really important.”, he says with another smile as he gives her the speech he rehearsed in the car. “I’m supposed to surprise someone on behalf of a friend but I lost the paper which had all the information. I only have a first name. Do you think you could help me find his room number ?”

“I’m not sure, Sir.”, the girl blushes. “I’m not supposed to do that.”

“I know and I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important.”, Mike insists. “Please, I’ll be forever grateful to you.”

“Ok.”, she sighs. “I’ll try but I can’t guarantee anything. What’s the name ?”

“Ted.”, Mike replies and it leaves a bad taste in his mouth.

“Ok.”, she whispers and she starts to type on her computer. “Looks like it’s your lucky day, I have only one Ted in the registery.”, she looks up and smiles. “Ted Philips. Room 362, 4th floor.”

“Thank you so so much, Ellen.”, Mike gives her his most charming smile and runs to the elevators.

He steps into the first available one and realizes he has no idea what he’s going to do or say when, _if_ , he manages to enter the room. He has absolutely no idea what to expect. In any case he’ll be able to confront Harvey and put this whole thing behind him once and for all.

The 4th floor is empty and quiet except for a shouting voice he hears coming from the end of the corridor. He instantly recognizes the voice and runs toward it.

The door is ajar and Mike checks the number before going in. 362, it’s the room. He quietly pushes the door open and steps in as the voice becomes clearer.

“I swear to god, when I’m done with you, you’re going to regret ever being born !”

Mike walks farther into the room and stops dead when he sees Harvey.

There’s a man lying on the floor, Ted Mike guesses, and Harvey’s kneeling above him, one of his knees pressing on his crotch, the other one on the carpet next to his waist. One of Harvey’s hands is covering Ted’s mouth while the other is wrapped around his throat and there’s blood streaming from Ted’s nose.

“Harvey !”, Mike shouts and Harvey’s head jerks around.

His eyes are dark and dangerous and there’s a cut on his pursed upper lip.

“Get out !”, he orders.

“Harvey, let go of him ! He can’t breathe !”

Ted’s eyes are filled with fear and silent pleadings when he manages to turn his head to look at Mike. And then Mike recognizes him : Ted, captain of the football team, high school jock.

“I don’t care.”, Harvey shakes his head and he looks down at Ted with a dangerous smirk. “I don’t fucking care.”

“Harvey.”, Mike steps closer to him, stopping at a safe distance. “Please, let go.”

“Get out, Mike.”, Harvey orders again but his voice has gone subtly softer.

“No, I’m not leaving until you let him go.”, Mike takes another step and moves to kneel on the floor. “Let. him. go.”, he slowly repeats, his heart pounding in his chest.

Ted’s eyes are closed but his chest is still moving. Harvey’s jaw tenses and he turns around when he realizes how close Mike now is.

They look at each other for a moment and Mike slowly wraps a hand around Harvey’s arm.

“Let go.”, he repeats, his eyes not leaving Harvey’s. “That’s right.”, he nods and swallows thickly as Harvey lets go of both Ted’s throat and mouth.

Ted props himself on his elbow and starts coughing violently.

“Don’t fucking move !”, Harvey snarls, pushing him back down with one blow in the chest and Ted’s head hits the ground with a sharp bang.

“Come on, Harvey, let’s go.”, Mike says, getting up and handing out his hand.

Harvey seems to think about it for a moment and then he looks at Mike’s hand and gets back up on his own.

“You’re not getting away with that.”, Ted coughs. “I’m going to press charges.”

Harvey closes his eyes and Mike doesn’t see it coming. Harvey runs up and kicks him in the crotch. Ted lets out a painful scream and covers the front of his pants with his hands.

“Oh no you aren’t !”, Harvey says, kicking him again.

“Harvey, stop it !”, Mike shouts.

“If you ever tell anyone about what happened tonight, the police will hear about what you did in LA and trust me, you don’t want that to happen.”, Harvey threatens. “I have proofs and witnesses. You ? You don’t have _shit_!”

Ted gulps and manages to get back up.

“You’re bluffing.”, he says, clearing his undoubtedly sore throat.

Though Mike has no idea what they’re talking about, he can’t help being amazed by Ted’s audacity. If Mike hadn’t come in the room 5 minutes earlier, he would probably be dead by now and yet he’s already regained his composure and is answering back.

“Try me.”, Harvey snorts.

Ted purses his lips and drops his gaze.

“That’s what I thought.”, Harvey says and he turns on his heels, leaving a panting Ted in the middle of the room.

“Harvey, wait !”, Mike calls, running down the corridor to catch up with him.

Harvey doesn’t stop at the elevator, instead he heads for the stairs, shutting the door in Mike’s face.

“Come on.”, Mike rolls his eyes and opens the door. “Harvey, for god’s sake ! Wait !”

“Go away, Mike !”, Harvey finally replies.

From the sound of his voice, he’s already one floor ahead of him so Mike speeds up.

When he reaches the 1st floor, he hears a door slam.

“Shit.”, he mumbles.

Harvey’s going to be out in the street in no time and he will lose track of him. Picking up speed once again, he trips on his feet and falls down the last flight of stairs, landing hard on his ass.

 

Harvey looks behind him when he steps on the hotel porch and Mike’s nowhere to be seen. He takes a moment to get his breath back and runs to his car.

When he arrives at the apartment, he flicks on the lights and the first thing he notices are the suitcases. Then he understands why they’re here.

Walking around the apartment, he realizes it’s been cleaned of all of his stuff. Everything’s gone, his life packed in three overstuffed suitcases. The pictures, the blanket on the couch, even Reggie’s collar…

“Harvey.”

He turns around and sees Mike, standing in the threshold.

“Thanks for packing up my things.”, he says and grabs two of the three suitcases.

“No, wait.”, Mike holds up a hand. “What happened in LA ?”

“It doesn’t matter.”, Harvey replies dismissively. “What happened to your eye ?”

“Oh, yeah. Um, I got into a fight at a club last night, it’s… It’s ok.”, Mike replies. “We need to talk, Harvey.”

“No we don’t.”, Harvey replies. “Look, thank you for preventing me from killing him.”, he swallows and Mike follows the slow movement of his Adam’s apple. “I’m sorry.”, he says and carries the suitcases out of the apartment.

Mike sighs and shakes his head.

“No I’m sorry.”, he says. “I’m sorry for shouting at you back at the house, for kicking you out… I…”, he squeezes his eyes shut to hold back the tears. “Why won’t you talk to me ?”, he asks in a pleading voice.

Harvey licks his lips nervously and exhales shakily.

“I’m sorry.”, he repeats, closing the front door behind him.


	8. I deserve nothing more than I get 'cause nothing I have is truly mine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angsty chapter. Thanks a lot for reading. I wish I could update more often but while the story forms easily in my mind, I have a hard time typing it down. I hope to post the next chapter by the end of the week.

Mike yawns and stretches in the dim-lit kitchen and watches the coffee pouring down in his cup. Harvey always takes ages to wake up in the morning so he got used to only switch the small lamp above the sink. For a moment, he contemplates switching all the lights in the apartment just because he can but it makes him sad so he downs his coffee in one gulp, burning his throat in the process, and walks to the bathroom.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror, he remembers why he left work yesterday and hums with satisfaction. His black eye isn’t that dark anymore. A little concealer and he’ll be good to go.

 

It’s 11:08 and he’s trying to concentrate on proofing a brief when it all clicks. It’s so sudden he almost chokes on his Redbull. He knows what happened in LA. Harvey’s shameful eyes, the way he shifted uncomfortably under Mike’s touch at dinner the night he came back from LA, the impossibility to tell Mike what happened, the kicks in Ted’s crotch and… the bruises. _Of course_. How the hell did not pick it up earlier ? Harvey was _raped_. Ted _raped_ Harvey. The realization hits him like a freight train and he has just enough time to bend over his trashcan before regurgitating the bagel Neal brought him when he arrived.

“Wow.”, Neal leans over the partition. “Are you alright ?”

Mike shakes his head and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

“I need some air.”, he pants. “I’ll be right back if Louis asks.”

“Uh, ok.”, Neal nods before sitting back down at his desk.

Mike runs to the elevator and keeps pressing on the button like a maniac until the doors finally open.

Once in the lobby, he breaks into another run and stops on the edge of the sidewalk. He crouches down and takes his head in his hands as all the horrible things he told Harvey replay in his mind. _“You disgust me !”_ Oh God… He should have known Harvey would never cheat on him, but when he saw the hickeys, it’s the first and only explanation that came to his mind. He kicked him out. He _fucking_ kicked him out, without asking for an explanation. And Harvey, ashamed and hurting, left. He let him go and deal with this terrible thing on his own. He let him think he was disgusting, so disgusting Mike couldn’t bear to even look at him.

He couldn’t have known, and Harvey probably didn’t know about the hickeys, but still… What kind of person does kick their boyfriend out after he was raped ?

Mike would have never thought that Harvey out of all people could be _raped_. Not his strong and manly Harvey.

He feels another wave of nausea hit him and he brings his hands to his rumbling stomach before emptying it in the gutter. He tries not to think about how lonely and desperate Harvey must have felt, walking out of their apartment.

“Sir, is everything alright ?”, a parked cabbie asks him with a concerned look.

“Yeah.”, Mike nods, his eyes filled with tears from the violence of the vomiting episode. “Thanks.”

He gets back up on his wobbly legs and fumbles in his pocket for his phone. He taps on the screen and puts it to his ear.

“The Shelter, this is Rachel.”

“Ted raped him.”, he says and saying out loud almost makes his stomach turn itself inside down again.

“Hold on.”, Rachel clears her throat and Mike understands that Harvey must be in the room. “Where are you ? I’ll come pick you up.”

“At work.”, Mike replies, rubbing his wet eyes. “Don’t bother coming here though, I understand why you had to say that. Just answer with a yes or no.”

“Yes.”, Rachel replies.

“God…”, Mike covers his mouth with his hand. “How is he ?”

There’s a pause and Mike guesses that Rachel is probably trying to figure out how to answer this question with a yes or no.

“Fine.”, she finally replies.

“Ok.”, Mike nods jerkily. “Ok. Thanks for answering my question. Bye.”

He hangs up and wipes his eyes with a shaky hand. He can’t hold back the tears as images from last night start playing before his eyes. He should have let Harvey kill that bastard and he knows Harvey would have. He had never seen such rage in Harvey before. Calm and collected Harvey. Peace advocate Harvey. Cuddly and quiet Harvey. It’s the Harvey he knows and loves. Well, he definitely wasn’t in that hotel room yesterday.

Walking back inside the building, he realizes that this Harvey didn’t scare him. Sure, the whole scene was surreal and he was taken aback by this new side of Harvey. But he wasn’t scared. And right now he’s almost proud of him for standing up for himself and taking revenge against Ted.

“Feeling better ?”, Neal asks when Mike enters the bullpen.

“Yep.”, Mike replies with a fake smile and sticks his earbuds in his ears.

 

 

“Do you need to go ?”, Harvey asks when Rachel hangs up the phone.

“No.”, Rachel smiles. “It’s, uh, ok.”, she clears her throat. “So, Donna’s moving in your building ?”

“Mike’s building.”, Harvey corrects.

Rachel mentally facepalms. _Of course_.

“Right.”, she says, hiding behind her computer screen. “Are you, um, going to stay here for a while ?”

“No.”, Harvey replies. “The LA house is getting a makeover next week and Hans wants me to be his eyes on the site. And when the house is ready, I’m staying for another 6 months to help with the launch.”

“What do you mean ?”, Rachel frowns. “When are you leaving ?”

“I don’t know. I guess I could leave tomorrow… Hans said I could fly over there whenever I’m ready.”

“Ok.”, she clears her throat. “And what about here ? When were you planning on telling me that you were leaving ?”

“You’ll be just fine without me.”, Harvey replies like it’s no big deal, his eyes focused on his computer and Rachel rolls her eyes. “You knew I was going to leave for 6 months.”

“Yeah.”, she confirms with a pointed look. “But I thought you’d have discussed it with me beforehand. Hans said the house would be ready for the summer, not that you were going to leave now.”

“Well, our plans have changed.”, Harvey says, still not looking at her.

“You mean _your_ plans, right ?”, Rachel crosses her arms.

Harvey raises an eyebrow but doesn’t stop his typing.

“Look.”, Rachel says. “I know you’re… well, I was going to say _upset_ but I know it doesn’t begin to cover what you must be feeling right now.”, she gets up, finally getting Harvey’s attention. “But don’t you think you should…”, she looks away. “Uh, that you should talk to Mike and, you know, plan your departure a little bit ? With me and Trevor ?”

Harvey sighs and goes back to his computer.

“We’re partners, Harvey.”, Rachel says in a serious voice. “You can’t just leave like that. Don’t I get a say in this ? And just how long are you going to be away ?”

“I’m sorry, but I’ve made my decision.”, Harvey replies.

“Ok.”, Rachel huffs and shakes her head in disbelief. “What about Mike ?”

“Mike broke up with me and I moved out.”

“He broke up with you because he thought you cheated on him !”, Rachel snaps. “What the hell, Harvey ? Are you going to let Ted win ?”

This gets Harvey’s attention once again and he considers his answer for a while, pursing his lips.

“He didn’t win shit.”, Harvey replies through greeted teeth. “Except for a broken nose and ribs.”

“What ? What did you do ?”, Rachel asks, wide-eyed.

“I went to his hotel room yesterday and I beat the shit out of him.”, Harvey replies looking down.

He’s not proud of what he’s done. He wished he’d found another way to take revenge against Ted. But at the same time, he’s glad he did it.

“You’ve got to be kidding me !”, Rachel walks to his desk and says, lowering her voice. “What didn’t you call me ? I thought we agreed that you’d call me if…”, she doesn’t finish her sentence, she just shakes her head nervously.

Harvey swallows thickly. She’s referring to an agreement they made five years ago after Harvey sent a guy in the hospital after a drunken bar fight.

After their graduation ceremony, Harvey, Rachel and some of their friends went out for drinks to celebrate. After he understood that Harvey and Rachel were not a couple, one guy started harassing her. At one point and after one too many drinks, he became handsy and though Rachel kept politely turning him down, he still tried to force her into a kiss and that’s when Harvey saw red. And beat the shit out of him. To this day, Rachel still thinks the guy owes his life to the people who managed to get Harvey to stop kicking him. The police was called, Harvey spent a night in jail but the guy was too drunk to remember anything and none of the people in the bar agreed to testify so Harvey went home, free of charge. Harvey apologized for his violent behavior and for scaring Rachel and she made him swear to never let his anger get the best of him ever again. They agreed that if such a situation presented itself again, Harvey would call her. She’d known about his history with violence since they became friends in high school, where he was never one to turn down a fight, but she’d never seen him so out of control. He never got into a fight again, being with Mike and creating The Shelter tamed him. Until LA happened.

“How’s Ted ?”, Rachel asks when Harvey doesn’t answer. “What if he presses charges ? Harvey, are you out of your mind ?”, she shakes her head again. “You know violence is never the answer, I mean…”

“Of course, I know it.”, Harvey mutters, still looking down.

Now he’s ashamed. Rachel’s always been there for him, she’s one of the very few people he fully trusts and yet, he didn’t even think of calling her for advice or support. He kept her out of his plans to move to LA.

“Then why did you _do_ it ?”, she asks with pleading eyes. “Harvey…”, she whispers. “I know you’ve been through something horrible and I hate Ted for what he put you through but…”, she sighs. “That’s not what we try to teach our residents. We’ve spent the last two years fighting violence and we’ve witnessed its effects firsthand.”, she sits back down. “And you have too. For so many years.”, she exhales shakily. “You should have gone to the police. And talked to Mike.”

“He…”, Harvey bites the inside of his cheek. “He was there yesterday at the hotel. He saw me.”, he looks up at Rachel. “He stopped me from killing Ted. I…”, he gets up and walks to the window, turning his back to her. “I would have killed him, you know ?”

“Mike knows what happened.”, Rachel says.

“No, he doesn’t.”, Harvey shakes his head. “He knows _something_ happened in LA, but he doesn’t know what.”

“Yes, he does.”, Rachel repeats and Harvey turns back around. “That was him. On the phone.”, she gulps. “Just now. He… I guess he figured it out from what he saw yesterday.”

“What do you mean ?”, Harvey rubs his face nervously.

“The call I got 10 minutes ago.”, Rachel explains. “That was Mike. He… Well, he knows. He asked me to answer with a yes or no.”, she clears her throat. “I couldn’t lie to him. He sounded really upset and-"

“What the fuck, Rachel ?!”, Harvey snaps, clenching his fists. “Of course you could have lied to him !”

“What’s up with the screaming you guys ?”, Trevor asks, coming in the room. “What are you fighting about ?”

“Nothing.”, Rachel smiles nervously. “Sorry about that.”, she adds, turning her eyes to her computer screen.

“Harvey ?”, Trevor asks.

“I’m moving to LA tomorrow.”, Harvey replies. “I’ll still take care of the admin and finance, I can do it from there, but you’ll be in charge of the house.”

“What ? _Tomorrow_ ?”, Trevor chokes.

“Yeah.”, Harvey nods.

Trevor gives Rachel a questioning look but she suddenly seems completely absorbed by whatever she’s doing on her computer and she doesn’t look back.

“Alright.”, Trevor sighs. “I have no idea what’s going on but ok.”, he nods before leaving the room.

“What about your mum ?”, Rachel asks in a small voice.

“I’ll come visit her once a month.”, Harvey replies. “Sorry for yelling.”, he says with a apologetic look.

“It’s ok.”, Rachel sighs. “I still think you should talk to Mike.”

Harvey looks away and grabs his phone and car keys.

“I’ll be back later.”, he says.

“Don’t do anything stupid.”

 

 

_Harvey knows you know. He just announced that he’s moving to LA for god knows how long tomorrow. Just thought I’d let you know. Is there something I, you, somebody can do ? xoxo_

Rachel’s text is playing over and over in Mike’s mind while he’s supposed to be focused on what his client is telling Jessica. It’s a very important meeting. One they’ve been preparing for weeks, one he’s been busting his ass off on for weeks. But it doesn’t seem so important now. Nothing seems anymore. While learning about what happened in LA literally made him sick, it also cleared up a few things. Harvey did not cheat on him and he's going to help Harvey go through it. They are not over. Except now Harvey’s leaving, _tomorrow_ , and as he discreetly checks his watch, Mike can only hope this freaking meeting is coming to an end son. He needs to drive to The Shelter and talk to Harvey. He needs to convince him to stay. Or at least to wait. Nothing can be so urgent that he has to leave tomorrow… unless he’s running away.

Mike shifts uncomfortably on his chair when the memories of the previous night in the hotel room resurface. _That fucking bastard_. How did he… ? Why ? And why didn’t Harvey… ? What happened ? Did they meet randomly ? Was it planned ? Why didn’t Harvey tell him when he came back ? Mike would have understood. Sure, he’d have thought of hiring a hitman to kill the guy but he would never have let Harvey down.

“… Mr. Ross has compiled a number of documents for you to sign and then we can put this unfortunate thing behind us.”

Mike hears them, he’s just not fully there. And he wishes what happened in LA could also be put behind by just signing documents. By working his ass off. But Harvey’s leaving _tomorrow_. His baby bear’s leaving tomorrow. And he didn’t even call him to tell him.

Mike gulps and blinks a couple of times to try to come back to reality. To try to not let the image of Harvey leaving their apartment take over.

“Mr. Ross ? Mike ?”

A hand on his makes him jump.

“Sorry.”, he clears his throat. “I, yeah, the… uh, documents.”, he stutters before sliding a thick blue file across the table.

“Thank you.”, their client smiles and Mike smiles back. “I’ll have them delivered to you tomorrow morning. Thank you very much.”, he repeats, getting up and handing out his hand.

Jessica smiles and shakes his hand and Mike follows suit.

“Something wrong ?”, she asks after she’s sure their client is out of earshot.

“No, I’m… okay.”, Mike lies.

Jessica studies him for a second and sighs.

“Whatever’s on your mind.”, she raises an eyebrow and begins gathering her phone and files. “Go take care of it. I want you back up and running tomorrow morning.”

“Okay.”, Mike nods jerkily.

 

He runs back to the bullpen, grabs his belongings and rushes out of the office, ignoring Neal’s questioning look, out of the building and to his car. By the time he starts the engine, his heart is pounding in his chest. It’s not so much the running, he’s got good cardio from all the biking he used to do. It’s the fear, the disgust, the anger, the anticipation. Since realizing what happened to Harvey this morning, his heart rate hasn’t slowed, his stomach hasn’t been able to support food or any kind of liquid, his hands haven’t stopped shaking. He cannot let Harvey go without knowing how sorry Mike feels for doubting him. How much Mike loves him.

 

When he finally double-parks in front of the house, the door opens and Donna comes out.

“Hey.”, Mike says and he swallows thickly.

“Hey.”, Donna replies, equally at loss for words. “He’s upstairs.”, she adds and nods before walking away.

Mike takes a deep breath and opens the front door.

“Did you forget someth-“, Rachel starts to say but stops dead when she realizes it’s not Donna. “Oh hey Mike.”, she smiles weakly. “He’s upstairs. Room 4.”

“Thanks.”, Mike replies and takes his time to climb the stairs to the first floor.

He’s spent the last three hours thinking about driving to The Shelter and talking Harvey out of leaving but he hasn’t thought about what he’s going to say.

“Come in.”, he hears when he’s finally gathered enough courage to knock on the door.

Harvey’s sitting at the desk, his back turned to the door, working on his computer.

“Hey.”, Mike says but his throat is so dry it comes out as a whisper.

Harvey turns around and lets out a long sigh of annoyance before turning his back around.

“What are you doing here ?”, he asks.

“Are you really leaving tomorrow ?”, Mike dodges his question as his eyes wander around the room.

The three suitcases are still packed, Harvey’s definitely not settling in.

“Yes.”

“Why ?”, Mike asks and Harvey stops typing and turns around.

“Because Hans asked me to keep an eye on the renovation work.”, he replies and though he’s clearly trying to look confident, Mike knows him too well to not notice the slight twitch in his eyes.

“And you just learned about it ?”

“No.”, Harvey replies. “Hans and I talked about it two days ago and I was planning on telling you when I called that night, while you were having fun with your friends.”, he says and he knows it’s unfair but he cannot help it.

“I…”, Mike purses his lips. “I didn’t hear my phone, I’m sorry.”

“Mike.”, Harvey sighs again. “What are you doing here ?”

Mike closes his eyes, considering his answer. What is he doing here ? He’s here because he needed to make sure Harvey was ok. He’s here because he wants to talk to him, wants to make things right. Because he hopes he can manage to convince Harvey not to go. That things will be alright. How are you supposed to tell your boyfriend that you know he was raped and that you still love him ? How are you supposed to even broach the subject ? Rape isn’t a broken arm, it’s not written on your face, it doesn’t show. And Harvey obviously doesn’t want to tell him, or maybe he doesn’t know how. Especially after Mike’s made it clear he thought Harvey cheated.

“I don’t want you to go.”, he blurts and he doesn’t fail to notice the very discreet bob of Harvey’s Adam’s apple. “I’m sorry I let you down and… I’m sorry for kicking you out when you-“

“I know Rachel told you.”, Harvey cuts him sharply.

“She only confirmed it.”, Mike corrects and blushes. “I don’t know what to tell you other than I don’t want you to go, Harvey.”, he says, taking a step towards Harvey who jerks up from his chair. “Ok.”, he stops and holds up his hands. “Just, uh… Don’t go. Please.”

Harvey bites his bottom lip and slowly shakes his head.

“Mike…”, he only says like it’s the answer Mike’s waiting for.

It’s the only thing he can answer at this point. He doesn’t really want to go but he needs to. He needs to get away from all the people who know what happened to him. From Mike. From his boyfriend who now knows that another man abused him. Who knows he wasn’t strong enough, or smart enough, to fight Ted. Things will never be the same now Mike knows, in fact, they’ve already changed. Mike is looking at him with pity and talking to him like he’s some child throwing a tantrum, like he thinks his decision was made out of shame and spite and Harvey can’t stand it. Mike used to look up to him, to be proud of him. Mike used to give him confidence. Now he’s only making him feel a thousand times worse. If he hopes to ever feel alright again, it won’t be with Mike nor with his friends. To them, Harvey thinks he’ll always be a broken man who wasn’t able to defend himself, a poor man who needs protection and care. He needs to start over and it breaks his heart to leave Mike.

He’s had a whole day to come up with reasons to leave and surprisingly, they’ve come up easily. The LA Shelter is a huge project, a huge opportunity to help other women. Not even in his wildest dreams could he have thought that his humble New York shelter would inspire someone, would draw any kind of attention. Rachel and Trevor can run the house without him, and when the LA house is up and running and viable, maybe they can hire someone to help them. Plus, the weather is so much nicer in LA and Harvey could really use a little vitamin D. And last but not least : Mike’s new life, his job… Mike will be better off without him, they’ve been slowly but surely taking different roads since he started working with Pearson Hardman. Were they even ever on the same page anyway ? For starters, Mike has always made it clear that he wants to have kids and Harvey doesn’t. He can’t force Mike to live a life he doesn’t want, it would be plain selfish.

“Can we talk at least about it ?”, Mike asks in a broken voice. “I mean, do you have to leave tomorrow ? Can’t it wait ?”

Harvey’s jaw tenses and he simply shakes his head.

“Fuck that bastard, I hate him !”, Mike breaks out in tears.

“I’m sorry.”, Harvey whispers, looking down.

“You have nothing to be sorry about !”, Mike cries. “ _He_ did this. He did this to you, to _us_ !”, he shouts desperately, his eyes fixed on the suitcases he packed two nights ago. The very suitcases that allow Harvey to just go without setting foot in their apartment again, to leave New York without looking back. “I’m sorry.”, he sobs. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.”, Harvey replies, his heart growing heavy in his chest.

He had everything planned. He was supposed to work for a while, have dinner with the resident one last time and take a cab to the airport in the morning. Mike wasn’t supposed to show up and apologize and cry. His reasons sounded so much better before Mike showed up. Everything felt so much easier.

“I… should have let you talk that night instead of kicking you out.”, Mike sniffs. “And I should have known that you would never cheat on me. I should have let you kill him.”, he rubs his nose. “So yes, I’m sorry because I completely screwed it up and now you’re leaving…”, he purses his trembling lips as more tears starts forming in his big blue eyes. “How am I supposed to live without you ?”, he asks but he doesn’t really expect an answer.

Harvey closes his eyes and inhales sharply. He doesn’t have an answer to that and he still hasn’t figured out how he’s going to live without Mike either. How he’s going to start his new life with all the love he feels for Mike.

“What about your mum ?”, Mike asks.

“I visited her today.”, Harvey replies. “I told her about the house, told her I would come to see her once a month.”

Mike nods and licks his lips.

“Ok.”, he sighs. “So that’s it ? You leave and we never talk again, we never see each other again ?”

Harvey doesn’t look up. He can’t because he knows he won’t be able to leave if he does. And he has to leave, he tries to convince himself one more time, reviewing all the reasons he came up with. He’s doing the right thing, yes he is. It has to be the right thing.

“Ok.”, Mike says again after a long moment. “I… Bye.”

Harvey waits for Mike to leave and close the door to look up. The room suddenly feels awfully quiet and small, he thinks as the tears start to roll down his cheeks.


	9. Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 9 :) I have a hard time trying to put my ideas into words that's why I don't update as often as I usually do. Everything's in my head but when I sit down and open my word document, my fingers won't move. It's hard to explain. I want to get it right and it takes me twice my usual time to write a chapter... Anyway, thanks a lot for the reviews on the previous chapter, I hope you like this one !

It’s been a week. Harvey’s been gone for a week. 6 days to be more exact.

Mike left him a message last Sunday when Harvey was on the plane.

“Hey…” _pause_ “I don’t know what time you were supposed to take off and Rachel said she didn’t know either.” _throat clearing_ “Harvey…” _another long pause_ “Please, let me know how you are doing. I…” _audible gulp_ “Shit. I wanted to talk to you. I didn’t want to say it over the phone but… I love you, I’ll miss you. I already do. Please, call me. Text me. Or email me. Don’t shut me out. Please. Love you bab-.” _sigh and click_. When he hung up, throat dry and lips trembling, Mike grabbed his camera and stormed our of the apartment.

He’s has had a very busy week, barely got any sleep and, as he grabs a heavy box from Harvey’s pick-up truck, he realizes how tired he really is. He and Trevor are helping Donna move in, two floors down from his apartment. Stephanie is staying with Craig, for now, until Donna’s fully settled.

“How many boxes left ?”, Trevor asks, panting.

“1,2,3…”, Donna counts the boxes. “8.”, she smiles. “And then I’m taking you both to dinner.”

“You don’t have to, Donna.”, Mike says, entering the building and loading the box in the elevator. “You should keep your money until you find a job.”

“No, I want to thank you both.”, she insists. “You’ve been great. And I feel happy.”, she grins.

Mike smiles back and he wishes he felt this happy too. He wishes that, just like Donna, he were enjoying his new life, this new start. Instead, he’s been miserable since Harvey left, rejecting each of Neal’s attempts at cheering him up. He hasn’t told Neal that Harvey didn’t in fact cheat on him. He hasn’t told him that they broke up ( _did they ?_ ) and that Harvey’s gone. And Neal has been kind enough not to ask any questions.

Harvey texted him when he landed to let him know that he got his message and would keep him posted. _Right_. So either nothing’s been going on in his life for the past week or Harvey forgot to keep Mike posted, because he hasn’t called or sent anything since that short and expeditious text message.

“Mike ?”, a female voice startles him as he’s helping Trevor unload yet another box from the trunk.

“Oh hey Jenny !”, he smiles, motioning for Trevor to put the box back down. “What are you doing here ?”

“Visiting a friend.”, Jenny smiles back. “Are you moving out ?”

“No, I’m helping a friend moving in.”, Mike replies. “Trevor, this is Jenny, my boss’s assistant. Jenny, this is Trevor, he works with Harvey at The Shelter.”

“Nice to meet you.”, Trevor says, handing out his hand.

“Nice to meet you too.”, Jenny blushes, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“And this is Donna.”, Mike smirks. “She’s moving in my building.”

Jenny and Donna shake hands while Mike nudges Trevor in the ribs. He’s seen the spark between him and Jenny.

“Well, I have to go.”, Jenny says. “Jessica called me, she asked me to meet her at office to plan a last minute trip to Los Angeles on Monday.”

“Why is she going to LA ?”, Mike asks, his heart pounding in his chest at the mere mention of the city’s name.

“One of our clients, the jeweler, apparently needs her to take care of an urgent matter.”, she replies rolling her eyes.

_Hans McKenney._

“Is she going alone ?”

“I think so.”, Jenny nods. “She didn’t give me all the details. Why ?”

“Uh, just… uh, if she needs me there with her, I don’t have anything urgent to do on Monday so…”, Mike stutters and Trevor and Donna exchange a knowing look.

“Ok.”, Jenny says with a confused look. “I’ll let know. Good luck with this.”, she smiles and gestures towards the truck.

“Thanks.”, Trevor winks at her. “Nice meeting you.”

Jenny blushes again, waves them and walks away, glancing one last time over her shoulder before disappearing at a corner.

“Ok, let’s get this over with.”, Mike inhales sharply and wraps his arms around a box.

 

 

Harvey’s new apartment is a thing of beauty and it’s big enough for an entire family. It's got three bedrooms coupled with bathrooms, an open kitchen and an insanely huge living room with a fireplace. Situated on the top floor of a modern glass building in the business district of the city, it’s got a wrap around balcony and offers a breathtaking view.

When he first got there a week ago, following Hans’s instructions, he couldn’t believe his eyes and called him to make sure he was at the right place. “I can’t afford a place like this” he told his new business associate to which Hans replied that he needn’t worry about the rent, that everything was covered.

It’s all a bit overwhelming for Harvey, all that space, all that generosity, all these new people he gets to meet everyday… He’s spent his days between meetings with with Hans and the woman who runs his company’s foundation and trips to various stores. He’s shaken a lot of hands and hasn’t really been able to get used to his new place. That’s why, even though it’s been a week, Harvey still feels like a burglar every time he enters his apartment.

Tonight’s no different and he drops his keys on the kitchen counter with a sigh. He hasn’t taken anything out of his suitcases except for his computer, his toiletries and some clothes. He’s slept in each of the three bedrooms to decide which one he preferred and he’s chosen the smallest one because it’s less intimidating. The apartment may be unbelievably nice, it’s lonely and too quiet for Harvey’s liking.

 _Can’t remember to forget you_ starts playing in his back pocket. It's the only other song he has on his iPhone and he likes the irony of it.

“Hey Donna.”, he says, answering his phone, glad for the distraction.

“Hey. How are you ?”

“Good. Just came back from work.”, he replies, unbuckling his jeans with his free hand. “How did the moving go ? You moved in today, right ?”

“Yes ! It went great.”, Donna replies and Harvey can almost hear her grinning. It makes him happy. “I just came back home too. I took Trevor and Mike to dinner to thank them, we had a great time. Now I’m probably going to spend the entire night unpacking.”

“Good.”

“You ?”, Donna asks. “How was your first week ?”

“Busy.”, Harvey sighs, stepping out of his pants. “There’s not much to do at the house, they’re really just renovating, painting walls, tiling floors, replacing carpets and stuff…”, he says. “I thought I was going to spend my days on site, overlooking the workers, but they’re doing just fine and it’ll all be ready in two weeks tops.”, he explains, opening the sliding door to the balcony. “That doesn’t leave me much time to buy the furniture and set up interviews so I’m basically running around town all day and it’s pretty exhausting.”

“I bet it is.”, she agrees. “Rachel told me you haven’t called her since you arrived.”

“We emailed.”, Harvey replies, sitting down on one of the comfortable outdoor armchairs. “Trevor and her are doing fine on their own.”

“Ok.”, Donna says. “I can’t wait for you to see my apartment !”, she decides to change the subject. “When are you coming back ? You said you’d come back once a month, right ?”

“Hey I’ve only been here for a week !”, Harvey chuckles. “I still haven’t unpacked anything. And you should also see my apartment.”, he grins. “No offence, but I’ve seen yours and I’ve lived in it, well two floors up. Mine is freaking _Buckingham Palace_ compared to yours.”, he laughs.

“Show off.”, Donna feigns annoyance and Harvey laughs even louder. “Mike misses you, you know.”, she says after a short while.

That automatically shuts Harvey up and he closes his eyes. He misses Mike too.

There’s an email waiting in his draft folder for Mike. An email he started writing a week ago, after Mike left his room at The Shelter with a sad “ _Bye_ ”, and which he’s been updating every night.

“Harvey.”, Donna says. “You-“

“I know.”, Harvey cuts her and sighs. “I… I’ll call him. How is he ?”

“Sad.”, Donna replies. “He doesn’t smile that much. Or when he does, you know, it doesn’t reach his eyes.”

Harvey swallows thickly. Being away from Mike is hard but he feels like it’s necessary right now. _For him_. He needs space to get back on his feet, to clear his head. But Mike hasn’t asked for any of it. He has no idea what’s going on in Harvey’s head or even what exactly happened to Harvey and yet he’s had to let him go. Harvey’s heart constricts in his chest, getting just now how abandoned and lost Mike must feel and he makes a mental note to complete the beginning of his email with some kind of explanation instead of the 10-line apologies he’s drafted.

“He told me you’re turning 28 on Monday.”

“Oh.”, Harvey nods. “That’s right. June 18th. I had totally forgotten.”

“I’ll call you on Monday.”

“Ok. Have fun unpacking.”, Harvey smiles.

“Oh I definitely will !”, Donna laughs happily. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

 _Right_. His birthday. Instead of going out and getting shit drunk with his friends and Mike, he’ll probably eat a tasteless salad on the kitchen counter. Or maybe on the balcony, his favorite place in the apartment. Maybe he’ll have a beer. Yeah, a beer sounds like a great idea, he thinks, opening the fridge door and getting a bottle.

 

Mike is staring at his phone, his thumb hovering over _Baby Bear (cell)_ but not touching the screen.

Jessica just called to tell him that he’ll be going to LA with her on Monday and spending the night, flying back to New York on Tuesday. That’s a lot of time on a plane for a simple meeting, he thinks, but maybe he’ll get to see Harvey and a whole day on a plane would be worth the chance to see him. Now he needs to call Harvey to let him know. His heart is stomping in his chest and his mouth his dry but he eventually finds the courage to tap the screen. As it rings once then twice, he licks his lips nervously. That’s fine, he didn’t expect Harvey to pick up anyway. He’ll just leave a message and hopefully Harvey will text him when he gets it.

“Hey.”

“Oh hey !”, Mike squeals, startled.

“I was just about to call you.”, Harvey says. “How are you ?”

“I’m fine.”, Mike lies and he has no idea how he can still speaks when it feels like his heart is trying to jump out of his chest. “I, uh, we, I mean Trevor and I, we helped Donna move in today. I drove your pick-up truck, I hope you don’t mind that I did without asking you first, sorry by the way, but we needed something big and I was extra careful, I swear ! I checked when we were done, no dent, no scratch, no-“

“Mike.”, Harvey chuckles. “It’s ok.”

“Oh. Ok.”, Mike nods, catching his breath. It feels so good to hear Harvey’s voice. “Thanks.”

“Donna just called me.”, Harvey says. “Said she took you to dinner. Where did you go ? Arie’s ?”

“Yeah.”, Mike smiles fondly to himself, they have been there together so many times. “Gotta show her what’s good in the hood.”

Harvey laughs and Mike suddenly feels like crying. What he would give to have his boyfriend with him on the couch right now. To be able to see him, to touch him, to smell him. It’s been a long and impossibly hard week but it’s only now that Mike realizes that it was just the first of many many many weeks to come. Harvey’s gone. Not just for a quick business trip. He’s not coming back. And even if he was, would he come back to their apartment ?

“…, remember ?”, Mike hears when he focuses back on the conversation.

“I’m sorry, what did you say ?”, he asks, swallowing around the lump in his throat.

“Are you alright ?”

“Yeah, um.”, Mike clears his throat. “I’m just tired I guess.”

“It’s 8 pm here, so that means it’s 11 in New York and it’s been a long day, you should go to bed.”

“I will, but uh, I’m flying to LA on Monday with Jessica and…”, he clears his throat again. “Since it’s your birthday and if Jessica hasn’t planned anything for me I, uh, I thought we could have dinner together ?”, he says, the end of his sentence almost a whisper.

There’s a pause, too long, on the other hand of the line and Mike’s heart sinks in his chest. 

“Sure.”, Harvey finally says. “That’d be nice.”

“Great.”, Mike tries to sound casual but he's grinning like a fool. “I’ll give you a call on Monday then. Great.”

“Ok. Goodnight and thank you for calling.”

“No prob-“, Mike starts to say. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t even ask you how you were doing !”

“I’m ok.”, Harvey replies and Mike can picture him smiling fondly. “I’ll tell you about it on Monday.”

“Yeah ok.”, Mike nods frantically. “Yeah. Good. I can’t wait.”

“Goodnight Mike.”

“Goodnight Harvey.”

 _I love you. I miss you. Why did you go ? I don’t want to go to bed alone. I want to be with you. I’m not even sure I want to see you if that means leaving you again. Do you still love me ? Do you miss me ? I want to take you in my arms and never let go._ That’s what he really wanted to say. That’s what he should have said.

He looks at the wallpaper on his phone and bites his bottom lip to stop the tears. Monday couldn’t come too soon.

 

 

Mike spends Sunday at Donna’s watching TV and eating junk food and he’s surprised by how well they get on. He knew Donna was fun but not _that much_ fun. They like the same shows, reflect on the same existential questions and enjoy munching on Slim Jim. When Mike goes back to his apartment to pack his suitcase and go to sleep after a House of cards marathon, he realizes he’s made a friend. Outside of work, outside of Harvey’s friends. Well, not entirely without Harvey’s help, but it’s Mike who knocked on her door this morning with a takeout breakfast. He initiated contact with Donna of his own volition. And he’s glad he did.

 

 

Mike doesn’t mind flying, he doesn’t enjoy it, but he doesn’t mind. He hasn’t been on many plane trips and they were always short.

Flying to Los Angeles is almost 7 hours and while he’s sure Jessica was sipping champagne in first class, he was stuck between a teenager who rolled his eyes at him each time he attempted to look out the window and an old woman who kept asking him for help with a crossword. They probably were the longest 7 hours of his life.

But they finally landed and a driver from McKenney Jewels picked them up from the airport and drove them to their client’s headquarters.

The meeting went well. They managed to reassure the man, and promised to come up with a quick and clean solution to his problem (a wrongful termination lawsuit). Hans McKenney kept on praising Harvey and his hard work so Jessica told him Mike was his boyfriend. Mike swallowed and confirmed, he certainly wasn’t going into details with his boss and the firm’s biggest client. He even managed to turn the awkward conversation into an opportunity by telling them it was Harvey’s birthday, which prompted Hans to tell Mike to take his boyfriend out for dinner instead of having dinner with them. Mike was going to excuse himself anyway but it was better this way.

That’s how a couple of hours later, following Harvey’s instructions, he’s standing in front of a tall glass building, wondering if he’s at right place because there aren’t any restaurants or hotels.

 _I’m here. Are you on your way ?_ he sends to Harvey.

 _23 d floor_. is what he receives moments later.

“Good evening Sir.”

“Uh yeah hi.”, Mike smiles to the receptionist.

“Do you have a name ?”

“Yeah, I do.”, Mike frowns. “My name’s Mike Ross.”

The receptionist sighs loudly and hands him a chart.

“Who are you visiting ?”, he asks with an eyeroll. “That’s what I meant.”

“Oh course.”, Mike mentally facepalms. “Harvey Specter ?”, he replies, unsure.

“Ok, sign your name here.”, the man sighs again and checks on his computer. “23 _d_ floor. Apartment 108.”

“Thanks.”, Mike signs the chart and heads for the elevator.

There are four of them. Just where is he ? Does Harvey live here ? He doesn’t have time to wonder for much longer because the elevator literally flies him up to the top floor in no time at all. There are three doors and 108 is, of course, the one at the very end of the long corridor. Which gives him enough time to go from confused and rather impressed to freaked out. _Harvey’s behind this door_. His Harvey is there, meters away from him.

He braces himself by taking a couple of much-needed deep breaths and knocks on the door. When it remains unanswered, he pushes the doorbell button.

Barely ten seconds later, he hears a key turning sound and the door finally opens, revealing a jeans and t-shirt clad Harvey.

“Hey.”, Harvey smiles and Mike’s pretty sure his heart would melt if it wasn’t already busy pounding in his chest like crazy.

“Hey.”, he manages to reply, fighting the urge to throw himself at Harvey, to grab his perfect face and kiss him.

“Come in.”, Harvey opens the door wider and steps aside.

“Do you live here ?!”, Mike gaps when he enters the bright and spacious apartment.

“Yes.”, Harvey replies with a smirk.

“No wonder why you were so eager to live !”, Mike jokes as he practically runs to the floor-to-ceiling window. “Wow…”, he sighs with admiration.

The sun is setting on the city and it’s all pink and orange, it looks so surreal Mike actually rubs his eyes.

“The view is even more beautiful from the balcony.”, Harvey says, opening the sliding door.

And Mike doesn’t waste time, as soon as the door is open, he steps outside and runs to the railing.

“Oh my god !”, he laughs in disbelief. “I thought this only existed in movies !”, he turns around and grins at Harvey.

Harvey grins back and walks to him. It _is_ surreal. Two New York kids taking in the view from a top floor penthouse in Los Angeles. But somehow, having Mike with him makes it less superficial, Harvey feels grounded by Mike’s presence.

“I would spend all my time on the balcony if I lived here.”, Mike sighs, eyes closed and head tilted back.

“That’s what I do.”, Harvey chuckles and Mike opens his eyes and smiles at him.

“Oh !”, Mike blushes. “I almost forgot. Happy birthday.”

“Thanks.”, Harvey gives him a small smile.

They stare at each other for what seems like an hour to Mike, who finally takes a step and pulls Harvey into a tentative hug. He’s allowed to hug him, right ? The answer comes right away when Harvey wraps his arms around him tightly with a long satisfied sigh. Mike can feel Harvey’s heart beating against his own chest and this little thing, this small thump he used to feel everyday against his chest or lips when he pressed them to Harvey’s pulse point on his neck, this little detail he didn’t pay attention to anymore, that’s what opens the floodgates. The tears well up in his eyes and there’s nothing he can do to stop the loud sob that suddenly escapes him.

Harvey’s heart skips a beat and he runs a comforting hand up and down Mike’s spine because that’s all he can bring himself to do right now. His throat is tight and he doesn’t even know what to say. _I’m sorry_ is what he hopes his soothing touch conveys.

They stay like this for a long moment before Mike finally sniffs and pulls away with a long sigh.

“So, where should we go ?”, he asks, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “Are you hungry ?”

“Starving.”, Harvey replies. “I just have one thing to do and we’re good to go.”, he adds, stepping back inside, Mike in tow. “There’s an electrician coming in the house tomorrow to upgrade the whole system and I need to sing the cost estimate and contract.”, he explains, grabbing a folder from a backpack and putting it on the kitchen counter. “Want a drink ? I have beers.”

“A glass of water would be fine, thanks.”, Mike replies.

While Harvey walks around the counter to get a bottle of water from the fridge, Mike opens the folder and takes a look at the stapled pages.

“Wow, the guy’s not cheap.”, he remarks, turning the page and going over the contract.

Harvey hums and opens each cupboard before finally finding where the glasses are stored.

“You cannot sign this.”, Mike says, pointing at the page. “If anything happens, not only McKenney will owe the guy a shitload of money but you, _personally_ , will be held responsible.”

“That’s what the contract says ?”, Harvey asks, taking a seat next to Mike.

“Yes, this and lots of other fishy things.”, Mike raises his eyebrow while his eyes continue to quickly scan the page. “Where did you find him ?”

“He’s been working for Hans for years.”, Harvey replies, uncapping the bottle and pouring two glasses.

“Tell me you were going to read this before signing it.”

“Not really.”, Harvey smiles sheepishly. “I don’t understand half of it anyway.”

Mike sighs dramatically and takes a sip of his glass.

“You know it’s important, how many times have I told you to read everything down to the fine prints ?”, he asks with a pointed look. “Don’t sign this. Either ask him to review his contract or find another electrician.”, he says. “Doesn’t McKenney have lawyers ?”, he asks before realizing that he is one of them. “Well…”, he purses his lips. “I can work on this tonight and give you my suggestions tomorrow, what do you think ?”

“No, don’t bother, I’ll tell Hans that we need to find another electrician.”, Harvey replies.

“Hey, I work for him, I’ll bill it don’t worry.”, Mike grins.

Jessica will be pleased. And that gives him another opportunity to see Harvey.

“Well ok then, I guess.”, Harvey smiles back. “Shall we go ?”

 

“He _gave_ it to you ?!”, Mike’s jaw drops to the car floor.

Harvey nods with a proud smile as the engine roars loudly in the parking lot. He’s always liked cars but would have never thought he’d ever own a Mercedes SLK, not even in his wildest dreams. It’s from Hans personal collection and he gave it to him after their first meeting. “I have five daughters and none of them understands cars.”, he told him, casually handing the keys to Harvey. And god Harvey does understand them. Ever since he was a little boy he’s been watching car shows, buying car magazines and collecting toy cars. The only car he could afford after he got his driving license was an old red pick-up truck he completely did up and has cherished ever since. Now he owns one of his favorite cars and he’d be lying if he said he hasn’t been driving aimlessly every night since he got it just to enjoy the feeling of being behind the wheel of such a road monster.

 

They have dinner at Trastevere, a nice Italian restaurant on Hollywood Boulevard. Both feared it would be awkward, especially after Mike’s tears on the balcony, but it’s not. They talk and laugh a lot. For a night, it feels like nothing happened, like Ted didn’t put 2 800 between them, like they’re in New York celebrating Harvey’s birthday. Mike tells Harvey about Reggie and his new habit of taking a piss on Mike’s socks when he doesn’t immediately puts them in the laundry bag after removing them, about the moving and the crush he’s sure Trevor has developed on Jenny. Harvey tells Mike about the house and how nice it will be once renovated, about when he discovered his apartment. It’s like nothing happened. Except they don’t touch, they’re like best friends having dinner together. Mike’s favorite thing in the world has always been kissing Harvey and he longs for Harvey’s touch, for a sign that he didn’t come all the way just to get a peak at Harvey’s new and perfect life without him. For a sign that, when the LA house is up and running, Harvey will come back and move back in.

He pays the bill and they walk outside the restaurant, full and content. Maybe a little dizzy from the wine, and also from the tiredness for Mike.

“Where are you staying ?”, Harvey asks as they walk back to the car.

“The Sofitel, in Beverley Hills.”, Mike replies, unaware that his answer just knocked the wind out of Harvey.

“Ok.”, Harvey nods, breathless.

He stayed there two weeks ago. Ted works there. And now Mike’s staying there and he has to drive him there. _There_. Where his world crumbled, he realizes. Up until this very moment, he hadn’t realized the extent of the consequences of that night and how it pretty much ruined everything. He thought he was doing fine. He thought, well he’d been trying to convince himself, that he was in LA because that’s what he had decided with Hans. But the truth is that he wasn’t supposed to fly to LA for another two weeks. The truth is that he didn’t only come here for business. The truth is that he’s pushed Mike away because of that night. He’s fled New York because of that night. He’s almost cut all ties with Rachel because of that night. He’s been spending more time than usual scrubbing his skin like mad in the shower because of that night. He’s here, trying to pretend that spending the evening with Mike doesn’t make him wish Mike could stay, because of what happened at The Sofitel two weeks ago.

“Uh, I think we walked past your car.”, Mike chuckles, pointing at Harvey’s car.

“Yeah.”, Harvey tries to smile as he retraces his steps.

 

They drive to Mike’s hotel in relative silence and, from the corner of his eye, Harvey sees the quick glances Mike gives him.

“Harvey.”, Mike says when Harvey’s pulling up in front of the hotel, a tight knot in his stomach.

Harvey turns around and licks his lips nervously.

“Do you plan on ever coming back to New York ?”, Mike asks.

“I don’t know, I’ve only been here for a week.”, Harvey replies with a chuckle he hopes sounds casual because it really does sound anxious in his ears, and pretending to not understand the underlying question.

“I know but I mean…”, Mike gulps. “… I know I kicked you out and I hate myself for doing it when you needed the most but I didn’t know what had happened. Now I do I…”, he looks away and bites his lip. “I know I screwed up but I miss you, Harvey.”, he says after a short pause. “I wish you’d told me. I wish we...”, he sighs and sniffs. “Is there a chance, even a slight chance, that you will come back to me ?”, he asks, his eyes wet and pleading.

Harvey takes a deep breath and looks away, wishing he could answer him. He’s thought about it a lot. He knows he misses Mike (a lot) and the life they had but he also knows that a page has turned, something has changed irrevocably and he’s not sure he can go back to that. He’s not sure he can give Mike what he wants. Though the way he easily slipped into Mike’s hug on the balcony earlier that night is an encouraging sign, it actually surprised him, the mere thought of Mike’s lips on his or on any part of his body makes his skin crawl. A lot of thoughts actually do make his skin crawl. He’s still healing and he knows it. He has nightmares, moments of panics sometimes during the day and parts of his body still hurt. He cannot tell Mike. He wouldn’t know how to explain that to him, he feels ashamed and he certainly couldn’t put this into words while looking at Mike.

“I don’t know.”, he replies, fully aware that it’s a too vague answer, a bullshit answer but it’s the truth.

“Will you let me know when you do ?”, Mike asks.

“Ok.”, Harvey clears his throat and nods. “I will.”

“When I called you on Saturday, you said you were about to call me. What did you want to tell me ?”

“Donna said I should I call you.”, Harvey replies because there’s no point in lying. “I… I’ve been writing you an email I still haven’t sent. I don’t think I will since you came but anyway, Donna insisted that I should give you a call and, well, I wanted to know how you were doing.”

“Please send me the email.”, Mike says. “I’d like to read it.”, he nods. “Is that how you want to communicate ? Because that totally works with me, we could email each other, say once a week ? Or more, I mean, I’d totally email you everyday.”, he giggles nervously. “Or less, I mean, it’s up to you.”, he clears his throat. “I just… It was a long week not knowing how you were doing.”, he looks down.

“I’m sorry.”, Harvey says because he is. “I needed time to adjust.”

“I know, it’s ok.”, Mike gives him a small smile. “I should go. I have work to do.”, he says, waving the folder containing the electrician’s contract. “When and where can I drop the reviewed contract tomorrow ? We need to be at the airport at noon.”

Harvey fumbles in his pocket for his phone and checks his schedule.

“Well.”, he says. “I’ll be at the house at 10, so you can drop by any time after 10. I'll text you the address.”

“Ok.”, Mike grabs the door handle. “See you tomorrow.”

“Thanks for dinner.”, Harvey smiles.

“My pleasure.”, Mike smiles back but it’s a sad smile. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

 


	10. People have an annoying habit of remembering things they shouldn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot to everybody who reads and leaves kudos and commentaries. They all mean a lot to me.

Mike doesn’t get to see Harvey again. During a quick breakfast the next morning, he tells Jessica about the work he’s done for Harvey and the electrician contract and while she congratulates him on his quick thinking, she tells him he’ll have to give the revised contract to McKenney as they’re flying back to New York right after their meeting with him. At first he’s really disappointed but he quickly regains his composure and comes to the conclusion that it’s better this way. They parted easily yesterday because he thought he was going to see him again, it wouldn’t have been as easy today. He would have had a hard time letting Harvey go. So he sends him a text on his way to the airport to tell him the contract’s with Hans and that he hopes to see him again soon. Harvey replies a couple of minutes later to thank him for reviewing the contract and tells him he’ll be in touch, ending with a “ _have a safe trip home_ ” which warms Mike’s heart. _Home_. Does he mean _their_ home ?

 

 

It’s almost 9 pm when he unlocks the front door to his apartment.

“Hey Reggie.”, he smiles at the cat who immediately runs to his empty bowl with a loud meow. “Yeah, yeah, I know you’re hungry but let me change first.”, he says, toeing off his shoes.

Reggie follows him to the bedroom and jumps on the bed.

“I saw daddy yesterday.”, Mike sighs. “He’s doing good. He’s stopped shaving, you know ?” he undresses and Reggie purrs in response. “I know you’re just waiting for me to feed you but I know that you miss him too.”, he smiles sadly, putting on a pair of sweatpants. “Come on.”

He walks to the kitchen and empties a tuna can in Reggie’s bowl. He hasn’t been grocery shopping for a week and that’s all he has that resembles cat’s food.

“Knock knock !”, he hears coming from the front door as he’s putting the bowl down, patting Reggie’s head.

He leans over the kitchen counter and sees Donna in a bathrobe, holding a bottle of wine.

“How did you get in ?”, he asks.

“The door was open.”, Donna replies. “Well not wide open but it wasn’t closed. I saw you coming out of the cab, I thought I’d drop by.”, she smiles, taking a seat in the living room and setting the bottle on the coffee table. “How was it ?”

“Flying across the country and back in less than 48 hours is exhausting.”, Mike sighs, slumping onto the couch next to her.

“I bet it is. Did you see him ?”, she asks impatiently.

“Yes.”, Mike grins. “Oh thanks for the wine. Wanna drink it now ?”, he asks.

“Of course I want to drink it now.”, Donna huffs. “While you tell me how it went. In great detail.”

Mike blushes and walks to the kitchen to get the glasses.

“He asked me to meet him at his new apartment.”, he says, grabbing a corkscrew from a drawer. “You should see it.”, he shakes his head. “It’s a freaking palace !”

“I know !”, Donna laughs. “He told me the exact same thing over the phone on Sunday.”

“By the way, thanks for telling him to call me.”, Mike smiles gratefully as he sits back on the couch. “We had dinner in a nice Italian restaurant and he drove me back to the hotel. We were supposed to meet again this morning but my plans changed so we did not.”

“Ok.”, Donna rolls her eyes. “I said I wanted the details.”

“We hugged.”, Mike says, pouring two glasses.

“Did you kiss ?”

“No.”, Mike shakes his head. “I wanted to.”, he blushes. “Badly. But I don’t think he… I don’t know. We had a great time, though.”

“But ?”, Donna raises an eyebrow and she takes a sip of her wine.

“I asked him if I was coming back once he was done in LA. Coming back here, I mean.”, Mike replies, gesturing around the room. “He said he didn’t know…”, he sighs and watches as Reggie jumps on Donna’s lap. “He told you what happened, didn’t he ?”

Donna opens her mouth to reply but closes it again.

“Please Donna.”, Mike purses his lips. “I need to know what happened. And I know Harvey, I know he’ll never tell me. Even if he eventually moves back in, he’ll never tell me.”, he looks down. “And I need to know what happened in order to understand what he went through.”

“I can’t tell you Mike.”, Donna shakes her head. “He trusted me with this when he told me, I can’t tell you if he doesn’t want you to know.”

“But I need to know, Donna.”, Mike pleads. “How I am supposed to understand what’s going on, what he needs if I don’t know what happened ?”

Donna’s fingers tighten around her glass and she looks away.

“It’s going to take time.”, she eventually says, locking eyes with Mike. “He’s ashamed and blames himself for what happened to him.”

“He almost killed the guy.”, Mike says, emptying his glass, thinking he should probably slow down. “You were right when you called me that night. He went to his hotel room and beat the shit out of him.”, he swallows hard. “I had never seen him like that. I know the guy, his name is Ted. He was in our school, on the football team.”

“Yeah, I know.”, Donna nods. “Harvey told me they used to date back then.”

Mike raises his eyebrows. He didn’t know that.

“Tell me Donna. Tell me what he did to him.”, he asks with a serious voice.

“Mike…”, she sighs. “You know what happened. Rachel told me you knew, you don’t need the details, trust me.”

“Yes, I do. I wanna know how…”, he clears his throat. “I mean, how… I want to understand how he got in that situation. Please Donna.”

“Fine. But no details.”, she sighs again and sets her empty glass on the coffee table. “He ran into Ted in the hotel lobby, they exchanged a few words and Ted invited him for a drink. They had too many of them.”, she explains, petting Reggie. “Ted offered to walk him back to his room and he…”, she gulps. “He tried to kiss him and it escalated quickly. Harvey was drunk, he couldn’t fight back, he tried but he couldn’t.”

Mike looks away, biting his bottom lip. She’s right, maybe he doesn’t need the details.

“When I saw the marks on his body, I thought-“, his lips start to tremble. “I automatically thought he had cheated on me.”, he sobs. “I’m such an idiot !”

“You couldn’t have known.”, Donna places a hand on his knee. “He knows that, Mike.”

“He’s got nothing to blame himself for, I kicked him out for God’s sake !”

“Because he didn’t tell you.”, she squeezes his knee. “You couldn’t possibly have known.”

Mike shakes his head and covers his mouth with his hand.

“Mike.”, Donna leans in to meet his eyes. “Mike, look at me.”, she says. “What happened happened, there’s nothing you or anybody can do about it. What you can do however is to be patient and show him that you love him no matter what Ted did to him.”

Mike bites the inside of his cheek as more tears gather in his eyes.

“He may not know it but he needs you.”, she continues. “I know it’s hard to show support on the other end of the country but thanks to modern technology, there are plenty of ways to do it. Give him time.”

Mike nods slowly and wipes his nose with the back of his hand.

“I love him, you know.”, he sniffs.

“I know.”, she gives him a small smile. “Another glass ?”

 

 

Mike is almost late to work the next morning. And he’s got a pounding headache thanks to Donna’s wine bottles. She went back to her apartment to get another one and then another one and ended up passing out on Mike’s couch. “Perfect girls night. Thanks.”, she slurred when he told her he was leaving for work and that Harvey’s keys were on the kitchen counter.

“Wow, you look like shit.”, Katrina frowns when he enters the bullpen.

“Thanks.”, Mike rolls his eyes. “You’re a true friend.”

“Speaking of which.”, she smiles wickedly. “I’ve been seeing this guy for a month and I’d like you and the guys to meet him.”

“A whole month and you didn’t tell us ?”, Mike asks, firing up his computer.

“I didn’t want to bother you in case it didn’t work.”, she replies matter-of-factly. “But I really like him.”

“What’s his name ? What does he do ?”, Mike asks with a smile.

“His name is Derek.”, she blushes. “You can ask him what he does when you meet him.”, she winks. “Come with Harvey, it’s been too long and apart from the gala, during which we didn’t get to talk at all, it didn’t go well the last time I saw him.”

“Harvey’s in LA.”, Mike replies.

“Oh ok, how long is he staying ?”

“I don’t know.”, he replies somberly.

Katrina studies him for a moment then takes his silence as her cue to go back to work.

 

30 minutes later, while all the associates are already buried deep in their work, Neal arrives, breakfast in hand, grin firmly in place.

“What’s up bitches ?”, he smiles smugly, putting his coffee and bagel on his desk.

“We’re fine, Neal.”, Katrina rolls her eyes. “You’re gonna get in trouble one day for always showing up late. Louis noticed you know ?”

“Well I’m not Louis’ associate.”, Neal takes off his hat. “I report to Jeff and he’s a cool guy, he totally gets that I need my beauty sleep.”, he smirks. “Besides, he never comes in before 9.”

Mike smiles, thinking about what Jenny told him about Jeff and Jessica.

“What are you smiling about ?”, Neal asks, taking a bite of his bagel and leaning against Mike’s desk.

“Nothing.”, Mike sighs. “You should get to work.”, he adds, looking between where Neal’s ass is resting and Neal’s face.

“Bad mood again ?”

“Neal.”, Mike warns.

“Oh God you’re such a killjoy.”, Neal rolls his eyes and walks to his desk. “We should all go out and get drunk tonight.”

“I agree.”, Katrina gets up and smiles. “There’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Ooooohh.”, Neal whistles. “What’s her name ?”

“Very funny.”, Katrina deadpans. “How about 8 ?”

“I’m in !”, Neal grins.

“Mike ?”, she asks while Mike’s phone starts ringing.

“Yeah, I’ll be there.”, Mike smiles, picking up his phone. “Mike Ross.”

“Hey Mike, it’s Jenny.”

“Oh hey Jenny. What can I do for you ?”

“Jessica wants to see you in her office now.”, Jenny replies.

“I’ll be right there.”, Mike says and hangs up the phone.

“Uh oh. Looks like somone’s been a bad boy.”, Neal mumbles and Katrina chuckles.

“Shut up, Neal.”, Mike sighs dramatically.

 

He walks up the two flights of stairs leading to the 56th floor and smiles when he passes by Jenny’s desk before knocking on Jessica’s door. She’s sitting on her couch, reading a file and gestures for him to come in. He can’t really tell if she’s pissed or not.

“Morning Jessica.”, he smiles tentatively.

“Morning Mike.”, she smiles broadly. “Take a seat.”

 _Not pissed_.

“Hans McKenney called this morning about the contract you reviewed.”, she says, putting the file down and grabbing her cup of tea. “He was very pleased with your work.”, she smiles. “He wanted me to thank you on his behalf. Great work.”

“Well.”, Mike clears his throat. “I just did my job.”

“You took initiative and it’s going to bring us more business.”, she says and takes a sip. “McKenney realized he needs a full time lawyer with him while his project is coming to life.”

Mike’s heart stops beating and he’s trying hard to remain impassible.

“That’s, um, good, right ?”, he asks with a confused look when she doesn’t elaborate.

“It’s a very good thing.”, Jessica agrees. “But that’s the reason when I asked you to come up.”, she leans forward, her elbow resting on her crossed legs. “I wanted you to hear it from me. Louis is moving to LA.” And the color drains from Mike’s face. “I know you’d have taken the position in a heartbeat given the circumstances but I’m sure you understand that I can’t possibly send a first-year associate.”

“Of course.”, Mike nods and swallows thickly. “I understand.”

“Great.”, Jessica smiles. “Thanks again for you great work.”

 

_It’s been almost two hours since the Dean came in his classroom and asked to talk to him. The man personally drove Harvey to the hospital where he was asked to wait until a doctor was available to see him. All he knows is that her mum was hit in the head and was found unconscious by a neighbor this morning._

_Today’s his 18 th birthday and he has plans. Ted has promised to take him to dinner somewhere nice and then they’re going clubbing with Ted’s teammates thanks to their fake IDs. Right now, he doesn’t really feel like it. His stomach is grumbling. He wants to see a doctor, he wants to know what’s going on with his mum. And he needs to tell the police he knows who did that to her. Frank did. _

_He’s been living with her for a year and Harvey’s been there one time for dinner. Not twice, once. It didn’t go badly but Harvey knew what kind of man Frank was the moment he laid eyes on him. So, after this dinner, he declined all of his mother’s invitations._

_And now she’s lying unconscious somewhere in this hospital and Harvey’s fuming because he knew this would happen. It was always only a matter of time and he didn’t try to warn her. Because each time he’d tried, she’d brushed him off._

_“M. Specter ?”, a nurse asks, popping a head around the ER waiting room door._

_“Yes.”, Harvey jerks up from his seat._

_“Please follow me.”, she says with a sad smile._

_Harvey grabs his schoolbag and follows her down a long corridor. She stops in front of a door and knocks before entering._

_“Mr. Specter is here to see you, doctor.”, she says and nods politely before leaving, closing the door behind her._

_The doctor is a middle-aged man. He looks tired and his eyes stay on his computer screen as he motions for Harvey to take a seat across from him._

_“Your mum suffered a serious head injury.”, he says without further introduction._

_Harvey purses his lips and remains silent, waiting for the man to look at him. Which he does after a moment._

_“She’s in a coma.”, he says, folding his hands. “We have no idea when she’s going to wake up and there is no way to know the extent of the damage that was done to her brain until she does.”_

_Harvey nods and looks away._

_“There were evidences of past and more recent physical abuse on her body, I know you don’t live with-“_

_“I don’t live with her.”, Harvey confirms. “But I know who did that.”_

_The doctor looks taken aback by Harvey’s calm, he’s probably used to people breaking into tears._

_“The police will be here any minute.”, the doctor says. “They’re going to meet with me first, I’ll tell them everything we know, like I just did with you, and then they’re going to interrogate you. They’ll ask you what you were doing last night, because that’s when it happened.”, he explains. “That’s procedure, they have to ask you. Tell them and then tell them about the man you think did that to her. Just try to remain calm, it’s a serious matter, they will want to be thorough. I’ve witnessed dozen of these procedures and it’s always hard on the family members.”, he gives Harvey a small smile and it’s the first time he’s shown any kind of emotion towards Harvey since he entered his small office. “You have the right to an attorney if you-.”_

_“Thank you.”, Harvey cuts him swallowing around the huge lump in his throat. “I’ll be alright. Thank you doctor.”, he repeats._

_Harvey gets up from his seat and holds out his hand, which the doctor shakes vigorously._

_“I have your information.”, the doctor says. “We’ll be in touch. Until then, you can go back to the waiting room, a nurse will come get you when you can see you mother.”_

_Harvey nods and turns around, finally letting the tears well up in his eyes._

 

Harvey stretches loudly in his bed. It’s been a hot night, the sliding doors are open and the morning wind is playing with the curtains. Summer is almost here but it’s been feeling like summer for a while in LA. He’s hard a nightmare again. Not involving what happened to him and that’s a nice change. He dreamed about what happened to his mum for all these years. About all the times he’s seen her cry, all the broken promises she’s heard, all the suffering she’s been through.

He quickly realizes it has something to do with the date. It’s been 10 years since he lost his mum. Well, two days ago actually. He broke up with Ted that night and, instead of celebrating his 18th birthday, he spent the night crying at his mum’s side at the hospital. But somehow he didn’t even think about it two days ago, for the first time in 10 years it was nothing more than his birthday. Being in LA and having dinner with Mike after what happened two weeks ago certainly “helped”. But now he feels guilty for having forgotten. For not having had a thought for his mum when he’s made a point of visiting her on that day every year for the past 10 years.

He sits up and grabs his cell.

 

 

When Mike went back to his desk after his meeting with Jessica an hour ago, he was pissed and sad. It must have shown because neither Neal nor Katrina dared ask him how it went. Even Kyle, who’s not known for being tactful, dropped his gaze when he saw the look on Mike’s face.

He sighs when he feels his phone vibrate in his pocket.

_“Hey. I hope you’re doing good. I wanna ask you something but you’re totally free to refuse, I would understand if you did. You know it was the anniversary of my mum’s “accident” two days ago and I always visit her on that day. Do you think you could go see her today ? Tell her I’m doing fine and that I think of her a lot ? I know you’re busy and that visiting hours end at 6:30 but that would be awesome if you could drop by. Again, if you don’t want to or can’t, I completely understand. It’s just that I know she loves you and you’re the only person I trust with her. Whatever you decide, please let me know. Thank you.”_

Mike’s heart flutters in his chest and he closes his eyes, torn between feeling sad for Harvey and feeling happy because he just got a text from him. He knows Harvey hates text messages but he guesses that Harvey didn’t feel like asking him over the phone. He imagines him choosing his words wisely and deciding to use the word “accident” instead of “death” because he knows Mike hates when he says that his mum is dead.

_“Of course. I’ll go see her. Do you want me to bring flowers like you always do ? I hope you’re good. Still haven’t received your email LOL. I’ll let you know how it went. Love you.”_

He hesitates for a long minute before sending it because of the last two words. But he decides that he means them and he wants Harvey to know it, so he taps on the screen and waits for Harvey’s reply.

It comes only seconds later.

_“Thank you so much. If you can bring flowers, that’d be perfect but it’s ok if you can’t. Thank you so much for doing this, I’ll call the clinic to let them know you’re coming. I’m not finished writing the email.”_

Mike smiles and starts typing.

 _“It better be worth the wait :O”_ he sends.

_“I don’t think it’s worth anything but you asked for it. Don’t come lamenting when you get it and it bores you to death.”_

_“It won’t. <3”_

 

 

Isabelle is in the garden when he arrives at the Payne Whitney Clinic a little after 5:30 with the biggest bouquet of flowers he’s found. She’s sitting on the bench at the far end of the park and her eyes are closed so Mike slowly approaches, not wanting to startle her. He’s almost reached her when she pops her eyes open and turns her head in his direction.

“Hello Isabelle.”, Mike smiles.

She looks at the bouquet for a while and then her brown eyes move up to Mike’s mouth.

“They’re from Harvey.”, Mike explains, sitting down next to her and handing out the flowers. “He’s in LA, he told you right ? He’s doing fine. He asked me to tell you that. He wants you to know that he thinks about you a lot.”

Isabelle runs her fingertips over the soft petals and looks up at Mike’s mouth again.

“Harvey.”, she says.

“Yes, Harvey.”, Mike nods encouragingly. “He asked me to bring you flowers.”

She narrows her eyes and whispers Harvey’s name a couple of times before clutching the flowers to her chest. Mike swallows hard, suppressing a grin. Harvey’s going to be so happy to know how she reacted.

“Thank you, Harvey.”, Isabelle says, looking away.

“I’ll tell him.”, Mike replies, knowing this is probably the last interaction they’ll have today.

 

 

Harvey’s walking to his car, his hands full with invoices he’s bringing for Hans to sign. They’re meeting at his office to finalize the equipping of the house and then they’re having dinner somewhere in town because Hans wants him to meet a friend of his who does charity work.

 _Can’t remember to forget you_ starts playing in his pocket so he drops the files on the car hood and grabs the ringing device. _Baby calling…_

“Hey.”, he says, fumbling in his pocket for his car keys with his free hand.

“Hey !”, Mike cheers. “You’re not going to believe your ears ! Oh my God ! I’m just coming out of the clinic, I just your mum and oh my Goooood !”

“What happened ?”, Harvey asks, bracing himself.

Mike sounds excited, and _God_ it’s nice to hear his voice, so it cannot be bad news. But still, anything related to his mother makes him nervous.

“I brought her a big-ass bouquet of roses, like the biggest that was ever made.”, he giggles. “She _loved_ them, baby bear !”, Mike shouts.

“She said that ?”, he asks cautiously, trying to pretend he didn’t hear the term of endearment. He knows it slipped from Mike’s mouth because he’s excited.

“Well, no.”, Mike replies. “But she did speak ! You know what she said ? She said your name ! She said it like… 4 times !”, he exclaims. “Oh. My. God. I wish you’d seen it ! I told her you asked me to bring her the bouquet, she looked touched. Then she hugged the flowers and she said _Thank you, Harvey_!”

Harvey gulps and tears of joy start pooling in his eyes. He takes a deep breath and leans against his car, suddenly feeling weak at the knees.

“Wow.”, he whispers.

“I know, right ?!”, Mike exclaims again and Harvey can totally picture his huge smile. “That was awesome ! It’s like she understood everything I told her, can you imagine that ?! Oh my God ! Oh, and you know what ? She was _in the park_ when I came in, not in the library !”

“Thanks a lot.”, Harvey says, wiping his tears. “That means a lot to me.”

“Don’t thank me.”, Mike replies. “I’m so happy for you, and for her ! I hope that you get to see something similar next time you come visit her.”

“Yeah, me too.”, Harvey sighs. “I gotta go, I have a meeting. Thanks again. A lot.”

“You’re welcome.”, Mike says and he sounds disappointed. “Have a good evening. Well, it’s evening here, not yet in LA.”

“Not yet.”, Harvey smiles. “Have a good evening, Mike.”

“Call me ?”, Mike asks in a small voice.

“I will.”

 

 

“Ok, what happened to your apartment ?”, Neal asks with a disgusted look. “Did Harvey move out or what ?”, he looks around the living room with a frown.

“Yes.”, Mike replies, walking to his bedroom.

When he agreed to let Neal and Kyle come to his place to get ready to go out, he didn’t think about the questions that the empty spots and general mess were going to bring up.

“What ? When ?”, Neal asks, shooting a look at Kyle who shrugs.

He follows Mike to the bedroom and almost trips on Reggie who whines and runs away.

“A week ago.”, Mike sighs, dropping his suit jacket on the bed. “And no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Ok.”, Neal nods with a confused look. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“No you’re not if what Jenny told me is true.”, Mike objects and he locks himself in the bathroom, leaving a dumbfounded Neal behind him.

 

 

 _The Sofitel._ Of course that’s were they’re having dinner. Because Harvey can’t have one entirely good day. He got the good news of Mike’s visit to his mum and now he’s gotta pay.

When Hans gave the address to his driver, Harvey instantly recognized it and he spent the ride trying to convince himself that he could do it. He just needed to man up for once. _It’s only a freaking hotel_ , he kept repeating himself.

When the driver drops them in front of the building, he takes a deep breath, following Hans up the stairs and through the revolving door as a nagging feeling starts growing in his chest. Pulling up in front of the hotel two days ago was hard enough. Being there is an entirely different thing and as they walk across the lobby, the nagging feeling quickly turns into full-blown anxiety.

Hans’ friend, Lucy Banks, is already waiting for them and they shake hands and exchange pleasantries while their table is being set. Harvey smiles and nods politely when he feels that’s what he’s expected to do. That’s all he can do. He doesn’t hear them, his world has gone silent and blank except for the loud pounding of his heart.

“Are you alright ?” “Harvey ?” “Harvey, talk to me.” “Sir ?”

He tries to focus, tries to read the words on their lips but everything from the pattern on the carpet to the distinct smell of the air freshener brings him back to that night, two weeks ago. He feels a hand on his shoulder and his knees give in.

 

“What ?”, Mike asks, stepping aside from the table where everybody’s laughing loudly. “I’m sorry, I’m in a bar, I can’t hear you. Who is it again ?”

“Hans McKenney. I’m sorry to bother you but-“

“Oh, good evening Sir.”, Mike rushes out of the bar. “I’m not at the office but tell me, how can I help you ?”

“Well, I’m with Harvey.”, Hans explains and Mike can hear sirens in the background. “He’s at the hospital, he collapsed-“

“What ?!”, Mike exclaims. “What happened ? Is he alright ?”

“They’re running a couple of tests as we speak.”, the man replies. “As I was telling you, he collapsed an hour ago and he remained unconscious for almost 10 minutes so they took him to the hospital.”

“Oh my God.”, Mike whispers, covering his mouth with his hand. “He’s awake now, right ?”

“Yes.”, Hans reassures him. “He was awake when the ambulance arrived but since he was out of it for so long, they wanted to look into it. You’re listed as his emergency contact in his phone so I called you.”

“Thank you, Sir.”, Mike gulps. “Did he say anything ? Did you talk to him ?”

“No, they won’t let me see him since I’m not a family member.”

“Ok but I’m not either.”, Mikes bites his bottom lip. “Who will they call when they’ve ran their tests ?”

“He’ll tell them to call you, maybe he’ll call you when he feels better. Don’t worry, though, it’s probably nothing but I thought you might want to know.”

“Yeah, thank you so much for calling. Could you give me the hospital number ?”

“Let me go get it and I’ll text it to you.”

“Ok.”, Mike nods frantically. “Thanks.”

Harvey’s in the hospital, 2800 kilometers away. Harvey collapsed while Mike was getting drunk with his friends. He wasn’t there for him. A bitter feeling of déjà-vu overwhelms him and he sinks to his knees on the sidewalk.


	11. Home is wherever I'm with you. Our home, yes, I am home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's a little shorter but it's a turning point. Hope you enjoy it ! Let me knooooooow ! Thanks a lot for reading <3

Harvey opens his eyes and tries to move his hand to scratch his neck but he realizes that he can’t. Somehow his arms won’t move. Wait, his body won’t move.

He clears his throat and looks around the room, causing his neck to crack. He’s exhausted even though he just woke up and he has no idea what time it is or how long he slept but the starry sky he sees through the window tells him it’s nighttime.

The room is dark and gloomy and the only light comes from under the closed door.

As the events that lead him to that hospital bed slowly come back to his mind, he feels embarrassed.

He fainted. He remembers closing his eyes and hearing voices around him. He remembers wanting to reply that he was alright but not being able to. He remembers the face of the paramedic when he opened his eyes again, her concerned look, her hands on his pulse point. She asked for his name and he remembers opening his mouth to reply but he doesn’t remember actually saying his name. Hans was crouched down next to his motionless body, answering the woman’s questions the best he could. Harvey remembers nodding at his answers, confirming his name and age. He remembers shaking his head when the paramedic asked him if he had any allergies. He remembers being lifted onto a stretcher and into an ambulance and fighting to keep his eyes open during the ride to the hospital. He remembers thinking about Mike, about how he would want him to be here with him. He spoke to Hans at one point, right before he was taken to a cold examination room, he remembers apologizing to him. Hans smiled and patted his shoulder. “ _You have nothing to be sorry about._ ” He feel asleep at some point while a rather handsome and young male nurse was running some test and the last thing he remembers is waking up in his room, moments ago.

There’s an IV hooked in his arms, linked to a transparent-looking liquid pouch, and a pulse oximeter wrapped around his right index finger. He turns his head towards the blipping machine displaying his vitals and sighs loudly.

He then takes a deep breath and pushes the nurse call button.

Barely ten seconds later, the young male nurse that ran his tests enters the room with a smile.

“Good, you’re awake.”, he says and he switches the lights on, causing Harvey to blink a couple of times as his eyes adjust to the light. “How are you feeling Mr. Specter ?”

“Uh.”, Harvey tries to speak but his throat is dry.

“Water.”, the young man smiles, grabs a glass of water and guides the straw to Harvey’s lips.

Harvey takes a couple of sips and nods.

“What’s going on with me ?”, he asks, clearing his throat.

“You collapsed earlier in the evening and you were out for about 10 minutes.”, the nurse explains, his eyes going from the monitor screen to the chart in his hands.

“Yeah, I remember.”, Harvey says. “You ran some tests, right ? What’s the conclusion ?”

“Well, it appears that you suffer from a severe type of anemia.”, the young man replies, reading the chart. “The doctor will talk to you in the morning, there’s not much I can tell you right now except that you will need a blood transfusion. We couldn’t perform it when you came in because you fell asleep and we needed your consent or the consent of a family member.”, he smiles sadly. “I’ve been in touch with a Mr. Michael Ross, I called him because he’s your listed emergency contact. He was really helpful, he provided us with the all the basic information we needed to be able run the tests, but he’s not a family member.”

“No.”, Harvey purses his lips.

“And your friend, Mr. McKenney, who was with you when you came in.”, the nurse continues. “I sent him home. I couldn’t let him see you without your consent. I told him you’d call him.”

“Where’s my phone ?”, Harvey asks.

“Hum, let me see.”, the young man replies, walking to a chair sitting on the opposite wall.

He searches Harvey’s clothes and personal effects for a while before finding the device.

“Here.”, he smiles, handing out the phone. “Do you need me to call someone for you ?”

“No, I’m fine.”, Harvey smiles back. “Thank you.”

“Alright. Call me if you need me. I’m Dan, by the way.”

“Thank you Dan, then.”, Harvey smiles again.

The young nurse leaves the room and Harvey unlocks his phone. There are 8 unread emails and 4 text messages.

 _“Mike told me that you’re in the hospital. Please let me know how you’re doing when you can. Get well soon Superman. xoxo”_ from Donna.

 _“Call me as soon as you read this message please. I’ll be waiting by the phone. Not tired anyway. Love you.”_ from Mike.

And two other texts : from one of the workers to tell him he’s sick and won’t be able to come tomorrow and a commercial text form Pizza Hut.

It’s a little bit after midnight, which means it’s a little after 3 in New York but Mike said he could call, so he taps on Mike’s name and sticks the phone between his ear and shoulder.

“Harvey ? Oh thank God ! How are you ?!”, Mike picks up on the first ring.

“Tired.”, Harvey replies. “But I’m ok I guess, it’s just anemia.”

“Did you see a doctor ? What happened ? Mr. McKenney said you collapsed, what happened ?”, Mike asks breathlessly.

“I don’t know, exhaustion, iron deficiency.”, Harvey spares him the slightly concerning details, Mike sounds worried sick. “I haven’t seen the doctor yet, I’ll know more tomorrow morning I guess.”

“They didn’t tell you _anything_ ?”

“No, the nurse couldn’t tell me.”, Harvey yawns again. “I guess he either can’t tell me or don’t know exactly what it is that I have.”

“He ?”, Mike asks.

“Yes, _he_.”, Harvey smiles. “He’s name Dan and he’s quite the hottie.”

“No he’s not. You’re only saying this to make me jealous.”, Mike says. “I bet it’s not even a man.”

“I swear.”, Harvey chuckles. “He really is hot.”

The line goes silent and Harvey grins because he knows exactly what Mike’s doing : he’s pouting.

“Stop pouting. I’m sick, remember ?”, he says and he shouldn’t be trying to defend himself, to reassure Mike.

Technically, Mike and him aren’t together anymore and it shouldn’t be any of Mike’s business who he finds hot. And yet the words came out automatically and he realizes he meant them. He meant to reassure Mike. Though the main reason why Mike shouldn’t be worried about the nurse isn’t because Harvey’s sick. The truth is that Harvey simply can’t imagine engaging in any kind of physical contact with anybody, let alone a total stranger. He looks at the legs in front of him and for a moment, he closes his eyes and tries to picture a hand landing on his thigh. A hand that’s meant to be comforting, a warm and sympathetic hand. No, he can’t. He definitely can’t and he swallows thickly as what he just pictured sends his body into immediate shiver.

“Still there ?”, Mike asks.

“Yep, I zoned out. Sorry.”, Harvey replies and yawns.

“You must be really tired, you should go back to sleep.”, Mike also yawns. “I’m going to go to bed. I might be able to catch a couple of hours of sleep now I’ve talked to you.”

“Thanks for helping the hospital while I was out.”, Harvey says. “And goodnight.”

“Call me when you’ve talked to the doctor, ok ?”

“I will. Goodnight.”

 

Mike comes into work around 9 the next morning and he’s surprised to find that Neal’s already there.

He excused himself and left his friends to enjoy the rest of their evening after he got the call from Hans McKenney. He wasn’t in the mood to party anymore.

“Hey.”, he smiles, walking to his cubicle.

“Hey. How’s Harvey doing ?”, Neal asks with a genuinely concerned look.

“He’s anemic.”, Mike replies. “He doesn’t know the details yet, he hadn’t seen the doctor when he called me last night.”

Neal nods and goes back to his computer.

Mike still feels bad for snapping at him yesterday when he told him he was sorry for him and Harvey but Neal doesn’t seem to resent him and he didn’t bring up the subject again. Mike guesses he feels bad too.

“How was the rest of the party ?”, he asks.

“Great.”, Neal smiles over the partition. “We went clubbing at Cielo, didn’t sleep much, right Kat’ ?”, he turns his head towards Katrina.

“We sure didn’t.”, she chuckles. “You missed a fun night and a great moment.”, she grins and stands up in her cubicle to get a better look at them. “Someone turned Mr. Irresistible down.”, she points at Neal.

“He didn’t _turn me down_.”, Neal rolls his eyes dramatically and Mike notices the slight blush creeping up his cheeks. “He had to go.”

“Yeah right.”, Katrina laughs and Kyle just snorts, his head bowed down upon the file he’s reading.

They all turn their head towards the door when they hear a throat clearing sound.

“Morning peons.”, Louis says and both Neal and Katrina quickly sit back down. “I have an announcement to make.”, he straightens up and looks around the room to make sure he’s got all the first-years’ attention. “One of our clients, Hans McKenney, needs a lawyer to help him with a project he’s currently building up in LA so I’m moving there for the next 2 months. In the meantime, Jeff Malone will be in charge of you all.”, he explains and everybody but Mike, who already knew about Louis’ departure, raises an eyebrow. “I expect you to work hard while I’m away and don’t get any ideas. I’m still going to check on you regularly. Now, get back to work.”, he says and turns on his heel, disappearing in the corridor.

 

 

When Harvey opens his eyes again, it’s past 9 and he already feels a little better. Maybe it’s the the IV, maybe it’s because he hasn’t had such a good night’s sleep in two weeks but he feels rested. And hungry. For the first time in two weeks.

A nurse, Bertha he learns, strolls in his room with a breakfast tray after he’s pushed the call button and she tells him that doctor Gilbert will see him when he’s done with his morning routine on the floor.

He wolfs down his breakfast and makes a quick call to Donna. She tells him Mike’s called her earlier this morning and after Harvey’s told her he had a good night and feels better, they talk about Donna’s upcoming meeting with Craig and their respective lawyers. He then calls Hans who tells him he’s busy and that he’ll stop by later. He checks his emails and plays 2048 for a while, until the doctor finally arrives.

“How are you feeling, Mr. Specter ?”, he asks with a smile.

“Better.”, Harvey replies, sitting up on the bed while the doctor examines his chart. “Before you drifted off again when you came in last night, you told me you had felt a sudden general weakness. Has it happened before ?”

“No.”, Harvey shakes his head. He knows exactly why he fainted but he has absolutely zero interest in telling the doctor about why being in that hotel lobby caused him to faint. “I mean, I’m a healthy person.”

“Well, that’s not what your chart says.”, Dr. Gilbert says, eyeing him suspiciously. “Have you been eating properly ? You have an iron deficiency, a vitamin B and C deficiency and your blood pressure was at a very low point when you were admitted. These are signs of malnutrition.”

Harvey clears his throat uncomfortably and straightens up.

“I, uh, I was really busy, maybe I skipped a meal or two but… I’m under a lot of stress, I’m running around all day for work and I guess it could have caused, um, the, uh-“

“Mr. Specter.”, the doctor cuts him. “You need to rest. You need to eat properly and to get some sleep. I also suggest that you remove yourself from stressful situations for a while. This is serious.”, he gives Harvey a pointed look. “We’re going to need to perform a blood transfusion to get you back on your feet and, though this is a pretty common procedure, it’s still a big deal. You cannot let yourself go like this, you need to take care of yourself. A young and healthy man with a roof above his head and a job shouldn’t have all these deficiencies. Anemia is treatable, with the right amount of rest, but in the long run, its affects can have consequences that will follow you for the rest of your life.”

Harvey swallows hard and nods.

“I can see you’ve eaten this morning.”, the doctor gives him a small smile. “That’s good. I’ll be back in an hour for the blood transfusion. Until then, you’re only allowed to leave your bed to use the bathroom, ok ?”

“Ok.”, Harvey nods again.” Thank you doctor.”

 

 

Mike is bored out of his mind. Jessica asked him to attend a client meeting because it’s pro bono and she wants him to take over the case. Their client has lost her job after she refused to sleep with her boss. She’s been sobbing for an hour, recounting her two years at the company that just sacked her. Mike wants to feel sympathetic, he really does, she sounds distressed and she looks like an honest person, but he can’t focus.

He checks his phone for the second time in less than a minute and for the 100th time since the meeting started, wondering why Harvey hasn’t called him yet. It’s 3 in the afternoon, meaning it’s noon in Los Angeles and Harvey should have seen the doctor by now. Maybe they discovered he has an untreatable illness and he doesn’t know how to tell Mike. Maybe he didn’t wake up from his sleep. At that thought, Mike clears his throat and Jessica shoots him a look. Maybe Harvey simply forgot to call him because it’s not important to him that Mike knows how he is.

“Will you help me ?”, the woman asks in a pleading voice and that brings Mike back to reality.

“Of course.”, he smiles awkwardly and Jessica purses her lips.

 

“What’s going on ?”, she asks when they’ve walked their client to the elevators.

“I’m sorry.”, Mike looks down. “I’m waiting for an important call and-“

“A personal call ?”, Jessica asks. “Somebody dying ?”

“Yes. I mean, _yes_ it’s personal but no, nobody’s dying.”, Mike quickly answers. “Hopefully…”, he adds in a whisper.

“Then it’s not an important call.”, Jessica snaps. “I want you to leave your phone at your desk when we have a meeting from now on.”, she says, walking back to her office.

Mike tries his hardest to not roll his eyes at her, though she can’t see him, because he’s goddamn 28. He’s about to open the door to the stairs to go back to his floor when his phone buzzes in his pocket.

“Hey Rachel.”, he greets her with a sigh.

“Hey Mike. How are you ?”, she asks.

“I’m good, you ?”, he asks, stepping down.

“I’m good, thanks.”, she replies. “I know you’re at work but I was wondering : have you talk to Harvey lately ?”

“Uh, yesterday, why ?”, he frowns, not knowing if he should be the one telling her about what happened to him last night.

“He just called.”, Rachel replies. “He’s coming back to New York.”

“What ?”, Mike stops dead in his tracks. “He called _you_ ? I mean… He was supposed to call me.”

“He’s coming back to The Shelter.”, Rachel says. “He wanted to make sure there was room for him.”

“Great.”, Mike snorts. “That’s just great. First he doesn’t call me although he said he would and he knows I’m worried about him. And then he…”, he purses his lips. “Nevermind.”

“Mike…”, Rachel says apologetically. “I know you’re still upset because I refused to tell you what happened with Ted but-“

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are.”, she repeats. “You haven’t so much as texted me since the fight you had in our office. And I understand, Mike. I just couldn’t tell you. But he didn’t ask me to not tell you that he was coming back to New York, that’s why I’m telling you.”, she pauses. “I’m sorry for what’s happening to you two.”

“I’m not upset with you, Rachel.”, Mike sighs. “Thanks for telling me.”

“You should call him.”

“He obviously doesn’t want to speak to me, so no.”, Mike starts walking down the stairs again. “He’ll call me if he needs something I guess.”

“Mike…”

“It’s ok.”, he says. “Thanks again, I gotta go back to work.”

“Sure.”, she sighs. “He’s flying back tomorrow.”

Mike hums and shoots a quick “ _bye_ ” before hanging up and putting his phone away in his pocket. Rachel’s right, he should call him. And yell at him. For not updating him on his health. For not calling Mike first. For not calling Mike _at all_. For not even considering coming back to their apartment. For breaking Mike’s heart.

He got his hopes too high. He thought their meeting in LA went well. He thought the hug they shared on Harvey’s balcony meant something. He thought… well, he was wrong.

Right before stepping back into the bullpen, he grabs his phone and angrily types a text, his fingers moving across the screen rapidly.

“Fuck you, Harvey.”, he mutters, taking a deep breath and readjusting his tie as he storms back to his cubicle.

 

Harvey wakes up from a nap, feeling like a new man. His arm is still a bit sore where the thick needle was stuck but apart from that he feels energetic and somewhat relieved. He’s coming home for a month or two. He’s flying back tomorrow and while he thought that leaving his friends and boyfriend behind for a while would help him recover and forget about what happened, he realizes it wasn’t such a good idea. There’s only so much your mind can put aside, so much it can forget. Ignoring what happened and moving on at all costs took a toll on Harvey’s health. Both physically and mentally. The doctor was right, he’s only had two consistent meals for the last two weeks and barely gotten any sleep : he’s been neglecting himself, spending every waking hour doing work, research or planning meetings with the workers. Basically filling his mind to the brim with the mission Hans entrusted him with so that there was no room for any other thought. It worked. He managed to pull though every day, to successfully conduct the project. But his nights have been short and filled with nightmares, his mind going to places he didn’t allow it to go during the day.

He can’t go back to ignoring what happened with Ted. He needs to face it, to talk about it, to accept his friends’ help. Mike’s help. And he needs to call Mike.

He sits up on the bed and grabs his phone. Speaking of Mike, there’s a text from him. He said he was going to call him once he’d seen the doctor but then Hans came to visit him and told him to go back to New York to get some rest, and then Dr. Gilbert performed the transfusion and then he called Rachel to see if he could move to The Shelter for a while. After that he felt tired and decided to take a nap. He knew the conversation with Mike wouldn’t be 5 minutes so he decided to sleep and then call him.

It’s 3:08 pm, he’s slept for almost 3 hours, and he feels a little bad for that because he imagines that Mike’s probably been anxiously waiting for his call.

He unlocks his phone and his heart sinks in his chest when he opens the message.

“ _Thanks a lot for letting me know you were coming back. Way to make me feel like shit ! Got the message. Have a speedy recovery._ ”

 _Shit_ , he just needed a nap, he didn’t think the news would spread so quickly, he thinks, dialing Mike’s number.

“I’m busy.”, Mike says when he answers. “What do you want ?”

“Look.”, Harvey says, surprised that Mike even picked up. “I’m sorry I didn’t call you sooner, but-“

“Yeah, thanks by the way, I’ve had a fantastic day wondering if you were still alive.”, Mike sneers. “I guess I’m lucky Rachel called me. You know, I’ve told you I was here for you and that I loved you and…”, he fumes. “You could’ve told me you had no interest in keeping me in your life instead of sending Rachel, uh?!”

“Mike, I was taking a nap, there wasn’t a _message_ and I didn’t ask Rachel to break the news to you.”, Harvey replies.

“Well, she did.”, Mike snaps again and Harvey can tell by his breathing that he’s walking, probably away from prying ears. “What was I supposed to think, Harvey ? You’re coming back here and you don’t call me first ? And when I say _here_ , I mean at The Shelter, of course. Where else ? It’s not like you’ve got a boyfriend and an apartment !”, he huffs. “You could have told me ! You don’t want to be with me anymore ? Fine, that fucking hurts but fine, you’re a free man after all ! But you could have had the balls to tell me yourself ! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel ?”, he asks and his voice cracks a little. “Have you seen the doctor ? I mean…”, he breathes shakily. “I just wanted to know how you were.”, he sobs.

Harvey closes his eyes and heaves a long sigh. His chest feels heavy and he hates himself for making Mike cry.

“I was…”, he clears his throat. “I was about to call you. I took a nap, which was longer than I expected. I was tired and I knew that we wouldn’t just talk for 4 or 5 minutes so I decided to wait till I was feeling better. I’m sorry you took this the wrong way, it wasn’t-“

“What did the doctor say ?”, Mike cuts him sharply.

“He confirmed the anemia. I got a blood transfusion this morning, he said I need to rest now.”, Harvey replies.

“Are you feeling better ?”, Mike sniffs.

“Yeah. A lot.”

“Good.”, Mike whispers. “Harvey…”, he says after a short pause. “Why aren’t you coming home ?”

_Because I love you and I’m tired of you worrying about me. Because I’ve already caused too much suffering. Because I don’t want you to take care of me when I don’t know if I can go back to what we had. Because I can’t promise you that I’m ever going to be ok again._

“And don’t tell me that you don’t know.”, Mike says when Harvey doesn’t answer. “Don’t feed me that bullshit again. There’s nothing that you could say that would make me feel worse than I already feel. What is it ? You don’t love me anymore ? Please, tell me Harvey, I need to know, I can take it whatever it is.”

Harvey gulps and rubs his face.

“I do love you.”, he says. “I just…”, he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “It’s hard, Mike. I’m trying to cope.”, he says, shaking his head. “I know I’m not doing a good job at it, otherwise I wouldn’t be lying in that hospital bed, but… I’m trying and I want to get better, I want to put this shit behind me, I thought I could forget but I can’t. I have nightmares, panic attacks, I’m not hungry and when I eat I can’t keep anything down, I can’t sleep…”, he sighs loudly. “I’m sorry for putting you through this and I’m tired of disappointing you. That’s why I asked Rachel if I could move in the house.”

By the time he’s done, Mike’s crying again, earnestly, loudly and Harvey wonders where he’s found refuge. Probably in the bathroom.

“You don’t get it, do you ?”, Mike cries. “I don’t know how many times I will have to say it for you to finally understand. I love you. I _love_ you, baby. I always will, no matter what happens. You could never disappoint me. I would…”, he lets out a painful noise. “I was willing to forgive you when I thought you had cheated on me.”, he pauses. “Oh God I’m _so_ sorry for thinking you could do this to me !”

“It’s ok.”, Harvey says and he clears his throat when he realizes how dry it has gone. “It’s ok.”

“I’ll sleep on the couch or even at Donna’s if it helps.”, Mike continues, sniffing and sobbing uncontrollably. “But please, please, _please_ , come home.”

 _Home_.

“Ross !”, Harvey hears in the background and as well as persistent loud bang on a door. “What the hell are you doing here ? Are you sick ?”

“I gotta go.”, Mike says, blowing his nose with what Harvey guesses is toilet paper.

“Ok, call me back when you get off work.”, Harvey says.

“Yeah.”

The silence in the hospital room is deafening, Harvey thinks when he locks his phone.

He imagines Mike walking back to his cubicle, his eyes red and puffy, and he feels guilty and bad and sad for not being able to comfort him.

They’ve always shared everything, they’ve always told each other everything, even if it sometimes hurt. And that seemed to work for them. Until The Sofitel happened. Now Harvey can’t put words on his feelings and when he can, they won’t come out. He realizes that it’s what he needs to work on if he wants to put this whole thing behind him, if he hopes to move on. He needs to let it all out.


	12. No one is useless in this world who lightens the burdens of another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a new chapter you guys. Thanks again for all your lovely comments and kudos.  
> xoxo

Mike still remembers the exact moment he realized that what he felt for his favorite chess opponent was more than just a crush.

_He’s sitting in a classroom, listening to Harvey’s presentation. Their History teacher, the only class he’s got in common with Harvey, asked them to pick a subject and do a half hour presentation of their subject throughout a chosen period in history. Mike had chosen to present the evolution of board games. Harvey had chosen women and their role and status in society from the Middle Age to the 21th century._

_“Boring…”, Nick, one of the school’s most popular guys fakes a yawn after just 5 minutes._

_“Ok.”, Harvey stops dead and folds his arms across his chest. “First of all shut the fuck up. I didn’t interrupt your shitty presentation about lingerie in the 50’s so don’t interrupt me.”_

_“Harvey.”, their teacher gets up from her desk._

_“Sorry Mrs. Weiss, but Nicholas is being terribly impolite and if you don’t send him out while I finish my presentation, I’m going to have to walk to his desk and break his nose and make him learn to respect people by pulling out his teeth one by one.”, he says, frighteningly calm._

_“Right.”, Mrs. Weiss chuckles nervously. “We wouldn’t want that, right Nick ? Just, um, go for a walk and come back in 20 minutes, alright ?”_

_“Pussy !”, Nick says with a smirk, fist bumping one of his friends._

_“What did you just say to me ?”, Harvey takes a step forward._

_“Yeah, you heard that right, Specter.”, Nick gets up from his desk. “I called you a pussy. Sorry for my poor choice of words, I know you have no idea what a pussy is.”, he laughs, followed by his dumb friends._

_“Nicholas, out.”, Mrs. Weiss orders, pointing at the door._

_“I know women aren’t your area of expertise either…”, Nick walks around his desk, ignoring their teacher’s order. “I wonder why you chose this subject…”_

_The whole class holds their breath when Harvey closes the space between him and Nick and bumps his forehead with his._

_“You didn’t hear what Mrs. Weiss asked or you’re going to disrespect her too ?”, he asks through greeted teeth._

_“Oh I heard her.”, Nick smirks before leaning closer and whispering something in Harvey’s ear._

_“I don’t think so.”, Harvey replies. “Get out.”_

_“That’s what I thought.”, Nick pulls away and starts heading for the door. “You’re afraid.”_

_“Think what you want, I don’t care.”, Harvey’s jaw tenses._

_“Afraid.”, Nick repeats with a snort, shooting a victorious grin to his friends in the back of the class before leaving the room._

_“Go ahead, Harvey.”, Mrs. Weiss sighs._

_“Thanks.”, Harvey clears his throat and resumes his presentation._

_After that, Mike stops paying attention to Harvey’s probably very interesting speech, if the seriousness in his voice is any indication. Harvey’s voice becomes a background noise, a very soothing background noise, and everything around him disappears. The only thing Mike can see now is Harvey, his deep brown eyes wandering around the room, his lips moving in slow motion around the words he learnt by heart, he doesn’t even have a piece of paper to read, his tongue running across them from time to time, his strong tattooed arms making big gestures to emphasize his words._

_And Mike thinks he’s never seen anything more beautiful. It’s a known fact that Harvey Specter is a beautiful man. All the girls in the school have a crush on him and the guys want to be him. The only person who doesn’t seem to know it is Harvey himself. He doesn’t date, or at least not publicly, he doesn’t flirt and seems oblivious to the persistent stares he elicits every time he walks into a room. Mike has no idea how everybody knows he’s gay, yet it’s another well-known fact about Harvey Specter._

_But he’s not just beautiful. He’s smart and doesn’t take shit from anyone. He seems to have it all figured out. And he’s emancipated from his parents, which has everybody fantasizing about them and what happened. Are they drug dealers ? Are they in prison ? Did they try to kill him ? He’s funny and takes great pleasure in gently teasing his chess club mates. The way his eyes crinkle when he throws a funny joke, the way they light up when someone retorts something witty… those are details that make Mike’s heart melt. But very few people seem to really know him, Harvey Specter is a mystery and this certainly adds to his charm._

_As Harvey’s eyes meet with his and linger there for a millisecond before moving down to his mouth, Mike breath catches in his throat. Harvey licks his lips and then the moment’s gone. This brings Mike back to reality, Harvey’s voice suddenly loud and clear._

_“Ouch.”, Mike frowns when Rachel kicks him in the ribs with her pen._

_“Where were you ?”, Rachel giggles._

_“What ? Here. Why ?”, Mike blurts out as his cheeks start to burn._

_“Sure.”, Rachel smiles. “Like you totally weren’t ogling Harvey.”, she whispers._

_“What ? No !”, Mike shouts, causing Harvey to stop talking. “Sorry.”, he says, clearing his throat._

_The corners of Harvey’s mouth curl up just a little and he cocks his head to the side._

_“Go on.”, Mike whispers, looking down. “Sorry.”_

_“Thanks.”, Harvey says and Mike can tell from the tone of his voice that he’s smiling._

_This morning, in this classroom, watching his crush refusing to get into a fight with the school’s biggest tool, watching him talk passionately about women and society, Mike realizes he’s fallen in love with him. He realizes that the way his heart flutters in his chest when he sees Harvey doesn’t just mean he finds him charming. That holding a pillow close to him at night, pretending that it’s Harvey, isn’t just having a crush. He is in love._

_When he glances around discreetly, he’s faced with raised eyebrows and knowing looks. He’s so screwed._

 

 

It’s Saturday and Harvey’s coming home in a couple of hours. The doctor advised him to stay another day under supervision before flying back to New York, giving Mike a whole day to get the apartment ready. There isn’t much to do, a little cleaning and tidying, but Mike also wants to stock up on Harvey’s favorite (and stupid) vegan food and other stuff he listed after googling “What to eat when you can’t keep anything in your stomach ?”.

Mike takes care of the cleaning and then he and Donna drive to the grocery store.

“So ?”, Donna asks as they’re walking back to the car, their hands full of bags. “How do you feel ?”

“Anxious.”, Mike replies.

He’s been avoiding the subject for the whole shopping trip, focusing on his list, running around the store like a man on a mission.

“It’s going to be alright.”, Donna smiles, putting the bags down on the floor in front of the trunk. “I’m happy for you that he agreed to come back to the apartment.”

“Me too.”, Mike sighs. “I just hope that it won’t be too awkward.”, he says, storing the bags in the trunk and slamming it shut.

“It’ll only be awkward if you allow it to be.”, Donna remarks, walking to the passenger door.

“Easy to say.”, Mike huffs. “Things couldn’t be more awkward. I don’t know if we’re still together, I have absolutely no idea how to behave around him. I still don’t know if I’m supposed to sleep on the couch or at your place.”

“You know you’re welcome to stay as long as you want, but I’m sure Harvey wants you in the apartment.”, Donna tells him, buckling up. “Besides, you do know how to behave around him, just like when you went there on Monday, it went well, right ?”

“Yeah but I was staying a hotel, not with him.”, Mike replies as he starts the engine. “And he hadn’t told me how he felt. We’ve talked about it two days ago, how he has nightmares and panic attacks, that’s scary…”, he exhales shakily. “I mean, I don’t want to scare him or anything, I just… Oh God…”, he grimaces. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

Donna rolls her eyes and pats his shoulder.

“Don’t be ridiculous.”, she sighs dramatically. “You’re going to be fine. He agreed to come back, he knows he’s going to live with you. If he was scared or didn’t trust you, he would have refused.”

“I hope you’re right.”, Mike says in a small voice. “I can’t fuck it up again.”

 

An hour later, Mike is fidgeting, unable to keep sill, walking from the couch to the kitchen counter, looking around the room to make sure everything looks perfect.

“Daddy’s coming home.”, he tells Reggie who’s curled up in a ball on the couch, one of his eyes open and following Mike’s movements. “You’re gonna be nice to him, right ?”

He’s agreed to let Rachel pick up Harvey from the airport and they should be here any minute. Donna’s returned to her apartment, they both decided to not make Harvey’s homecoming look like a big deal, that it would definitely make things unnecessarily awkward if they were both waiting for him when he arrived.

Harvey landed at 6 pm and Rachel said they would be in Brooklyn at 7 tops. It’s 7:15. Glancing at the clock on the wall, Mike sighs impatiently and heads for the bedroom. He’s changed the sheets, arranged the wardrobe and put away his personal belongings from the bedside tables. It’s Harvey’s room for now.

He’s about to check the bathroom for the 15th time when the doorbell rings, startling him. He takes a deep breath and clears his throat before walking to the front door.

He unlocks the door and opens it to find a tired-looking Harvey with a giant suitcase but no Rachel.

“Hey.”, Mike smiles awkwardly and scratches his head. “Come in.”, he opens the door wider. “Rachel’s gone ?”

“She needed to go home, Logan and her are having her parents for dinner.”, Harvey replies with a small and awkward smile of his own. “Hey you.”, he crouches down to pet Reggie’s head. “Been a good boy ?”

“Ok.”, Mike nods. _What now ?_ “I uh, I set up the bedroom.”, he says gesturing towards the bedroom door, his eyes fixed on Harvey’s suitcase. _Look at him, Mike !_. “You must be tired with the flight and the um…”, he clears his throat and looks up.

Harvey gets back up and gives him a small smile, he’s obviously got no intention of helping him.

“I mean, just, uh, do whatever you want. I’ll be in the living room.”, Mike blushes and turns around to hide it.

He walks to the couch and sits down. Behind him, he can hear that Harvey’s taking his suitcase to the bedroom so he grabs his phone and types a quick text.

“ _SOS. Plan B._ ”, he sends to Donna.

“ _What ? Already ?_ ”, she replies, followed by a “ _Coming right up._ ”

Why the hell does he feel so tense around Harvey ? He left only two weeks ago and the last time they saw each other, it went really well. Things have always been simple with Harvey. Mike wants and Harvey obliges. Mike proposes and Harvey agrees with a smile. Mike pouts and Harvey kisses. Mike asks and Harvey replies. Ever since their first date, things have always remained uncomplicated. Mike’s always known where he stood, Harvey’s always expressed his needing help, his needing space, his needing silence. Now it’s like Mike doesn’t know anymore. Like the person who he just greeted at the door is a whole new person. Someone he doesn’t know how to act around. Someone he’s scared shitless of scaring away. His strong and confident Harvey looks like a broken doll, a beautiful but cracked vase. And Mike comes to the conclusion that somewhere in the back of his mind, he must have thought Harvey was invincible. The sudden realization that he is not is what’s so unsettling.

He rushes to the door when he hears a soft knock.

“Hey Donna !”, he cheers. “What brings you here ?”, he asks, mouthing a _thank you_.

Donna rolls her eyes at his terrible acting and walks in.

“Well I heard Superman’s back in town so I thought I’d drop by.”, she winks.

“He’s in the bedroom.”, Mike whispers, closing the front door.

Donna nods and walks to the bedroom and knocks on the open door.

Harvey’s sitting on the edge of the bed, petting a purring Reggie on his lap.

“Hey handsome.”, she smiles softly when he looks up. “How are you ?”

“Hey.”, Harvey smiles back at her. “I’m good, how are you ?”

“Fine.”, she pushes the door shut and moves to sit on the bed. “Did you have a nice trip ?”

“Yep, first class.”, Harvey replies. “I mostly slept, though.”, he adds, putting Reggie back down on the floor and getting up. “So how are you settling in ?”

“It’s great.”, she grins. “I’ve unpacked almost everything and Stephanie’s room is ready.”

“Good. When is the mediation again ?”

“Monday.”, Donna replies with an anxious smile.

“It’s gonna be fine.”, Harvey nods. “I’ll go with you. How’s the lawyer Mike recommended ?”

“He’s good.”, she replies, remembering why she’s here. “I was thinking that we could order pizzas and watch a movie together, what do you think ?”, she asks cheerfully. “You look awfully thin.”

“I know.”, Harvey purses his lips. “I haven’t been eating right…”

“Well, pizza’s certainly not the most healthy meal but it’s got fat and that’s what you need.”, she smiles.

She knows full well that wasn’t really the plan and that Mike is going to freak out when he learns what she’s offered for dinner. They’ve stocked up on healthy vegan food and on everything that someone puking regularly can supposedly eat. And pizza isn’t one of these things. But she couldn’t follow through with the plan, she couldn’t ask Harvey if he wanted to eat bananas and rice and watch a movie. That would have sounded rehearsed and fake and pizza suddenly looked like a casual enough proposition.

“Well, I’m not really hungry but ok.”, Harvey smiles. “I’ll take a shower first.”

“Awesome !”, Donna jerks up and claps, maybe a little too enthusiastically, but hey she’s not a professional actress. “I’ll be with Mike.”, she smiles and leaves the room, closing the door behind her..

“He’s in.”, she whispers, joining Mike on the couch. “I mentioned a pizza.”, she says sheepishly. “It sounded like a better idea.”

“What ?”, Mike whispers loudly. “Tomatoes are like the worst thing ever for his stomach ! I thought we agreed to say I would cook !”, he sighs.

“Well, I’m sorry but I couldn’t ask him if he was game for plain rice with a banana and a movie. Besides, that’s not cooking.”, she shoots him a pointed look.

“And stop whispering for God’s sake ! He’ll get suspicious.”

“He’s in the shower, he can’t hear us.”, Donna rolls her eyes. “He’s lost a lot of weight.”

“Has he ?”, Mike asks, firing up his laptop to order their dinner. “I thought he looked tired but the weight loss didn’t jump out at me. He must have, though, considering he cannot keep anything down…”, he lets out a sad sigh. “Hey, get out of my computer, Reginald.”, he snaps, pushing the cat away.

“What do you think he’ll drink ?”, Donna asks, studying the content of the fridge.

“I don’t know but I read that beers and sodas are prohibited when you have a weak stomach.”, Mike replies, typing the url of their favorite pizza place. “Let’s ask him.”

 

A couple of minutes later, Harvey joins them in the living room. He’s slipped into a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants and Mike sees what Donna was talking about. His pants are hanging low on his hips and his hipbones definitely stand out more evidently than they did before.

“I, uh, was just ordering pizza, what do you want ?”, Mike asks, turning the computer around.

“I’m not that hungry, I’ll just have a bite from whatever you’re having.”, Harvey replies, taking a seat in the armchair across from him.

“We have rice and bananas too.”, Mike nods enthusiastically, causing Donna to roll her eyes. “Would you like that ?”

“No, don’t bother cooking, pizza’s fine. Thanks.”

Mike nods and starts placing their order while an awkward silence settles in the room. Donna heaves a loud sigh and shakes her head.

“What would like to drink, Harvey ?”, she asks, opening a bottle of wine.

“A glass of water would be perfect. I’ll get it.”, he replies, getting up.

“No, no, no.”, Donna holds up a hand. “I’ll take care of it. You need to rest, remember ?”

“Hey I’m not dying.”, Harvey chuckles. “I can still get my own glass of water.”

“What’s the point in having a devoted boyfriend and the nicest friend in the world if you have to get your own glass of water ?”, Donna jokes and Mike looks up to find Harvey looking at him.

They both quickly look away.

“The pizzas will be here in 30 minutes.”, Mike announces, clearing his throat.

“What are we watching ?”, Donna asks, placing a glass of water on the coffee table in front of Harvey and two glasses of wine in front of Mike.

They’ve been through Mike and Harvey’s DVD collection earlier, trying to choose a couple of movies that would cheer up the mood.

“How about Notting Hill ?”, Mike offers and Donna think it’s a good thing he never considered a career in acting.

“Fine with me.”, she replies, taking a sip of her wine. “Harvey ?”

“Haven’t seen that one in ages.”, Harvey replies. “So why not ?”

“Good.”, Mike smiles awkwardly. “So, uh…”, he scratches his head.

 _Are you happy to be home ? Are you happy to see me ? God you have no idea how happy I am to have you back here._ Now’s not really the time to ask that but that’s all Mike really wants to know so he closes his mouth again and goes back to his computer, unable to finish his sentence.

“I think Reggie missed you.”, Donna smiles fondly as the black cat jumps on Harvey’s lap.

“Yeah, I’ve missed him too.”, Harvey smiles. “Not the fur all over my clothes, though.”, he chuckles and Mike’s heart swells with both happiness and sadness.

_Come on, it’s Harvey ! Get your shit together and talk to him. Donna’s right, things only get awkward if you let them and that’s all you’ve been doing since he came in the door._

He swallows hard and looks up at Harvey who is smiling down at Reggie, stroking his fluffy back.

 

By the time the deliveryman arrives, they’ve managed to settle into a casual conversation, though Mike still has a hard time looking Harvey in the eye. Donna does most of the taking, asking Harvey about LA, what he’s seen, what the weather’s like and what The LA Shelter looks like.

Mike pays for the pizzas and puts the boxes on the table, hands a couple of napkins around and starts the movie, immensely grateful for the distraction.

 

When the end credits start rolling, Mike is fast asleep with his head resting on Donna’s lap.

“Hey.”, Donna strokes his cheek.

“Just push him away.”, Harvey chuckles. “You’ll never manage to wake him up.”

Donna smiles and carefully removes Mike’s head from her thighs, quickly replacing them with one of the couch cushions, causing him to stir.

“Got a blanket ?”, she asks.

“I’ll get one.”, Harvey turns on his heel and disappears in the bedroom, coming out of it moments later carrying a folded wool blanket.

“He’s scared.”, she whispers, spreading it over Mike’s sleeping body. “He’s scared of screwing up.”

Harvey gulps and looks down at Mike. He knows that. He’s seen it in his eyes, in the way he stutters uncomfortably, in his awkward and hopeful smiles. He knows Mike. He knows that, unlike him, Mike needs words not gestures. But right now, Harvey can give him neither of these things. He doesn’t feel comfortable addressing the huge elephant in the room, aka what happened in LA and the immediate consequences on their relationship, and he can’t reassure Mike like he always does, with kisses and touches. It’s going to be a challenge, especially tomorrow with a whole day ahead of them, but he implicitly accepted the challenge when he agreed to come back so he’s going to try his best to sort things out before flying back to LA.

“Goodnight, Harvey.”, Donna smiles, grabbing her keys and zipping up her hoodie.

“Goodnight.”, Harvey replies. “And thank you.”, he adds with a grateful and knowing look.

 

 

A scream, a shout, something really loud has Mike awake with a start.

He jerks up on the couch, his heart stomping in his chest, and grabs his phone. 2:46 am. He looks around the dark living room and remembers falling asleep at some point during the movie.

A thin ray of light appears under the bedroom door and Mike understands that the loud noise that woke him was Harvey. He must have had one of his nightmares.

He waits for a moment, wondering if he should go check if Harvey’s ok, if there’s anything he should do but eventually decides to let Harvey deal with this. Harvey told him he was tired of worrying him, so Mike lies back down on the couch and closes his eyes again.

The bedroom door opens slowly and Mike blinks at the brightness that suddenly fills up the living room.

Harvey walks from the bedroom to the bathroom and locks the door behind him. He probably just needs to take a leak.

Mike’s about to fall back to sleep when he hears a painful noise followed by the sound of Harvey puking and coughing. He sits back up on the couch and purses his lips. He can’t just pretend he didn’t hear that. He can’t let Harvey go back to bed without making sure he’s doing, well, not too bad. So he pulls the covers away and gets on his feet.

He’s about to head for the bathroom when Harvey opens the door.

“Sorry.”, he clears his throat. “I’m sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s ok.”, Mike replies, taking a couple of steps towards Harvey. “Are you ok ?”

“Yeah.”, Harvey nods. “Sorry again.”

“Do you want to talk about it ?”, Mike offers, stepping closer to Harvey but keeping a safe distance. “About it or about anything ?”

“No.”, Harvey shakes his head. “I…”, he presses a hand on his stomach over his t-shirt and grimaces. “I’m good. I’ll just…”, he waves his hand in the general direction of the bedroom. “Thanks.”

“Do you need something for your stomach ? Did the doctor give you anything ?”, Mike asks and he’s ready to drive his car to the nearest open drugstore.

“Yeah.”, Harvey replies with a sigh.

Mike licks his lips nervously as his brain is trying to come up with an excuse to keep talking. He doesn’t want to leave it there.

“Do you need a glass of water ?”, he quickly asks.

“Hum, yeah.”, Harvey clears his throat again. “Thank you.”

“Go back to bed, I’ll get it.”, Mike smiles.

He rushes to the kitchen area and pours a big glass of water.

When he comes in the bedroom, Harvey’s sitting on the bed, rummaging through a plastic bag full of various pill bottles.

“Here.”, Mike says, putting the glass on the bedside table.

“Thanks.”, Harvey gives him a weak smile and grabs one of the bottles. “I usually don’t throw up in the middle of the night, I’m sorry.”, he apologizes again.

“It’s ok, Harvey.”, Mike says and he watches him read the label on the bottle before uncapping it with shaky hands.

Knowing that Harvey wasn’t doing well was hard. Hearing his weak voice over the phone broke Mike’s heart. But seeing it takes it to a whole new level and Mike’s fists clench into tight balls as a lump starts forming in his throat. He wishes he could take him in his arms and soothe him to sleep. Stroke his hair and back and kiss that warm patch of skin at the base of his neck. Tell him that he’s here, that he can talk to him, that he wants to know, that he wants to understand.

“Harvey.”, he says, crouching down in front of him, careful not to touch him but close enough for Harvey to reach out for him if he wants to. “Is there anything I can do ?”

Harvey looks up and when Mike sees the tears in his eyes, he gives in, places a hand on Harvey’s knee and squeezes it.

“Let me help you.”, a whisper escapes between his trembling lips.

Harvey takes a deep breath and covers Mike’s hand with his own.

“It’s hard.”, he sobs. “I…”, he begins to say and lets out a small whimper.

“I know.”, Mike sniffs. “I know, baby.”

“I really thought I could do it.”, Harvey shakes his head. “But it’s like…”, he sobs. “I want to feel better, I do, I just… It just won’t leave me alone !”, he cries loudly as hot tears fall down on their hands. “I just want to forget about it, you know ?”, he wipes his eyes. “But I can’t !”, he snaps, throwing the pill bottle across the room, emptying its content all over the carpet.

Mike gets up, his hand never leaving Harvey’s knee, and he moves to sit on the bed next to him.

“I’m here now.”, Mike whispers. “I’m here.”

“I know.”, Harvey gulps and coughs. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that, baby.”, Mike looks at him but Harvey’s looking down. “You have nothing to be sorry about, ok ? Have you considered talking to someone ?”, he asks because he knows it’s not going to be him.

“Yeah.”, Harvey nods and he uses his free hand to wipe his eyes again. “I have an appointment with Lucy, one of our therapists, on Monday.”

“Good.”, Mike swallows thickly.

He takes a deep breath and glances at Harvey’s back. His t-shirt looks too big now and his spine sticks out through it. It’s amazing what not eating and barely sleeping for just three weeks can do to a body.

“You should go back to bed.”, Mike gently squeezes Harvey’s knee and gets back up to pick up the pills and bottle from the floor. “Do you need me to… be here with you ? I can sleep on the floor.”, he turns around to see Harvey’s reaction.

He’s staring at his hands, taking deep breaths in and out.

“Harvey ?”, Mike asks, handing out the pill bottle.

“Yeah, sorry, what ?”, Harvey looks back at him and grabs it.

“Do you need me to sleep here with you, on the floor ?”, Mike asks again.

“No, I don’t want you to sleep on the floor.”, Harvey shakes his head. “But I’d… I’d like you to sleep here.”, he swallows hard.

“So, um, you mean, on the bed ?”

Harvey nods sheepishly and recaps the pill bottle.

“Ok.”, Mike says. “I’ll go get the blanket, I’ll be right back.”

He walks to the living room, his heart beating fast in his chest. He’s going to spend the night with Harvey. He had hoped it would end up like this but certainly not on their first night. It’s not easy to watch Harvey cry but he’s glad he pressed the issue, he’s glad he found the courage to offer his help.

He walks back to the bedroom where Harvey’s swallowing a couple of pills.

“All set ?”, Harvey asks when he’s done.

“Yes.”, Mike smiles, pulling the blanket up to his neck.

“Goodnight.”, Harvey says in a small voice before switching off the lights.

“Goodnight.”

In the dark, Mike thinks, it’s easy to pretend that it’s just another night in their apartment. That nothing happened. That Harvey doesn’t need sleeping pills, that he can eat his freaking tofu salad and not wake up in the middle of the night, shaking and feeling nauseous.

“Thank you.”, Harvey says after a moment.

“Don’t thank me.”, Mike replies, rolling over to the side. “I love you, baby bear.”, he whispers, fighting the urge to reach out a hand to Harvey’s hair.

“I love you too.”, Harvey replies after a moment and it’s all it takes for Mike to fall into a deep sleep.


	13. I just want to sleep. A coma would be nice. Or amnesia. Anything, just to get rid of this, these thoughts, whispers in my mind...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 13 ! It's a slightly longer chapter. I hope you like it. Let me know ! Thanks a lot for reading.

“Prisoner 356 895 please wake up.”

Harvey’s head is pounding hard and he doesn’t think he can even so much as open his eyes right now. He’s lying on something hard and cold, _the floor ?_ , and the arm that’s folded under his head feels numb.

“Come on, Harv’.”

 _Yeah, come on. Open your eyes._ Reluctantly, he manages to blink once then twice before opening his eyes.

Spencer is looking down at him, a grin spread across his face, two cups of coffees in his hands.

“Good morning jailbird.”, he jokes. “I can tell that you have absolutely no idea how you got here.”, Spencer laughs and moves to sit down next to him on the concrete bench.

Harvey knows exactly why he’s here, in this cell, at a police station he knows very well, having come down here regularly on behalf of The Shelter’s residents.

“Apparently, you were caught drunk driving last night in your neighborhood.”, Spencer explains while Harvey tries to sit up. “Lucky you, if I may say, because Julie was on duty. She told me you were slurring things about wanting to press charges and most importantly, about wanting to kill some guy called Ted.”, he smiles but Harvey can see the worry underneath the smile. “She couldn’t let you go in the state you were in so she brought you here and you passed out shortly after she asked you to wait in the cell.”

Harvey exhales loudly and rubs his face. Yeah. He remembers all that. He wasn’t _that_ drunk.

“What happened ?”, Spencer asks and takes a sip of his coffee.

“What time is it ?”, Harvey dodges his question.

“8.”

“I need to be at The Shelter at 9, I’ve got an appointment.”, Harvey sighs. “Do I need to sign something or to pay a fine ? Can I go ?”

“Are you ok ?”, Spencer looks at him with narrow eyes. “I thought you had moved to LA.”

“I’m fine.”, Harvey clears his throat. “I’m… just back for a month.”

“Alright.”, the police officer nods. “I guess you’re free to go then. Just don’t drink and drive again, ok ?”

“Thanks.”, Harvey smiles.

He grabs the cup of coffee and heads for the cell door.

“You can collect your keys and phone at reception.”, Spencer says. “Call me if you need anything, ok ?”

“I will.”, Harvey turns around and nods. “Thanks.”

 

-

 

The previous day

 

“ _I'd rob and I'd kill to keep him with me. I'd do anything for that boy. I'd give my last dime to hold him tonight. I'd do anything for that boy…”_

Harvey wakes up to the sound of his ringtone. Keeping his eyes shut, not ready to fully wake up yet, he tries to roll around to grab his phone but there’s a weight on his bare chest. He must have taken off his t-shirt during the night. He sighs when his phone eventually stops ringing and he opens his eyes.

Blond and messy hair is the first thing he sees. Mike is lying on top of him with his head resting on Harvey’s chest, a leg thrown over Harvey’s legs. He can feel Mike’s chest heaving up and down against his ribs.

Looking down, he lets his eyes travel along Mike’s arm on his chest, from his shoulder to down to his elbow, down to his hand, _shit_. He freezes. Mike’s left hand is buried inside Harvey’s sweatpants, resting on his groin. Up until he saw it, Harvey hadn’t felt it but now it’s all he can focus on. Mike’s long fingers splayed across his pelvic bone, his fingertips dipped into the coarse hair just above his cock, his palm radiating heat, all of this suddenly making it hard for Harvey to breathe.

He takes a deep calming breath and gently wraps his fingers around Mike’s wrist before carefully pulling Mike’s hand out of his pants.

“Mmh…”, Mike mumbles and places a quick kiss on Harvey’s chest and Harvey’s heart rate speeds up uncontrolably.

As soon as Harvey lets go of his wrist, Mike’s hand expertly moves back to his previous spot inside Harvey’s pants.

“Mike.”, Harvey whispers calmly as he takes another deep breath, feeling a now familiar wave of nausea slowly building up in his stomach.

His breathing is fast and shaky, his heart is pounding in his chest and up to his ears, and he’s having troubles swallowing. He’s having a panic attack. He needs to get out of bed _now_.  

So he grabs Mike’s wrist again, less gently this time, and closes his eyes. _Gently remove it and sit up. Gently remove it and sit up. Gently remove it and sit up._ He keeps telling himself what to do but he can’t move. He squeezes his eyes shut and locks his jaws together to bite down a frustrated scream.

He doesn’t realize that he’s crushing Mike’s wrist until he feels another hand on his.

“It’s ok, Harvey.”, Mike whispers, stroking Harvey’s hand on his wrist. “It’s ok, let me go now.”

When Harvey opens his eyes again, Mike is looking at him, eyes filled with worry and questions, lips pursed.

“Harvey.”, he repeats when their eyes meet. “You’re ok.”, he nods jerkily and Harvey’s fingers finally let go of his wrist.

Mike quickly pulls away from Harvey and sits up on the bed. Harvey’s breathing is ragged, he’s exhaling through his nose loudly and rapidly, his jaws tight and eyes filled with tears.

Mike licks his lips nervously, wondering what he should do. He shouldn’t touch him, that’s for sure. What should he say ? Should he leave the room ?

Harvey moves a hand to his chest and whimpers softly.

“What do you need me to do ?”, Mike asks. “Do you need me to go ? Do you need water ? Pills ? A hug ? What do you need, Harvey ?”, he repeats, reaching a tentative hand to Harvey’s forehead.

Harvey looks away and moves to sit up.

“I’m fine.”, he winces.

“No you’re not.”, Mike shakes his head. “Tell me what I can do. _Please_.”

Harvey holds up a hand and takes a deep shaky breath. He grabs Mike’s forearm when Mike begins to leave the bed.

“Stay.”, he clears his throat and leans against the headboard. “Please.”

“Ok.”, Mike nods, sitting back and moving to the headboard, next to Harvey.

A couple of minutes pass, allowing Harvey to regain his composure. They lay there, sitting in silence, the only sound being the cars passing by down the street.

Harvey’s closed his eyes, replaying the events that lead to yet another panic attack. He’s not scared of Mike. He trusts Mike. But he’s scared of hands on his body. He’s scared of lips on his skin. He’s scared of eyes roaming over his naked body. He needs to put his t-shirt back on.

Opening his eyes again, he spots it lying on the floor. If he moves now, Mike will look at him, Mike will turn around and watch him bend forward and grab his t-shirt. He finds himself wishing Mike would go use the bathroom or just go. He asked him to stay. And he wants him there with him, he just needs to cover up. He shifts a little when a chill runs over him.

“Good morning.”, Mike smiles at him and rests his head on his shoulder. “Cold ?”, he asks, pulling his wool blanket up over them.

“Yeah.”, Harvey clears his throat.

“I need to go pee.”, Mike yawns. “I’ll be right back.”

Harvey watches him climb off the bed and walk out of the bedroom and he waits until he’s out of sight to quickly pick up his t-shirt and put it on. He instantly feels more relaxed.

“What do you want to do today ?”, Mike asks when he comes back, eyeing Harvey’s t-shirt suspiciously. “What time is it ?”

“It’s uh…”, Harvey extends his arm and grabs his phone. “1:16”, he smiles.

There’s a missed call from Hans. He’ll call him back later.

“Wow.”, Mike chuckles. “Looks like we slept in. Hungry ?”

Harvey sighs with a knowing smile.

“One toast.”, Mike bargains. “And a glass of almond milk.”

“You’ve got almond milk ?”, Harvey raises an eyebrow.

“Bought it for you.”, Mike grins.

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”, Mike stretches loudly. “Come on.”, he points towards the door with a flick of his chin.

 

 

Mike fixes them a couple of toasts and a cup of coffee and they sit around the kitchen counter, eating in companionable silence. Well, eating is a bit of an over-statement for Harvey who barely swallows down two small bites, feeding the rest of his plain toast to Reggie.

 _Baby steps_ , Mike thinks as he studies Harvey discreetly.

“You know you’ve got to eat.”, he says with a small smile. “It’s even more important than resting. Plus, puking on an empty stomach hurts a lot more.”

“I know.”, Harvey sighs. “I’ll try to eat later tonight.”

“Promise ?”

“Promise.”, Harvey rolls his eyes.

“Ok, so here’s what we’re going to do.”, Mike puts down his coffee cup. “Since I’m not going to be here during the day, we’re going to elaborate a menu for next week.”, he walks away from the kitchen counter and grabs a notepad and a pen in the living room. “What can you think of that you would actually like to eat ?”, he asks cheerfully.

“Nothing.”, Harvey grimaces.

“Seriously, Harvey.”, Mike sighs.

“I’m serious.”, Harvey replies.

Mike purses his lips and puts the pen down. Of all the things not going right with Harvey right now, the eating problem seemed like the more manageable one. Turns out it’s not. _So back to square one_. Harvey doesn’t want to eat or at least put the smallest effort in it, he has nightmares and panic attacks if anyone lays a hand on him. _Great_. How the hell is Mike supposed to help him ? Mike knows he’s not being totally fair, though. Harvey told him about it. He told him he’d rather go to The Shelter because he knew how frustrating it would be for Mike. Still, despite what he’s told Harvey, Mike realizes he can’t just suck it up and watch Harvey disintegrate before his eyes. He can’t just support every one of Harvey’s decisions if he doesn’t agree with them.

“You’re disappointed.”, Harvey states, pulling his fingers around the table, gathering up bread crumbs.

“Yes.”, Mike replies honestly. “But it’s ok.”, he sighs and brings their plates and cups to the sink. “I’m gonna go take a shower.”

Harvey nods to himself and watches him retreat to the bedroom. He’s disappointed too. He really thought being here would help. He really thought he could fight against the ever-present anxiety, or at least try to, but it’s like there’s someone pulling the strings and he’s got no say in it. It’s like this person wants him to feel down and depressed. He warned Mike about what to expect and each of these things has happened in less than 24 hours. He’s woken Mike in the middle of the night because of a nightmare, he’s puked his guts and to top it all, he freaked out in their bed this morning. Not having any control over these things, over his stomach, over what his subconscious tells and shows him, over his mood, is unbearable. Mike’s trying to help him, he knows that. Not mentioning the panic attack after it happened, trying to find a way for Harvey to eat something and buying his usual favorite food, giving him space… he sees all that and he appreciate it. He wishes he could-

“Harvey.”, Mike calling his name pulls him out of his thoughts. He’s leaning against the bathroom door, a towel wrapped around his hips. “It’s only been 19 hours. We both have to be patient.”, he says with a smile.

“Yeah.”, Harvey replies with a barely-there smile.

“Donna just texted me.”, Mike says, disappearing in the bedroom. “She proposes that we go out for a walk. What do you think ?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Hey.”, Mike comes back to the door, wearing a fresh pair of boxers. “We don’t have to. It’s really up to you.”

Harvey finds himself unable to not stare, not-so-subtly checking Mike out, running his eyes from his collar bone down to his abs and groin. When his eyes go back to his face, Mike’s blushing, frozen in place.

“I uh…”, he says, trying to discreetly cover the growing bulge in his boxers.

And with that he’s gone. Harvey can’t help smirking because despite everything that happened in the past three weeks, something hasn’t changed : he still pretty much controls Mike’s body.

 

“So.”, Mike reappears, fully dressed, a good ten minutes later during which Harvey has done the dishes and cleared the kitchen counter. “What do you want to do ?”

“Going out sounds good.”, Harvey replies. “I’ll go get dressed.”

Mike pulls his phone out of his pocket and sends a text to Donna to tell her that they’ll be waiting for her downstairs in 15 minutes. “ _He still hasn’t eaten :(_ ”, he sends right afterwards.

 

 

They take the subway to Central Park and Donna forces Harvey to sit down for the whole ride. “Come on, be a good boy.”, she rolls her eyes when he protests.

It’s a beautiful Summer day and it seems like every New Yorker got the same idea as the park is packed with couples, families and dogs on leash.

“Let’s play a game.”, Donna offers after a moment, feeling like she needs to lighten the mood. “I’ll think of someone famous and you can both ask me questions about this person. Questions I’ll answer with only yes or no.”, she explains. “Ready ?”

“Uh, I’m not good with celebrities but ok.”, Harvey nods.

“Ready !”, Mike grins, cracking his knuckles playfully. “I’ll go first. Is it a male ?”

“Yup.”, Donna replies. “Your turn.”, she smiles at Harvey.

“Um…”, Harvey compresses his lips. “Is he a singer ?”

“Nope.”

“Actor ?”, Mike quickly asks.

“Yeah.”, Donna gives him the thumbs up.

“Ok…”, Harvey thinks out loud. “Is he old ?”

“Define old.”, Donna chuckles. “Careful what you say.”

“Over 50 ?”, Harvey asks tentatively.

“That’s not old !”, Donna protests. “But no, he’s not over 50.”

“Brown hair ?”, Mike asks.

“Yep.”

“Tall ?”, Harvey tries.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen him, which is a shame.”, she smirks. “But I’d say yes.”

“Ok. Male, actor, young, brown air, tall.”, Mike recaps. “Sexy ?”

“God yes.”, Donna replies in a dramatic tone.

“I know.”, Harvey grins. “Ben Affleck.”

“How did you know ?!”, Donna exclaims.

“He’s not sexy.”, Mike huffs.

“Yes he is.”, Harvey and Donna reply in unison.

Mike rolls his eyes and huffs again.

“You’re such a sore loser.”, Harvey smiles.

“I’m not.”, Mike pouts. “But that’s not fair.”

“Oh and why is that ?”, Donna laughs.

“I don’t think that guy’s sexy so that’s not fair because I would never have guessed it was him.”, Mike whines.

“How can you not think he’s sexy anyway ?”, Donna shakes her head in disbelief.

“I just don’t.”, Mike scowls. “It’s a free country.”

“Oh God…”, Donna sighs. “Remind me to never play games with you again.”

“What’s so sexy about him ?”, Mike stops and looks at Harvey expectantly.

“Come on, it’s a just a game.”, Harvey smiles fondly.

He knows Mike’s not going to drop it. He knows exactly what’s going on in his mind right now. He’s comparing himself to Ben Affleck and coming to the conclusion that he’s pretty much the opposite of the guy. So that must mean Harvey doesn’t find Mike sexy or cute or whatever and now he’s pouting like he always does when he’s jealous.

“Yeah well, you started it.”, Mike insists. “So tell me what’s sexy about Ben Affleck.”

“Oh my God you’re totally jealous.”, Donna gapes. “Of Ben Affleck.”, she snorts. “You’re so cute.”, she laughs.

“That’s not funny !”, Mike snaps as his cheeks are getting redder.

“Come on.”, Harvey smiles. “Let’s talk about something else.”

“You know what ? I’ll leave you two and your stupid game alone. I’m going home.”, Mike starts walking away.

“Mike.”, Harvey sighs.

“Go get him.”, Donna smiles. “I’ll wait here.”, she points at nearby bench.

“Mike, wait !”, Harvey calls, trying to catch up with Mike’s angry fast pace.

He’s already breathless and he realizes he definitely won’t be able to speed up if Mike decides to start running.

“Mike.”, he says again, stopping to catch his breath.

Mike must have noticed the panting of his voice because he automatically stops and turns around.

“Are you okay ?”, he rushes back to Harvey’s side.

“Yeah.”, Harvey nods. “Now, are you done sulking like a little boy ?”

Mike rolls his eyes and looks away.

“Come on, let’s go grab a drink.”, Harvey says, retracing his steps.

Mike shrugs and follows him.

Watching the scene from a distance, Donna smiles to herself. These boys still have a long way to go, but there’s definitely hope. She hasn’t known them for long and she hasn’t spent that much time with them together but from what she’s seen so far, there’s a very strong bond between them and she will make it her duty to not let it go to waste.

 

 

“I’m cooking you dinner.”, Donna says when they come back from their stroll. “Let’s say 7:30 at my place ?”, she adds with a discreet wink at Mike. “Then we can watch Gone Girl.”

“No way.”, Mike shoots her a pointed look. “We’re watching a cartoon.”

Harvey shakes his head with a small smile and they part ways on Donna’s doorstep.

“See you in an hour !”, she cheers.

They’re entering their apartment when Mike’s phone starts ringing.

“Hey Neal.”, Mike says, closing the door behind him. “What ? No, I mean yeah I’m home but I can’t go out, I’ve got other plans.” _sigh_ “No, really, I’m not going out with you and Kyle. I’m-“, he sighs again and hangs up.

There’s a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it.”, Mike rolls his eyes. “It’s Neal.”

“Hey fucker !”, Neal grins. “So wha- oh hey Harvey.”, he says when he spots Harvey in the living room. “How are you ?”

“I’m fine, thank you.”, Harvey replies.

“So what are your plans ?”, Neal turns around and asks Mike. “You two should come ! It’s going to be awesome.”

“We’re having dinner with a friend.”, Mike replies.

“Oh come on.”, Neal chuckles. “That’s boring !”

“You should go out with your friends.”, Harvey steps in.

“No, why ?”, Mike says, looking offended. “Do _you_ want me to go ?”

“No, not at all.”, Harvey replies. “But I don’t want you to miss out on a fun night because we said we were having dinner with Donna, I can go alone.”

“Yeah, yeah, so you can skip dinner and watch a Ben Affleck movie ?”, Mike resorts, only half-joking.

Neal frowns and clears his throat.

“I know you haven’t been out for some time now and I don’t want you to not go just because you want to keep an eye on me.”, Harvey explains.

“Of course that’s just because I want to _keep an eye on you_ !”, Mike lets out a bitter laugh, airquoting the last part of his sentence. “It couldn’t possibly be because I want to spend time with you !”, he snaps. “ _God_ , you’re so clueless sometimes !”

“Guys, I’m just gonna…”, Neal blurts, gesturing towards the door. “Sorry…”, he bows down his head and walks back to the front door. “Bye.”

“So what do you want ? Do you want me to go ?”, Mike asks, ignoring Neal who quietly leaves the apartment. “I’ve asked what I could do for you, Harvey, repeatedly, and you haven’t given me a single clue !”, he snarls. “As a result, I’ve been making mistake after mistake since you came back. Pizza was a bad idea then sleeping with you, I mean _in your bed_ , was an even worse idea because my fucking hands have a mind of their own. Then we go out for a walk and you end up exhausted, I know you are.”, he holds up a finger to stop Harvey’s protest. “And now, I turned down Neal’s offer to go out but I have a feeling you wanted me to go.”, he swallows and pauses. “I’m lost here, Harvey ! What. do. you. want ?”, he articulates angrily.

Harvey’s standing in the middle of the room, jaws tight, lips pressed together into a thin line. Mike’s blue eyes are fixed on him, furious and insistent. His cheeks are red, his nostrils flared and his lips are parted, ready to move again to snap at whatever comes of Harvey’s mouth.

 _What do I want ? I want to be ok again. I want to go back in time._ Harvey just looks away.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you.”, Mike sighs, his shoulder slumping forward. “But I feel so helpless…”, he adds in a choked voice.

“I know.”, Harvey looks up and he slowly walks up to where Mike is standing in the small entryway.

He doesn’t know what else to say. How to tell Mike that he’s not wrong, that everything he does is perfect, that he appreciates Mike’s restraint, that he understands Mike’s frustration because he’s frustrated too. He doesn’t know how to say it so he does what he can do, which is tentatively wrap his arms around Mike’s waist. He’s done it earlier this week, he can do it again.

“I’m sorry.”, he whispers as Mike’s arms wrap tightly around his neck.

“Harvey…”, Mike sobs. “I don’t know what to do to help you…”, he sighs, nuzzling at Harvey’s neck.

Harvey closes his eyes and inhales deeply, fighting a bone-deep shiver. Mike smells good, he feels warm and familiar here, in his arms, in their apartment. But instead of easing the ever-present knot in his stomach, it makes it worse. Holding Mike makes him feel both anxious and nostalgic and it suddenly strikes him : things got worse after Mike’s visit in LA. He stopped eating after his birthday dinner. His nightmares got worse after dropping Mike at his hotel. _I don’t know what to do to help you_. Maybe Mike can’t help him. The sudden realization leaves a bitter taste in his mouth and he swallows thickly as a cold chill runs down his spine. Why would Mike of all people make things worse ?

“Sorry.”, Mike pulls away and smiles, probably thinking Harvey’s shivering is a reaction to the hug, to the closeness.

He stares at Harvey for a moment and frowns.

“What are you thinking ?”, he asks with a soft, worried voice.

“Nothing.”, Harvey lies. “I promise I’ll eat tonight, ok ?”

“Well, you already promised this morning, so you better do it.”, Mike chuckles with a sniff.

 

 

An hour later, after taking turns in the shower and a quick call to Hans for Harvey, they’re chatting casually in Donna’s living room, sipping on diet coke and wine.

“I’d love to put one of your beautiful pictures on this wall.”, she says, pointing at the empty space above the old and unusable fireplace.

“Sure.”, Mike smiles. “I’ll show you what I have that’s already printed and framed.”

“Great.”, Donna claps, taking a quick glance at Harvey.

He hasn’t spoken much since they arrived and she knows something’s going on. There’s an almost imperceptible frown between his brows and he keeps on licking his lips. He’s nervous, more nervous than he was when they parted an hour earlier. A stark contrast with Mike, who’s relaxed and looks genuinely happy to be here. She’ll have to talk to Harvey tomorrow when Mike’s gone to work.

“Oh !”, she grins when the timer on her phone goes off. “Go sit at the table, I’ll be right there.”

 

Harvey keeps his promise. He eats everything’s Donna put in his plate, which wasn’t much because he wouldn’t be able to eat a normal meal even if he was hungry. Both Mike and Donna seem very pleased that he ate, though, thank God, the conversation at the dinner table didn’t revolve around his eating habits.

They end up watching The Simpsons movie, drinking wine and munching on M&M’s. The movie was just what they needed. Or rather what Harvey needed. They laugh, Donna does a perfect rendition of Marge and they share a last glass of wine before deciding to call it a night, just a little after midnight.

 

“Spider Pig ! Spider Pig ! Does whatever a spider pig does ! Can he swing from a web ? No he can't…”, Mike sings, following Harvey up to their floor. “That movie’s so funny.”, he laughs.

He watches Harvey’s shoulders heaving with a chuckle as he opens the front door. They had a great time at Donna’s, Harvey actually ate and it felt wonderful to hear him laugh.

Now, feeling giddy and happy, he lets his eyes wander languidly from Harvey’s back down to his ass. He follows Harvey’s movements, watches his strong tattooed arms drop the keys on the kitchen counter, admires his long and slender legs when he toes off his shoes. He bites his bottom lip when Harvey bends down to pet Reggie. His fingers want to grab Harvey’s waist and slide under his t-shirt, to feel the warmth of Harvey’s soft skin. It’s probably the alcohol speaking but the morning incident seems far _far_ away right now, as Mike’s pants grow tighter around the groin area. It’s been too long since he last kissed Harvey. Too long since he felt Harvey’s breath on his skin. Way too long. At the beginning of their relationship, Harvey used to beg for kisses, he used to ask to be touched and to touch Mike, _constantly_ , and Mike had to learn to become affectionate. And he got used to it, it became natural and… _Yes, that’s it_ _!_ In a stupid drunken train of thought, Mike thinks Harvey needs to get used to it again, needs to be touched in order to not be scared of it anymore, needs to be kissed and it will become natural again.

“Harvey.”, he says, stepping closer to Harvey. “I don’t want to sleep on the couch.”

Harvey narrows his eyes at him and takes a small step back.

“Mike…”, he sighs. “I’m not sure this is such a great idea. I don’t want a repeat of what happened this morning. I…”, he takes another step back when Mike takes a step towards him and his back hits the wall behind him. “I know I’m a pain in the ass and it’s not easy for-“

“You’re not, baby.”, Mike steps even closer and smiles. “I love you. I just want you to feel better.”

Yes, it’s a fantastic idea, Mike thinks. One kiss and Harvey will realize how easy it is, how much he’s missed kissing Mike. _Best. idea. ever_. He moves a hand to cup Harvey’s face and leans in, crushing their mouth together in one quick movement.

“Mike !”, Harvey pushes him away. “What-“

“Come on, Harvey.”, Mike slurs, throwing his arms around Harvey’s neck. “I’ve missed you… I want you…”, he breathes against Harvey’s mouth and closes the space between them.

“Mike, no.”, Harvey grabs Mike’s forearms and tries to push him away again but Mike is having none of it.

He presses himself against Harvey’s body and starts humping his leg, moaning loudly. He does feel the way Harvey stiffens under him, he does see the panic in his eyes but he chooses to ignore it because that’s the plan : take him by surprise and make him see how much Mike desires him, how much Mike still wants him. Of course Mike expects him to push him away at first, but he’s gotta stick to his genius plan. And God knows his cock is on board with it.

“I said no !”, Harvey snaps and he kicks Mike in the balls with his knees, causing him to pull away with a gasp. “Don’t fucking touch me !”, he shouts and rushes to the kitchen area.

Mike grabs the front of his pants and gives a wince of pain.

“What the hell, Harvey ?!”, he pants.

“Somebody will come by tomorrow to get my stuff.”, Harvey says through greeted teeth, his phone and car keys in hands.

“Wha- where are you going ?”, Mike asks, still stunned. “Harvey, wait !”, he pleads, snatching Harvey’s arm when he passes in front of him on his way to the door.

“Go fuck yourself !”, Harvey spits, violently knocking Mike to the ground.

“Har-“, Mike begins to say but he’s cut off by the front door slamming shut.

He looks around the room and gulps audibly, completely sobered up by the shock. He wraps his arms around his knees and buries his face in them. What has he done ?

 

-

 

Back to the next morning

 

Harvey arrives at The Shelter at 8:45. The office is still empty but he can hear voices coming from the helpline room, where two volunteers are chatting. He fixes himself a cup of coffee and grabs the spray-on deodorant he keeps in his desk. He’ll take a shower later.

“Morning.”, Lucy, one of the regular therapists, cheers when she opens the front door.

“Good morning.”, Harvey smiles. “Coffee ?”

“That’d be great, thanks.”, she smiles as she puts her handbag on one of the chairs in the office. “So.”, she says, taking a seat. “You wanted to see me ? Is this a personal thing or is it about the house ?”

“Personal.”, Harvey replies quickly, pushing the button on the coffee machine.

“Ok.”, Lucy nods. “You look tired.”

Harvey exhales heavily through his nose and pushes the button on the coffee machine. He is tired. Tired and sad and frustrated.

“Shall we move to the therapy room ?”, Lucy offers with a sympathetic smile.

“Yeah.”, Harvey sighs, following her across the corridor to the room where he spent his first night after what happened 3 weeks ago. She closes the door behind him and he puts her cup of coffee on the desk before walking to the couch.

“So I’m going to say what I always say when someone comes to see me, Harvey.”, she sits down and pulls a notepad and pen from her handbag. “Why are you here ?”

Harvey takes a deep breath and rubs his hands together nervously.

“Something happened three weeks ago.”, he says, looking down. “I… It’s destroyed everything in me and around me.”, he swallows thickly. “I need to talk it out because it’s driving me crazy.”

“Why don’t you start by telling me what happened ?”, Lucy asks in a calm voice.

Harvey pinches the bridge of his nose and sighs.

“Tell me what you can, in your own words. We’ll go from there.”, she says.

“Ok.”, Harvey whispers to himself. “I… Three weeks ago I went to LA on a business trip for a project like this one.”, he does a circular motion with his hand. “I met an ex-boyfriend from high school in my hotel lobby.”, he looks up. Lucy’s nodding encouragingly. “We went out for drinks, I got shit drunk.”, he blushes. “He… He came up to my room with me afterwards and he…”, he gulps and rubs his face. “God it’s hard…”, he whispers, pressing a hand to his chest.

“Take your time, Harvey.”

“So, he walked me back to my room and then he… He kissed me. I tried to push him away but I couldn’t, I was too drunk, it’s like my body couldn’t… I mean. I told him no, I… I asked him to let go but he… you know.”, Harvey stutters, “He, well, I guess he… I… He forced himself on me.”

Lucy writes something down and looks up.

“What do you mean ?”, she asks, knowing full well what he means by that.

“You know…”, Harvey grimaces uncomfortably.

“Alright.”, Lucy puts her pen down. “So _this_ _thing_ happened. You said it destroyed you and everything around you. How ?”

“How ?”, Harvey repeats pensively. “I don’t even know where to start.”, he huffs bitterly. “I have this recurrent nightmare where I… where _this thing_ happens again and again and again and… sometimes it’s not my ex-boyfriend who, uh, you know… Sometimes it’s Mike, my…”, he pauses. “I guess I can consider him my ex-boyfriend now.”, he purses his lips. “You know what’s crazy ?”, he looks up. “Yesterday night, Mike did exactly that !”, he snorts and Lucy’s eyebrows curl into a slight frown.

“What did he do ?”, she asks.

“We were both tipsy and he forced me to kiss him.”, Harvey replies, shaking his head in disbelief. That’s what his life is now. A total mess.

“What happened next ?”

“I pushed him away and kicked him.”, he bites down his bottom lip.

“Ok so this time you managed to escape.”, Lucy says, writing something down.

“Well, yeah.”, Harvey agrees.

“And how do you feel about what happened last night ?”

“Pissed.”

“Why ?”

“Because he knows exactly what happened to me !”, Harvey snaps. “And yet he… I mean, that’s sick, right ?”

“So you told him about what happened three weeks ago ?”

“He figured it out.”, he mutters. “He thought I had cheated on him because I had, uh, marks on my body but he eventually put two and two together and…”

“But did you talk about it with him, after he figured out what happened ?”

“No. I can’t.”, Harvey shakes his head.

“So he doesn’t know exactly what happened like you said, does he ?”, Lucy asks.

She’s right. Mike doesn’t know that he was drunk, that Ted was drunk too, that Ted shoved him against the wall, that the first thing Ted forced on him was a kiss. He doesn’t know that what he did last night was a painful repeat of the events of that fateful night.

“No, he doesn’t.”

“So you left ?”

“Yeah.”, Harvey nods. “I knocked him to the ground and I left.”

“Are you angry ?”, Lucy asks.

“Yeah.”, he sighs. “But that’s not the main feeling. I’m sad and I’m ashamed. I can’t eat and I can’t sleep.”

“There obviously are a lot of things that you need to let out, Harvey.”, she explains. “And I will help you with them, we will take all the time it needs but we’ll do it. There’s one thing that you need to admit to yourself first.”, she folds her hands on the desk and looks at him. “You need to put a word to what happened three weeks ago. There is a word for that and I know you know what it is.”

Harvey closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.

“This is where we need to start.”, she pauses. “So, what happened three weeks ago ?”, she asks and leans back in her chair.

Harvey’s throat constricts and he clears his throat. _Don’t cry, don’t fucking cry_.

“I…”, he says with trembling lips. “I was…”, he covers his mouth with his hand and lets out a loud whimper.

Lucy purses her lips and swallows.

“I was raped.”, Harvey breaks down.


	14. Letting go doesn't mean that you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and commenting xoxo

_They’ve been dating for two months. They’re both busy with school and Harvey has a lot of volunteering work going on. So they’ve only had a dozen dates since their first, which still counts as a date even though nothing happened because Mike passed out, right ?_

_They always meet at Harvey’s small apartment, order pizza and inevitably end up eating said pizza cold and hours after it’s been delivered. They can’t keep their hands off each other or rather Harvey can’t keep his hands off Mike. It’s fine with Mike, even if he still has troubles initiating contact, but he’d like to see more of Harvey. To go out with him, to meet his friends, his parents, to get to know him better._

_Tonight’s no different. They haven’t seen each other for a week so as soon as Mike entered his apartment,_ _Harvey pulled him into a kiss and dragged him to his bed, his mouth and hands respectively kissing and taking Mike’s clothes off._

_Now Harvey’s buried deep inside him, barely moving, one of his hands cradling Mike’s face, the other pressed into Mike’s left thigh, pushing his leg up while his mouth is literally devouring his neck. The bruises Harvey left on his neck the last time they had sex are barely healed and he knows he will definitely have new ones after tonight._

_Mike’s had his fair share of lovers but not a single regular one. He usually fucks with a guy twice or three times tops and then moves on to the next. He’s never wanted to be attached to anyone. With Harvey it’s different. He’s been in love with him for years and even if they were separated after high school, Harvey was always there, in the back of his mind. He just never thought he’d see him again, Harvey was supposed to be a fantasy, an unattainable goal, the ultimate teenagehood memory._

_Harvey doesn’t fuck, well he never verbalized it but that’s Mike’s opinion on Harvey’s bed skills. He makes love, as corny as it sounds. Each of his touches conveys emotions, love maybe, Mike likes to think. One thing’s for sure after two months : Mike has no intention of moving onto another guy. He has a lot of fun with Harvey, they watch movies, engage in movie quotes battles, listen to each other, give each other advice… still, Mike’s not sure about Harvey’s thoughts on the state of their relationship. He hates texting and so usually doesn’t reply to Mike’s texts during the week, he lets Mike call him, he never mentions anything personal about him. Sometimes Mike wonders if Harvey doesn’t think they’re fuckbuddies._

_“Fuck.”, he moans when Harvey pulls out completely and thrusts back in._

_“That’s the idea.”, Harvey chuckles and captures his mouth into a kiss._

_“Harvey…”, Mike whispers when they break apart. “I… there’s something I wanna know…”, he pants._

_Harvey smiles and runs his thumb across Mike’s lips._

_“Can’t it wait ?”, he asks, burying his head into Mike’s neck again._

_“Yes, sorry.”, Mike breathes, bucking his hips._

_Harvey speeds up between his legs and Mike squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t know if it can wait now he’s started the conversation. Harvey feels amazing inside him but he wants to know if there’s more to them than this. More to them than Harvey’s kisses and the way he worships Mike’s body. He tries to get his focus on what’s going on but his mind has taken over, he needs to talk to Harvey, he needs to know._

_“Where are you ?”, Harvey whispers in his ear. “Uh ?”, he insists, biting at Mike’s earlobe._

_Mike opens his eyes and whimpers._

_“What do you want to know ?”, Harvey asks fondly, cupping Mike’s face and meeting his eyes._

_“I’ll ask you later.”, Mike shakes his head._

_“No, ask me now.”, Harvey replies in a moan, not stopping his in and out movements._

_“I can’t.”, Mike pants. “Not with you, um…”_

_“Ok.”, Harvey sighs and pulls out completely, causing Mike to shudder, and he moves from Mike’s legs to the side. “I’m listening.”, he asks, propping himself up on an elbow._

_“Uh…”, Mike blushes, slightly taken aback by Harvey’s ability to just stop what he was doing like it’s no big deal. “It’s not really the right time to talk about that.”, he clears his throat. “Let’s finish this first.”, he gestures towards his bent legs._

_“That’s so romantic.”, Harvey chuckles. “We’re not_ finishing _anything until you ask me what you want to ask me.”, he says in a serious voice. “I’m holding this for you…”, he points at his condom-clad and very hard cock. “… but if it goes down because you ruined the mood, that’s your loss.”, he smirks._

_Mike rolls his eyes and sits up on the bed, placing a pillow on his softening cock._

_“Ok.”, he says. “It’s a little embarrassing.”, he blushes again. “We’re having a good time, right ? I mean, it’s going well between us.”, he pauses and Harvey nods. “I’m just wondering why we never go out, why you haven’t, you know, told me about your parents, your family. Don’t you want to introduce me to your friends ?”_

_“Of course I will introduce you to my friends.”, Harvey replies. “But you already know most of them, they’re from high school.”_

_“What I mean is…”, Mike looks away. “Is it just sex ? Between us ?”_

_Harvey sighs and sits up and Mike can’t help but be impressed that this conversation doesn’t seem to have any affect on Harvey’s hard-on._

_“Ok, ask me anything.”, he says._

_“Now ?!”, Mike asks, wide eyed._

_“Yeah now.”, Harvey rolls his eyes. “What do you want to know ?”_

_“I don’t know, um, full name and date of birth ?”_

_“Easy one.”, Harvey laughs. “Harvey Reginald Specter-“_

_“Reginald ?!”, Mike burst out laughing._

_“Yes. Stop laughing right now.”_

_“Ok. Sorry.”, Mike giggles._

_“And I was born on June 18 th 1987.”_

_“Do you have brothers and sisters ?”_

_“Not that I know of.”, Harvey replies in a serious voice._

_“Ok.”, Mike frowns. “How about your parents ? You already had your own place in high school, it got everybody wondering where your parents were.”, he makes a face. “You don’t have to tell me.”_

_“Well, I don’t know who my father is and my mum’s dead.”, Harvey replies and for a second, Mike wonders if this is a joke because there’s no way in hell somebody could say something like that and remain impassible. “It’s ok, I don’t mind talking about it.”, he reassures him._

_“Welcome to the orphan club, then.”, Mike smiles tentatively._

_“Yeah…”, Harvey purses his lips. “What else ?”_

_“I told you about my parents and you’ve met my Grammy… why didn’t you tell me about, um, your past ? Were you going to tell me at some point ?”_

_“I didn’t really see the point in telling you about people you’d never meet.”, Harvey replies._

_“So this isn’t because it’s just sex, I mean, you haven’t really answered my question.”, Mike says expectantly._

_“No, this is not just sex, unless you want it to be.”, Harvey replies with a pointed look. “I’d be disappointed but if that’s what you want…”_

_“No, no, no !”, Mike almost jumps on the bed. “That’s not what I want, like not at all !”_

_“Good.”, Harvey smirks. “Now that’s settled, can we pick up where we left off ?”_

_“Seriously ?”, Mike gapes._

_“Yes.”, Harvey grins. “I’m far from being done with you.”, he moves to straddle Mike’s lap, and throws the pillow on the floor. “Are you done with me ?”, he asks, grabbing Mike’s almost completely soft cock and leaning in for a kiss._

_Mike lets out a small moan and wraps his fingers around Harvey’s cock. “I’m not.”, he replies against Harvey’s lips and pushes his tongue past them._

_They lower down on the bed without breaking the kiss and Harvey easily slides back in Mike’s tight and warm entrance._

_“God Harvey…”, Mike closes his eyes and moans again._

_“Move in with me.”, Harvey whispers into the crook of Mike’s neck._

_“What ?”, Mike’s eyes jerk open._

_“Move in with me.”, Harvey repeats, lifting up his head and rubbing his nose with Mike’s._

_“I heard it but…”_

_“I’m tired of seeing you on weekends only.”, Harvey says, pushing deeper. “I wanna sleep by your side every night.”_

_“Ok.”, Mike replies breathlessly. “I want that too. I’m going to have to ask my Grammy, though.”_

_“She doesn’t like me, does she ?”, Harvey stops and gives Mike a quizzical look._

_“She’s met you only once and… she doesn’t know that we’re… you know…”, Mike replies. “But I think she’s been wanting to kick me out for a while.”, he chuckles. “So yeah, I’ll move in with you.”_

_Harvey grins and places a quick kiss on his lips._

_“I love you too.”, he says and Mike’s heart stops beating._

_He’s sure he never told Harvey he loved him._

_“I know you love me.”, Harvey chuckles. “I mean, what’s not to love ?”, he leans in for another kiss but Mike turns his head._

_“Shut up.”, he pouts. “You’re evil.”_

_“Why ?”, Harvey bites Mike’s bottom lip playfully._

_“Because you let me make a fool of myself with my questions.”, Mike protests. “Why didn’t you tell me when I first asked you about our relationship if you were planning on telling me that ?”_

_“First of all.”, Harvey pulls out and back in, maddeningly slowly. “I hadn’t planned on telling you tonight.”, he pants and Mike can tell that he’s starting to lose control. “I only told you so you’d agree to move in with me.”, he smiles smugly._

_“Jerk !”, Mike exclaims and he gives Harvey’s ass a hard slap._

_“Mmmhh.”_

_“I hate you.”, Mike pouts._

_“No you don’t.”, Harvey gives Mike’s cock a couple of long strokes. “And you’re moving in with me.”, he adds and bites his bottom lip. “God, Mike…”, he moans, speeding up both his thrusts and his hand on Mike’s cock. “We’re getting tested next week…”, he flicks his wrists and Mike lets out a loud cry. “We’re getting rid of…”, he exhales heavily. “… the condom.”_

_“Harvey…”, Mike bucks his hips and clenches around Harvey’s throbbing cock._

_“Gonna come.”, Harvey announces, like he sometimes does, and Mike replaces Harvey’s hand on his cock with his own._

_They both come a minute later, almost in sync._

_Mike moves in the next weekend and a month later, Edith Ross doesn’t wake up from her afternoon nap._

 

Harvey comes back to their apartment after lunch (an apple) to shower and get ready after Donna called him to check if he was still going to the mediation meeting with her. He told her that of course he was still coming and refrained from telling her anything about what happened last night.

He wants to be there for Donna, he offered to go to support her so he’s not going to back up now, but the idea of driving to Pearson Hardman and actually go where Mike works is upsetting after what just happened.

He feels slightly better thanks to his therapy session with Lucy this morning, like a small part of the weight on his shoulder has been removed, but he’s still angry with Mike. Well, not just with Mike, Harvey’s angry at everything and everyone. Mostly with himself for not being able to open the door, for not letting people help him, for not being able to let Mike back in. Lucy’s offered to see him twice a week until he goes back to LA, they’re meeting again on Thursday.

Like Lucy asked him to, he looks at his reflection in the bathroom mirror when he comes out of the shower. The bruises around his neck are almost completely gone, someone who didn’t know they were there wouldn’t spot the faint trace that’s left of them. There are dark circles under his eyes, his face is noticeably thinner and his eyes look awfully big and sad. Lucy asked him to look at himself, to reconnect with himself : _“You need to become your top priority, your own best friend”_. He needs to stop neglecting himself. He already knew that, the doctor had told him, but when Lucy started pointing out all the things he was neglecting, which was basically everything but his basic personal hygiene, Harvey was forced to admit that maybe it was worse than he thought. _“Have you called your friends ?” “Have you combed your hair recently ?” “Have you allowed yourself to daydream, to wish ?” “Have you looked at yourself recently, have you taken the time to reflect on what happened ?”_. The answer was always no, a sad shake of the head.

He’s promised to try so he grabs Mike’s shaving cream and razor and shaves meticulously. Then he runs a comb through his hair, not really getting the point, it’s still going to curl and stick up all over the place. Maybe that’s why Mike uses hair gel, he shrugs, pouring a dollop of the sticky gel into his palm. He spreads the gel over his hair and uses the comb to slick it back.

More or less happy with the result, he thinks he now looks like a freaking hipster, he puts on his nicest long-sleeved black t-shirt and a pair of gray jeans, hoping this is good enough for a meeting at a law firm.

“Wow. You look gorgeous.”, he tells Donna when she arrives at the apartment.

He earns a “you’re not too bad yourself” and an anxious half-smile, and they drive to Manhattan in complete silence.

 

“Mrs. Paulsen ?”, a young and pretty woman walks towards them in the building lobby.

“Yes.”, Donna holds out her hand.

“I’m Jenny Griffith, Jessica Pearson’s assistant.”, she smiles and shakes her hand.

Harvey raises an eyebrow discreetly, happy to finally put a face to a name.

“This is Harvey Specter, a friend of mine.”

“Oh.”, Jenny grins. “Nice to finally meet you.”, she blushes when their hands touch. “Mike didn’t tell me you were coming ! He’s told me a lot about you.”

“He’s talked about you too.”, Harvey smiles. “I thought I’d meet you at the gala.”

“I’m never invited to these events.”, she sighs. “I’m in charge of setting them up, that’s all. Please, follow me.”, she motions towards the elevators.

They start walking and hop on the first available one.

“Who are you meeting with again ?”, she asks, pushing the 56th floor button.

“Harold Gunderson.”, Donna replies in a small voice.

“Oh yeah, he’s super nice.”, Jenny smiles. “He’s one of the best first-years.”

Donna smiles back and exhales shakily.

“I’ve met with him two weeks ago.”, she says. “He is nice.”

The cabin comes to a stop and they step out on the luxurious carpet. There are people running around in every direction, phone ringing everywhere and Harvey suddenly feels seriously underdressed. He imagines how Mike must have felt when he came here on his first day.

“You’re expected in conference room C.”, Jenny says as they walk down a corridor. “Your husband and his lawyer are already here.”

Donna clears her throat uncomfortably and Harvey grabs her hand and squeezes it. She squeezes back and takes a deep breath when she sees Craig through the glass-walls, laughing with his lawyer.

“Go ahead.”, Jenny opens the door. “Coffee ? Water ?”, she offers.

“I’m good.”, Donna replies.

“We’re good, thanks.”, Harvey confirms and they step into the room.

“Donna.”, Craig gets up and smiles.

He’s exactly how Harvey imagined he would be : handsome, tall, broad shoulders, grayish hair, perfect teeth, smug smile.

“Craig.”, Donna replies.

“You came with your boy toy, how cute.”, Craig snorts.

Harvey opens his mouth to reply something but Donna holds up a hand to stop him.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell Stephanie.”, he continues.

She shoots him an angry look and swallows thickly.

“Well, I had the decency to not bring my new girlfriend but here’s Stephen Huntley, my lawyer.”, Craig announces.

“Nice meeting you, Mrs. Paulsen.”, the other man says in a strong British accent and offers his hand.

Donna shakes it with a nod and takes a seat.

“Ladies and gentlemen.”, Harold says when he enters the room, a couple of files tucked under his arm. “Mrs. Paulsen.”, he nods at Donna politely.

“Mr. Gunderson.”, she replies and Craig snorts.

“Hey Harvey.”, he waves at Harvey and walks around the table to sit next to them.

“Shit.”, Harold mutters. “I forgot something. Hum, hold on.”, he fumbles in his pocket for his phone and quickly dials a number. “Yeah, sorry, it’s Harold. Look, I forgot a file, it’s on my keyboard, could you please bring it up ? I’m in conference room C. Thank you so much.”

He lets out a satisfied sigh and looks around the room.

“So.”, he says, opening one of his files. “It’s a mediation meeting. We’re not here to make decisions, we’re here to-“

“Oh please.”, Craig rolls his eyes. “Spare me the details, I’m a lawyer.”

“Then you should know that I’m required to say these things.”, Harold shoots him a pointed look. “Besides, Mrs. Paulsen is not a lawyer, so can I continue ?”

“Sure.”, Craig sighs dramatically and his lawyer nudges him with his elbow.

“Sorry to interrupt, I-“

They all turn their heads towards the door and Harvey’s heart skips a beat. Mike is standing in the doorway, a file in hand.

“Thank you so much, Mike.”, Harold gets up and walks towards him.

Mike gulps and hands him the file, his eyes fixed on Harvey.

“Have a, um.”, he clears his throat. “a good meeting.”, he says and turns on his heel.

“So, as I was saying, this is a mediation.”, Harold says. “Both my client and yours want full custody of their daughter and we need to see how we can work that out.”, he recaps and Craig’s lawyer nods approvingly. “I’ll go first and let you know what we offer and then you can present your offer.”

He pauses and opens the file Mike just brought.

“Here’s the thing.”, he says, holding a page Harvey recognizes as a police report. “Mrs. Paulsen filed assault charges against your client 4 months ago. She understands that her daughter needs to see her father and she doesn’t want to antagonize him but she’s not comfortable with shared custody.”

“Neither am I.”, Craig huffs.

“Craig.”, his lawyer sighs. “Let him talk.”

“He’s made his point.”, Craig straightens up in his chair. “Haven’t you Mr. Gunderson ? My wife’s trying to make me look like a bad guy so she can have full custody of our daughter and walk off with half of my money. That’s your offer ?”, he snarls.

“Mr. Paulsen, I’ve got a police report here.”, Harold replies, sliding the piece of paper across the table.

“Oh come on !”, Craig laughs. “He’s cute, uh ?”, he asks his lawyer. “Look, you’re all great.”, he says, looking around the room. “But you’re wasting my very precious and valuable time here. You know as well as I do, Mr. Gunderson, that this documents proves absolutely _nothing_. So, unless you’ve got something else to back up your offer, I’m going to wish you all a good day and go back to work.”, he gets up.

“Craig.”, Mr. Huntley points at his chair. “Sit back down.”

“Oh come on Stephen, I told you she’d use this fabricated story to get my money !”, Craig exclaims.

“Fabricated ?!”, Donna gets up. “Oh my God, you’re a fucking son of a bitch !”, she shouts. “I don’t want your money, I want to get a divorce and for Stephanie to be safe !”

“Get off your high horse, Don’.”, Craig mocks. “How do you think you’re gonna be able to afford nice dresses and handbags without my money, uh ?”

“I don’t care about the dresses !”, Donna fumes. “I want you to admit what you’ve done !”

“Oh really ?”, Craig snorts. “I thought you liked dressing up like a slut.”

At that, Harvey jerks up.

“You take that back right now !”, he shouts.

“Oh look at that.”, Craig smiles wickedly. “The boy toy can speak.”

“Harvey, sit down.”, Donna orders and Harvey exhales angrily through his nose before sitting back down.

“Good boy.”, Craig mocks.

“Stop it, Craig !”, Donna snaps. “You don’t want to mediate ? That’s fine. See you in court then.”, she folds her arms across her chest defiantly.

“Come on Stephen, we’re leaving.”, Craig shakes his head. “Seriously, Don’, I wouldn’t go to court if I were you. I’m telling you, you don’t stand a chance. Especially with that baby lawyer.”, he points at Harold. “No offence.”, he smirks.

“None taken.”, Harold replies. “I’d rather be a baby lawyer than a gigantic asshole.”

Harvey snorts and gives him the thumbs up.

Craig purses his lips and heads for the door.

“I’ll be in touch, Mr. Huntley.”, Harold tells Stephen.

The lawyer nods and mumbles an apology before smiling at Donna and following his client outside the room.

Harvey tells Donna he needs air, that he’ll wait downstairs while she discusses their next move with Harold.

 

Mike steps out of the elevator and walks across the lobby to the revolving door. Harold and Donna just told him Harvey was outside and he needs to speak to him. He’s been thinking all night and all morning about what happened last night and he’s come up with a decision.

He spots Harvey crouched down in front of a homeless man sitting on the sidewalk, a hot dog in hand. The man tentatively grabs the offered food and smiles gratefully.

Mike can’t help a fond smile because that’s so Harvey. He’s seen him do that a hundred times. Food, money, subway tickets, clothing articles… Harvey’s that kind of man. Even when he’s at his lowest point, apparently.

When Harvey turns around and sees Mike, the smile that was still spread across his face quickly disappears. They stare at each other for a moment before Mike takes a couple of steps towards him.

“Can I talk to you ?”, he asks and licks his lips nervously.

“Sure.”, Harvey replies.

“Thanks.”, Mike points at a nearby bench and they walk to it. “I’m sorry about last night.”, he begins to say, rubbing his palms on his pants. “There are no excuses for what I did. I know you’re not ready for that, and maybe you will never want to kiss me again, and I’ll understand it. I’ve thought about it all morning, I’m not good for you.”, he swallows, his eyes fixed on Harvey. “All I do is upset you or put pressure on you. You need support, time, space… you need to get better and apparently I can’t help you. Nor will staying at The Shelter.”, he explains. “So I’ve made a decision. You can have the apartment, I’ll move out some of my stuff tonight.”, he pauses and holds up a finger when Harvey opens his mouth to speak. “Donna will help you, she’s a wonderful woman. She’ll make sure you’re ok but she won’t pressure you, she’ll be there when you need her but she won’t force her way through your door. You will have space and time to heal and Reggie to take care of.”, he smiles sadly.

“Where are you going to stay ?”, Harvey asks, clearing his throat.

“At Neal’s until I find a new place. His roommate just moved out.”, Mike replies. “But don’t worry about me or the rent for our, _your_ apartment.”

“I’m only here for a month, you can have it back when I’m gone.”, Harvey says in a small voice.

“I don’t want to live there anymore.”, Mike swallows. “Too many memories…”

Harvey heaves a long sigh and looks away. _God, I love you so much_ , Mike wants to say, looking at the man of his dreams and thinking he quite likes the new look. Everything looks good on Harvey anyway… The knot in his stomach tightens. Yeah, everybody goes. Even Harvey. That’s life and Mike’s life is just a series of mistakes and losses.

“Remember when my Grammy died ?”, he asks, swallowing around the lump in his throat and Harvey turns around to look at him. “I thought that I would never feel ok again. She was my only family and I had just moved of our home…”, he closes his eyes and clears his throat. “Things got better eventually and they will for you too. Don’t give up.”

Harvey bites the inside of his cheek and Mike notices that his eyes are slightly wetter.

“I’ll drop by tonight to pick up some clothes and stuff.”, Mike says, getting up. He lifts up a hand, reaching for Harvey's face but instantly retracts it. “Take good care of yourself, Harvey.”, he nods and turns to walk away.

Harvey closes his eyes, causing a couple of tears to roll down his cheeks and he quickly wipes them away.

 

Donna comes out of the building a minute later and she joins him on the bench.

“Phew…”, she sighs. “Are you okay ?”, she asks when she sees the look on Harvey’s face.

“Yeah.”, he replies. “Shall we go ?”

“Not before you tell me what’s going on.”, she replies with a concerned voice. “Did you see Mike ? He was looking for you and I told him you were waiting outside.”

Harvey nods and looks away.

“Harvey…”, Donna places a hand on his knee. “What happened ?”

“Can we go home ?”, he asks, getting up. “I don’t want to talk about it now.”

“Okay.”, she says, following him.

 

They go back to Donna’s and she fixes them two cups of tea and biscuits. She smiles to herself when Harvey eats one, then two of them. He tells her that Craig is even worse than he imagined and she laughs. She explains to him how Harold plans on presenting their case in court and that, despite what Craig said, he’s positive they have a good chance of winning. 

“He says Mr. Huntley is, and I quote, _not a sleazy lawyer_.”, she airquotes. “He thinks he’ll bring Craig back to his senses.”

“Yeah, he looked like a decent guy.”, Harvey agrees.

“Thanks for coming to my defense by the way, _boy toy_.”, Donna teases.

“I don’t look like a boy toy, do I ?”

“Why not, you’re younger than me and insanely gorgeous.”, she smiles and Harvey rolls his eyes. “Craig’s obsessed with youth, has always been.”, she huffs. “So, do you want to talk about what happened with Mike earlier ?”

He doesn’t want to but Mike’s right, she’s trying to help him. So he tells her about what happened after they got back from her apartment the previous night. How Mike tried to kiss him. How he kneed him in the groin and shoved him to the ground. She covers her mouth with her hand because, unlike Mike, she knows exactly how it went with Ted and how Harvey must have felt when Mike drunkenly forced him to a kiss. He tells that Mike’s moving out of the apartment because he thinks he can’t help him and that he himself has come to the same conclusion yesterday, as they were hugging after yet another argument. He tells her he realized that things had gotten worse after Mike’s visit in LA. That he has no idea why Mike makes him nervous, why he can’t talk to him when he managed to tell everything to Donna.

“He’s made the right move.”, she says with a sigh. “I’ll call him. He must hate himself right now. He was so scared of screwing up…”, she shakes her head. “I wish there was something I could do.”

“You’re already doing a lot.”, Harvey gives her a small smile. “Mike says you’re a wonderful woman.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that before.”, she smirks, fanning herself with her hand. “Oh that’s your phone !”, she exclaims when Shakira’s voice starts singing.

“It’s Rachel.”, Harvey sighs. “Hey Rach’.” “Yeah, I’m good, you ?” “Yeah I was there this morning, I had a meeting with Lucy.” “I know… I didn’t do any work, I promise.” “Oh, what’s her name, when did she call ?” “Oh yeah, I remember her…” “No I’m at Donna’s, we’re having tea.” “No, I swear, just tea !”, he chuckles. “Tonight ?” “Uh, no, Mike isn’t, uh, available. Yeah, it’s complicated.” “I’ll ask Donna and let you know.” “Yeah, of course.” “Yeah, I’ll call you back.” “Bye.”, he hangs up. “Rachel and Logan are going out tonight and they ask if we want to go.”, he tells Donna.

“Well, I sure need a drink after this crappy afternoon, what about you ?”, she asks.

“Why not ?”, Harvey shrugs.

 

 

They meet with Logan and Rachel after dinner (Harvey actually eats a nice portion of Donna’s pasta specialty) at The Penrose in the Upper East Side.

“Hey guys !”, Rachel waves at them. “Harvey, you look preppy.”, she smiles and gives him a small but tight hug.

“Yeah, Lucy said I should comb my hair.”, Harvey chuckles. “Next thing you know she’ll be giving me a makeover !”, he adds and shakes Logan’s hand.

“You look totally hipster with the tattoos.”, Logan remarks.

“Please, no.”, Harvey makes a face and sits down around the table.

“So how was the meeting with your husband ?”, Rachel asks to Donna.

“It didn’t go too well.”, Donna replies. “He thinks I want his money.”

“Classic.”, Rachel sighs.

“Oh and he thinks Harvey’s my boy toy !”, Donna laughs.

“No way !”, Logan burst out laughing. “Oh my God !”

“You could totally be a boy toy with the new look.”, Rachel nods with a snort.

“It’s not a _new look_.”, Harvey rolls his eyes. “I only shaved and combed my hair.”

“You’ve never been able to accept compliments.”, Rachel shakes her head with a fond smile. “Ok.”, she straightens up and clears her throat. “Logan and I have set a date for our wedding. We’re getting married on August 20th.”, she grins. “You’re both invited and Harvey, I’d like you to be my best man.”

“Oh… Uh okay.”, Harvey smiles. “Aren’t you supposed to pick girls ?”

“My sister will be my maid of honor but you’re my best friend and I want you by my side on this important day.”, Rachel explains and takes a sip of her drink.

“Well, ok then.”, Harvey nods. “It’s in less than two months, have you started with the planning yet ?”

“That’s why Donna’s here.”, Logan replies mysteriously.

“Oh.”, Donna raises an eyebrow. “I’m all ears lovebirds.”

“You told me you were a event planner before you had your daughter and Logan and I would love it if you could plan our wedding.”, Rachel shoots her an expectant smile.

“Of course !”, Donna exclaims. “I’d love to !”

“I think this calls for champagne !”, Rachel raises her half empty glass and calls the waiter.

Harvey doesn't really think the day he just had deserves a champagne toast but he's happy for Rachel and Logan. He's also glad that Rachel didn't mention Mike and maybe the champagne will get him in the mood and he'll manage, for an hour or two, to forget about it all...


	15. Baby, just open your eyes to see he’s growing from inside me. And I don’t know what I can do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally managed to write another chapter. I think I got struck by writer's block. But thanks to my wonderful baby sister Isaure, who's also a great cheerleader, I've found my inspiration again (Thank you so much muffin, you're the best !).  
> This is a very "harvey-centric" chapter, focusing on his therapy. There will probably be one or two more chapters.  
> Hope you like it ! Let me know !!

“Tell me about your mother.”, Lucy says, blowing on her steaming cup of tea.

Harvey takes a sip of his coffee and cracks his neck. It’s not really his favorite subject but he’s not here to have fun or make small talk.

“Mmmh.”, he makes a pensive noise and puts his cup down on the coffee table. “You probably know that she’s had an accident 10 years ago. She’s… uh… I don’t think she knows who she is or who I am or anything. She breathes and walks but that’s about it.”

“How do you feel about it ?”, Lucy asks. “Precisely.”, she adds.

“Angry.”, Harvey replies instantly, and she watches him for a moment before speaking again.

“Why ?”

“Because that’s not fair.”, he replies through greeted teeth. “She’s spent her life trying to be loved. She’s loved unconditionally.”, he exhales through his nostrils. “Each of them. She loved them. And all she got in return were punches and insults.”

Lucy knows she’s opened a door, she can see it in the way Harvey’s eyes have lost their focus, he’s picturing her, them, himself. He’s trying to remember, he’s connecting with his past feelings.

“You know what’s funny ?”, he laughs bitterly, his eyes narrowed but still unfocused. He doesn’t wait for her to reply. “I used to pray… when I was a kid, I used to pray that she would love me like she loved them. They’ve come and gone, they’ve cheated on her, they’ve beaten her, they’ve treated her like shit but she still loved them more than she ever loved me.”

Lucy takes a sip of her tea, burning her tongue and she grimaces. Harvey has closed his eyes, his jaw is clenched tight. It’s their third meeting. Harvey speaks more freely, like he’s understood he will not be judged, like he’s realized that he needs the help. There are so many subjects she wants to bring up : the house, his tattoos, his father, Mike… but she doesn’t want to scare him away, these subjects need to come up naturally. And she knows they will.

“She told me one day that I was an inconvenience, that if she could start over I wouldn’t be here…”, Harvey continues. “I’ve always felt like a weight she dragged around. She protected me, she never left me behind but she didn’t do it out of love, she did it out of duty.”

Long minutes of silence stretch in the room and Lucy’s mug’s empty when Harvey speaks again.

“I don’t think I love her either.”, he clears his throat. “I feel it’s my duty to visit her.”

“I don’t think that’s true.”, she gives him a small smile. “I think you’ve managed to convince yourself that you don’t love her because you’ve suffered a lot while waiting for her to love you back. I think you love her.”

Harvey shrugs and leans back in the couch.

“Is she happy to see you when you visit ?”, Lucy asks.

“She doesn’t speak so I don’t know, but I’m the only one she agrees to take a walk with.”, he replies with a sigh. “Well, me and Mike.”

“She knows him ?”

“Yeah, when we first got together 5 years ago…”, Harvey pauses when he realizes that their anniversary was a week ago, on his birthday, on his mum’s accident anniversary. The day Ted broke up with him. God he hates that date. “When we first got together, I told Mike my mum was dead. She was, I mean she is kinda dead, you know ?”, he looks up at Lucy and she nods understandingly. “I… I didn’t want to tell him the whole story, I didn’t want to scare him away. But we quickly moved in together and well, I eventually had to tell him.”, he sighs. “He insisted on visiting her and I think she liked him instantly.”, he smiles at the memory. “She even said his name a couple of months ago.”, he looks up and smiles broadly at Lucy. “She’s, uh, she’s just there, you know ? She walks when we walk, sometimes it looks like she’s listening, but she never speaks. But this one time, when she spoke Mike’s name, she touched his face. I know, it sounds stupid, but for her, I mean, it’s huge. It’s like she knew who he was !”, he exclaims. “Oh and I went to see her on my own once and she asked for him.”, he smiles and Lucy wants to ask for more details but she can’t stop him right now. “I think she likes him, maybe she loves him. That’s funny…”, his eyes instantly darken. “Maybe that’s me, maybe she can’t love me. Just me.”, he swallows. “Mike called her a zombie once, when we were having an argument. It’s a pretty horrible thing to say but he was right, that’s what she is. She’s a ghost.”

Silence settles in the room once again and Lucy’s amazed by how quickly the mood changed.

“What about your father ?”, she asks tentatively.

Harvey scoffs and shakes his head.

“I never met him, he left my mum when she got pregnant with me.”, he replies casually, he doesn’t sound angry. “She used to tell me I looked like him which is funny because people tell me I’m the spitting image of my mum. Maybe that’s why she couldn’t love me, because I reminded her of him…”, he adds pensively, like he’s just come up with that possibility. “I think his name was James. I asked her, I used to ask a lot of questions but she didn’t like to talk about him. He was a drug dealer and a pimp.”, he explains. “I think. I’m not sure. I know she was a prostitute, she was doing cocaine while pregnant. He kicked her out at some point and she ended up in a house for underage single mums. They weaned her off drugs and taught her how to take care of me.”, he looks up from his folded hands and exhales deeply. “I looked at her file, it says that she didn’t show any particular interest in me. I wonder why she didn’t abandon me.”, he says and that’s almost a question. “I mean, it would have been so much simpler without me, you know ?”

“Maybe she loved you.”, Lucy ventures.

“Nah.”, Harvey shakes his head. “I guess she didn’t want to do what her parents did to her… They kicked her out when she got involved with my father.”

“Love and commitment, _duty_ as you put it, seem to be important to you.”, she says and narrows her eyes.

“Of course.”, Harvey huffs. “It’s important for everybody.”

“Yeah, of course, but-“

“People mistake a lot of things for love.”, Harvey cuts her. “Like, the women here, just like my mum, they arrive at The Shelter, bruised and shaken and one of the first things they tell you is that their husband or partner love them. That they’re sick or under too much stress. Well, that’s not love. That can never be love. You know ?” Lucy nods. “That’s why I think it’s important to define what love is for you, what you’re supposed to bear when you love someone, what you’re supposed to take as a warning sign…”, he pauses and rubs his face with a shaky hand. “I would never uh…”, he looks away. “I did hurt Mike the other night but that was self-defense, right ?”, he looks at Lucy expectantly.

“Yeah, it was self-defense.”, she confirms. “What you’re trying to say here is that even though you kicked Mike you love him, is that is ?”

Harvey looks down and chews on the inside of his cheek.

“Yeah.”, he sighs.

Lucy smiles softly and writes something on her notebook.

“We’ve established that you love your mother and you love Mike.”, she sums up, waiting for him to look up. “What about yourself ?”, she adds when he finally does.

“If I love myself ?”, Harvey asks with a confused look.

“Um.”, she nods. “Do you ?”

“I don’t know. I never really thought about it.”, he blushes and licks his lips. “You, uh, you said I should become my top priority so I guess you think-“

“I know what _I_ think, Harvey.”, she smiles fondly. “I want to know what _you_ think. Do you like the person you are ? Has it changed since the rape ?”

Harvey cringes at the word and clears his throat.

“I guess I was… um… ok. I mean, I’ve never intentionally hurt someone, I’m usually polite and nice, I…”, he exhales sharply. “I guess I liked what I was. It has changed.”, he nods to himself. “I… I’m not pleased with how I’m dealing with what happened. I know that…”, he pauses for a long moment.

Lucy doesn’t want to stop his train of thought so she leans back in her chair and folds her arm across her chest.

“I know I didn’t ask for what happened.”, Harvey finally speaks again. “I know he, Ted, is to blame, he… But I should have fought back.”, he says, playing with his empty cup. “I was drunk but it’s never have that effect on me.”, he frowns. “It’s like I was kind of okay, you know what I mean ? I wasn’t, but it must have looked like I was.”, he says, looking at the bookshelf. “Like, um, like I was saying no but my body was saying the opposite.”, he shakes his head. “I mean… I, uh… you know.”, he blushes.

“You had an erection.”, Lucy smirks.

Harvey nods sheepishly.

“Well, you know it’s a natural reaction, you can’t really control it.”, she says. “Obviously, you’re in a better position to know that. It doesn’t mean you were agreeing to what was going on. No means no. Period.”

“Yeah.”, Harvey nods, unconvinced. “I still think I should have acted differently… I’m angry with myself, for letting that happen to me.”

“Finally.”, Lucy smiles and closes her notebook. “You’re angry with yourself. You told me you felt ashamed. Is that still the case ?”

“Yeah… I guess I’m more angry than ashamed but I still hate that people know what happened to me. My friends…”, he exhales through his nose. “… apart from Donna, you know her, right ? She moved in my building. Well, apart from her, they look at me differently. Like they’re trying hard to avoid the subject.”

“What about Mike ?”, Lucy asks.

“He moved out a week ago.”, Harvey replies with a sigh. “He told me he wasn’t good for me, that all he did was put pressure on me. We exchange text messages, he checks on me, it’s… just a couple of words. Hello, goodnight…, stuff like that.”

“On his initiative ?”

“Sometimes it’s me who text first, sometimes it’s him.”, Harvey shrugs.

“How do you feel about him gone ?”

“I miss him.”, Harvey purses his lips. “But I… I can’t give him what he wants right now. Just the idea of…”

Lucy takes a discreet glance at her watch. They’re past their appointed hour, she should have stopped Harvey right after he admitted that he was angry with himself. He’s just opened another door, and a huge door.

“Could you hold that thought until tomorrow ?”, she asks with a smile. “I know we weren’t suppose to meet tomorrow but I really want to explore that subject with you.”

“Uh, yeah.”, Harvey nods. “Same time ?”

“Yep.”, Lucy replies, getting up. “Until then, think about it, find the words, okay ?”

“Ok.”, Harvey sighs. “Thank you.”, he smiles.

 

 

Harvey spends the rest of the day at The Shelter, helping with the new resident, Jamie, who isn’t totally “new”, she stayed for a week last year. Despite Rachel protesting that he should get some rest, he walks Jamie through the usual procedures and even conducts an afternoon workshop to help the residents with their work applications. He doesn’t feel like staying home and doing nothing. He has lunch with Rachel and eats a regular meal, and even though his stomach feels funny for the rest of the day, he has to admit that he feels better.

Donna arrives at his apartment for dinner, it’s become a ritual since Mike left. It helps Donna check that Harvey eats and they both need to talk. Donna has a lot on her mind with the upcoming trial and the wedding planning and Harvey always needs to unwind after his therapy sessions.

“You are _never_ going to believe what happened today.”, she says when she comes in, a thick file tucked under her arm.

“What happened ?”, Harvey asks with a smile.

Donna sets the folder on the coffee table and slumps onto the couch.

“You remember Craig’s lawyer, Stephen Huntley ?”, she asks and doesn’t wait for Harvey’s confirmation. “Well, he called me today.”, she smiles. “He’s dropped Craig, passed his case onto another lawyer.”

“Why ?”, Harvey asks, grabbing two beers from the fridge.

“He says there’s a conflict of interest.”, she blushes. “He uh, after checking that you and I weren’t seeing each other, he asked me out.”

“He what ?!”, Harvey exclaims, wide-eyed.

“I know.”, Donna grins. “He didn’t tell Craig of course. He told me he knew he was going to have to withdraw from the case the moment he saw me.”

“What did you say ?”

“I accepted.”, she grins again.

“I’m happy for you.”, Harvey smiles.

“We’re having dinner together tomorrow night.”, she takes a sip of her beer. “Oh ! And I had lunch with Mike.”

Harvey nods and looks away.

“He’s doing ok, he’s got his eyes on a new apartment in Manhattan, he said you would love it.”

“Good.”

“He misses you.”, Donna sighs.

“He left me.”, Harvey says dismissively.

He’s not mad at Mike, he understands why he thought he had to leave and if he’s honest with himself, after Mike manhandled him a week ago, he totally agreed with Mike’s decision. But it’s been a week and even if he’s not sure what he would say to him, Harvey feels like they should talk.

Donna clears her throat and grabs the folder she brought with her.

“I want to show my ideas for the venue.”, she says and Harvey guesses she’s jumped from talking about Mike to talking about the wedding. “I haven’t told Rachel and Logan anything yet, so not a word okay ?”

Harvey makes a zipped-mouth gesture and comes to sit on the couch next to her.

 

 

“I never noticed that you had tattoos.”, Lucy remarks, gesturing towards a small patch of skin under Harvey’s wrist as he’s opening the therapy room door.

“I got my first tattoo when I was 15.”, Harvey says, rolling up his sleeve completely and pointing at a skull on his wrist. It’s surrounded with a lot of other tattoos now but Lucy can still see it clearly. “My mum freaked out.”, he chuckles. “I knew the guy from the tattoo parlor and he didn’t seem to mind that I wasn’t 18. He’s done all my tattoos.”

“Why a skull ?”, she asks.

“I don’t know. It clearly has a different meaning now but I guess I thought it looked cool.”, he looks up and smiles.

“What does it mean now ?”

“That death is part of life. Things and people die. Relationships die. Dreams die. Hopes do too. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, though.”, he runs his fingertips across the tattoo. “We make new dreams, new plans, that’s just life. That’s what it means now.”

“How many tattoos have you got ?”

“I stopped counting a long time ago.”, Harvey smiles, rolling his sleeve back down and taking a seat on the couch. “Probably fifty or something like that. Both my arms are fully tattooed, I’ve got wings that cover my back, tribal stuff on each side of my ribs, an Egyptian cross on my left ankle and the infinity sign on the right.”, he pauses to think. “I’ve got words from the Quran on my lower back and a star around my navel. I think that’s it but I definitely want more.”

“We will probably need to address that at some point.”, Lucy chuckles and she grabs a pen and her notebook. “So, do you remember where we left things off yesterday ?”, she asks.

“You said I should think about Mike, I think.”, he replies, crossing his legs. “I had just told you that I missed him.”

“Right.”, Lucy confirms. “You said you missed him but you also said that you were unable to give him what he wanted. What do you mean by that ?”

“Well… I miss him but I can’t be his boyfriend right now.”, Harvey licks his lips. “I could be his friend but that’s not what he wants.”

“Is that what you want ?”

“No… I mean,  I don’t know. That’s all I can give.", he replies "Friendship.”, he quickly adds.

“Friendship ? How so ?”

“I mean, you know, I… the difference between friends and lovers is the physical contact, right ?”, Harvey asks.

“That’s the only difference for you ?”

“Uh yeah.”, Harvey frowns, not getting where she’s going.

“So you’re in love with your friends ?”

“No. Of course not.”

“So that’s another difference.”, Lucy points out.

“Well, yeah, um…”

“So you’re not in love with Mike ? I’m just trying to understand.”, she explains. “You said you can be his friend and you’re obviously not in love with your friends…”, she narrows her eyes at him.

“Yes I love him.”, Harvey replies. " _In love_.", he corrects himself. "Yeah."

“But you don’t want to love him ?”

“I don’t see where you’re going with this…”, Harvey frowns. “I don’t know how to answer that. What do you mean ?”

“Ok.”, Lucy smiles. “Let me rephrase this. You say you can’t give Mike what he wants, which is a boyfriend. And what does a boyfriend do ?”, she asks rhetorically and immediately continues. “He loves you. You say you love him. So I’m trying to understand why you think you can’t be his boyfriend right now.”

She knows exactly why but she needs Harvey to go there on his own.

“I don’t want…”, Harvey swallows, finally getting it. “The idea of Mike touching me makes my skin crawl. I don’t…”, he pauses and looks down. “I can’t imagine… When he kissed me the other night I was shocked but I also realized that um, I didn’t like it. You know ?”, he looks up. “When I thought about it after Mike was gone, I realized that it hadn’t felt familiar, it was like Mike was a total stranger.”, he purses his lips. “There’s a physical aspect in a relationship, it’s not just about loving each other. I used to need to the affection, I used to bug Mike with that, because he wasn’t affectionate, like at all.”, he insists. “I craved it, no matter how often he told me that he loved me, it didn’t feel right if he wasn’t showing it. And I couldn’t keep my hands off him. Now ? I can’t even think about it, it makes me nervous.”

“So that’s what you can’t provide right now, the affection.”, Lucy says.

“Yes.”, Harvey exhales shakily. “And I don’t see it changing anytime soon.”

“Have you told Mike ?”

“He knows it, he offered to sleep on the couch when I came back from LA.”

“That’s not what I asked.”, she shakes her head.

“No, I didn’t talk about that with him.”, he replies.

“I’m not saying you should do it today, Harvey, but you’re gonna have to talk to him at some point.”

“I know.”, Harvey sighs. “I also need to go see my mum.”

Lucy smiles and writes something on her notebook. So these are Harvey’s two priorities : Mike and his mum.

“I’m not sure it matters if I get better.”, Harvey suddenly speaks. “For Mike and me, I mean. He wants to get married and have kids. He’s going to be a great corporate lawyer one day and make tons of money and want those fast cars and fancy clothes… Maybe I should let him go now, let him find someone who will want these things too.”

“Don’t you want to become a dad ?”

“No.”, he replies.

“May I ask why ?”, Lucy asks.

“Of course you can.”, Harvey smiles. “I’ve told you far more intimate things.”, he laughs. “I love kids, they’re great. I just don’t want one. Mike will be great dad.”

“You wouldn’t ?”

“I guess you can never know.”, he replies pensively. “But I won’t take that risk. What if I don’t love my kid ? Kids always end up suffering. Couples break up. They always do and you’ve witnessed it first hand, how it destroys families, how it destroys kids.”, he says and Lucy cannot object to that. “I’m messed up, always was. I was raised by a crack addict, by a woman who didn’t value her life, who thought her sole purpose was to find a man.”

“What’s your purpose in life ?”, Lucy asks.

Harvey scoffs and rubs his face.

“I want to help those women.”, he replies.

“What was your purpose before you decided to create The Shelter ? When you were a teenager ?”

“I know it’s going to sound cliché, but I just wanted to be free. My goal was to be independent, to do what I wanted to do exactly how and when I wanted to do it.”, Harvey explains. “That’s why I got emancipated at 16.”

“I see.”, Lucy nods as she writes something down. “Why makes you think you’re messed up ?”

“We’ve had 4 sessions, I’d thought you would have noticed.”, Harvey chuckles.

“Harvey, I’m not here to judge.”, she puts her pen down. “I’m not here to decide what’s messed up and what’s not. I’m here to help reach your own conclusion, to help you make peace with what you think is messed up. Which is not necessarily what I _personally_ would call messed-up.”

“Do you think I am ?”, Harvey asks.

“I’ll tell you what I think when you’ve answered my question.”, Lucy smiles.

Harvey rolls his eyes and sighs dramatically.

“What makes me think I’m messed up…”, he whispers to himself.

He thinks. _Hard_. He doesn’t want kids. A lot of people don’t, especially men. He doesn’t want to get married. Not uncommon. He’s got a job, he’s reached his goal with The Shelter. He can be a bit clingy but it’s not messed up, is it ? Before Ted happened, he was in a healthy relationship.

“I can’t really think of anything right now.”, he mutters.

Lucy smiles again and closes her notebook.

“That was going to be my conclusion.”, she says. “I’ll let you think about everything we’ve been over today and I’ll see you again next week.”

“Uh, ok.”, Harvey gives her a confused look. “I’ll think about… it.”

“You look healthier, have you started eating again ?”

“Yeah.”, he smiles.

“Good.”, she opens the door. “Take care. I’ll see you on Monday.”

 

Later that day, Harvey’s working on his computer, replying to a bunch of emails he received from the people working on the LA Shelter, when his eyes are drawn to the “Draft” folder. The email he started writing to Mike when he moved to LA is still there.

He clicks on the folder and opens the email. It feels like a hundred years ago. He smiles when he reads the words he wrote.

He was hurt and wounded and sad back then, but his “secret” was only known by Donna and Rachel and he was far away from them. Things were easier. He remembers how he was feeling. Like he was in a bubble. He knew that it wasn’t going to last but he was busy with the house and he still hadn’t fully processed what had happened with Ted. His sanity was hanging by a thread but it was still hanging. Everything went to shit after Mike’s visit.

He’s going to try and think about why. He likes how Lucy decomposes his thoughts, how she manages to strip the facts off all emotions. How everything’s clearer once you’ve done that.

He takes a deep breath and clicks on the Send button. He told Mike he was going to send it anyway.

 

He’s woken by his phone buzzing in the middle of the night. At least it feels like it’s the middle of the night. He’s lying on the couch, all the lights are on and he remembers thinking about taking a nap while waiting for Donna to come back from her date.

Speaking of which, the text he just got is from her.

“ _Sleeping ?_ ”

Harvey smiles and types a quick reply. “ _Nope, come up here_.”

She’s here mere moments later, still dressed in a tight black dress and high nude pumps.

“Wow.”, he smiles when he opens the door. “How did it go ?”

“Perfectly.”, she replies, taking off her shoes. “God, my feet are killing me !”

“Glass of something ?”, Harvey asks as they walk to the living room. “What time is it anyway ?”

“Almost one.”, Donna replies. “Did you eat ?”, she asks, pushing the computer and paper to the side to rest her feet on the coffee table.

“Woops.”, Harvey replies with a sheepish smile.

“Lunch ?”, she asks pointedly.

“Yes, M’am.”, he replies.

“Get something to eat.”, she orders gently. “And I’d like a glass of wine, he doesn’t drink.”, she sighs.

“At all ?”, Harvey asks from the kitchen area and he grabs an apple.

“I don’t know, but he ordered sparking water.”, she replies with a disgusted look.

“Come on, tell me everything !”, Harvey urges, and he walks back to the couch with a glass of wine and the apple, at which Donna rolls her eyes.

“Thanks.”, she grabs the glass and straightens up. “He’s charming. We talked about everything but Craig. He’s a Londoner, he’s been in New York for only two years, following a messy divorce.”, she explains. “We took a stroll in Central Park.”, she smiles. “He’s got a great sense of humor.”

“Did you kiss ?”, Harvey asks with a impatient sigh.

“Hey !”, Donna nudges him with his elbow. “I’m not there yet !”

“So you did !”, Harvey exclaims, his mouth full.

“Yes.”, Donna concedes with a proud smirk.

“How was it ? How do you feel ?”, he gestures wildly with his arms.

“I don’t know.”, she replies, still smiling. “It felt great but it always feels great at the beginning.”

“Hey.”, Harvey places a hand on her knee. “Don’t overthink it. You have a right to be happy, thankfully not all men are like Craig.”

“Says the guy who blames himself for something he has absolutely nothing to blame himself for.”, she gives him a pointed look. “You have a right to be happy too, you know ?”

“We’re not talking about me.”, Harvey objects with a smile. “So, are you going to see him again ?”

“I asked him to call me.”, Donna replies. “He’s already texted me to thank me for a fantastic evening.”

“That’s great. I’m happy for you.”, Harvey smiles.

“Thank you.”, she smiles back. “What about you ? How did it go with Lucy ?”

“Very well. I’ve decided I don’t want to go back to LA.”

“You decided that in therapy ?”, Donna frowns.

“No, tonight.”, he replies, heading for the kitchen to throw his apple core in the bin. “I was going through all these emails and… Everything’s going great over there, they’re handling it perfectly, they don’t need me.”

“Okay…”

“I need to take care of myself.”, Harvey adds.

Donna smiles fondly and nods approvingly.


	16. On ne peut donner que deux choses à ses enfants : des racines et des ailes. / There are only two things that you can give to your kids : roots and wings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for sticking up with me, for the kind words on the previous chapter. <3 Let me know what you think of this new chapter !

**From : harveyrs@gmail.com**  
**To : mail4mikeross@yahoo.com**  
**Subject : news**  
**Sent : Tue. 07/04/2015 10:23 pm**

 

Hey

You wouldn’t believe how big and crazy my apartment is. I thought I’d stay at a hotel for a while and then move in a small apartment. Nope. This place is sick, Reggie would love the couch.

Remember the condo in that porn movie with the pizza guy ? Well, my apartment looks exactly like that. Except for the playroom. Well, there could be one for all I know, I don’t think I’ve been in every room yet.

I’ve only been here for a day but I already miss New York.

I don’t know why I started writing this email and I don’t even know if I’ll ever send it to you… I guess I need to. I remember my mum used to tell me that when she couldn’t talk to her parents she would write them letters. She found writing down her thoughts a lot easier than speaking them out loud. You know, like those people who have journals ?

I’ll try to write you everyday…

 

\----

 

Harvey still has time. Visiting hours start at 10 and it’s only 9 so he decides to enjoy the relative morning freshness and go for a walk. He stops at a coffee cart and grabs a double black coffee and a bagel. It’s been ages since he’s had one and it’s been weeks since he’s felt the need to eat.

The Payne Whitney clinic is situated in the center of Manhattan, not too far from Mike’s workplace, and Harvey reaches the firm’s tall glass building after a 10-minute walk. He was here last week for Donna’s meeting with her husband and the only other time Harvey came here was to pick up Mike for his birthday surprise dinner. He doesn’t really fit in this area, with his worn out jeans and clean but rumpled t-shirt, he thinks with a small smile. The people he comes across while climbing the steps leading to the building all wear suits and designer handbags, their hair perfectly in place and nails manicured. They don’t smile, Harvey notices, they don’t even acknowledge each other, they walk fast, they almost run, like they can’t wait to sit behind their desk and spend the day in front of their computer. He thinks it’s sad, that he could never take an office job.

“Harvey ?”, he hears and turns around.

A surprised Neal is climbing the stairs, walking up to him. He’s wearing a light gray flannel suit and there’s a pink hanky in the breast pocket of his jacket. Of course, his head is covered with a hat that he courteously removes when he approaches Harvey.

“Hey Neal.”, Harvey holds out his hand.

“How are you ?”, Neal asks, shaking the offered hand.

“Good, you ?”

“I’m fine, thanks, I’m a bit late, though.”, he chuckles, checking his phone for the time. “What are you doing here ?”

“I have time to kill before a meeting in the neighborhood.”, Harvey replies.

“How long are you staying in New York ?”, Neal asks, putting his hat back on.

“I don’t know yet.”, Harvey lies. “I have stuff to take care of.”

“Sure.”, Neal smiles. “Mike’s moving out next week, I can’t wait. He’s so messy !”

“Yeah, I… I heard he had found a new apartment.”, Harvey smiles back.

He can imagine Neal’s place, all neat and perfect, being trashed by Mike’s bad habits. Mike’s always had his Grammy cleaning after him and then there was Harvey.

“I gotta go.”, Neal announces. “Take care.”, he gives Harvey a knowing smile. “Oh ! And I really like the new style.”, he gestures towards his own hair and face and walks away.

“It’s not a new style.”, Harvey mutters. “I just combed my hair.”

He turns on his heel, trashes his empty coffee cup and retraces his steps back to the clinic.

It’s 9:45 when he comes in the big hallway. He grabs another coffee from the vending machine and walks to Theresa’s office.

“Hey.”, he smiles, knocking softly on the open door.

“Harvey !”, Theresa smiles broadly. “Long time no see !”, she gets up from her desk and pulls him into a hug. “You changed something…”, she pulls away and narrows her eyes at him. “Your hair…”

“Yeah.”, Harvey blushes. “I’ve decided I want to look presentable.”

“You look good.”, she smiles and pinches his freshly-shaved cheek. “Too skinny, though.”

“Working on that too.”, Harvey giggles and follows her into the room. “How’s my mother doing ?”, he asks, taking a seat across from her desk.

“I was going to call you actually.”, Theresa replies. “I thought I’d see you or Mike last weekend.”

“I know…”, Harvey looks down. “It’s, uh, complicated.”, he swallows. “What’s wrong with her ?”

“She’s been a bit depressed.”, the middle-aged woman replies, folding her hands on her desk. “She refuses to eat, she doesn’t sleep well and she doesn’t want to leave her room.”

“How has it been going on ?”, Harvey asks and takes a sip of his tasteless coffee.

“A week or so.”, she replies. “We’ve managed to have her eat at least one meal a day but she’s growing weaker.”

“Can I see her ?”

“Sure.”, she says, grabbing her keys. “Let me escort you to her room.”

She locks the door to her office and they walk the long corridor leading to the other wing. For once, Harvey manages to block out the painful sounds escaping from the room they pass by and concentrate on what Theresa’s telling him. She’s warning him that Isabelle hasn’t left her bed, she’s not dressed and she’s showered only once in the last week.

“There you go pretty boy.”, Theresa smiles fondly when they’ve reached Isabelle’s room. “Stop by my office before you leave, okay ?”

Harvey nods with a small smile and slowly opens the door.

She’s lying on her bed, her head turned towards the window, her eyes lost. She looks older like that, with her messy hair and pale cheeks.

“Hey mum.”, he says softly.

She jerks her head around and her mouth opens in what Harvey guesses could be either surprise or fear. He’s surprised too, she usually needs 5 to 15 minutes to become aware of his presence. There’s a untouched breakfast tray sitting on the rolling table next to the bed.

“How are you ?”, he asks, grabbing a chair.

Isabelle takes a deep breath, her eyes never leaving Harvey’s mouth and he takes one of her hands in his hands. It’s cold and flabby.

“Theresa told me you weren’t doing so good…”, he gulps, looking down at their joined hands.

Lucy was right, he loves her. He can’t help it. He loves that woman, whoever she is now, he loves her. The realization hits him hard. Even though she never acted like one, even though she never showed affection, she’s his mother. She gave birth to him, she protected him the best she could, she fed him, provided shelter and let him go when he asked to go. And now, she’s feeling down and there’s nothing Harvey can do to help her because she can’t communicate. There must be someone in there, he thinks, you have to be conscious in order to feel depressed.

He bites his cheeks to stop the tears and swallows around the lump in his too-tight throat.

“You know you’ve gotta eat.”, he says in a shaky voice. “You don’t have to leave your bed, you don’t even have to shower, but you have to eat.”

Isabelle narrows her eyes like she always does and she purses her lips.

“Hey.”, Harvey tries to smile. “Mike gave you the flowers, right ?”, he asks even if he knows Mike did. He needs to change the subject if he doesn’t want to break down in tears.

Isabelle blinks and turns her head back to the window. Harvey sighs and leans back in his chair, his hands still wrapped around her hand. He used to ask her questions but he has stopped a long time ago because never getting any answer was depressing. He doesn’t know why he’s asked her that, why he didn’t just tell her that he knew Mike had delivered the flowers and that he hoped she liked them.

He has no idea how much time passes – 10 minutes, an hour ? – but he must have closed his eyes at some point. When opens them, Isabelle’s looking at him.

“Sorry, I drunk two coffees but I guess I still have sleep to catch up on.”, he smiles sheepishly and takes one of his hands off Isabelle’s hand to rub his sleepy face.

His heart jumps in his chest when he feels Isabelle’s hand squeezing his fingers. It’s not much, just a very light squeeze, he probably wouldn’t even have felt it if her hand wasn’t so cold. He squeezes back with a smile.

“’arvey.”, she croaks and Harvey’s heart, still recovering from the hand squeezing, completely stops beating.

“Yes mum.”, he whispers after a moment. “Yes, it’s me.”, he nods, trying to meet her eyes but they’re fixed on his lips. He looks away and his gaze stops on the food tray. “Hungry ?”, he asks.

Isabelle opens her mouth but doesn’t say anything, Harvey might as well try. He cannot make her feel better if he doesn’t know why she feels depressed but he can at least try to get her to eat.

“There you go.”, he says with a smile, placing the rolling table in front of Isabelle.

He pours some coffee into the porcelain cup and hands it to her. It’s not scalding but it’s not cold yet. Isabelle grabs the proffered cup and brings it to her lips with trembling hands.

Harvey sits back down on the chair and watches her take a small sip of the beverage and putting the cup back on the tray. She contemplates the two bread toasts for a moment before turning to Harvey.

“Eat.”, Harvey orders in a gentle tone, suppressing a smile.

She grabs the toast and delicately cuts it in half. Harvey realizes it’s the first time he sees her eat something since she moved in the clinic 6 years ago. He always visits after lunch or before dinner. It feels weird to watch her bite into the bread and slowly chew. It’s such a normal thing to do, she looks so normal that Harvey could almost forget about her accident for a moment.

She takes another sip of coffee, wipes her mouth, and starts eating the other half of the toast. When she’s done, she finishes her coffee and pushes the plate away.

“Good.”, Harvey smiles and she looks up. “See ? It feels good.”

She lies down again and pulls the cover up her chest.

“I know I said you didn’t have to shower, but I think you should.”, Harvey says, pointing at the bathroom door. “I’ll wait here.”, he gives her a tentative smile.

Isabelle follows his hand and stares at the bathroom door before sitting on the bed. She exhales heavily before moving to sit on the edge of the bed and gracefully slipping on her sleepers. She walks to the chest of drawers and rummages in it for a while. She then heads for the bathroom with her arms full of fresh clothes.

When he hears the water running, Harvey lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. She listened to him. She understood what he said, or at least she understood what he meant when he gestured towards the bathroom door. She listened to him when he told her to eat her breakfast. She said his name.

He gets up and walks to the window as tears start pooling up in his eyes. They’re tears of joy. Tears of relief. He’s made the right decision to stay in New York. He belongs here, not in LA.

He takes a deep but shaky breath and runs a hand through his gelled-up hair. There are many things he still needs to figure out, many issues he needs to fix, but for the first time in weeks, he feels okay. He feels okay with the path he’s taken, okay with the things he’s discovered in therapy. Okay with loving his mum. Okay with her living at the clinic for the rest of her life because she put her life in the hands of the wrong men. Okay with what happened with Ted. _Yes_. What happened happened and there’s nothing he can do about it but focus on getting over it, on getting better.

He’s startled out of his thoughts by the bathroom door opening.

Isabelle is dressed and she’s styled her hair in a ponytail. She looks alive.

“Wanna go for a walk ?”, Harvey asks and she heads for the bedroom door.

 

 

After stopping by Theresa’s office on his way out, Harvey contemplates asking Mike if he’s free to have lunch. He wants to tell him about what happened with his mum, see how he’s doing, let him know he’s doing better.

He finally decides not to and drives back to the apartment. Mike said he left to give him time and space to heal. And Harvey knows what it means, what it entails : Mike is willing to wait, to put their relationship on hold if that means getting back together in the end. Mike’s not looking for a friend in Harvey, he doesn’t want to talk about Harvey’s mum over lunch, he wants more. And by leaving, he made it clear that Harvey should contact him when he’s able to give more.

He meets with Donna at a restaurant in their neighborhood and he tells her about his mum, in great detail. She listens to him while not-so-subtly eying his plate to make sure he eats its whole content, and she tells him about the venues she’s visiting after lunch.

 

 

 

They have dinner at Logan and Rachel’s that night to discuss the progress of the wedding planning. Harvey knows Donna dragged him along with her, even though he’s not involved in the preparations, because that we she gets to watch what he eats. It’s starting to get a bit annoying but Harvey knows she means well and she’ll stop spying on him at some point.

Logan and Rachel live on the Upper East Side in a modern 3-bedroom apartment. They’ve moved in together 2 years ago. Logan comes from a very wealthy family and just took over his father’s company, which happens to be one of Pearson Hardman’s clients. Sanders Inc. makes regular donations to The Shelter and Logan helps with the handy work when needed.

“I’m almost done with the guest list.”, Rachel announces, placing a couple of paper sheets on the coffee table. “I need to ask Trevor if he wants to bring someone and there’s this cousin I haven’t seen in ages that I’m still not sure I want to invite.”, she turns to Harvey. “I know it’s not the right time but I need to know.”, she wrinkles her nose. “Will you come with Mike ?”

“I don’t think so.”, Harvey replies with a small shake of the head.

“I think you should leave that option open.”, Donna steps in. “You never know.”

“Yes I know. And Rachel needs to know now.”

“I can wait a little longer.”, Rachel assures when Donna gives her a knowing look.

“It’s not necessary, but thanks.”, Harvey replies.

Rachel looks at Donna who discreetly winks with a smile.

“Alright.”, she says and she grabs the papers. Instead of crossing Mike’s name out of the list, she underlines it.

“You said you had something to show us.”, Logan says to Donna.

“Yep.”, Donna puts her glass down and reaches for her briefcase. “Following your instructions and the details you gave me, I selected three potential venues.”, she explains, opening the lid of her laptop. “The wedding’s in less than 2 months so I knew that they were all going to be booked already. But…”, she smiles smugly. “… I used my Donna tricks and your name…”, she smirks at Logan. “… and two of them are willing to turn down their clients for you.”

“Okay…”, Rachel nods slowly.

Donna opens a folder on her computer and turns it towards Rachel and Logan.

“This is Gotham Hall.”, she announces. “It’s beautiful. I think it would be perfect.”, she says as Logan and Rachel flick through the pictures.

“Wow.”, Rachel grins. “I love it.”

“The event manager needs to know tomorrow.”, Donna says, handing them stack of stapled paper sheets. “This is their proposition.”

“Okay.”, Logan grabs the folder and nods. “What about the other venue ?”

“The other one slightly less exclusive.”, she says, tapping on the keyboard. “The Manhattan Penthouse, on 5th Avenue.”

“Oh yeah, I’ve been there before.”, Logan says. “It’s got a stunning view and a gorgeous ballroom.”

“I like the other one better.”, Rachel states. “What about you ?”

“Whatever you want my love.”, Logan replies and places a quick kiss on her lips.

Harvey and Donna exchange a smile and take a sip of their drink.

 

 

“ _Got your email. Thanks (I do remember the pizza guy, beautiful cock) I hope you’re doing good. Neal told me he saw you this morning. Were you visiting your mum ? How is she ? I just signed for an apartment, I’m moving in on Saturday. Let me know when I can come pick up my stuff. Take care. xoxo_ ”

Harvey sighs and puts his phone down next to his pillow. It buzzes again.

“ _I miss you so much :’(_ “

_“Mum is fine, a little depressed Theresa said. I had to force her to eat. Ironic, uh ? We took a walk in the park. She said my name. I’m happy you found a new place, Neal says you’re messy. Try to keep this one clean. You can come whenever to pick your stuff. I miss you too.”_

He taps the screen and turns off his phone. Rolling on his side on the bed, he watches Mike’s pillow and closes his eyes, tries to imagine Mike lying there, next to him. His breath hitches and he curls up, pulling tightly on the covers. _5 years_. Almost 5 full years of living with this man, of sharing a bed with him, of spending hours watching crap TV, good movies, of talking about everything and nothing. Almost 5 years of holding him in this very bed, on the couch, in the kitchenette, in the shower. And yet, the thought of lying next to him gives him the chills. Oh he misses him. His sense of humor, his temper tantrums over Reggie’s mess, his face when he gets to eat meat, his laugh, his voice… They’re memories now, memories of what now looks like another life. A life where he couldn’t keep his hands off Mike, where he would only feel complete when he was buried deep inside of him, where he couldn’t imagine his life without Mike.

Harvey hasn’t had an erection for over month, since Ted. Not even in the morning, the annoying one that makes taking a leak difficult. He hasn’t felt a single twinge of arousal, not even when he watched Mike’s cock growing in his boxers a little over a week ago, and he can’t imagine being able to want again, to desire again. Maybe that part of him is dead, he thinks, tossing in the bed, realizing he wouldn’t mind if it were the case. The thought of Mike, of someone, wanting him scares him so much right now that he doesn’t mind spending the rest of his life without sex. But that means losing Mike and spending the rest of his life alone and he finds that thought depressing. He’ll ask Lucy what she thinks about it on Monday.

 

 

On Thursday, Harvey calls Hans and he tells him the whole story. Well, not everything obvisouly, but he tells him something happened a month ago, something that led to him fainting in the Sofitel’s lobby. He tells him he thought he could still carry the project trough but he can’t. He tells him he needs to focus on his health right now and Hans tells him he understands. Hans thanks him for doing everything he’s done, that they’ll manage without him, that he hopes he’ll come visit when he feels better. Harvey promises that he will and thanks him.

 

On Friday morning, he goes for a run and grabs a bagel and coffee on his way back. He’s been eating right for a week now and he feels a lot better. He hasn’t had a nightmare in a while but he dreams a lot. Lucy had warned him that the therapy sessions would do that, that talking would trigger things in his subconscious.

Mike hasn’t told him yet when he plans on coming to pick up his stuff but he guesses it will be tomorrow morning so he spends the afternoon gathering Mike’s clothes and belongings, cleans the apartment thoroughly, showers and decides to take a nap when he’s done.

 

Mike is about to insert his key in the lock when he realizes he should maybe knock first. It’s Harvey’s place, now. He didn’t tell him he was going to drop by tonight, he wasn’t sure what time he was going to get off work.

He knocks softly before turning his key and opening the door. The apartment is dark and silent and Mike spots his stuff, two suitcases and a couple of bags as well as a dozen boxes, neatly gathered in the entryway. Harvey’s not home apparently.

“Hey baby.”, he whispers when he spots Reggie stretching lazily on the couch. “Long time no see.”, he smiles, petting his head. “Is daddy treating you right ? How is he doing ?”, he asks, looking around the room.

It smells like bleach and window cleaner, everything’s orderly and there’s a plate and a saucepan drying on the rack next to the sink. _Harvey eats again. Good._

Mike sits on the couch and Reggie settles on his lap.

“Daddy put the collar back.”, he smiles, running his fingers along the bony ridges of the cat’s back. “I’m moving in a big place tomorrow. Fully furnished with two bedrooms, a separated kitchen, a big bathroom and it’s even got a balcony.”, he smiles softly and Reggie purrs under his touch. “I can’t stay, baby boy. I need to go back to Neal’s, we’re having dinner with Katrina and her boyfriend.”

He takes the cat in his hands and moves him from his lap to the couch. There’s one thing he needs to take with him that Harvey didn’t put with his belongings. He gets up from the couch and heads for the bedroom.

He stops dead in his tracks when he opens the door. Harvey’s lying on the bed atop the covers, on his side with his back turned to Mike, one of his arms tucked under his pillow. Mike watches the two huge angel wings tattooed on his back move with each of Harvey’s breaths. Every time Harvey inhales, it seems like they could unfold. It’s always been Mike’s favorite tattoo. He remembers staying in the room, holding Harvey’s hand, during the 3 two-hour sessions it took to have them engrave in Harvey’s skin, his eyes following and cataloguing the tiny needle’s every movement.

He walks to the bed and grabs his pillow, strips it off its grey cotton case and exhales heavily. He should go. Take his stuff and leave. But he can’t. He’s missed Harvey so much and now he’s lying here on their bed, only a couple of feet away. He finds himself unable to take his eyes off that beautiful body. So he carefully sits down on the edge of the bed and wraps his arms around his pillow.

Harvey’s phone suddenly goes off and Mike jumps back on his feet.

Harvey grabs his phone, presses on the screen and puts it to his ear.

“’ello.”, he mumbles sleepily. “Hey Donna.”, he yawns and sits up, his back still turned to Mike. “No.”, he clears his throat. “I was just taking a quick nap, what time is it ?” “Well, a long nap then.”, he chuckles and yawns again. “Yeah…”, he stretches his free arm and leaves the bed. “Shit !”, he jumps and drops the phone when he sees Mike.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”, Mike says apologetically.

Harvey exhales sharply and picks his phone from the floor.

“Sorry about that, Mike’s here, he scared me and I dropped the phone.”, he says. “Uh, yes sure, see you in a bit.”, he hangs up.

“I’m sorry.”, Mike repeats. “I should have made my presence known.”

“It’s ok.”, Harvey shakes his head and grabs a t-shirt and a pair of jeans that he quickly pulls on. “Donna’s coming up to see you.”, he adds and shoots a quizzical look at the pillow in Mike’s arm.

“Oh yeah, um.”, Mike blushes. “I, uh-“

“Take it.”, Harvey smiles and walks past him before locking himself in the bathroom.

Mike sighs and heads for the living room when he hears a knock on the front door. He sets the pillow on the suitcases.

“Hey.”, he smiles when he opens the door.

“Hey !”, Donna pulls him into a hug. “How are you ?”

“I’m fine.”, Mike replies, closing the door behind her.

Harvey appears in the room at that moment, squinting his eyes to adjust to the light.

“Hey sleepy head.”, Donna smiles fondly.

“Hey.”, Harvey smiles back and he drags his feet to the kitchen where he pours himself a glass of water.

“I, uh, I was about to go.”, Mike says, stuffing his pillow into a shopping bag.

“Oh no ! I thought we’d have dinner together.”, Donna pouts. “You wouldn’t want to miss my lasagnas.”

“I’m sorry, but I’m having dinner with a bunch of friends and Neal’s actually waiting for me.”, Mike replies with an apologetic smile.

“Where ? Downstairs ?”, she raises an eyebrow.

“No, at his apartment.”

“Cancel on them, stay over for dinner.”, she orders and she grabs the bag from his hands and drops it back on the floor next to the rest of his stuff.

“I can’t cancel on them now, I’m expected at a restaurant in less than an hour.”, Mike huffs, grabbing the bag.

“Oh come on.”, Donna sighs.

“Stop bugging him, Donna.”, Harvey mutters from the kitchenette.

Donna rolls her eyes dramatically then makes a pleading face at Mike.

“I know you want to stay.”, she mouths with a knowing look.

“Maybe he doesn’t want me to.”, he mouths back with a frown.

Donna rolls her eyes and folds her arms across her chest.

“So ?”, she gives him an expectant look.

“Alright, I’ll call Neal.”, Mike sighs.

“Hey.”, Harvey comes back in the small entryway, carrying a half empty glass of water. “What if _I_ don’t want your lasagnas, or company for that matter ?”, he tilts his head at Donna.

“I’ll just go.”, Mike smiles nervously. “Thanks for-“

“Stay.”, Harvey cuts him. “I wasn’t talking about you, I was talking to Donna.”

“No but you’re right.”, Mike says. “It’s, uh, your apartment and maybe you’re not hungry, maybe you don’t want company… It’s okay, I’ll-“

“Mike.”, Harvey cuts him again but his voice is soft. “It’s not _my_ place, you’re paying for it, every piece of furniture belongs to you. And yes, I’m hungry.”

“Great !”, Donna claps. “I’ll go grab everything I need to cook while you get the wine ready.”,

“Uh, no alcohol for me.”, Mike quickly objects.

The last time they had dinner together didn’t end so well and he certainly doesn’t want a repeat.

“Ok.”, Donna smiles knowingly. “I’ll bring up some orange juice.”, she makes a face and leaves the apartment.

“Speaking about furniture.”, Harvey says, bending to pick up Reggie. “Don’t you want to take any of it ?”, he gesture towards the living room with a flick of his chin. “The couch, coffee table, something ?”

“No, thanks.”, Mike replies, taking off his suit jacket. “The place is fully furnished.”

“Where is it ?”, Harvey asks, walking to the kitchen area.

“Manhattan.”, Mike replies, following him. “It’s very expensive but it’s awesome.”

Harvey turns around and gives him a small smile.

“So ? You told me your mum spoke when you came to see her ?”

“Yes.”, Harvey can’t help but smile broadly as he gets three plates from one of the cupboards. “She had spent the last week in bed, refusing to eat or leave the bed so when I came in the room, I sat next to her bed and took her hand in my hands.”, he explains, laying the table. “I fell asleep at some point and she squeezed my hand and said my name.”, he grins.

“Wow !”, Mike mirrors his grin. “That’s… I’m so happy for you !”

“Thank you.”, Harvey nods. “I asked her to eat her breakfast and she did ! She took a piece of toast, cut in half...”, he explains, mimicking Isabelle’s gestures. “… and she ate it, both halves !”, he exclaims. “Then, when she was done, I asked her to take a shower and she left her bed, grabbed her clothes and went to the bathroom.”, he shakes his head with a grin.

He looks so happy about it that Mike’s heart clenches in his chest. Anybody who doesn’t know Isabelle would find this ridiculous or wouldn’t get why Harvey’s so excited about such little things but Mike understands. He knows how unhoped-for it is, how much it means to Harvey. So he grins back. They stare at each other, their grins slowly fading into sad pouts, reality slowly taking over again.

Mike is the only person who can understand what happened, Mike is the only person he shared it with and Harvey realizes that Mike’s the only person he wants to share his mum with.

“Honey I’m home !”, Donna chants, breaking the spell. “Here’s your juice.”, she hands a big juice box to Mike.

“Thanks.”, Mike grabs it and puts it on the kitchen counter.

 

They help Donna with the cooking while listening to music.

They talk about the wedding during dinner and Donna borrows Harvey’s computer to show Mike the venue. Mike makes fun of Harvey because he’s going to have to wear a tux again. Donna tells Mike about Stephen, about their date and it’s like Mike still lives here, like his stuff isn’t packed up in the entrance. Like nothing ever happened.

They end up on the couch and armchair with a big bawl of popcorn.

Around midnight, Donna announces that she’s calling it a day.

“That was fun.”, she stretches loudly. “We should do this more often.”

Harvey glances up at Mike who is looking at him.

“You shouldn’t drive back to wherever it is that you live.”, Donna says, carrying the empty bawl to the kitchen. “It’s late and you’ve had too much orange juice.”, she smiles.

“Haha.”, Mike rolls his eyes. “I have a meeting with the real estate agent at 9 tomorrow so I better go.”, he says, getting up from the couch.

“You know you can sleep in Emily’s room.”, Donna offers.

“Or here.”, Harvey yawns. “On the couch.”, he adds and clears his throat.

It used to be Mike's place too, after all. He cannot _not_ offer him to stay the night.

Donna smiles and busies herself in the kitchen.

“Uh.”, Mike licks his lips. “Okay, um, I mean… why not ?”

“I’ll get you a blanket.”, Harvey nods. “Your pillow’s here.”, he gestures towards Mike’s stuff.

“Great.”, Donna smiles. “Goodnight boys.”, she waves.

“Goodnight, Donna.”, Harvey smiles back and walks to the bedroom.

“Goodnight.”, Mike echoes. “And thank you for dinner.”

“You’re welcome.”, she mouths and smiles knowingly.

Mike shakes his head with a smile and closes the front door behind her.

He grabs his pillow and places it on the far end of the couch.

“Here.”, Harvey says when he comes back, a wool blanket in his arms. “Goodnight.”

“Thank you. For dinner and for having me.”, Mike nods gratefully.

“Thank you for cancelling your dinner and staying with us.”, Harvey replies. “Do you want me to turn off the lights ?”

“Yes, please. Goodnight.”

“Yeah…”, Harvey whispers and sighs, walking back to his room.

He’s glad Mike stayed. He spent the whole dinner glancing at him, watching him, trying to figure out what he feels for him, how he makes him feel… and the conclusion is that Mike’s smile still makes his heart melt. That his throat still tightens when his eyes meet with Mike’s piercing blue eyes. He told Lucy he was in love with Mike and he didn’t lie. Now he needs to figure out if there’s a chance, even the slightest chance, that he he will ever be able to let him in again.


	17. I’m here. I love you. I don’t care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, here's another chapter ! It's sightly shorter but I'm hoping to post a new one soon.  
> Thanks a lot for your wonderful and kind words, you have no idea how much they mean to me.

Something’s tickling Mike’s cheek. Something rough and wet, something insistent.

“Mmmh.”, Mike mumbles, reaching a hand to his cheek.

It’s met with a quick painless bite.

“Hey !”, Mike opens his eyes and frowns.

Reggie’s sitting right next to his head, looking down at him.

“That’s not nice, Reginald.”, Mike scolds him. “You don’t bite people, that’s not how I raised you.”

The cat yawns and starts purring.

“Yeah, yeah.”, Mike yawns and stretches. “You’re not a good boy.”

He hears a low chuckles coming from the kitchenette and sits up.

Harvey’s sitting at the counter, sipping on a mug.

“You know he doesn’t understand you, right ?”, he asks with a snort.

“You don’t know about that.”, Mike huffs and takes Reggie in his arms. “You understand me, don’t you ?”, he asks in a baby voice and Harvey shakes his head with a smile. “Daddy thinks you’re stupid but I know you’re not.”, he buries his nose in the cat’s furry neck.

“You should take him with you.”, Harvey says. “He likes you better.”

“Nah. He loves you, he just doesn’t know how to show it.”, Mike replies, still nuzzling the cat’s neck.

Harvey puts his mug back on the counter, not sure if Mike’s still talking about the cat. “You should talk to him.”, Mike continues but this time he looks up at Harvey and there’s something in his eyes. He’s definitely not talking about Reggie anymore.

“Coffee ?”, Harvey asks and clears his throat uncomfortably.

“Yes please.”, Mike replies, putting the cat on the couch and getting up.

He walks to the bathroom and Harvey exhales sharply. He’s about to pour coffee in a mug for Mike when he hears a soft knock on the front door.

“Oh.”, he says when he sees Neal standing behind it, dressed impeccably in what’s probably his weekend attire.

“Hey.”, Neal smiles awkwardly. “Is Mike ready ? He told me to come help him.”

“He just woke up.”, Harvey replies, moving to the side to let him in. “Come in. Coffee ?”

“Sounds great.”, Neal follows him and stops in front of Mike’s stuff. “How many boxes are there ?”

“About 10 or twelve.”, Harvey replies as Mike comes back from the bathroom.

“You said 7:30.”, Neal sighs when he sees him in his boxers. “I had to wake up at 6 and you’re not even ready ?”

“Sorry, I forgot to put an alarm.”, Mike scratches his head.

Neal rolls his eyes and walks to the kitchen counter.

“Okay, so first you cancel on our dinner date and then you sleep in. I’m so glad you’re moving out.”, he sighs and Harvey raises an interested eyebrow. “Thanks.”, he smiles, grabbing a steaming cup of coffee Harvey just placed in front of him.

“Hey, it wasn’t a _date_.”, Mike shoots him a pointed look, his cheeks burning.

“I know.”, Neal smirks. “Just teasing you.”, he smiles above the brim of his cup and winks at Harvey.

Harvey’s not sure what to think of it.

“Do you need help with the moving ?”, he asks, handing another cup to Mike.

“We’re f-“, Mike begins to say.

“Yes please !”, Neal cuts him. “The more the quicker.”

“All of this should fit in my truck.”, Harvey gestures towards the boxes and suitcases.

“Thanks.”, Mike blushes.

“Alright, let’s get moving !”, Neal orders, emptying his cup.

“2 minutes.”, Mike puts up two lazy fingers. “Give me two minutes.”, he repeats with a yawn.

 

45 minutes later, they’re putting the last box in the back of Harvey’s pickup truck and Neal’s panting like he just ran a marathon.

“God, handy work isn’t my thing.”, he says, stretching loudly.

“Obviously.”, Harvey chuckles.

“Oh come on !”, Mike rolls his eyes. “You cannot be _that_ tired.”

“I am.”, Neal replies. “I’m not very sporty.”

“How do you manage to be that fit then ?”, Harvey asks, a bit jealous. He certainly would be a lot heavier if he didn’t run.

“Thanks for the compliment.”, Neal smirks. “I guess I’m lucky.”

Mike rolls his eyes and walks to his car with a pout.

“Let’s go.”, he mutters.

Neal winks at Harvey again and heads for his car.

“Wait. That’s _your_ car ?”, Harvey gapes when Neal stops in front of a 1962 convertible Jaguar.

“Yup.”, Neal replies.

“Wow.”, Harvey breathes. “It’s beautiful. Jaguars are my favorites.”

“Want to try it ?”, Neal offers.

“I wouldn’t know how to drive such a beauty.”, Harvey replies, gently running his fingertips across the body.

“Shall we go ?”, Mike asks impatiently, popping his head around the window of his car. “When the two of you are done flirting, I mean.”, he adds with a angry sigh.

“We should go.”, Neal laughs. “You can take her for a drive when we’re done moving Grumpy’s stuff.”

Mike rolls his eyes again and starts the engine. Harvey quickly climbs in his car and the three cars follow each other across town.

 

Mike’s apartment is on the top floor of a 7-storey building, not far from his office and only a couple of blocks away from Isabelle’s clinic.

The three of them double-park in front of the building and step out of their cars.

“Seriously guys, I’m not sure I can carry one more box.”, Neal complains, looking at the back of Harvey’s truck.

“Then why did you offer to help ?”, Mike asks, shaking his head in disbelief.

“I got an idea.”, Neal grins. “I’ll take care of the elevator, send it up and back down for you, how’s that ?”

Harvey burst out laughing and grabs a box.

“Good idea.”, he laughs. “Be careful, though, don’t hurt yourself pushing that button.”

Mike ignores the friendly banter and walks to the building door with a box. He enters a pin code, opens the door and drops the box in front of it to keep it open. He knows he shouldn’t be angry, they’re both helping him, at least Harvey is, but he can’t believe how openly Neal’s flirting with Harvey. He’s told Neal how much he loves Harvey, how much he misses him… Neal flirts, that’s what he does, with everybody, all the goddamn time. And he does it with Mike all the time too, with Katrina, with the other first-years. But still. Maybe Mike’s angrier with Harvey. Because Harvey’s always clueless with these things, he never sees when someone flirts with him, doesn’t get why Mike gets jealous. He’s kept his distance with Mike, made it clear he’s not ready to be in a relationship with him again, freaked out when Mike tried to kiss him and _yet_ , he doesn’t mind Neal flirting with him. He shouldn’t have accepted his help, he thinks, walking back to the truck, fuming internally. He’s so lost in his thoughts and anger that he doesn’t notice Harvey and he violently bumps shoulders with him, causing Harvey to stumble and drop the box he's carrying.

“Sorry !”, Mike covers his mouth with a hand. “I didn’t see you.”

“It’s ok.”, Harvey smiles and picks up the box.

Mike nods and swallows.

“You’re really not going to help us ?”, he asks when he reaches the truck where Neal is busy with his phone.

“Yes I am. With the elevator.”, Neal replies, not looking up.

Mike huffs and picks up another box.

 

Harvey and Mike load the elevator with as many boxes and they can, which is 6 and they both realize that, unless they want to spend the ride up pressed against each other, only one of them can fit in with the boxes.

“I’ll take the stairs.”, Harvey announces.

“Oh come on, it’s seven floors.”, Neal rolls his eyes. “Don’t be shy, climb in.”, he orders. “It’s not like you guys don’t know each other.”

“No _I_ ’ll take the stairs.”, Mike says, stepping out of the cabin.

“Really guys ?!”, Neal asks. “There’s plenty of room for the two of you. Come on, we don’t have all day !”

“All right, all right.”, Mike mutters and steps back in the cabin.

Harvey swallows hard and takes a second to decide how he should enter the elevator. Does he want to face Mike or would he rather not have to look at him while being so close, even if that means having his ass pressed against Mike ?

“Just get in.”, Neal sighs impatiently.

“Okay.”, Harvey whispers and clears his throat, entering the cabin.

He inhales sharply when his feet come into contact with Mike’s. God they’re close.

“Be good, kids.”, Neal teases as the door close.

Mike is looking down, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth. At least, he’s as uncomfortable as him, Harvey thinks, holding his breath while hoping Mike can’t hear his heart stomping in his chest.

They quickly reach the seventh floor and when the cabin comes to a stop, Mike looks up and their noses almost touch, that’s how close they are. They stare at each other for a long moment, unable to move, breathing each other’s breath as the doors open and close again.

Mike’s breath is hot against Harvey’s lips and a shiver runs down Harvey's spine.

“We should, uh.”, Mike says, his voice hoarse and low.

“Yeah.”, Harvey nods and he pushes a button to open the doors.

He comes out of the cabin and exhales heavily.

“Second door to the right.”, Mike indicates, handing him a set of keys.

Harvey nods and walks to the door, still a bit breathless. Neal’s right, it’s not like they don’t know each other, it’s not like they haven’t spent days kissing and making love, it’s not like being this close to Mike is new to him. He even kissed him just two weeks ago. So why is his heart fluttering like that ? He’s sure it’s not fear, Mike wouldn’t try anything again, not after what happened. He takes a deep breath and unlocks the door.

“Let’s unload the elevator and I’ll give you a tour.”, Mike says, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah…”, Harvey replies, turning on his heel and walking back to the elevator.

They carry the boxes and bags into the apartment in silence.

“So.”, Mike says, opening his arms. “This is the living room.”, he smiles.

Harvey nods and looks around the room. It’s nicely furnished with a big couch and a coffee table on a creamy rug, a TV and a long wooden sideboard. There are grey curtains hanging on each side of the huge window. It’s not really Mike’s style, it’s a little bit too tidy, too modern, too clean. But again, things have changed, Mike has changed since starting his new job.

“It’s nice.”, Harvey says, his throat suddenly dry.

“Wait till you see the balcony.”, Mike grins, sliding the window open and stepping outside.

“Wow.”, Harvey gapes, taking in the view.

Even the balcony’s already equipped with a wrought iron round table and a set of chairs and a small outdoor couch.

“Well, it’s certainly not as nice as the one you have in LA.”, Mike chuckles.

 _LA… right_. Harvey wants to tell him that he’s not going back. That come to think of it, he didn’t like that apartment that much, it was too big and too lonely. But instead he smiles and follows Mike back into the living room and to the adjacent room.

“Here’s the kitchen.”

It’s not big but at least it’s separated from the living room. Harvey knows Mike’s always wanted to have a real kitchen.

“There are two bedrooms at the end of the corridor.”, Mike continues, walking along the corridor. “Here’s the bathroom.”, he points at a door before opening another. “First bedroom.”, he says, entering the room.

It’s luminous and about two times bigger than their bedroom in Brooklyn. Everything’s bigger : bed, wardrobe, even the nightstands.

“Nice.”, Harvey nods approvingly.

“There’s another smaller bedroom over here.”, he says, brushing past Harvey.

The other bedroom is a lot smaller and offers two single beds.

“And that’s it.”, Mike smiles

“I know which room you’re going to choose.”, Harvey gives him a small smile in return.

Mike opens his mouth to speak and closes it again. Once again they find themselves staring into each other’s eyes.

“Let’s go get the rest of my stuff.”, Mike finally says, gesturing loosely towards the front door.

The ride back to the lobby is less tense, even though neither of them seems to want to talk.

Neal’s sitting in the back of the pickup truck, puffing on what Harvey thinks is a joint when they finally come out of the building.

“You guys christened the bedroom or what ?”, he mocks, flicking his joint butt expertly. "What took you so long ?"

“Ha ha.”, Mike rolls his eyes. “I gave him a tour.”

“Sure.”, Neal smirks and winks at Harvey.

Okay, if they ever find themselves alone before they’re done moving Mike’s stuff, Harvey’s going to ask Neal about all the winking because it’s getting weird.

The rest of the boxes fit easily in the elevator and there’s even enough room for the three of them to ride up, Neal wants to see the apartment.

Mike’s almost done giving him a tour when Harvey’s phone rings.

“Hey Trevor, what’s up ?”, he says when he picks up.

“Hey, look, there’s a man here who wants to see you.”, Trevor says hesitantly. “He didn’t-“

“At the house ?”, Harvey cuts him. “Who is it ?”

“He refuses to tell me his name.”, Trevor whispers so Harvey guesses the man is in the room with him. “Should I call the cops ?”

“How the hell did he get in ?”, Harvey rubs his face nervously and Mike shoots him a worried look. There’s a guard on weekends and he’s supposed to turn down any man who would want to come in. “What does he look like ?”

“Uh, well-dressed, handsome, a bit arrogant if I may say.”, Trevor replies.

“Donna’s husband.”, Harvey sighs. “He just got dropped by his lawyer. Don’t call the cops, tell him I’m on my way.”, he says and disconnects the call.

“What’s going on ?”, Mike asks.

“Donna’s husband is at The Shelter, he wants to see me. I gotta go.”

“I should come with you.”, Mike offers. “Whatever he wants, you’ll need a lawyer, he’s probably trying to trick you.”

“You’re right.”, Harvey nods. “But we have to go now.”

“I have to go too anyway.”, Neal says. “There’s a hot girl waiting for me in my bed.”

“Are you serious ?!”, Mike rolls his eyes.

“What ? I warned her that I had to wake up early and she said she’d wait.”, Neal smirks.

“ _God_ …”, Mike mutters. “Let’s go.”

 

Harvey asks Mike to drive them to the house while he calls the guard and yells at him. Turns out he was on a short bathroom break when the man showed up. He must have been sitting in his car or hiding somewhere, waiting for the coast to be clear.

They find a parking spot right in front of the house and Harvey exchanges a few words with the guard before taking a deep breath and entering the house, Mike in tow.

“Trev-“, he begins to say but he stops dead in his track when he sees the man, causing Mike to bump into him.

The man in question isn’t Craig Paulsen. The man in question is Ted Philips.

“Harvey.”, Ted gets up from his chair and takes a step towards him.

“What are you doing here, you son of a bitch ?! Get the fuck out !”, Mike yells when he recognizes him.

“Please, I-“

“That’s it, I’m calling the cops !”, Mike steps in front of Harvey and fumbles in his pocket for his phone.

“Uh, guys what’s going on ?”, Trevor asks with a confused look.

“Could you leave us alone for a minute ?”, Harvey asks, clearing his throat.

“Sure.”, Trevor says and leaves the room.

“You too Mike.”, he adds.

“What ?”, Mike jerks around. “No ! I’m not leaving you alone with him !”

“Mike, please.”, Harvey insists.

“No fucking way !”, Mike snaps, dialing 911. “I’m not leaving and I’m calling the cops.”

“Mike.”, Harvey gently grabs his wrist. “Please.”, he swallows.

“Harvey…”, Mike shoots him a pleading look.

“Please.”

Mike looks between Ted and Harvey and licks his lips nervously.

“Just for a minute.”, Harvey insists, releasing Mike’s wrist.

“But-“, Mike gulps. “Okay.”, he nods. “One minute.”, he looks at Ted and purses his lips. “I’ll be right outside if you need me.”

“Thanks.”, Harvey gives him an anxious smile. “What do you want ?”, he asks pointedly when the door shuts behind Mike.

“I want to talk to you.”, Ted replies, swallowing audibly.

“How did you-“, Harvey starts to ask but he realizes he knows the answer. The first thing that comes up when you google his name is The Shelter’s contact page. “Why didn’t you call me instead of barging here and demanding to see me ?”

“You wouldn’t have picked up or you would have hung up on me.”, Ted replies.

“You’re right.”, Harvey huffs. “I have nothing to say to you and I’m not interested in what you have to tell me.”

“Look, Harvey.”, Ted puts up a hand. “I know I… Look, I want to apologize, I-“

“Apologize ?!”, Harvey sneers.

“Yes, apologize.”, Ted repeats. “I… Since you beat the crap out of me at the hotel, I haven’t been able to sleep. I realized what I’ve done.”, he pauses and clenches his jaw. “I was drunk and I know it’s absolutely no excuse for what I did but I…”, he purses his lips and Harvey can see genuine remorse, exhaustion and pain in his eyes.

“Alright, the minute’s over.”, Mike barges into the room.

“One more minute.”, Harvey says, his eyes still focused on Ted.

Mike seems to consider the order for a moment but he finally leaves the room again, mumbling something Harvey doesn’t understand.

“Harvey, I’m sorry.”, Ted bites his lips. “I wish there was another word, a stronger word to express how truly sorry I am for what I did.”, he looks down.

“Sorry for what ? What did you do ?”, Harvey asks.

“What ?”, Ted looks up again and frowns.

“You say you’re sorry for what you did. But what did you do ?”

“I don’t understand, Harvey-“

“Oh yeah you do.”, Harvey snorts. “I want you to say it.”

“Say what ?”, Ted smiles nervously. “I said I’m-“

“Say it !”, Harvey shouts.

Ted licks his lips and looks around the room before locking eyes with Harvey again.

“I can’t say it, Harvey.”, he shakes his head. “I can’t say I’m sorry for…”, he purses his lips. “You can’t say you’re sorry for that, it doesn’t sound right.”, he shakes his head again. “Shit…”, he looks away and Harvey can see a tear rolling down his cheek. “I…”, he quickly wipes the tear away and looks at Harvey. “I raped you.”, he sobs. “I fucking _raped_ you and I…”, he covers his mouth with a shaky hand and Harvey feels himself going weak at the knees.

The door opens behind him but Mike doesn’t say anything this time.

“Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.”, Harvey says after a long moment and leaves the room, ignoring Mike’s questioning look.

Ted looks at Mike for a moment and inhales sharply.

“You heard him.”, Mike says, his arms folded across his chest.

Ted nods and heads out of the room.

“What the hell was that ?”, Trevor asks. “Who is this guy ?”

“It’s a long story.”, Mike replies. “Where’s Harvey ?”

“He went out.”, Trevor gestures towards the door leading to the backyard. “Is everything ok ?”

“I hope so.”, Mike whispers, opening the old wooden door.

Harvey’s crouched down at the far end of the backyard, his head in his hands, elbows resting on his thighs.

Mike quietly walks towards him and he clears his throat midway to make sure Harvey knows he’s here.

He sits down on the grass next to Harvey and places a tentative hand on Harvey’s back.

“Are you ok ?”, he asks, his voice barely a whisper.

Harvey nods and Mike can’t see his eyes but he sees the wet spots on Harvey’s jeans so he knows he’s crying.

“He… He wanted to apologize.”, Harvey says and he lets out a small whimper that breaks Mike’s heart.

His throat is too tight, he cannot speak. He wouldn’t know what to say anyway, so he runs his hand up and down Harvey back, careful not to press too hard, he doesn’t want to impose his touch, he just wants Harvey to know he’s here for him.

“I…”, Harvey sniffs. “I asked him to say it. To…”, he coughs and more tears come crashing on his knees. “He said it.”, he sobs. “He said it.”, he repeats and falls down on his knees, covering his nose and mouth with his hands.

Mike thinks he knows what Harvey means by “it” and the thought makes his stomach churn. He moves up to his knees and clumsily wraps his arms around Harvey's shoulders. He can feel Harvey’s phone buzzing against his leg.

“Harvey…”, he whispers, blinking back tears. “Baby…”, he swallows and buries his nose in Harvey neck. “I’m here baby bear, I’m here…”

Harvey hiccups and leans into Mike’s embrace.

“Sshhhh.”, Mike whispers, nuzzling Harvey’s neck, breathing in the familiar scent.

They don’t move for a long moment, long minutes, until Harvey’s breathing finally evens out. Harvey pulls away and wipes his nose.

“Okay ?”, Mike asks with a worried look.

“I will be.”, Harvey replies with a small nod.

They both turn around when they hear a throat-clearing sound coming from the house.

“Is everything alright ?”, Trevor asks.

“Yeah.”, Mike gives him a small smile and gets back up. “Let’s go back inside.”, he looks down at Harvey who nods and follows him.

“Shit !”, Mike says, looking at his phone. “I was supposed to meet with the real-estate agent at 9.”

“Sorry.”, Harvey says with an apologetic look.

“It’s not your fault, I totally forgot.”, Mike smiles. “I still haven’t signed the lease.”, he chuckles. “I hope he doesn’t change his mind.”

“I’m not moving everything out.”, Harvey smiles.

“I have to go.”, Mike sighs. “Where can I catch a cab around here ?”, he asks.

“I’ll give you a ride.”, Harvey replies, grabbing a tissue pack from one of the drawers in his desk.

“No, it’s ok.”, Mike says. “You, uh, you’ve done enough for me today.”

“I need to go too anyway, I’ll drive you there.”

“Oh okay. Thanks.”

“Sorry about that.”, Harvey says to Trevor. “I’ll be here Monday morning.”

“Don’t worry.”, Trevor hugs him. “Take care.”

 

They drive back to Manhattan in complete silence until Mike’s phone starts ringing.

“Hey Donna.”, he answers.

“ _Oh thank God_ , Mike. Where are you ?”, Donna asks. “I’ve tried calling Harvey a hundred times but he doesn’t pick up !”

“He’s with me.”, Mike reassures her. “He helped me with the moving.”

“Are you done ?”

“Yep, Harvey should be back in half an hour.”, Mike replies.

“Good.”, Donna sighs. “Don’t do that again.”, she says.

“Sorry.”, Mike makes a face.

“Have fun unpacking.”, Donna says and he can hear her smiling.

“Yeah. Talk to you later.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

He hangs up and puts his phone back in his pocket.

“She was worried because she couldn’t reach you.”, he explains, glancing at Harvey.

“Yeah. I should have told her.”, Harvey replies. “But she worries too much.”

Mike smiles. He won’t tell Harvey but he’s actually glad Donna’s here for Harvey. He’s glad there’s someone living two floors down who cares so much about him.

“We’re here.”, he says when Harvey pulls over. “Thanks for the ride.”

“Thank you for…”, Harvey clears his throat. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”, Mike replies with a fond smile. “I’ll always be there for you.”, he adds, opening the car door. “You can call me or drop by anytime.”

Harvey nods and looks away, the muscles in his jaw tensing painfully.

“Bye.”, Mike says and he shuts the door without waiting for an answer because he knows Harvey’s on the verge of tears again.

He walks to his building and turns around when he reaches the porch. The red pickup truck is gone.


	18. I'm always saying how I don't need you but it's always gonna come right back to this. Please, don't leave me…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks a lot for reading. One more chapter and it's done. xoxo

_When Harvey enters the apartment, he finds Mike half-lying on the ground, ass in the air, arms buried under the armchair in the living room. The room is a complete mess, the small couch cushions have been thrown around, there’s a glass lying on the carpet and their DVD collection is scattered in front of the TV cabinet._

_“Not that I don’t like seeing you like that…”, Harvey looks around the room with a confused look. “… but what’s going on here ?”_

_“Oh !”, Mike jerks around, bumping his elbow on the armchair. “Ouch ! Fuck !”, he hisses, rubbing his sore arm._

_Harvey giggles and sets down his keys on the kitchen counter._

_“Sorry about the mess.”, Mike sighs, scratching his head. “There’s this… I, uh… I have a gift for you but it seems reluctant to meet you.”, he makes a face. “Or me. It hates me.”_

_“A gift ?”, Harvey tilts his head._

_“Yeah…”, Mike gets back up and sighs again. “You know when you said we should get a cat.”, he blushes._

_“What ? There’s a cat there ?”, Harvey gestures towards the living room area._

_“Yep !”, Mike nods jerkily._

_Harvey rolls his eyes and walks to the armchair._

_“And it did… this ?”, he does a round gesture with his index finger and looks around the room._

_“Well, we both did.”, Mike smiles sheepishly. “He was in a box and I was afraid he would suffocate so I… He escaped and now he doesn’t want to come back in the box.”_

_Harvey sighs and squats down._

_“Uh, kitty cat.”, he says in a cute small voice and Mike smiles fondly, he knew Harvey would love him. “Come here.”_

_“You should call him by his name.”_

_“He already has a name ? But finding a name’s the fun part !”, Harvey makes a disappointed pout._

_“I gave him a name.”, Mike replies proudly. “But don’t worry you’re going to love it.”_

_“What it is ?”_

_“Take a guess.”, Mike wiggles his eyebrows._

_“How can I possibly guess a cat’s name ?”, Harvey sighs impatiently._

_“Ok, I’ll give you a clue.”, Mike narrows his eyes and takes a moment to think. “It’s a real name.”, he finally says. “Well, it shouldn’t be legal but it is, apparently.”_

_“Come on ! That’s not a clue. How many different names are there ?”_

_“Approximately 5,163 in the United States only.”, Mike replies flatly._

_“Mike.”_

_“Okay okay. Another clue…”, Mike thinks again._

_“Not a clue, give me his goddamn name.”, Harvey orders impatiently._

_“Reginald.”, Mike replies, pursing his lips to suppress a smile._

_Harvey turns to him and gives him a “_ you’ve got to be kidding me _” look._

_“Cute, uh ?”, Mike burst out laughing._

_“I should never have told you.”, Harvey mutters. “I’m not calling him that.”_

_“Yes, you are.”, Mike squats down next to him. “He responds to his name.”_

_“He doesn’t understand anything, Mike, it’s a cat.”_

_“Reginald, baby, come here.”, Mike says in a baby voice and Harvey rolls his eyes._

_They hear a very tiny meow coming from under the armchair and both lower down even more._

_“Come here baby, Daddy’s here.”_

_“Hey, I’m not his daddy !”, Harvey objects._

_“Awww poor baby.”, Mike pouts. “Come here, don’t be scared. He’s got a big voice but he’s nice. Come here, Reginald.”_

_“Don’t call him that.”_

_“You heard him.”, Mike whispers. “He responds to his new name. Right, Reginald ?”, he asks softly. “Oh here he is !”_

_The little kitten comes out from under the armchair and meows. Harvey can’t help a smile from spreading across his face when he sees it, this little back ball of fluff with two piercing green eyes and those tiny, tiny teeth._

_“There you go.”, Mike takes him in his hands and pets him gently. “See ?”, he looks up at Harvey with a grin. “He’s cute, uh ?”_

_“Yeah.”, Harvey concedes with a smile._

_“He’s yours.”, Mike hands him the kitten._

_“Thanks.”, Harvey grabs him and the cat automatically sinks his tiny claws into Harvey’s t-shirt. “What’s the occasion ?”_

_“Well, there was this add in the school hall and I couldn’t resist.”, Mike replies sheepishly. “I know your birthday isn’t coming up anytime soon but when I saw the pictures of the three little brothers, I couldn’t keep my eyes of off this one.”, he smiles and runs a gentle finger along the kitten’s back. “He was the only black one in the litter. I thought he was perfect.”_

_“He is.”, Harvey smiles and plants a quick kiss on Mike’s lips. “Thanks.”_

_“Hey.”, Mike pouts. “I brought you a cat and that’s all I’m gonna get ?”_

_“Remember when you were all like ‘I don’t like kissing all the time’ and everything ?”, Harvey asks with a grin._

_“Yes I do and I still don’t like it, but I think this deserves more than a peck.”, Mike replies with a pointed look._

_“Well, clean up your mess and I’ll see what I can do about that.”, Harvey challenges as he heads for the kitchenette._

_Mike hurries around the living room, picking up the discarded cushions and throwing them back on the couch while Harvey pours almond milk in a bowl._

_“Do you think there’s vegan food for cats ?”, he asks, pulling at the kitten’s small paws to unhook them from his t-shirt._

_Mike picks up a bunch of DVD cases from the floor and rolls his eyes at Harvey._

_“Come on kitty cat, this is almond milk, it’s good for you.”_

_Mike makes a disgusted face, he hates almond milk, and puts the last DVDs back on the shelf._

_“Done !”, he exclaims, throwing his arms around, a mischievous smile on his lips._

_“Come here.”, Harvey orders playfully._

_Less then a minute later, Harvey’s pressing Mike against the stove, devouring Mike’s neck, fumbling with Mike’s zipper and the kitten lets out a high-pitched meow._

_“Mmmh…”, Harvey growls. “Let’s take this to the bedroom.”, he captures Mike’s lips._

_“Okay.”, Mike smiles into the kiss and pulls away. “Daddy and I will be right back.”, he says, petting Reginald’s head._

_“That has to be the biggest turn off ever.”, Harvey sighs._

_“What ?”_

_“The baby voice.”, Harvey sighs, walking to the bedroom. “Oh and just so you know, he’s not going anywhere near our bed. I don’t want hairs all over the place.”_

_“Awww poor baby.”, Mike pouts. “I thought you liked him.”_

_“I do.”, Harvey replies. “But I know you.”_

_“You know me what ?”, Mike asks, following me._

_“You’ll get jealous if the cat and-“_

_“Reginald.”, Mike cuts him with a grin. “His name’s Reginald.”_

_Harvey rolls his eyes and sits on the bed._

_“But you’re right, I might get jealous.”, Mike says playfully, climbing on Harvey’s lap and pulling him into a kiss. “I love you.”, he whispers against Harvey’s lips._

_Harvey bites on Mike’s bottom lip and lowers down, pulling Mike with him._

_“Does this mean I get to top ?”, Mike slides his hands under Harvey’s t-shirt._

_“Absolutely not.”, Harvey grins._

_“I’m a lawyer….”, Mike purrs, nuzzling Harvey’s neck. “… I could totally close you.”_

_“I’d like you to see you try.”, Harvey chuckles. “I’ve been wanting to be inside you since I woke up this morning.”_

_“Alright.”, Mike sits back up and presses his clothed erection against Harvey’s groin. “I’m offering you a deal.”, he pants._

_“I’m listening.”, Harvey raises an interested eyebrow._

_“I’m going to suck your cock.”, Mike brings a hand to Harvey’s groin and cups it. “As long as I please.”, he adds and wiggles his eyebrow. “If you don’t come, you get to fuck me. If you do…”, he presses his hand harder and Harvey lets out a loud shameless moan. “… I get to fuck you.”_

_“That’s not fair, counsel.”, Harvey bucks his hips. “But ok.”, he licks his lips._

_“All right.”, Mike smirks and starts unbuttoning Harvey’s jeans. “Let the hearing begin.”_

_Harvey knows he’s going to lose, there aren’t many things he loves more than the sweet and warm feeling of Mike’s stretched mouth around his cock._

_Mike doesn’t even bother undressing him, he frees Harvey’s cock from his pants and underwear, gives it a couple of strokes and swallows him whole._

_“God yes…”, Harvey whispers, digging his fingers into Mike’s hair._

_Oh yeah he’s going to lose and it’s going to be embarrassingly quick. Mike knows exactly where to run his tongue, when to bite, when to pull out and suck on the head._

_“All right.”, Harvey gives Mike’s hair a gentle tug. “You win.”, he breathes raggedly. “I don’t want come yet.”_

_Mike looks up, a devious smile playing on his wet and swollen lips, and moves up to kiss him._

_“Take off your clothes, loser.”, he smiles and quickly shimmies out of his pants._

 

 

“How are you feeling ?”, Donna asks, placing a hand on Harvey’s knee.

Harvey shrugs and exhales sharply. He honestly doesn’t know how he feels. Happy that he made Ted admit what he’d done to him ? Angry for having let the encounter reduce him to tears ? Relieved that it didn’t make him want to throw up or stop eating again ? He doesn’t know. Maybe it’s a combination of all this.

He shakes his head and looks away.

A minute after he came home, Donna was knocking on his door, ready to scold him for not having told her that he had left to help Mike. For not answering his phone and letting her imagine the worst. But when she saw his face, she automatically forgot what she was angry for and listened to him tell her about what just happened. She bit the inside of his cheeks when she saw the tears pool in his eyes and then roll down his cheeks. She fumed internally when he squeezed his eyes shut and whimpered. She grabbed his hand when he opened them again and whispered “ _It’s over…_ ”.

“I’m glad Mike was with you.”, she smiles and squeezes his knee. “Do you want to be alone ? Are you hungry ?”

“Yeah, I’d like to be alone.”, Harvey replies. “Sorry.”

“Hey, don’t apologize.”, Donna smiles softly. “Just promise me that you’ll eat something.”

“Promise.”, Harvey smiles back.

“I’ll be downstairs if you need me.”, Donna blows him a kiss and leaves the apartment.

 

 

Mike is busy placing his books in alphabetical order on the shelf in the living room when Neal calls to invite him to join him and his new “girlfriend” for dinner. After the real estate agent agreed to meet him two hours later than scheduled, he spent the better part of the day cleaning and unpacking.

“Thanks but I’m not dressed, I haven’t showered and I’m still unpacking. Besides, I’ve already ordered pizza and it should be here any minute.”, Mike says, his phone tucked between his neck and shoulder. “What’s her name anyway ? I can’t believe you didn’t kick her out.”

“Hey, she’s nice, she’s earned the right to one last amazing night.”, Neal replies and Mike can practically hear him grin.

“You’re a prince among men, Neal.”, he rolls his eyes.

“Seriously though, there’s this new club in Soho that I want try and I happen to know the-“

“I can’t believe the number of clubs that open every month in New York, it’s insane !”, Mike shakes his head.

“Come on, it’ll be fun.”, Neal insists.

“I’m tired, Neal.”, Mike sighs and he hears a knock on the door. “Hold on. I think the pizza’s here.”, he says, grabbing his wallet.

“Tell the guy you never ordered anything and come have dinner with us.”

“Stop it, Neal, I’m not-“, he almost drops the phone when he opens the door. Harvey’s standing on his doorstep, sweat drop running down his face and looking a little worse for wear. “Uh, I gotta go, Neal. Bye.”, he blurts and disconnects the call. “Hi.”

“Can I come in ?”, Harvey asks, panting.

“Uh, sure.”, Mike moves to the side and gestures for him to come in. “Are you ok ?”

Harvey doesn’t reply, he walks in the apartment and in the living room. Mike follows him, a lump forming in his throat as he watches Harvey, drenched in sweat like he just spent an hour in the rain, walk to the balcony door.

“Glass of water ?”, he asks.

“Got a beer ?”, Harvey asks and exhales loudly.

“Sure.”, Mike nods.

When he comes back from the kitchen with two beer bottles, Harvey’s still standing in front of the window, his back turned to him.

“Here.”, Mike says softly, handing him a bottle.

“Thanks.”, Harvey takes it without looking at him, uncaps it and drinks its whole content in one long gulp, burping loudly when he’s done.

“Feeling better ?”, Mike teases him.

“Sorry.”, Harvey finally turns around and smiles sheepishly.

“Have you, uh, been running or something ?”

“Yeah, for over an hour.”, Harvey replies and Mike can see that he’s slowly regaining his breath. “In Central Park. I needed to… vent.”

“Oookay.”, Mike nods and slides balcony the door open. “Another beer ?”

“Please.”, Harvey replies and steps outside.

The cool summer air feels great on his skin and he feels his cheeks burning just a little less.

“I’ve ordered a pizza, wanna stay over for dinner ?”, Mike asks, though he’s sure it’s not a random visit, and he puts a fresh bottle on the table.

“No, I… I’m not hungry.”, Harvey replies, bending over the railing. “I need to talk to you.”, he works up the courage to turn around and say.

Mike swallows and nods.

“Take a seat ?”, he gestures at the table.

Harvey shakes his head and grabs the beer bottle. Mike takes a seat around the table and brings his bottle to his mouth. He doesn’t take a gulp, his throat is too tight, but he needs to do something. There’s a battle in Harvey’s eyes, a battle between determination and doubt and Mike swallows again, at least he tries, wondering what’s going on in Harvey’s mind.

Harvey uncaps his beer bottle and sets the cap on the table. He takes a big gulp and walks to the railing, turning his back to Mike.

“I was about to go back to my room.”, he says, curling the fingers of his free hand around the railing. “I heard someone call my name.”

Mike thinks he knows what’s going on and he better not interrupt Harvey. So he straightens up and pricks up his ears.

“When I turned around, I instantly recognized him. We dated for a while in high school. Turns out he’s head of staff at the hotel.”, he exhales shakily. “He asked if I wanted a drink and I agreed, you know, for old time’s sake. It was nice seeing him after all these years and there were no hard feelings between us when we broke up so…”, he clears his throat. “We went out of drinks, talked, laughed, I told him about you and my mum, he told me about his life in LA. We had a great time and too many drinks.”, he sighs and Mike’s heart breaks a little when he sees his shoulders sag. “He offered to walk me back to the hotel and I was really drunk. I… realize it now.”, he takes a swallow of beer and runs a shaky hand through his hair. “When I got to my room I noticed that he was still there and I opened the door and he kissed me.”

Mike licks his lips and his fingers tighten painfully around his beer bottle. After a long moment, Harvey turns around and leans against the railing, locking eyes with Mike.

“I want you to know what happened.”, he says. “But if you don’t want to know, that’s fine.”

“No, I want to know.”, Mike clears his throat. “I mean… I don’t want to know, but I think I have to. I want to understand, I…”, he tries hard to swallow but his throat is closed, completely shut. So he takes a gulp of beer and winces when the liquid breaches past the tight barrier in his throat.

“Okay.”, Harvey nods and turns back around. There’s no way he’s telling all this to Mike’s face. “So he kissed me and I tried to push him away. I say “try” because that’s really what it was. I was so drunk it felt like I had no strength left in my body whatsoever and _god_ that was frustrating.”, he explains through greeted teeth. “I told him to let me go, I… I said ‘ _no_ ’ a countless amount of times, I kept asking him to go but he wouldn’t listen, he wouldn’t stop.”

Mike closes his eyes and tears roll down his cheeks. Without knowing it, he put Harvey through the exact same thing two weeks ago at their apartment. He did the exact same thing : forced a kiss on Harvey, ignored his reluctance, made him relive what had happened with Ted.

“I’m so sorry.”, he whispers and he doesn’t know if Harvey heard him.

Harvey pauses for a long moment, catching his breath as he realizes he won’t be able to hold back the tears.

“I felt like a rag doll. I couldn’t move.”, he cries. “I know it sounds unbelievable, I mean, I usually can hold my liquor pretty well. But there was nothing I could do, I couldn’t fucking move !”, he sobs and Mike fights really hard not to get up and walk to him. “And I… I was hard for god’s sake ! I was fucking _hard_ !”, he laughs bitterly and wipes his nose. “He undid my pants and pulled them off. He kept repeating how _gorgeous_ I was !”, he snaps and finishes his beer. “I fought with what I could, I… you know, I tried to avoid his kisses, I... At one point he pushed a finger inside me and I screamed and he covered my mouth with his hand and… I almost choked, he kept pressing hard and pushing more fingers in and, uh, I passed out or fell asleep… I don't know.”, he clears his throat and wipes his nose again. “When I opened my eyes again, he pulled his fingers out and he…”, he purses his lips and inhales deeply through his nose as a wave of nausea threatens to wash over him.

Mike wants to say something, he desperately wants to do something, anything. Seeing Harvey like this is unbearable, having to listen to this is unbearable.

“Harvey…”, he says, his voice hoarse with sadness and helplessness.

Harvey ducks his head and whimpers softly, unable to continue, unable to speak one more word.

Mike rises up from his chair and walks to him, just to let him know he’s here, not touching him, keeping a safe distance.

Of course that’s when the pizza arrives and they both jump when the doorbell rings.

“Shit.”, Mike whispers and he wipes his eyes, stepping back inside.

Harvey clears his throat and uses his t-shirt to wipe his eyes and face. It’s out. Mike knows. Mike knows what happened to him and Harvey doesn’t feel as bad or as ashamed as he thought he would. Well, he doesn’t know if he can look him in the eyes again, and he’s glad the pizza arrived at that exact moment, but whatever happens, however Mike chooses to react to what he just heard, Harvey realizes he’s fine with it. Something’s broken in him and he doesn’t know if it will ever heal so if Mike decided he’s not up for the challenge, Harvey would understand. Even better, that thought somehow unburdens him. It would also break his heart, but.. Just how many times can it break exactly ?  
He looks down at his empty bottle and sighs. He hadn’t realized how sweaty he was, there’s a huge wet stain on the front of his t-shirt and he can feels sweat drops running down his back. He must look like a hot mess right now.

“Still not hungry ?”, Mike asks, putting the pizza box on the table. “It’s just cheese, no meat.”, he adds quickly.

“No…”, Harvey replies, his back still turned to him.

Harvey takes a deep breath and turns around, looking down and Mike thinks he’s never looked more beautiful. More vulnerable. It must have been hard to recount everything. To tell the man you used to share your bed with that someone took advantage of you and raped you. And it shows on Harvey’s face. The tension’s gone, but now he looks exhausted, drained. Mike thinks he’s never felt closer to him. He knows he’ll never forget those words _“At one point he pushed a finger inside me and I screamed and he covered my mouth with his hand” “He kept repeating how gorgeous I was”_ , because Mike just doesn’t forget. Nothing. Ever. But before Harvey told him everything, there was a rift between them, a gap, an impassable bridge. It’s gone. What now ?

“Do you need anything ?”, Mike asks, sitting again.

“I’m good.”, Harvey replies, pulling up the chair across from him and taking a seat.

“Why did you feel like you had to tell me ?”, Mike asks, lifting the lid of the pizza box.

“I’ve been seeing a therapist.”, Harvey says, looking down at his hands. “Lucy. Telling her what happened made me feel better. But not completely.”, he looks up and when their eyes meet, Mike’s heart skips a beat. “I needed to tell you because… It’s… Whatever happens, I mean, if we’re done I want you to know why. To understand.”

“Are we ? Done ?”, Mike asks anxiously. He would have never dared to broach the subject but since Harvey mentioned it…

“I don’t know.”, Harvey swallows, looking away.

“You said you loved me.”, Mike says. He’s not settling for another “ _I don’t know_ ”. Not now. “Do you ?”

“Do you ?”, Harvey asks. “After what I’ve told you ?”

“What ?”, Mike frowns. “Why would, uh, I mean, did you think that telling me, uh, what you just told me would change what I feel for you ?”

Harvey purses his lips and turns to him.

“Oh my god you really _did_ think I would stop loving you because some…”, Mike shakes his head. “Some son of a bitch hurt you…”, he closes his eyes and inhales sharply.

“I don’t-“

“What if it had happened to me ?”, Mike asks, getting up. “What if I had told you that ? Would it change whatever feeling you had for me ?”

“No.”, Harvey looks up with his big sad brown eyes. He shakes his head and gulps.

Mike exhales deeply and crouches down in front of Harvey.

“It doesn’t change anything for me.”, he says. “Maybe it does for you. But I still love you. I’m still _in love_ with you, Harvey.”

Harvey drops his gaze and tightens his jaw. There’s a question in there. There’s a “ _are you still in love with me ?_ ”. And the answer is yes. But what does that even mean right now ? Should he tell Mike that he loves him even though he doesn’t know how to show it anymore ? Should he lie and tell him that he doesn’t and let Mike go and find someone who can show his love ?

Mike gets up and walks back to his seat. He’s not going to pressure Harvey. He doesn’t need an answer now, he just wants Harvey to think about it. After all, he said “ _if_ ” they’re done. He grabs a slice of pizza and turns the box towards Harvey.

“Have one.”, he says, taking a bite. “There’s a small one right there.”

Harvey remembers the promise he’s made to Donna and which he still hasn’t honored. He seizes a slice and reluctantly bites into it.

They eat in silence, both lost in their thoughts, chewing and watching the sun set over the city.

Mike smiles to himself when Harvey grabs another slice. _Not hungry, uh ?_

“When are you going back to LA ?”, he asks, wiping his mouth with a napkin.

“I am not.”, Harvey replies after he’s swallowed the content of his mouth.

“Oh.”, Mike simply says though what he really wants to do is get up and do a little happy dance.

“It’s going great there, they don’t need me and I need to focus on my therapy.”, Harvey explains.

“Is it helping ?”

“Yeah, a lot.”, Harvey nods. “I didn’t have much hope at the beginning. I knew I had to talk to someone but I had no idea it would be so helpful.”

“That’s great.”, Mike smiles. “Another beer ?”

“Yes please.”, Harvey replies, fumbling in his pocket for his phone, which has just started ringing. “Hey Donna.” “No, I’m at Mike’s. We’re _eating_.” “I don’t know, why ?” “Oh ok. I’ll come over tomorrow morning.” “ Yeah, I’ll tell him. You too. Bye.”

“How is she doing ?”, Mike asks, coming back out.

“She’s doing great. She’s very busy planning Rachel’s wedding. I’m happy for her.”

“Yeah…”, Mike agrees, leaning back in his chair.

He really hadn’t seen it coming. When Harvey drove him back here this morning, he had no idea he would see him again so soon. And yet he’s here, in his new apartment, sharing a beer and pizza with him. He could imagine living here with Harvey, he fits nicely with the place, he’s the missing piece to the puzzle.

“I should go.”, Harvey says and Mike realizes he must have been absent-minded for longer than he thought because Harvey’s bottle is empty and the sun is now completely gone. “I’ll let you unpack in peace.”

“You don’t have to.”, Mike clears his throat. “You can totally stay, I’ll continue unpacking tomorrow.”

“It’s getting late, I better take off.”, Harvey gives him a small smile and gets up.

 _No, no, no_ , Mike thinks. No way. Not like that.

“You can’t leave me hanging like that.”, Mike blurts. “I… You… Um, am I going to see you again ? Soon ?”, he asks.

“I don’t know, Mike, I-“

“I need to know, Harvey.”, Mike says, a little harshly. He’s tired of hearing this. Tired of waiting for Harvey to freaking _know_. “You… You can _not_ barge in here like that, tell me all this and just leave.”, he licks his lips nervously. “You can’t.”

“What do you want me to say ?”, Harvey swallows.

“Do you love me ?”, Mike asks, going back on his decision to not put pressure on Harvey. Whatever the answer, he needs to know now. “Do you want us to get back together ? At all ?”

A shiver runs through Harvey’s body, the adrenaline rush he got from running now completely worn off.

“Yes and yes.”, he replies, though he knows Mike’s not going to settle for that, bracing himself for the next wave of questions.

That’s Mike. He may be a genius, he may be a very good lawyer, but he’s still a 5-year old when it comes to arguments. He just never lets go. There’s always one more question, one word he needs clarification on.

“Okay.”, Mike simply nods. Surprisingly. “That’s good to know.”, he adds.

“Thanks for listening to me. And for the beers and the pizza.”, Harvey says.

“I’m glad you came.”, Mike replies. “I meant it when I told you could come over anytime.”

“I know.”, Harvey smiles. “Have a great first night home.”

“Thank you.”, Mike follows him back to the hallway. “You’re not running back to Brooklyn, are you ?”, he asks.

“Of course not ! That’s 11 miles !”, Harvey chuckles. “My car’s parked near the clinic.”

Mike smiles and opens the front door.

“Well…”, he says as his heart starts stomping in his chest.

His hands are clenched into tight fists, his fingers itching to touch Harvey, to grab him, to feel him. “ _Yes and yes…_ ”

What he doesn’t know is that Harvey’s heart is racing too. That Harvey suddenly understands that he can’t leave like that, that he can’t just cross the threshold and walk away. And he doesn’t want to. But he doesn’t know what to do. What used to be their everyday routine, what used to be natural and done without really thinking about it now seems new and frightening. Like a first date, Harvey thinks.

“Uh.”, Mike says, visibly uncomfortable with the silence.

“ _Uh,_ indeed.”, Harvey repeats with a broad smile.

“Oh, whatever.”, Mike groans and pulls him into a hug.

Truth be told, Harvey kind of stinks but Mike doesn’t care. Harvey fucking said _yes_. He loves him and he wants them to be together and that’s all that matters, he thinks, nuzzling Harvey’s neck. He can’t help but grin when he feels Harvey’s strong arms wrapping tightly around his shoulders.

“I’ll see you soon.”, Harvey smiles, gently pulling away.

“Yeah.”, Mike sighs. “Bye.”

He closes the door and leans against it for a while, unable to wipe the grin off his face.


	19. My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies. Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaannd that's a wrap. The final chapter.  
> Thank you so much to everybody who read my story, left kudos or took the time to leave a comment.  
> Special thank you wrapped in a red bow to my dearest Liz, Lily, Ertka and my little muffin, Isaure. Thanks for sticking with me for this ride, for sharing your thoughts on my stories. Your comments meant a LOT to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.  
> Hope you like this final chapter, it's dedicated to the four of you. <3

Mike wakes up late, really late. A little hung over from the bottle of white wine he opened and downed after Harvey’s departure.

Overwhelmed by a sudden rush of adrenaline and hope and euphoria, he was unable to go to sleep. So he opened the fridge, scanned it for a moment and decided that Neal’s supposed 100-dollar bottle was what he needed now. What had just happened with Harvey was a victory. A small victory but still a victory. He had no idea where this would go, if that even meant anything as far as their relationship went, if that was really worth the hopefulness he was suddenly feeling, but he couldn’t help it.

He kept refilling his glass, replaying Harvey’s words in his head. “ _He kissed me_ ” “ _He kept repeating how gorgeous I was_ ” “ _I screamed_.”. Every word called for a sip, every image he pictured called for another glass. And hopefulness was soon replaced by disgust and pain. How could Ted ? How could he have hurt his Harvey ? And when the bottle was finally empty, when there wasn’t a single drop left to drown his growing anxiety, he grabbed the bottle and smashed it on the ground. He took his head in his hands and cried.

He must have dragged himself to bed at some point, because that’s where he wakes up at 3 something in the afternoon. He doesn’t feel sad anymore. He feels tired and heavy but not sad. He gets out of bed and showers, gets ready to finish unpacking and clean his new place.

It now feels like a lifetime ago, but Sunday used to be his and Harvey’s favorite day. There’s something about Sunday, something lazy, something slow like the world knows it’s going to start on full gears again the next day and it just stops for 24 hours. There’s something sad about Sunday too, it’s the end of a seven-day cycle, one last breathing space before another cycle starts. The combination of both the laziness and the urgency to enjoy that breathing space makes Sunday special. And when they were lucky enough to have the full day to themselves, when Harvey didn’t have to drop by The Shelter, when Mike wasn’t yet a first-year associate and could relax on weekends, they would spend the day either in bed or on the couch, watching silly movies and making out, eating junk food and making love. Sunday used to be their favorite day, they used to call it “their” day.

The perspective of spending this beautiful July Sunday (or what’s left of it anyway) on his own isn’t appealing but Mike’s glad he woke up late and he’s grateful for what still needs to be done in his apartment. He clearly wouldn’t know what to do if it wasn’t for the tidying up and cleaning.

 

 

Harvey has breakfast with Donna at the pancake house around the corner from their building. He tells her about last night, that he’s finally told Mike everything. He doesn’t eat, he drinks his coffee and plays with his fork, runs it across his plate absentmindedly, spreading the cold scrambled eggs pieces from the center to the side and to the center again. But Donna doesn’t pester him with it, she listens and nods, she doesn’t interrupt him. He looks at peace, he looks relieved and rested and Donna decides that it’s ok if he doesn’t eat because she knows he will later today. She can feel it, something’s changed.

When Harvey tells her about the awkward hug, she hides her smile by taking a sip of her coffee and simply nods. Harvey quickly changes the subject and asks her about the divorce, pointing out the irony of her going through a divorce while planning someone’s wedding. Donna laughs in agreement. She hasn’t heard from Craig, she doesn’t know if he got himself a new lawyer and she says she doesn’t care.

“Stephanie’s coming over next weekend.”, she smiles. “It took a couple of weeks but Harold called me yesterday to deliver the good news.”

“That’s great.”, Harvey smiles. “She must be so happy.”

“Yeah, she says she can’t wait to see her room.”, she sighs contently. “Oh ! I’ve been meaning to ask you.”, she puts her coffee cup down. “Stephen and I are going out tonight, there’s a new bar that just opened in Soho apparently and he wants to check it out. Some of his friends are coming and he asked me to see if you wanted to join us.”

“Tonight ?”, Harvey grimaces. Sunday night and going out have never really sounded compatible to him.

“Oh come on, it’ll be fun.”, Donna smiles. “Besides, I don’t know Stephen very well and I’ve never met his friends so I’d love to have a friend with me.”, she looks at him with pleading eyes. “ _Please._ ”

“Ok…”, Harvey sighs. “What time ? Because I need to go see my mum this afternoon.”

“I think he said 8, but I’ll check with him.”, Donna replies, fumbling with her phone. “Thanks.”, she smiles, looking up. “I’m sure we’ll have a great time.”

 

Isabelle is doing much better, meaning she’s back to her old uncommunicative self. She’s eating and spending her days in the library again. Harvey waits for 10 minutes before she acknowledges his presence and when he offers to go out, she follows him without a word. They walk along the long path in the garden and Harvey’s thankful for the shade that the huge trees provide because it’s a freaking hot afternoon. He doesn’t speak, doesn’t tell her anything, he just looks at her, follows her eyes and tries to imagine what she’s thinking, what’s going on in her mind. He knows that the moment they had the last time he was here was an exception, a “lucky accident”, but he can’t help but be disappointed that it didn’t happen again today.

At 5:30, he walks her back inside the building and drops by Theresa’s office to say hello. She isn’t there, it’s one of her free Sundays, but one of the nurses allows him to go in and write her a note.

 

 

“Ross ! Open the door, I know you’re in there !”, Mike hears from the end of the apartment where he’s busy putting clean sets of sheets on the single beds in the guestroom.

 _Neal_. Of course he didn’t call before showing up at his apartment.

“You know there’s a doorbell right there.”, Mike rolls his eyes when he opens the door to a sharp-dressed and smirking Neal.

“Yeah, I know, but I like yelling and banging on doors better.”, Neal replies, brushing past Mike and walking in. “It’s more dramatic.”, he turns around and smiles. “Are you done unpacking ?”, he looks around suspiciously. “Is Harvey still here ?”, he whispers with a wink.

“What ? How-“

“I knew it was him when you hung up on me yesterday.”, Neal replies. “So ?”

“I’m done unpacking and Harvey’s not here.”, Mike sighs dramatically. “If you’re here for dinner, you should have called, cause the fridge’s empty.”

“Nope. I’m here because we’re going out.”

“I don’t think so.”, Mike snorts. “You went out yesterday, can’t you stay in for quiet night once in a while ?”

“I didn’t go out.”, Neal says, taking a seat on the couch. “I stayed in with Lucy. I figured you’d probably want to call me if something went wrong with Harvey and I wanted to be available.”

“Really ?”, Mike asks, wide-eyed.

“Yeah, why ?”, Neal replies, looking offended. “We’re friends, Mike. And well, opening nights are boring, the second night is always much better.”, he smirks. “Which is why I’m here tonight.”

“I’ve been sweating all day…”, Mike exhales heavily. “I really don’t feel like going out.”

“Please.”, Neal asks in a high-pitched voice. “For me.”

Mike rolls his eyes but there’s a small smile on his lips.

“I promise we won’t stay late, I just want to have a drink or two with my friend.”, Neal insists.

“Fine.”, Mike surrenders. “I’ll be ready in 20, make yourself at home.”

 

 

It’s not really a “bar”, Harvey thinks when they arrive at the Black Swan. “Club” would be a better definition even if still not completely accurate. There’s a long line of young New Yorkers dressed in their shortest and tightest party clothes waiting behind a gold velvet rope. Donna insisted that he be dressed smart and fun and spent over a half hour raiding his closet and he gets why now. He fits in with the crowd with his tight black jeans (a gift from Mike he never wore) and equally tight white v-neck.

“Don’t worry.”, Donna whispers. “Stephen knows the owner, he’s going to let us in.”

“Thank god…”, Harvey whispers back, eyeing the crowd.

“Donna !”

“Hey !”, she beams when she spots Stephen, standing next to the bouncer and waving at her.

“I’m glad you’re here.”, he says and places a soft kiss on her lips and strokes her cheek.

“Remember Harvey ?”, she asks, her cheeks burning.

“Of course I do.”, Stephen extends his arm. “ _Boy toy_.”, he adds with a playful smile.

Harvey smiles and shakes his hand.

“Come in.”, Stephen says, winking at the bouncer who opens the rope for them. “The owner of the club is my best friend.”, he explains, walking along a dim-lit corridor, the music becoming louder with every step they take.

Harvey glances at Donna who’s still beaming with joy and he smiles. It’s nice to see her this happy.

The bar/club/whatever is designed like an auditorium, with a big and round dance floor in the center, and tables and couches surrounding it. There are two bars on opposite sides of the room. The music’s loud but not _too_ loud.

Stephen leads them to a table where 6 people, two men and four women, are sipping on champagne and laughing.

“Guys.”, he says, gesturing towards Harvey and Donna. “This is Donna and her friend, Harvey.”, he smiles. “Here’s my brother, Luke, his wife Melinda…”, he starts the introductions. “… my sister Florence, her husband Mark and Rebecca and Isis, two friends.”

“Nice to meet you.”, Harvey and Donna say in unison, shaking their hands.

“Please, have a seat.”, Stephen says.

“So, Donna.”, Melinda smiles knowingly. “Stephen told us you’re an event planner ?”

“Yeah, well, um.”, Donna tucks a strand of hair behind her ear with a sheepish smile. “I haven’t worked for years, I’m just-“

“She’s planning a wedding for one of her friends.”, Stephen steps in and squeezes her knee.

“Yes.”, Donna agrees.

“That’s great.”, Melinda smiles genuinely. “Do you have a business card or a website ? Our daughter is having her sweet sixteen party next year and we could totally use your skills.”

“Oh, I, uh…”, she swallows and shoots a nervous look at Stephen. “Not with me, I’m afraid.”, she says.

“I’ll give you her number.”, Stephen says. “Champagne ?”, he offers.

“Sure.”, Donna exhales sharply.

“What about you, Harvey ?”, Melinda asks, handing her empty flute to Stephen for a refill.

“I’m a social worker.”, Harvey replies.

“Oh really ?”, Melinda burst out laughing. “I’m sorry, I’m just surprised. I thought you were a model or something, you know, an actor.”, she giggles.

“Uh no.”, Harvey laughs embarrassingly and Stephen raises an eyebrow at Donna and whispers “ _boy toy_ ”.

“Where do you work ?”, Melinda presses as Stephen hands Harvey and Donna a glass of champagne.

“I run a safe house for abused women in Brooklyn.”, he explains, knowing that it always kills the mood. That’s why he usually sticks with “social worker”.

“Oh, that’s great.”, Melinda nods, visibly impressed. “Sad, obviously, but great. How old are you anyway ? You look so young !”

“Are you done playing 20 questions with our guests, honey ?”, Luke chuckles.

“Sorry.”, Melinda blushes. “Don’t mind me.”

“It’s okay.”, Harvey gives her a small smile.

“To Adrian’s new business !”, Stephen raises his glass. “Where’s he ?”

“He’s busy backstage.”, Luke replies. “He said he’ll stop by later. To his new business !”, he raises his glass with a broad smile.

 

 

“Oh come on !”, Mike whines when he sees the long line of people in front of the Black Swan. “Have you seen the line ?”

“Stop complaining.”, Neal rolls his eyes. “I know the owner, he’s my uncle. I just texted him, he told me his friend is going to let us in.”

“I hope he does because it’s already past 10.”, Mike sighs and follows him across the street.

“Hey hi.”, Neal smiles at the bouncer who doesn’t bother to look at them. He points at the line and crosses his arms.

“No, no, you don’t understand.”, Neal continues. “I’m the owner’s nephew, I’m-“

“Are you Neal ?”, a man with a strong British accent appears.

“Yeah, are you Stephen ?”

“Yes.”, the man smiles. “It’s okay, Randy.”, he tells the bouncer who huffs and unhooks the rope.

“Thanks dude.”, Neal winks at him. “Come on !”, he grins at Mike.

“Do I know you ?”, Stephen asks Mike.

“Uh, I don’t think so.”, Mike replies with a frown.

“I’ve seen you before…”, Stephen says. “Though I can’t say where. Are you a lawyer like Adrian’s nephew ?”

“Yeah, I work at Pearson Hardman.”, Mike replies, following the man past the cloakroom.

“Oh that’s where then !”, Stephen stops and smiles. “Yeah, that’s right, I came to your firm a couple of weeks ago for a mediation meeting and you brought files in the conference room.”

“Oh.”, Mike says. “Yeah, I remember.”, he adds because he does remember barging into the conference room and seeing Harvey but he doesn’t remember the man. Wait, if he was in the room that day, he’s either Donna’s ex husband or her new boyfriend.

“Well, nice seeing you again.”, Stephen smiles. “Enjoy your night.”

“Thanks for letting us in.”, Neal replies and grabs Mike’s arm. “Let’s get drunk !”, he grins as Stephen disappears in the crowd.

 

Stephen and Donna have moved to another table and are currently making out like teenagers while Harvey’s busy listening to Melinda. Or trying to listen. As the night goes on, the music gets louder and it’s becoming hard to have a proper conversation. Apparently, and from what Harvey can tell from basically reading her lips, Melinda’s best friend used to be in an abusive relationship. When Harvey tells people what he does, they always tell him stories. A cousin, a friend, a former colleague… Not only isn’t it a subject he likes to broach at parties, it also never fails to amaze him (in the frightening sense of the word) how many women encounter violence from their partner. He knows the numbers. He’s studied them at The New School, he’s read of them when building up his project, he’s told them at conventions or galas. But still, hearing these stories always makes his stomach churn.

“I think I’m going to get a drink.”, he says when he understands that Melinda’s done with her storytelling. “Do you want something ?”, he asks, grabbing his empty glass.

“I’m good.”, Melinda smiles.

He sighs loudly when he finally has his back turned to the table. He was supposed to go out and have fun… At least Donna’s having fun and he’s happy for her. Besides, Stephen looks like a really nice guy and she could really use some love and affection right now. He’s happy because she deserves it, she’s become a very good friend, but also because women usually swear off men for a long time after having been abused. Of course, he wouldn’t recommend jumping into another relationship that could be equally destructive when you’re still trying to heal both mentally and physically but finding someone who breaks the habit, who treats you right is the best remedy for broken women. He’ll keep a close eye on Stephen nonetheless. Because you never know.

He’s about to order a Jack and Coke when he feels a hand sliding down his back and settling at the small of his back. He freezes and jerks around.

“Harvey ?”

“Neal.”, he relaxes just a little bit and Neal jerks his hand off his back like he’s been burned.

“Sorry.”, Neal clears his throat and if the room wasn’t so dark, Harvey’s sure he would see the blush creeping up Neal’s cheeks. And that would be a first.

“It’s ok.”, Harvey tries to suppress a smile.

Watching the usually smug and confident Neal scratch his head with embarrassment is an instant relaxant, Harvey discovers.

“I didn’t-“

“It’s ok, Neal.”, Harvey repeats and he turns back to the bar to order his drink.

“Mike’s here.”, Neal finally says as Harvey’s putting a couple of bills on the counter.

 _Mike’s here_. Harvey’s been trying to not think about Mike or about the fact that he told him everything or about the fact that he hugged him and liked it. And he was doing a great job at not freaking out like a teenage girl. _Until now_. His throat is going dry and it must show on his face because Neal speaks again, holding up a hand.

“I won’t tell him I saw you if you don’t want to.”

Does he want to see Mike ? Does he want Mike to know he’s here ? Does he want Mike to want to see him ? God, he needs two of those Jack and Cokes. _At once_.

“I… It’s uh… I mean, I…”, he replies very eloquently as Neal’s trademark smirk comes back in full force. “I don’t care.”, he finally says, snatching his glass and almost running away.

 

“Here.”, Neal says, placing a shot glass in front of Mike. “You should have gone with me. There was a reallllyy hot guy at the bar.”

“Bet you got his number.”, Mike rolls his eyes.

“Actually, no.”, Neal smiles cryptically. “Not my type.”

Mike shoots him a look that says “ _everybody’s your type_ ” and shakes his head with a smile.

“He turned you down ?”, he asks.

“No.”, Neal replies, clinking his glass with Mike’s and downing it in one gulp. “Not available.”, he gracefully wipes his mouth with a napkin. “I may look like a jerk but I don’t make a habit of stealing my friends’ boyfriends.”

Mike _thinks_ he understands but he’s not sure so he gives Neal a quizzical look and brings his glass to his lips.

“Yep.”, Neal grins. “Harvey’s here.”

Mike clears his throat, resisting the urge to look around the room. It’s packed and he certainly wouldn’t spot him even if he were two feet away because of the relative darkness but knowing that Harvey’s here, breathing the same air, is suddenly making his head spin.

“I have no idea how he managed it, but I saw him walk back to the VIP corner.”, Neal says with a hint of jealousy, pointing at a guarded section next to the bar.

Mike has no idea either. Harvey doesn’t usually frequent this kind of places.

“I told you it was a great idea to come here tonight.”, Neal smiles, leaning back in his leather armchair and typing on his phone.

Mike shrugs and takes the tiniest sip of his drink, casting a quick glance at the VIP area from the corner of his eye.

 

Stephen’s best friend and owner of the club, Adrian, is a nice guy. In his 50’s, grayish hair, megawatt smile, tanned skin and golden chain around his neck, _gay_ , Harvey’s sure. He comes to say hi around midnight, bearing a bottle of champagne, and sits at the table with them. Stephen introduces Donna to him and Adrian kisses her hand in an old-fashioned way that has her giggle. He asks Harvey about his tattoos and where he got them and Harvey gives him his tattoo artist’s number.

“I’ve always wanted to get one but I never met anyone who could recommend a good artist.”, he says, finishing his flute. “He did all of yours ?”, he asks, running his index finger over Harvey’s forearm.

Harvey nods with a nervous smile and clears his throat, resisting the urge to swat Adrian’s hand away.

“Then he’s really good.”, Adrian smiles knowingly. “They’re gorgeous.”

“Um, thank you…”, Harvey tries to breathe. “I’ll tell him next time I see him.”

“Are you planning on getting a tattoo again soon ?”, Adrian asks and Harvey thinks he really needs to speak up because he can barely make up what he’s saying. “We should totally go together.”, he smirks.

“I… uh no.”, Harvey freezes as Adrian grabs his wrist and turns his arm around to look at the rest of the design. “I mean, I’m not planning on getting a new tattoo.”

 _Let go. Let go. Please let go_. It should be simple. He should just reclaim his arm and show it himself, make him understand that he doesn’t like to be grabbed. But he doesn’t want to be rude and he knows people always ask about his tattoos, always want to look at them and he should be glad Adrian hasn’t asked if he had tattoos on other parts of his body.

 

“Where are we going ?”, Mike almost yells as he follows Neal across the crowded dance floor.

“To meet my uncle.”, Neal says. “Thank him for inviting us.”, he adds, flashing an apologetic yet rather smug smile at a girl he just bumped into.

Mike rolls his eyes and swallows when he realizes where Neal is taking them. The two first people he spots are Donna and Stephen. She’s sitting on his lap and laughing, her head thrown back. There’s champagne on the table, a couple of empty bottles and a fresh one, resting in a translucid ice bucket. And then he sees Harvey, sitting _very close_ to a man on a leather couch. The man is whispering in his ear while _caressing_ his arm and it’s got Mike’s blood boiling in a matter of seconds. To make things worse, Harvey looks uncomfortable, his face is tense and his free hand is folded into a tight fist.

Neal is still talking to the girl, probably flirting with her, and Mike has no idea who Neal’s uncle is but he doesn’t care. He needs to _act_. Now.

“There you are.”, he says, walking towards Harvey and Mr. Grabby Hands. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Harvey looks up and Mike smiles knowingly. The man lets go of Harvey and gets up.

“I’m Adrian Baker, the club’s owner.”, he says, offering his hand. “And you are ?”

“Mike Ross.”, Mike replies, shaking the man’s hand halfheartedly. “Harvey’s boyfriend.”

“I see.”

“Oh and I’m also friends with your nephew, Neal.”, Mike adds with a fake smile. “He’s right there.”, he points at the crowd of dancing people.

“Nice to meet you, Mike.”, Adrian nods.

“Likewise.”, Mike replies and he moves to sit on Harvey’s lap, throwing a possessive arm around his neck.

Harvey’s surprised by the gesture though he understands Mike’s intentions

“Thank you.”, Harvey whispers in his ear, sending a shiver through his whole body.

Mike looks at him and winks knowingly.

“Mike !?”, Donna exclaims, jumping from Stephen’s lap to greet him. “What are you doing here ?”

“Hey Donna !”, Mike gets up and hugs her. “I’m here with my colleague and friend. He’s Adrian’s nephew.”

“It’s a small world, isn’t it ?”, she smiles. “Adrian’s Stephen’s best friend.”

“Small world, indeed.”, Mike mutters.

Technically, he shouldn’t resent the man. He hasn’t done anything inappropriate and clearly had no idea that Harvey had a boyfriend. But still. He fucking _touched_ Harvey. And got close enough to _whisper_ in his ear. Even if that was probably to make himself heard, it still makes Mike’s skin crawl.

“Free champagne !”, Neal pulls him out of his thoughts, wrapping an arm around his shoulders, almost knocking him off balance.

“I think I’m gonna go.”, Mike replies, wrinkling his nose.

“Seriously, dude ?”, Neal asks, grabbing a glass and the bottle. “Don’t you want to spend time with Harvey ?”, he leans in and whispers in his ear.

“I have a depo at 9 tomorrow and I’m tired.”, Mike replies, dodging the question.

“Buzzkill.”, Neal sighs. “Tell me you’re not going. Please.”, he says to Harvey, taking the free spot next to him.

“I don’t know.”, Harvey chuckles. “I need to check with Donna.”

“Why ? Mama gave you a curfew ?”, Neal huffs.

“Am I _mama_ in this scenario ?”, Donna turns around and asks with a pointed look. “Who are you ?”

“I’m Neal.”, he grins. “At your service, M’am.”, he adds, pretending to tip his hat.

Donna folds her arms across her chest, clearly unimpressed.

“I’m Mike’s friend.”, he says. “So you’re Donna ?”

Harvey shakes his head with a smile at Neal’s audacity. He hadn’t realized that these two had never met.

 

 

 

“I _am_ Donna.”, she replies. “You’re Adrian’s nephew ?”

“Yes.”, he nods. “And you’re Harvey’s chaperon ?”

Donna rolls her eyes and turns to look at Harvey.

“I just told him I needed to check with you cause I think I’m going to go but I’ll stay if you need me to.”, Harvey explains.

“I’m ok.”, Donna replies, refilling her glass. “Are you leaving with Mike ?”, she arches an eyebrow and smiles.

“What ? No, I’m… I, uh, he just happens to be leaving too.”, Harvey stammers and Mike nods when Donna turns to him.

“Right.”, she smirks. “See you tomorrow.”, she says, pulling Harvey into a tight hug.

“It seems like your uncle’s gone.”, Mike says to Neal. “Tell him I said thank you, okay ?”

“Sure.”, Neal replies. “See you tomorrow !”, he raises his glass and grins.

“Yep.”, Mike turns around and starts walking back to the exit.

When he finally steps out on the sidewalk, he takes a deep breath. There still are about 50 people waiting in line.

“God it was _loud_ in there.”, Harvey says, making him jump. He hadn’t realized he was right behind him.

“Yeah and overcrowded.”, Mike nods. “I didn’t expect to see you tonight.”, he says with a small smile. “You hate clubs.”

“I know.”, Harvey runs a hand through his hair. “Donna convinced me to go because she was afraid to go alone.”

“Are these new jeans ?”, Mike asks, hoping it sounds casual, because what he really means to say is _“oh my God you look so hot in these tight jeans, are they new ?”_.

“You gave them to me.”, Harvey replies. “Remember ? 25th birthday.”

“Oh yeah, that’s right.”, Mike blushes. “But you said they didn’t fit you.”

“I still think they don’t but Donna found them and said they were perfect for where we were going.”, Harvey shrugs.

 _You are perfect_ , Mike thinks.

“Wanna share a cab ?”, he offers before saying something he might regret. He’s still walking on eggshells with Harvey.

“Uh, we’re going in totally opposite directions.”, Harvey chuckles.

“Yeah, of course.”, Mike giggles nervously. “Uh…”

“Thanks for coming to my rescue.”, Harvey smiles sheepishly after an awkward silence. “The guy’s nice and all but a little too touchy-feely for my licking.”, he says with a disgusted face.

 _Yeah I totally agree_ , Mike thinks.

“You know…”, he says, marking a pause. He knows exactly what he wants to say but he wants to say it right. “I… I wasn’t _rescuing_ you. I mean, I didn’t do it for you. I was merely trying to claim what’s mine.”, he says with a playful smile, leaving open the possibility that he meant it as a joke.

When Harvey doesn’t react, just looks away, Mike takes it as a sign that maybe the idea doesn’t totally repulse him.

“I meant it.”, he says, pausing again until Harvey turns back to him. “When I introduced myself as your boyfriend. No matter what happened, I… I told you it didn’t change anything for me and I stand corrected.”, he concludes with a serious look.

Harvey licks his lips nervously and looks down. Mike isn’t expecting rejection. Just a night ago Harvey told him he still loved him and wanted them to get back together, so he would really be surprised if Harvey pulled the plug on their relationship now. But what he doesn’t know is when. When are they getting back together ? Are they back together ? What is he supposed to do ? Does Harvey need more time alone ? How the hell does that work ? Should he ask Harvey ? He feels like he’s been repeating the same thing over and over since Harvey came back from LA. _I still love you. It doesn’t change anything_. Like he’s been asking Harvey the same thing over and over. _Do you still love me ?_ And he got answers, he got the answers he wanted. But it’s not enough, he realizes. Harvey still feels out of reach, he needs more than words.

“I know what you’re gonna say.”, Mike says. “I know you’re going to tell me that we should head to our respective homes.” he says a little bitterly and Harvey doesn’t refute it. “And I agree. I have a deposition to conduct at 9, that’s in…”, he checks his watch. “… 8 hours.”, he sighs. “But before we do, I need to know what to expect. I mean, what am I supposed to do ? Call you ? Wait for you to call me ? How do you… How does it work ?”

“I don’t know.”, Harvey replies.

He knows the ball’s in his court. Mike has shown patience and he’s waiting for him to set the pace but he has absolutely no idea what to tell him. The possibilities are endless : they could start out by dating again, they could start out by calling each other regularly, see how he feels about it, they could take up things exactly were left off and pretend nothing happened, they could even hop on a cab and go to Mike’s place and spend the night together… they could basically do anything. But Mike is asking to know what Harvey wants.

Mike sighs. He had been expecting that answer.

“What do you need ?”, he asks.

“Options ?”, Harvey replies tentatively.

This Mike hadn’t expected.

“What do you mean ?”

“I need you to give me options.”, Harvey almost whispers. “One, two, five, ten… I can’t tell you what I want because I don’t know, I… Tell me what _you_ want, give me options and I’ll choose one.”

“I can give you only one ?”, Mike smiles mischievously. “That’s what you said ?”

Harvey nods because that’s what he said.

“Okay.”, Mike tilts his head. “Let’s see. I’m feeling magnanimous so I’ll give you two. Come home with me tonight or have dinner with me tomorrow night.”

Harvey hadn’t expected his options to be so specific.

“I thought you had to be at work in 8 hours.”, is all he manages to reply for now.

Mike rolls his eyes and takes a step forward.

“So ?”, he asks, crossing his arms.

“Watch out.“, Harvey begins to say when he sees a couple of guys drunkenly wrestling and stepping dangerously close to Mike.

Mike looks over his shoulder but he’s too late, one of the guys loses his balance and falls on his ass, tripping Mike up in the process.

“Whoops.”, Harvey says, catching Mike.

“Sorry dude.”, the guy on the floor slurs as his friends are laughing and taking pictures.

“It’s okay.”, Mike replies with a sigh and when he turns back to Harvey, he realizes that Harvey’s arms are around his waist and that their nose are practically touching.

He clears his throat and gently pulls away.

“Option one.”, Harvey says and it takes Mike a second to register what that means.

 

 

When Harvey arrives at The Shelter the next morning, he finds a sleepy Trevor trying to work the coffee machine.

“It needs water.”, Harvey chuckles.

“Oh, of course.”, Trevor sighs. “What are you doing here this early ?”

“I have an appointment with Lucy.”, Harvey replies, firing up his computer. “How did the weekend go ?”

“It went well. The helpline has been surprisingly quiet and we had a barbecue in the garden yesterday.”, Trevor replies, pouring coffee into two cups. “Rachel told me you’re not going back to LA ?”

“I decided to stay.”, Harvey confirms. He wonders what Rachel told him. If he asked Rachel about what happened with Ted the other day.

“I’m glad you did.”, Trevor smiles, handing him a cup. “I was starting to miss you.”

Harvey smiles back and thanks him.

“There are a few changes I would like to make and I’ll need your advice.”, he says, opening a file on his computer. “With the money that we got from the gala, or at least with a part of it, I was thinking that we could remodel the residents’ kitchen.”

“That’d be great.”, Trevor nods, grabbing a chair.

They spend an hour online looking at kitchens and a half hour in the kitchen taking measurements.

 

“What’s new ?”, Lucy asks with a smile when she enters the therapy room, shutting the door behind her.

Harvey’s already settled on the couch with another cup of coffee.

“I don’t even know where to start.”, Harvey smiles back. “It’s almost been a week and… It’s like everything changed.”

“How so ?”

“So many things happened…”, Harvey shakes his head in disbelief as he reviews the events in his head. “I went to see my mum, she wasn’t doing good, she had stopped eating and I got her to eat again.”, he smiles to himself. “Oh, and Ted showed up here.”, he says and Lucy almost spills her tea. “He wanted to apologize…”

“And ?”, she asks anxiously.

“I listened to him and then I told him to go.”, Harvey replies and takes a sip of his coffee. “He cried, said he had just realized what he had done… I made him say it. I made him say that he raped me.”, he explains calmly and Lucy nods, trying to remain expressionless. “Mike was with me. He comforted me after Ted was gone. You know, I didn’t think it was important. I didn’t think I needed Ted to apologize or to feel bad for what he had done. I was so focused on how I was feeling that I almost blocked him from my thoughts. You know what I mean ?”, he asks and she nods again. “But I guess I did need him to take responsibility for his actions because it… it unlocked something in me, you know ? I don’t know how to explain it, but it… yeah, it unlocked something. I felt lighter afterwards, I _feel_ lighter now. Much lighter.”

“Wow.”, Lucy mumbles. “A lot happened, indeed.”, she chuckles. “What about Mike ? You said he was here with you when that happened…”

“Yeah, that was on Saturday. I helped Mike move out in the morning and I went back to his place later that night to… I told him everything.”, he looks up. “I told him about the rape.”, he swallows. “He asked me if I still loved him and I said yes. Yesterday night, we met at a club. That wasn’t planned, we both came with different people and… I went back to his place afterwards.”, he smiles sheepishly.

“Oh…”, Lucy tilts her head with a smile. "How did it go ?”

“I slept in the guest room.”, Harvey replies. “But we kissed.”, he tries to suppress a grin, unsuccessfully.

“Ted’s visit really _did_ unlock something.”, she quickly writes a couple of words on her notepad and looks up. “Judging by your unabashed display of happiness, I guess something changed in the way you felt about the idea of kissing Mike ?”, she purses her lips playfully.

Harvey blushes and looks down. Lucy’s right. He doesn’t exactly remember what he told her but he certainly couldn’t imagine kissing Mike a week ago. Let alone enjoy it.

“I guess so…”, he replies.

“What now ?”, she asks and it sounds like a conclusion.

“Uh ?”

“What are your plans for the Summer ? What’s next for Harvey Specter ?”, Lucy asks.

“You want to know if I still feel the need to talk to you, is that it ?”

“I ask the questions here.”, she smiles. “But yeah, it’s part of the question.”

“Yes I do.”, Harvey replies. “I feel like I’ve come a long way and I cannot thank you enough for helping me.”, he says in a serious voice and shakes her head with a smile. “But there are still a lot of issues I’d like to discuss with you. I feel stronger but not completely, you know ?”

“Yeah.”, she nods and closes her notebook. “I’ll see you on Wednesday ?”

 

 

 

“Are you sure we have to go ?”, Mike whines, burying his face in the crook of Harvey’s neck. “I want to stay in bed.”

“Yes we have to go.”, Harvey chuckles. “I’m the best man.”

“Mmmmhhhh.”, Mike groans as his fingers ease their way down towards Harvey’s groin.

“Nope.”, Harvey grabs his writs. “We really have to get up.”

It’s been a month since their kiss in the guest room and things are slowly but surely going back to normal. They haven’t had sex again yet but Mike is confident that they will soon. He loves their make out sessions, he loves sleeping next Harvey, but he can’t wait to take things to the next level. _Baby steps_. It’s been his motto in the last month. One day at a time, one touch at a time, one date at a time.

“You should move in with me.”, he says, bracing himself.

Harvey doesn’t reply but he pulls him closer and places a kiss on his forehead. Better than a “no”.

“Remember when I asked you to move in with me ?”, Harvey says after a long pause.

Mike nods and looks up. Harvey looks lost in his thoughts, lost in the memory.

“Yeah, I keep forgetting that you can’t forget anything.”, Harvey chuckles.

“It doesn’t work like that.”, Mike rolls his eyes. “But of course I remember.”

“So you remember when I told you I never wanted to get married ?”

Mike props himself on his elbow and narrows his eyes at him.

“Yeah, why ?”, he asks.

“Nothing…”, Harvey stretches and drags himself out of the bed. “I was just thinking that it’s crazy how things can change within the course of a month.”

“What do you mean ?”, Mike jerks up.

“Nothing.”, Harvey repeats. “Why don’t you go take a shower while I prepare breakfast ?”

“Oh no, Harvey !”, Mike jumps of the bed and follows him out the bedroom. “You don’t get to say things like that and just leave.”

“Things like what ?”, Harvey asks, feigning ignorance.

“You know what.”

Harvey smiles and turns around.

“Yeah I know.”, he grins and wraps his arms around Mike’s waist.

“You know you’ll have to ask properly.”, Mike asks with a pointed look. “Like an actual proposal. Cause, just so you know, that was totally lame.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”, Harvey replies. “Shower now.”, he gives Mike’s ass a gentle slap.

“I love you.”, Mike whispers, crashing their mouths together.

 

THE END


End file.
